Snape In Love

Chapter 5

After a long soak in a scented bath I had resolved upon a course of action. I dressed for dinner in a low-cut dress of purple crushed velvet, and wore my hair loose so that it cascaded over my shoulders. I was not so overdressed that it would be remarked upon by my colleagues, but just sufficiently, I hoped, to have the desired effect on Severus Snape.

He was already seated when I entered the Great Hall. Instead of taking my place I went straight over to him. He had not seen me enter, having been pre-occupied in glowering at a small group of Gryffindors who were laughing loudly over a copy of the Daily Prophet. I touched him lightly on the shoulder to attract his attention. He turned, his eyes widening when he saw me, looking me up and down.

"There was something you wanted to ask me, Severus. In the library this morning, when you came looking for me. You left so suddenly, you forgot to ask. What was it?" I challenged him.
"It was, erm, ah, simply a question about the anti- erm- swelling potion to reduce joint pain" he stuttered, well aware that his eyes were on a level with my chest, as I had planned.

"Let's discuss it after dinner, shall we?" I smiled sweetly, and turned away before he had the chance to make an excuse. We spent most of the ensuing meal watching one another, and I noticed an array of emotions on Severus' face, the reasons for which I barely understood. Desire I rejoiced to see, puzzlement I could well understand, but fear? Anger? Despair?

He slipped away before dinner ended, determination and resolve now etched on his face. As I pushed away my plate, having no appetite for food that night, I caught the Headmaster frowning after Severus. With a perplexed glance at me, Dumbledore arose and followed him down the not-so-secret passageway, which served as a short cut from the hall to the dungeons.

"Hmph," I thought to myself, "maybe he's off to give Severus a bit of fatherly advice and tell him to get his act together!"

I took the long way down to the dungeons and when I reached the Potions classroom, all was quiet. I knocked on the office door, and Severus opened it at once. He seemed agitated, and led me by the hand to the centre of the room, locking the door behind me, before turning to face me.

"Believe me when I say this, Ella, you look beautiful tonight. You do every night." He took a step towards me, dropping my hands and putting his own on my waist. He pulled me to him, his arms enfolding me, and bent his head to mine, seeking out my lips for a kiss. I gasped, "Ah!" as I lifted my face to meet his, and our lips touched. His kiss was so gentle, so hesitant, but I answered it with a heat that consumed me completely and left me weak. This was so unexpected, so longed for! Our kiss deepened and our passion grew, as my desire fanned the flames of his.

My tongue licked his, which he gently thrust into my mouth, exploring, performing an intricate dance with mine. I shuddered, and he held me closer, so tight that I could barely stand. I laced my fingers in his hair and clung to him, moaning out his name, "Severus!" as his mouth left mine and travelled down my neck, leaving a wet trail of kisses, which he then retraced until his lips found mine once more. My body was moulded to his and I could feel his desire for me hard against my stomach. I moved against him, grinding my hips against his body, wanting him so much that all decorum was lost. He broke off our kiss, panting, and let go of me, striding across to the dresser where there was a goblet of wine already poured. He drained it, and turned back to me as I leaned on the table, my legs weak.

"Why me?" he whispered. "Why would you want me?"

"Why wouldn't I?" I answered throatily. " I can't get you out of my mind, Severus. I'm falling in love with you."

He looked anguished, and cried, "You can't love me! I can't allow it!"

"You don't have any choice, love! It's far too late for that!" I insisted, closing the space between us and stroking his cheek once more. He took my hand away and held it by the wrist, his features contorted by conflicting emotions as he looked deeply into my eyes.

"Then let's see where this shall take us" he said sadly, before enfolding me in his arms once more and kissing me deeply. I had no time to ponder his meaning, since I was swept away by my own passion and by the way his hands fluttered up and down my back, sending shivers along my spine and causing a tugging between my legs.

He shrugged off his robes to reveal a black trousers and shirt underneath which I began to unbutton, planting kisses on his neck and chest. He, in turn, unbuttoned my dress and deftly removed my bra. I gasped as his fingers brushed over my nipples, and I returned his kiss more hungrily as he picked me up and sat me on the table. I arched my back as once again his lips travelled down my neck, but this time instead of stopping, he carried on until my nipple was in his mouth, his tongue teasing it, then sucking and nipping. One arm was around me, leaving one hand free to stroke its way up my outer thigh, and then round, until I was crying for him to give me some release. He removed my panties and cupped my mound in his hand, his long fingers finally caressing my most private place, bringing me to an almost immediate climax. I clung to him, screaming out his name, and he would not stop, not until I was quiet at last, drained and exhausted by the incredibly intense sensations he had made me feel. He relinquished my nipple at last, and raised his head, looking at me strangely. I cupped his beloved face in my hands and covered it with kisses, saying his name over and over, crying in my afterglow and tasting unexpected tears on his eyelids too.

