Several Miles from the Sun

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: THE LAND OF NOTHINGNESS

The human soul aches for simplicity. It finds reassurance when everything is organized into single drawers, labelled for usage. And, yet, the human soul also believes that the world revolves on dissatisfaction, and when dissatisfaction is not present, the soul creates complications to provide it.

Which only led them to become furious that nothing was ever simple.

Harry Potter, for example, ached for simplicity.

"Let me see if I understand," said Harry, slowly. "You got the Horcrux, made it safely out of the cave, but when you reached Sirius, he turned you away."

"Yes," Regulus said simply.

He's the reason you're dead, thought Harry. He's the reason my parents died. He's the reason--

Harry stopped thinking. The past was the past. Nothing could be done about it now. Sirius hadn't known. Sirius couldn't have known. Secretly, Harry hoped Sirius would never know.

"What I don't understand, then," he continued, "is how the spell got you to come back. I mean, you died, didn't you?"

Regulus leaned against his pillows. "Are you in a hurry? I'm actually getting to the good part." He paused dramatically as Harry arched an eyebrow. "I still don't know who killed me, but they were strong. There's this spell, very dark, very illegal, that separates the soul from the body. For centuries, many have used it for studies in the Dark Arts, mostly trying to go to planes we don't belong in. Voldemort's followers used it to create Inferi, when they didn't want to damage the body too badly. It gets a bit boring if you constantly use the Killing Curse, y'know. As I came to understand, I was meant to be an Inferi. A bit of irony in my life, I suppose."

Harry scratched his scar. It burned slightly. "I don't think I quite see how this answers the question."

Regulus grinned. "Honestly, Potter? I'm not quite sure how the spell worked, but let me explain to you what happened when I died."

-!-

Wizards, like Muggles, are not quite sure what is there after death. Some believe in Heaven and Hell, others believe in Reincarnation, a few in nothing at all. It's quite the confusion, but everyone is pretty sure that we'll never truly know.

Regulus had no real idea of what was going on. His soul had nowhere else to go once it had been separated from its body. As a result, the soul was banished to Nothingness. At least, that's what some called it; others had deemed it "Purgatory".

To Regulus, it was like nothingness. Everything was a sort of black, and always present was this feeling that he had just woken up from a nap, but was still a bit too drowsy to do anything. He stood there, in the middle of all that black, for quite a while.

He wondered.

He thought.

He scratched his nose.

Was this death? It wasn't very unpleasant. A bit boring, perhaps.

And then someone smacked him over the head.

Regulus turned around, and found himself looking up at a heavily-built man with short black hair and a long beard, who just might be what Regulus would look like at fifty. "Father?" Regulus asked, his eyes widening. "I must be in Hell!"

"Stop standing there as though you're waiting for the bus. Follow me!" his father snapped.

"Where am I?" Regulus asked as he broke into a quick stride. "Is this... Hell? Should I expect a flame to shoot up my arse soon?"

"This is In Between," his father answered, still walking.

"Oh." Regulus thought about it. "What's In Between?"

"In Between is where you wait to move on." Upon seeing Regulus's face, his father's features softened, and he added, "I don't know where you move to, son. I just know that, eventually, everyone goes through those doors, and they don't come back. I think I'm due soon."

"So I have died," Regulus confirmed. "I didn't even get tortured a bit."

"You haven't died." His father finally stopped walking. "Look, Regulus, you're not really meant to be here. You're a sort of intruder. You were thrown here, like... well, like your mother throws House-elves into the rubbish bin."

"Does that mean I get to leave?" Regulus asked. He suddenly felt afraid. He was quite sure it wasn't an emotion that belonged in In Between, but he certainly felt it.

"No, nobody gets to leave," his father said sadly. "But... you don't exactly get to move on, either. I mean, you're not exactly registered to leave, are you? It's like the Ministry lost your record."

"Oh, goody," said Regulus, dryly. "I'm nothing, even in Nothingness. Don't I feel special?"

"Well, it has happened before. I might have caused it myself before. I made a few Inferi in the day. I can't really confirm," his father said. "Er, yes. Anyway, I thought you'd like a bit of company. Until it's my turn to leave, of course. I'm number 874641315347387946537 and few extra thousand digits I can never seem to remember."

Regulus felt incredibly lost. He suddenly realized that he would forever be alone.

Roughly sixteen years passed (and his father was still waiting) before Regulus felt as though he were awakening from hibernation. The Nothingness seemed to fade before him until everything became a greyish colour, a blur that swirled hypnotically.

"You have been called, Regulus," a voice said.

He could not see who had spoken. "I'm moving on? But my father hasn't even had a turn yet," Regulus said.

"Not moving on, going back. You have been called," the voice said. "Do you understand what this means?"

Regulus wanted to say yes. "No."

