Snape In Love

Chapter 18

Time And Time Again

I´d like to say I witnessed Dumbledore´s death, and Black´s, and Lupin´s. But I didn´t. I was too wrapped up in my grief to watch them duel against Voldemort and rid the world of Malfoy and Pettigrew. I couldn´t take my eyes from Severus´ broken body and I willed my own end to come, since now I had lost everyone who had ever meant anything to me. All I remember is the sound of Voldemort´s glee as their bodies were flung into the abyss. Then all was still, while Voldemort turned to face Harry.

Eventually, urged by Hermione, I looked up to see Harry standing there, transfigured by grief and rage, his hair blowing back from his face even though there was no wind.

Harry and Voldemort were facing each other, twenty yards apart, and an arc of flame joined their two wands, half silver, half gold, meeting in the middle in an incandescent ball of brilliance. Both strained fiercely to gain the upper hand and I watched in awe of Harry´s power as he began to prevail. After an eternity, or in an instant, I could not tell, the arc was almost completely gold, and Voldemort sank to his knees as Harry made one final superhuman effort to best him. Then, with a flash of light and a thunderclap, Voldemort´s robes were lying empty on the ground, his essence flying screaming around our heads in an inhuman wail full of rage until it made its escape into a fissure in the rock wall.

At once, we were free of our manacles, and Hermione and I slumped to the ground.

Harry trudged wearily over to us, dropping to his knees in front of us and hugging us fiercely. Then, resolve hardening his still boyish features, he said

"Hermione, please tell me you still wear the Time Turner?"

"Well, yes, but why..."

"We have to hurry. This place will probably cease to exist soon, and you must be quick. Do you want to save everyone?"

"It´s too late..." I said bleakly.

"No, it isn´t. I mean, it might not be. Hermione, you can use the Time Turner to go back to before we all arrived! You can change things, give us another chance!"

"But we can´t change time," I said, uncomprehending.

"No, but what if this place exists outside of time?" Hermione said, realisation dawning on her face, "If it does, we shouldn´t meet ourselves here at all...but we can´t be sure of that..." she puzzled. "How can we turn back time if we´re somewhere where there is no time?"

"Well..." said Harry, thinking furiously, "We´re aware of time passing for us, in here- maybe that´s all we need for it to work? Look, I don´t know how to get us back anyway," he continued. "Four people are dead - "

"Five," I said absently, thinking of the baby, part of Severus I hadn´t even known was mine.

"Sorry, yes, five. What have we got left to lose?"

"You, Harry! We still have you!" Hermione said.

"No, I told you, I can´t get us back! And we don´t know what will happen to us when this place disappears. Look, have you noticed, the edge keeps getting closer? We might be as good as dead anyway. And I can´t be here when you try this. I need to come back with the others and fight. But you two must take the chance. Do you trust me?"

"Yes," we agreed, as I made a desperate effort to hold myself together and conquer my all-consuming despair.

"There´s no other way."

We quickly agreed what we needed to do to try to change that terrible course of events. But Hermione and I still screamed in horror when Harry took off at a run and threw himself over the edge of the precipice.

"One turn should be enough," said Hermione shakily as she rotated the Time Turner with trembling fingers. With a sickening jolt, everything turned in on itself for a moment and I felt weightless, then I was slammed back into the wall and found myself manacled once more.

Voldemort was once more a short distance away petting the huge snake, and as Hermione and I looked at one another with relief that our plan had worked so far, Severus and the others arrived again. As before, they were imprisoned instantly within the silver ward, and I knew that I needed to act quickly, and banish the memory of losing him from my mind.

"Accio wand!" Hermione and I both hissed, concentrating with all our might and praying the charm would work. Sure enough, with a yelp of surprise, Wormtail´s hand shot forward as his robes burst open and our wands flew to our hands. Quickly we hid them behind our sleeves while Wormtail, bewildered, looked around him.

Voldemort turned to me at that moment and began to explain Nagini´s provenance to me. I knew that Severus would soon be free of the ward, and was grateful Voldemort was half turned away from Hermione, leaving her free to release my manacles. I felt them loosen, and gripped my wand tightly, pressing my wrist back against the rock face so that the manacle would not slip, and I would appear to be still firmly restrained.

Nagini slid closer and I tried to hide my fear and muster up all the courage and power that I could, knowing what I had to do as I saw Severus break free of the ward and begin his run towards me.

"Expelliarmus!" I yelled, just as he began to cast his own spell on Nagini. His wand flew to me, while he was thrown backwards several yards, landing on his back, winded.