At length, he straightened and looked down at me, an inscrutable expression on his face. Wordlessly I knelt and began to unbutton his trousers, and I only took my eyes from his when I realised, to my dismay, that my own heightened arousal no longer seemed to be reciprocated. He had not come himself, I was certain, yet the erection I had been so aware of earlier was gone. I resolved to put that right, and stroked him gently through the soft silk of his boxers. When there was no response, I pulled them down to reveal him wholly. Moaning, I kissed him tenderly while one hand reached a round his back to stroke his buttocks, firmly pulling him to me. Nothing happened, no matter what I did to him. He remained unaroused, lifeless, and eventually I let go of him, knelt back, and surveyed his motionless figure.

He was looking down at me, his lips drawn back from his teeth in a horrible approximation of a smile. His eyes, so expressive minutes ago, were devoid of any emotion, as though cataracts had shuttered their fathomless depths from view. I was bewildered and said,

"Severus, what's wrong?"

He threw back his head and laughed, a mirthless, hollow sound that chilled my soul.

"Can't you guess, woman? You don't amuse me any more! I've given you what you've been panting for all these weeks, aren't you satisfied? You can go now, I've no use for you."

"No! What have you done?" I looked over at the empty goblet on the sideboard. "Did you take something?"

Instead of answering me, he raised his eyebrows, opened his arms wide, and looked down at himself.

"Look, go on, you can see for yourself, I don't want you!"

"No, no, that's not true, I know it's not true!" I cried.

"Oh, I admit you've been a diversion," he continued, "but as soon as I saw you without your clothes on, well, somehow, you lost all your mystique! Lupin and Black can have you between them, they must know you're desperate for it! Tell me, did you wait for them to transform first? Are four legs better than two?"

I shrank from him, appalled by his cruelty, clutching my dress around myself, filled with horror and humiliation. He watched me coldly for a moment, then turned away and, buttoning his trousers, said

"Well, why are you still here?"

I scrambled to my feet, sobbing uncontrollably, gathered my clothing and ran. His ghastly laughter followed me, echoing through the corridor behind me as I fled.

I didn't leave my room for two days. I stayed in bed and wept, refusing to answer the door to anyone. I knew I was being weak, and I despised myself for it, but I was broken, my despair so complete that I couldn't bring myself to do anything else. Eventually, however, I forced myself to take the steps necessary to leave Hogwarts, and Severus Snape, behind. I packed all my belongings, planning to leave while the moon was full. I wanted to avoid having to say goodbye to Remus and Sirius, who were holed up in the Shrieking Shack, but before I could inform the Headmaster of my imminent departure, he came to see me.

"Ella, it's Albus. Please open the door."

I let him in, and, seeing my bags, he said gravely,

"I thought as much. Is there anything I can do that will change your mind?"

"Nothing." I replied. "I'm sorry to let you down, but the cataloguing is nearly done, I'm sure one of the seventh year students could complete it easily. I was going to Durmstrang after Christmas anyway, I'm simply leaving a few weeks earlier!"

Dumbledore sighed heavily.

"I am truly sorry to see you go. You know, Ella, Severus is a very complex man."

"I don't want to talk about him, Headmaster, I'm sorry, I just can't- I have to get away!" and I began to cry.

"There, there. There will always be a welcome for you here at Hogwarts, Ella from every one of us" he emphasised. "I will make all the arrangements for your transfer to Durmstrang. Look after yourself, and be on your guard. The Dark Lord has spies in the most unlikely places."

"Thank you, Headmaster" I replied, puzzling at his parting comments as he took his leave.

I lay on my bed, wondering about the significance of what he had said about spies, taking care and Severus being a complex man. Maybe he was alluding to the mission Severus had been on over the summer, but I did not see how Dumbledore could possibly think that would excuse his behaviour to me. No, Dumbledore must not be aware of that, I decided. He must just be under the impression that I had made advances and had been rebuffed. Better that way for my pride, I thought ruefully. I did not wish for the entire school to know just how thoroughly I had been humiliated. Running away like this was demeaning enough.

I took out the prospectus once more and opened it once more, tears spilling down my cheeks as I looked into his ebony eyes. Then came another knock on the door; It was Hagrid, come to take me in to Hogsmeade. With one last look around my room, I left, leaving the prospectus lying open on the bed.

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