Windswept Feelings

Chapter Two: Just Say The Words

When the next and final item on the agenda was Seamus' idea, Ron knew how desperate the situation had become. He shook his head ruefully as he tried to concentrate on the Potions readings in front of him. I cannot believe I'm actually thinking of going along with what Seamus suggested.

Ron looked up, saw Harry sitting across from him, and ceased to think rationally altogether. His heart did a silly little somersault, and Seamus' idea steadily became more feasible, if not for anything else, because just sitting there and staring and doing nothing was slowly driving him down the illustrious path of insanity.

He and Harry were alone in the dormitory, where they were trying to get some studying done away from the noise and disturbance of the common room downstairs. They were each sitting on their own beds, and Ron had carefully arranged books and scrolls all around him to keep up the flimsy pretence of studying.

Finally, Ron decided that he couldn't take it anymore. He had to say something, and it was now or never. Well, maybe it was now or later or never, but the latter two options involved the agony of waiting some more, and that was severely detrimental to his mental state of health.

"You know, Harry, I was just thinking," Ron started awkwardly. He swung his feet over the side of his own bed, stood up, and walked nervously over to Harry's bedside.

Harry glanced up curiously. "About what?" The casualness that Ron had tried to project had apparently fallen flat on its face, because Harry gave Ron a mildly concerned look. "Is there something wrong?"

"No, no," Ron said hastily, sitting down on the foot of Harry's bed. "Just some normal stuff, you know, homework and people and relationships and Quidditch and things like that." Ron spoke very fast, and he was painfully aware that he was blathering nonsense, and not very eloquently either.

Harry smiled, and Ron was glad that he was already sitting down, or his knees would have given way under him. "Gee, Ron, that sounds like quite a lot to think about all at once." He paused, and gave Ron a searching look. "You sure you're feeling okay?"

Ron avoided answering the question, because he was sure that he wasn't feeling okay at all. His heart was beating rather erratically and his breathing was quick and shallow. He vaguely wondered if he was going to faint right there on Harry's bed, which would be a nice thing, except that it wouldn't look very good for them. People would wonder what they had been doing in bed. And it wouldn't reflect very well on Ron that he had passed out doing... whatever.

Realising that Harry was watching him with a puzzled expression on his face, Ron determinedly pulled himself together and continued, "Anyway, I was just thinking, you know, just a general sort of wondering about... about unlikely people." Ron felt as if each word was being yanked out from him with a pair of pliers.

"Unlikely people?" Harry arched his eyebrow, and the confused expression on his face wasn't helping Ron get any less nervous. "What do you mean, unlikely?"

Ron inhaled deeply, and he suddenly regretted bringing this whole matter up to begin with. Harry was looking at him with a mix of innocence and curiosity that was altogether very fetching indeed. His fragmented thoughts scattered even more, and Ron tried to figure out how he was supposed to discreetly say 'Harry, I think I'm in love with you' without actually using those exact words.

"Okay," Ron finally said carefully, casting about for the right words, "for example, how would you react if you found out that someone totally unexpected had feelings for you? Just as a matter of discussion, of course," he added hastily.

Harry furrowed his brow. "Completely unexpected," he mused thoughtfully. "You know, it's rather hard to visualise something that you don't even expect in the first place. Like who?"

Ron was about to say 'like your best friend,' but he quickly realised that was about as discreet as fishing with an anchor. So he leapt to the other extreme and decided to go with, "Like your worst enemy, maybe?" The perfect example suddenly occurred to him. "Malfoy, for instance." That was about the worst-case scenario, wasn't it?

Harry's eyebrows shot up. "Malfoy?" he repeated incredulously. "Malfoy? What are you getting at, Ron? Why in the world would Malfoy be interested in me?"

"Precisely!" Ron said emphatically, "How would you react if you found out that someone as unexpected as Malfoy, whom you'd never even suspect on any normal occasion, actually likes you secretly?"

"Malfoy." Harry repeated, still sounding dubious. "Really, Ron, do you think that's even possible?"

"I'm just saying hypothetically," Ron answered earnestly, "it doesn't have to be someone you hate so much. It can very well be someone that you're so close to that you take it for granted." Ron looked at Harry meaningfully. "So, how would you react?"

A certain understanding dawned on Harry's face; he tilted his head pensively. "I see what you mean," Harry said slowly, averting his eyes from Ron's. He chewed on his lower lip for a moment, and when he looked back again, Ron saw that there was a tentative, hesitant expression in his green eyes.

What is Harry thinking? Ron held his breath and wondered if it would help if he stopped breathing altogether. At least that was guaranteed to calm him down. Ron noticed the veiled uneasiness in Harry's eyes, and his heart sank — what if Harry was just thinking of the nicest way to tell him 'no'? The nicest way to do that was probably to stick a knife in Ron's chest and twist it around for a bit. This was all Seamus' fault, Seamus and his bright fishing ideas—

"Well," Harry finally spoke up, and his words were careful and measured; he looked up at Ron through dark lowered lashes, and Ron felt himself melt all over again. "You know, I'm actually glad that you brought this up, and I'm not going to deny it. Because the truth is, I've been wanting to ask you about it for the last few days, but I didn't really know how to bring it up to you."

