Snape In Love

Chapter 19

You´re The Wish That I Make

Voices in the distance were talking in an undertone.

"I was so worried about you. When I saw you with all that blood on your face...I was scared. Scared of - of losing you."

"I saw him kill you. All of you, then when Harry- oh, we can explain it all, really, we can, but please, Remus, not now."

"Shush, it´s okay. I´m just glad you´re safe. I want- I want you to know how I..."

"I know. I do."

I opened my eyes. The screens around my bed were drawn, and there was a heavy weight on my arm and across my waist. Severus was sitting next to me, in the chair, his head resting on my arm, his own arm slung across me. I reached across and stroked his hair from his face. He sat up with a start and shouted,

"Poppy! Poppy, she´s awake! Lupin, get Poppy, will you?" before clasping my hand in his and gazing at me, a slight frown on his face.

"You´ve been asleep for hours."

"Have you been here all the time?"

"Of course, love."

Madam Pomfrey soon came bustling through the screen, saying

"Leave us for a few moments please, Severus, I need to do a thorough check on her now. If that´s alright with you," she added tartly.

With a sharp look at her, Severus turned back to me and took both my hands in his, kissing them.

"I´ll be right outside, Ella. I´m not going anywhere." And with that, he swept out, pulling the screen closed behind him. I watched the space where he had been until his footsteps receded and I heard the door to the ward close behind him.

I sighed and turned to Madam Pomfrey who was checking my pulse and moving her wand over my wrist, muttering incantations to heal my chafed skin. She repeated the process with my ankles and my other wrist, and then spoke.

"Well, you seem to be in good shape, all things considered."

"Madam Pomfrey... Voldemort showed me something, and I need to know if it´s true or whether he was just- messing with my head!"

"What is it, dear?"

I took a deep breath and beckoned for her to come closer, whispering,

"He told me- he told me I was pregnant. Then he ripped the baby out of my womb, but we went back in time, so I don´t know if it´s still there, and if I still am, or if I ever even really was!"

Her eyes widening in surprise, she patted my shoulder and said,

"Don´t worry dear, I´ll do the test for you. Does Professor Snape know yet?"

"No!" I replied, horrified. "No, I can´t tell him! I haven´t explained anything yet, to any of them, and I can´t tell him in front of everybody, I don´t know how he´ll take it, he might be furious, and I don´t even know if I am..." I cried.

"Shh, shush now! Calm down, dear! I won´t say a word. You know best! Now, let´s take it one step at a time. I´ll help you to the bathroom, I find the Muggle way is the best way for this sort of thing."

A few minutes later I was back in bed, with the screens open. Hermione was dressed, and she stood at the window with Remus. He was behind her, his hands on her shoulders, looking out over the Hogwarts grounds. She leant back into him slightly, and they were murmuring quietly together. I felt pleased for them and, greatly relieved that she was all right, turned to look at the door wanting Severus to come back. I didn´t have to wait for long. He crossed the ward in a few easy strides and sat on the side of the bed, taking my hands in his. He turned them over carefully, examining them closely and stroking the scars from the manacles tenderly with his thumbs.

"Are you alright?" he asked, anxiety in his eyes as he looked up at me.

"I- I think so. Yes," I answered nervously. He leant down to kiss me tenderly, his arms snaking around my waist. He tasted so sweet, so vibrant. It was our first kiss since my rescue. Since his death. I fought back the tears in my eyes as he looked at me searchingly.

"You´re going to stay in my rooms tonight. Has Poppy said you can go yet?"

"Er...no, not yet," I answered uncertainly as his fingers traced my cheek.

"Are you sure you´re alright?"

"It´s just that- well, there´s so much I have to tell you. About why I had to disarm you...and - other things."

" I was wondering about that. Anyway, we´re meeting in Albus´ office, as soon as you´re ready."

"Well, let´s get it over with, then," I said, taking strength from his gaze.

Half an hour later, Hermione and I were sitting in the Headmaster´s office along with Severus, Remus, Sirius and Harry, and we began to tell them what had transpired the previous day. Remus stood behind Hermione´s chair, hands squeezing her shoulders reassuringly. Severus sat by my side, my hand clasped in both of his, never taking his eyes from me. His concern for me was evident in his face, and I rejoiced inwardly that he no longer saw the need to mask his true feelings from his friends.