"Harry, call off the snake!" Hermione yelled, as Voldemort looked at me in momentary confusion.

"Crucio!" he intoned, pointing a yellowed talon at my heart. I doubled up on the floor, waves of pain flooding through me. I turned my head to check that Severus was all right. He was staring at me in incomprehension, and his eyes were on fire with rage. I had never seen him look like that before, and it terrified me. I would have a lot of explaining to do if we ever got out of this alive, and I gave myself some small comfort that at least he would ultimately be able to understand my motives, even if he distrusted me now.

Nagini had turned towards Harry and cocked her huge head to one side as he spoke to her. At the same time Hermione and Lupin had managed to petrify Malfoy and Wormtail who now lay stiffly on the ground. Enraged, Voldemort was surrounded by Dumbledore, Black, Lupin and Harry who were all pointing their wands at him, preventing him from reviving his Death Eaters.

Severus got to his feet shakily, and Hermione helped me up and half dragged me over to him. He snatched back his wand from me angrily and stood with the others behind Harry, who was by now facing Voldemort once more. This time Harry´s performance wasn´t sustained by rage and loss, but by the power and support of his friends as fire from their four wands joined with his. Again, silver and gold arcs of flame issued from each wand, brilliant incandescence in the middle. Again, Harry prevailed, and Voldemort screamed in rage as that huge ball of white-hot fire consumed him at last.

There was an explosion that rocked the ground beneath our feet, and once more Hermione and I saw Voldemort´s essence circle round our heads in impotent rage before it disappeared with a rumble, along with Nagini into a fissure in the rock.

When the rumbling stopped, all was quiet. The roiling clouds had disappeared to reveal endless white sky. Still there was no sun, and no shadow. I sank to my knees as the enormity of my ordeal overwhelmed me, and then Severus was there, catching me as I fell, enfolding me in his strong arms. I wept hysterically with relief, unable to speak, unable to explain how I had lost him, then found him again.

"I hope you can explain your behaviour just now," I heard his voice grumble in his chest as he held me.

"We can explain everything!" insisted Hermione, "But first we need to get out of here. Look, it´s degrading again, we don´t have much time!"

If anyone was surprised by Hermione´s use of the word ´again´, they didn´t show it. Instead, Dumbledore took out of his robes a large knitted tea cosy, summoning us all to stand around him, along with the immobile bodies of Pettigrew and Malfoy. When everybody was touching the tea cosy, he said firmly, "Hogwarts hospital wing!"

With a pop, the rock disappeared and we hung in an infinity of white nothingness for a few seconds, until suddenly appearing in the middle of Madam Pomfrey´s infirmary. Sighing with relief, no one moved for several moments.

Madam Pomfrey came out of her office and started in surprise to see us there. The Headmaster apprised her briefly of what had transpired, and although her eyes widened in horror she remained calm and professional. She bustled over to where Severus sat on the floor, cradling my weeping form in his arms, and tried to prise me from him.

"Get off, woman, can´t you see she´s hysterical?" he snapped.

"She needs to be moved. I need to examine her."

"No, what she needs is to be left to me. Leave her!"

Madam Pomfrey sighed and turned her attention to Hermione, who was standing with her eyes closed, her arms wrapped tightly around Lupin´s waist. He was stroking her hair, a haunted expression in his eyes. As he led her over to a bed and helped her climb on, aided by Madam Pomfrey, I again buried my face in Severus´ robes, my sobs dying down but still wracking my body uncontrollably after my ordeal. Not only had I to come to terms with seeing my family´s painful deaths for the first time, but also I kept seeing Severus die in front of me, over and over, and I could hardly believe he was here.

Sirius and Dumbledore moved Malfoy and Pettigrew to a side room and summoned Ministry representatives to come and take them away.

Eventually, after murmuring quiet words of encouragement into my hair, Severus helped me to my feet and then scooped me up in his arms, carrying me over to the bed next to Hermione´s, where he sat down in the chair, holding me closely to him on his lap. I buried my face in his neck and let out a long shuddering sigh as I wound my arms tightly around it, savouring his scent, his touch, and how wonderful it felt to be safely back in his arms.

I heard Madam Pomfrey shoo everyone away shortly after, except for Severus and Remus, and when she came over to administer a sleeping and healing draught to me, I took it readily. I looked into Severus´ eyes, drowning willingly in pools of confusion, concern and love, until my eyelids drooped and I entered blessedly dreamless sleep.