Ron felt his heart leap up and slam against his ribcage — he froze for a moment, before a torrent of joy and relief flooded through him. "Really?" He could barely believe his ears, and Seamus swiftly became one of Ron's favourite people. "You— you actually feel that way...?"

Harry nodded. "I know you think it's kind of strange—" he smiled almost bashfully, "and it's been bothering me for a while now, so I'm happy that you've mentioned it. All the while I was afraid that you wouldn't understand."

Ron was giddy with happiness; he shifted closer to Harry and beamed at him. "My god, I'm glad we've finally got this out in the open. I had no idea you felt this way, but— but I just had to ask you." At this, Harry gave him the sweetest, most sincere smile Ron had ever seen in his life, and Ron suddenly wanted nothing more than to kiss Harry, to touch those soft lips with his own.

Just then, Harry sat back against the head of his bed, sighed and said, "Now the question is, what happens next. I mean, I still have no idea how he feels."

Ron's heart abruptly stopped, and his breathing mechanism malfunctioned again. "He?"

Harry nodded. "Malfoy, of course." He paused, and looked at Ron quizzically. "Who did you think I was talking about?"

Ron's soaring hopes came crashing down upon him like a desert storm, stinging him with pain, such deep pain, sharp and rending and tearing him apart. Ron suddenly decided that if he could become an Animagus, he'd want to be an ostrich. At times like right now, all he wanted to do was to bury his head in the sand; maybe then he'd mercifully suffocate.

"Nothing," Ron managed to gasp weakly, but Harry was too deep in thought about Malfoy to notice Ron's inner anguish.

"This is pretty impossible, if you think about it," Harry said, sounding rueful. "For starters, Malfoy has no idea that I'm rather— attracted to him." Ron made a choked gurgling noise; Harry mistook it for a snort of laughter, and quickly added, "I mean, it's not like it was a premeditated thing. It's just that I've been watching him fly during the Slytherin practices, and one of those days I just— just noticed him, in a completely different light from how I've always seen him. He just looked so damn good that day, the way he flew."

Harry's voice sounded so wistful, and Ron wondered if a person could actually pass out from severe mental agony, such as that of finding out the boy you loved actually had a crush on the boy you hated. And this time, Ron didn't care if he passed out on Harry's bed. That would probably be the closest he could ever get to being with Harry, anyway.

Ron closed his eyes. Things really couldn't get any worse.

As if on cue, there was a click as the doorknob turned, and the door opened. Seamus walked into the dormitory, and saw Harry and Ron both curled up on Harry's bed, although a respectable distance apart. His blue eyes lit up with excitement.

"Oh, Ron! You're in Harry's bed!" Seamus sounded positively delighted..

"He says it like it's a special thing," Harry muttered to Ron, just as Seamus bounded over. Ron knew exactly what Seamus was thinking at the moment, and groaned inwardly — now he just wished he could evaporate into thin air and spare himself the humiliation of everything that had just gone wrong.

For one bright and shining moment, it seemed that his world had been perfect. For those precious few minutes, fragile and now shattered, he had believed that Harry, his Harry, actually returned his feelings for him. It had been such a beautiful, exhilarating moment, ecstasy like Ron had never felt before, but now the memory of it ached with a bittersweet pain.

"So!" Seamus flashed them both a broad, knowing grin; Harry gave him a strange, mildly wary sort of look. "So, this is fun. What have you two been up to all night? We missed you down in the common room." Seamus gave a cheeky little smirk, and prodded Ron playfully. "Don't suppose you missed us, hmm, Ron?"

Ron shot Seamus a look sharp enough to slice glass; Seamus blinked and raised his eyebrows in surprise, as if to ask, What's the matter? You mean you two haven't been making out?

"Oh, we've been studying," Harry offered, seeing that Ron was determinedly refusing to answer. "And we were just chatting for a bit — nothing much."

"I see." Seamus continued to look at Ron meaningfully, although Ron now avoided his gaze for most of the time. "Hmm, just chatting, were you? So I wasn't— interrupting anything, was I?" He sounded almost hopeful that he had indeed been guilty of a rude intrusion.

Harry shook his head, and said that it was all right, since he was just going down to return Hermione some notes that he had borrowed, anyway. Harry got up and picked up Hermione's stack of notes, then headed off toward the dormitory door; he turned back and gave Ron a quick smile, before disappearing down the stairs.

Two seconds after Harry exited the scene, Seamus had settled himself on Ron's bed, where Ron was sitting with a dazed, traumatised look on his face. Seamus gave Ron a curious look, and didn't like the stormy darkness clouding Ron's face.

"Okay," Seamus began inquisitively, nudging Ron lightly on the shoulder. "So what just happened with you and Harry? How did it go? I mean, Harry was smiling and happy and all, so that must be a good sign… right?" Seamus looked to Ron for affirmation, but received none, only a continued vacant expression, blank and utterly defeated. "Or maybe not. Hmm. Okay, this is not good, now I'm getting really worried. What happened? Oh Ron, come on, talk to me."