However, the tale I had to tell was harrowing, and painful in the hearing too, and when I reached the part about witnessing the deaths of my parents and baby sister by poisoning, his eyes filled with horror and guilt, and he stood up abruptly and went to the window where he leaned against the lintel once more, as I had seen him do in the Pensieve.

I faltered then in my account, stopping after I had told about Nagini and the Cruciatus curse being cast on Severus, not wanting to reveal the part about the baby, but Hermione took over the story and tactfully omitted that part. When she got to the part where the Avada Kedavra curse rebounded on to Severus, killing him, he turned round to me, stricken, and I got up and joined him at the window, my arms fast about his waist and my shoulders shaking as I clung to him. Hermione´s voice shook as she went on to describe the deaths of Dumbledore, Sirius and Remus. After she had explained Harry´s part in our attempt to put things right, and his heroic self-sacrifice, the room fell silent.

To live to hear their own deaths at Voldemort´s hands described in such detail must have been almost as harrowing as our having witnessed them. Severus sank on to the window seat, drawing me down with him protectively, and we simply sat, each holding the other as closely as we could, lest we lose them again.

Eventually, Dumbledore spoke.

"The Minister is on his way. Severus, Sirius, Remus, please stay behind. We must speak with him. Harry, Hermione- yet again you have shown exemplary courage. One hundred points will be awarded to each of you, along with our undying gratitude. Ella, you too. I imagine you never expected to be put through all this when you joined us last autumn. You acted with immense courage, under the circumstances."

"I did what I had to," I whispered. "So much was at stake."

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"I can´t do this," I said tremulously as Hermione and I reached the door to the infirmary.

"Yes, you can," replied Hermione firmly as she steered me on to the ward. "You need to know."

Madam Pomfrey came out of her office to greet us, an inscrutable expression on her face. My stomach churned and I began to feel very sick. I sat down on the nearest bed, and waited for her to speak.

"I have the test result, dear. You are indeed pregnant."

The news stunned me. It was true. It had been much on my mind, but I hadn´t known how I would react when I heard the news. I felt numb. I didn´t know whether I was happy or sad. All I could think about was Severus, and what his reaction would be. It all hinged on that, since my happiness was so bound up in his.

"Thank you..." I murmured uncertainly, as Hermione put her arm round my shoulders.

"Now lie down, dear, I need to be sure the baby is developing normally. This won´t hurt," she added, seeing my look of alarm. I lay back, and Madam Pomfrey passed her wand over my abdomen, muttering an incantation. After a few minutes she looked up at me, smiling.

"Everything seems to be in order. The foetus is about six weeks old. I have a tonic you must take, it will help the baby to grow healthily. You will be having the baby, I assume?"

"Yes!" I replied instantly, shocked that she could consider that I might do anything else. Then she smiled knowingly, and I realized that she had just made me admit, to her and to myself, my true feelings about my condition.

"I don´t dare tell him," I admitted to Hermione as we sat on my bed back in my rooms. "It could ruin everything. I don´t want to lose what we have."

"Yes, but you could have so much more!" Hermione insisted. "You aren´t teenagers any more, you´re mature enough to handle it!"

"But he might not want a child! He´s been alone all his life, it must be so hard for him to adjust to having me around, let alone a baby!"

"Well, the same applies to you too, and you want it! And he loves having you around, doesn´t he?" she said emphatically. "It´s so obvious. Trust him!"

"Let me get used to the idea first," I replied. "Anyway, what´s been happening between you and Remus?"

Hermione smiled happily.

"Well, I know how he feels about me now. And as long as I can see him, spend some time with him, I can wait till the summer for anything more. After my N.E.W.T.S. He was worried that Voldemort would have put me off him, but I knew all about werewolves anyway. Voldemort couldn´t shock me, I know what a good person Remus is. And thanks to Sirius and Professor Snape, he can keep it all under control. It´s part of him. I can accept it, and he knows that now. And oh, Ella, when he kisses me!" She flung herself back on the bed exuberantly, and we laughed out loud. Like sisters.