Zugzwang

Because I could not stop for Death,

He kindly stopped for me;

The carriage held but just ourselves

And Immortality.

-- Emily Dickinson

The day of the funeral, The Daily Prophet wrote an entire page dedicated to Hermione, discussing her work with werewolves, her days at Hogwarts, her friendships with important people. It all seemed so trivial now.

Remus had moved out of the old house and into the new one, the one that had the large, untidy garden and the albino Dalmatian. He didn't know how Hestia had managed to sell the old place so quickly, and, in fact, he quietly believed that she and Dumbledore had pulled some strings so he would have the extra money in his pocket. Also, Dumbledore had managed to offer him a position at Hogwarts once again. History of Magic, because Binns wanted to retire to the next life. It was perfect, and all with the air of a wrongfully set-up card house that would be blown down any day now.

The boys were becoming difficult to handle. Anthony spent the days with his eyes red and bloated, and the nights crying in his room. Julian was angry; angry at everything. He refused to speak to anyone, even Uncle Ron, slammed doors constantly and got into stupid, unnecessary spats with Anthony. Remus didn't know how to mend things, or how to explain why their mother, who had always been lovely to everyone, had to die now and not grow old.

Not for the first time, Remus felt angry at the world.

He and the boys were standing by Hermione's grave, saying their last goodbyes, when a woman approached Remus out of nowhere. She looked young and professional with her red hair in a tight bun, and her square glasses perched on the top of her nose. She clutched a briefcase tightly to her bosom, the uniform grey of her robes appropriate for a funeral.

"Mr Lupin," she said, her voice nasal, holding out her hand to shake his, "my name is Maura Franklin. I'm sorry about your wife's death."

"Thank you," he said automatically.

"I'm here representing the Child's Protection Agency, and I know now is not the best time, but if we could please set an appointment to discuss custody of," she flipped through some papers, "Julian and Anthony."

Remus blinked. Julian looked up from his grass, frowning.

Seamus came to the rescue, grabbing Miss Franklin by the elbow, and steering her away from them. Remus could vaguely hear him say, "I'm Mr Finnigan, Miss. And if you'd like to see the will Mrs Lupin left behind..."

"I want to go home," Anthony said, tugging on the ends of his father's robe.

"Yeah, let's go, Dad," agreed Julian, getting up. "This place stinks."

Remus couldn't agree more.

*

"Ten minutes to bedtime, Anthony," Remus warned, picking up the litter of clothes that decorated the hallway. He couldn't understand why there was so much mess in the house, especially when a house-elf came to clean twice a week.

The rooms were bigger in the new house, but some of the floorboards were loose. Julian didn't mind, though, saying they were good for hiding things, but Remus was slightly afraid a thing hiding might be a rat.

It was hard to get the strength to get out of the bed in the morning. The boys needed breakfast, to be dropped off at school, Remus had to get to work, pick up the boys, prepare lunch, leave them with Tonks or the house-elf or the baby-sitter who looked ten-years-old, go back to work and then come home, tired and fed up, only to cook dinner and help the boys with their homework.

And it wasn't even the full moon yet.

Remus couldn't wait to start working at Hogwarts again. He knew the Ministry would forever be on his toes, and that some parents would be sending Howlers for the first few weeks, but the schedule would be easier, and he'd get to spend most of the afternoons with Anthony and Julian.

The house was never empty on the weekends. Mr and Mrs Granger were always coming on Sundays with lunches or to take the boys out for a film and a treat. Mrs Granger kept complaining that Remus looked too skinny, he wasn't well, and would he please have a bit more of pie, even though the sugar might kill his teeth in the long run. Tonks was always over, stumbling into the baby Buddha Hermione bought on their honeymoon. It was amazing he wasn't cracked with all the times he'd hit the floor, and Mr Granger always teased that it was because the statue was holy and needed more than Tonks to get decapitated.

Snape arrived two days before the full moon with Wolfsbane potion. He had been at St. Mungo's the night Hermione had arrived, running back and forth with bottles of remedies, snapping at everyone, acting different from his usual, detached self. Remus had known that it was the one thing Snape could not cure with his potions. In the end, Severus didn't really care about Hermione, he would never be able to, but it was a defeat for the supposedly perfect world of potion-making.

Harry and Ron were devastated, angry at themselves for not being able to save her. In a way, Remus was also angry at them. He had believed if anyone could save Hermione it would be them. But he knew it had been a childish dream.

Hermione's death finally threw Harry off the brink. He had gone mad in his little dusty house. Dumbledore had to keep a watch on him. A crazy Harry was no good to the wizarding world. Ron came all the time to take Julian and Anthony to Quidditch matches, and they had happy arguments about whether or not Ron could kick Viktor's arse one-on-one.

"Anthony, bedtime," Remus said, opening the door to Anthony's room.

But he was already in bed, grinning with his toys across the floor and a dinosaur next to his pillow. Remus noticed a suspicious-looking lump by his feet.

"Anthony," he warned.

"What?" the boy asked innocently.

"I thought I told you Albie is not suppose to sleep in your bed," Remus said.

The dog barked playfully from under the blankets, knowing he had been found out.

"Just tonight," pleaded Anthony. "For the nightmares."

Remus sighed and gave in. The dog would be into the habit as long as Anthony managed to use the nightmare card.

A few weeks passed and things appeared to be picking up, getting happier. Anthony joined a football team after school, and Ron sent letters pretending to be angry, demanding to know what godson of his is off kicking a piece of leather when he could be soaring on a decent broomstick and making his blood proud. Anthony's grandfather, on the other hand, went to every match and said he'd be good as the English, not the Spanish, because they got all the girls and that couldn't be normal when you're supposed to be playing on the field, not off it.

Julian retreated to his books, but he seemed happier now and stopped fighting with anyone who said two words to him. His current favourite subject was Reincarnation. He was a bit too young to understand all the workings, but the idea behind it fascinated him. He also took up chess, and was getting quite good. Remus took him to the library once a week, and he also started mucking about with Hermione's old school books.

They still made a giant mess, however, and Remus joked that there had to be some pixies in the house. Anthony and Julian always pled innocent, and blamed Albie. Every night Remus made the attempt to pick up a bit, so as not to have the house cluttered with clothes and toys and bones in the morning.

One day, Remus was picking up Anthony and Julian's mess before Tonks and Severus came over for tea. Since they weren't so glum all the time any more, there were a lot of books and toys and clothes scattered all over the place, more mess than usual and Remus kidded that the house-elf would quit soon. The boys were upstairs fighting to see who got to take a bath second, never first and it surely can't be healthy to shower every day, Anthony argued.

Remus picked up one of Julian's chess books (How To Win Without Cheating) and noticed that it fell open on the glossary.

"Zugzwang: A situation in a chess game in which a player is forced to make an undesirable or disadvantageous move."

Now he understood why Julian liked chess so much. It's nothing but their life on a fancy board decked in colors of black and white.