Ron buried his face in his hands and let out a soft, low moan. "I don't want to talk," he said in a muffled, choked voice. "I just want to die."

"Don't die, Ron!" Seamus actually managed to sound brightly sincere, and he topped it off with a brilliant, impish grin. "After all, you haven't kissed Harry yet, have you? That's definitely something worth living for."

Ron groaned. "I think I'll end up living forever, waiting for that to happen. And even if I do, it still won't happen."

"Living forever, hmm?" Seamus tilted his head slightly in mock fascination. "Ooh, like a vampire. How very sexy, Ron. Imagine, you'll give real killer love bites." Seamus let out an amused peal of laughter.

"It isn't funny." Ron's voice sounded so grave that Seamus instantly sobered and looked contrite. Ron slowly turned to look at Seamus, and his eyes were filled with undisguised pain. "So I did what you suggested," he said tonelessly, his voice colourless and quiet, as if talking to himself. "And it didn't go well at all."

Seamus' eyes softened with sympathy. "Harry… didn't really respond? Like you hoped he would?" he asked delicately, resting his palm over Ron's hand in a quietly comforting gesture.

Ron sighed. "Oh, he responded all right. But definitely not in the way I hoped." He took a deep breath, and blurted out, "It turns out that Harry's in love with Malfoy instead."

Seamus' jaw dropped. "Oh my god! That's not good!"

Ron nodded dully. "My reaction exactly. Only a thousand times more horrible, and all I could do was grin and bear it as Harry went on and on and on about that bastard." Ron covered his face again. "It was absolutely humiliating."

Seamus squeezed Ron's hand lightly. "Should I not ask what actually happened?"

Ron decided that he really could do with someone to confide in at the moment, and Seamus seemed about the best person he could talk to. He shrugged, and started to recount the entire dismal episode, right from the start when he had gone over to Harry's bed to talk. When Ron reached the part where he had first mentioned Malfoy's name by way of example, Seamus suddenly let out a startled gasp and leapt up.

"No! You didn't!" Seamus had a purely horrified look in his eyes as he danced agitatedly in front of Ron. The Irish always liked to dance, in any situation.

Ron blinked, nonplussed. "What?"

Seamus still wore an expression of sheer disbelief. "Why in the name of all things sane did you have to bring up Draco Malfoy!" He paused, then asked hopefully, as if it was a mitigating factor, "Or did Harry bring Malfoy up first?"

Ron shook his head, and looked confused. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Seamus stopped dancing and skipping about, and commenced pacing back and forth in front of Ron. "So let me get this straight. You were sitting there, nice and proper, trying to tell Harry to reconsider the level of your friendship. Then, with no provocation whatsoever, completely out of the blue, you start talking about Malfoy?"

Ron started to get exasperated. "I was trying to bring across a point!" he argued, glaring at Seamus.

"No!" Seamus cried, shaking his head vigorously. "You don't mention Malfoy's name to bring across anything! Why on earth did you do that? That's, like, sabotaging your entire plan, and this is what happens!" Seamus paused and visibly tried to calm himself; he walked back and sat down again next to Ron, who still looked completely bewildered at Seamus' ranting. "All right. Okay. Here's the thing. This may seem completely ridiculous to you, Ron, because you hate Malfoy, but… but Draco Malfoy is about the hottest Slytherin boy to have ever walked the halls of Hogwarts. Yep, that's about right. And he's probably the secret bedroom fantasy of half the student population."

Ron spluttered and almost choked. "Excuse me? Malfoy?" He goggled at Seamus.

Seamus nodded seriously. "He's everything that makes a forbidden fantasy so fun to live out. Of course, he's the boy that everyone loves to hate, but on the other hand… he's got that quality about him. A mix of defiance and arrogance and poise and wit… all in all, very fetching." Seamus paused, then added with a straight face, "And he does, admittedly, have a dead sexy body."

"Oh my god," Ron said weakly, feeling distinctly sick. "I think I'm going to throw up." He gave Seamus a pointed, accusing sort of look. "Seamus Finnigan, don't you dare say that you're one of the blind, brainless half of Hogwarts that actually finds…Malfoy… sexy." It seemed to take a huge effort for Ron to say the last two words.

Seamus actually blushed. "I think he's all right." He quickly changed the subject, and his optimism shone to the fore again. "Okay, no point regretting what has already happened. Time for damage control. Right now, what you have to do is make Harry see that Malfoy isn't the sort of guy that's worth his trouble. Not when there's you, and you're obviously the better choice. All you have to do is make Harry see that."

"And how am I supposed to do that, exactly?" Ron said bleakly.

"Hmm. Good question." Seamus pondered for a while. "Ah, don't worry, we'll think of something soon."

Ron wondered why he didn't exactly feel very comforted by Seamus' words.

"And I'll help you," Seamus added brightly, leaning closer to Ron and tilting his chin so that he could look into Ron's unhappy blue eyes. "Oh, do cheer up, Ron, I hate seeing you so sad. Please? For me?"

Ron smiled tiredly, and managed a small nod. Then again, having Seamus by his side was always a nice thing.