"You have been called to the realm of the living. Magic invokes you. Are you willing to pay the price to go back?" the voice asked.

"Fuck yes," said Regulus.

"One day you will have to provide your trade. You will know when the time comes."

And then Nothingness completely faded away.

-!-

"My theory," Regulus said, "is that when you uttered the spell, it did call me home. It called back my body and called back my soul, they found each other, and, bam!, instant Regulus delivered to your doorstep."

Harry felt a headache coming on. Surely one person couldn't have accomplished all of this? He felt like a dozen books deserved to be written about Regulus. "You said--you said a trade would eventually come," he said slowly. "What is it?"

For the first time since the conversation, Harry realised that Regulus was looking uncomfortable. "Regulus?" he prodded.

"Inferi eventually decompose," Regulus said. "It takes time, because of the magic, even longer when it's a result of a banished soul, but they decompose, because, well, it's nature."

Harry inhaled sharply. "Are you decomposing?" he asked.

Regulus shrugged. "Not yet. But... it's like I feel I'm meant to. Sometimes I wake up, and I raise my hand, and I think I see the flesh peeling away. Maybe I'm just going insane, but...."

"Do you know how long you have?" Harry asked. He didn't know why, but he actually felt sad.

Regulus shook his head. "Doesn't matter. The ride's been fun." And then, a bit more perkily, "So, what's the next step, leader?"

Harry sighed. "Hermione has this theory that the next Horcrux is at the gravesite of Voldemort's father. We're going to check it out tomorrow," he said. "I'm taking a small group to scout ahead." He stood up to leave.

"Hey, Potter?" Regulus called as Harry left. "Despite everything, Sirius was a good man in his heart."

-!-

Hermione inconspicuously hid her romance novella under a thick history volume as Ginny crept into the library, looking completely desolate.

"Everything all right, Ginny?" she asked.

Ginny sighed dramatically, dropping onto the sofa, and rested her head on Hermione's shoulder. "Boys stink," she muttered.

"Oh?" Hermione said. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Ginny blushed slightly. "Hypothetically?"

Hermione shrugged. "Sure. A friend's problem that's getting to you, then?" she said, trying to hide the smile.

Ginny sat up, looking at Hermione solemnly. "Promise you won't say anything!" Hermione nodded, and Ginny continued, "I have this... er, cousin, you know?"

"I haven't really met your cousins," Hermione interjected.

"That doesn't matter. I just have this cousin, um... Alexa, yeah? Right, so you see, Alexa likes this boy very much," Ginny explained. "Thomas, that's his name. Alexa and Thomas."

"Is Thomas aware of these feelings towards him?" Hermione asked.

"Yes, he is, actually. But, being the stupid boy he is, he doesn't think anything should happen between him and Alexa," said Ginny, angrily. "He's an, uh, farmer, you see, in--in magical produce, and if there should be a bad harvest...."

"Someone might be hurt or used to hurt someone else," Hermione finished. "Yes, those tomatoes and lettuces can be quite problematic."

Ginny nodded frantically. "Exactly! So Alexa and Thomas went their separate ways, promising to stay friends, even though Alexa would very much like to kick Thomas between the legs. But as of late, she tells me, she's been getting these signs from Thomas."

"What kind of signs?" Hermione interrupted.

"Looks, touches, and... a kiss," Ginny said.

Hermione's eye widened. "A kiss? You--I mean, Alexa and Thomas kissed?" She giggled. "I see. Then what happened?"

"Well even though they aren't exactly going out, they've been maintaining a bit of a relationship on the side." Ginny had the grace to blush under Hermione's incredulous stare. "But--but Alexa thought they might even take it to the next level, and--"

"Wait, what's the next level?" Hermione demanded.

Ginny blushed even more. "You know, after... you know!"

"Sex?" said Hermione, in a voice that only dogs might hear.

"A little louder, Hermione! I don't think Voldemort heard you!" Ginny hissed.

Hermione exhaled. "I'm sorry, Ginny. You were saying that yo--Alexa wanted to, um, become more intimate with Thomas." She was looking a bit peaky all of a sudden.

"Exactly, and she's been giving him the signs, but suddenly--suddenly this other girl came into the picture, and even though she's totally, incredibly, hideously--I mean, just awfully!--wrong for Harry, I'm afraid that he won't want to sleep with.... you know!" Ginny looked completely flustered.

"You just said Harry," Hermione said stupidly. "I mean, I know, but you just said--never mind. I suppose we should stop pretending, anyway. Are you afraid that Harry is sleeping with someone else, Ginny?"

"Yes," Ginny whimpered, taking a rather large cushion and hiding her face behind it. Her face had taken on a shade similar to the colour of her hair.

"But who would he sleep with?" Hermione asked, trying to sound logical.

The pillow muttered something incoherent.

"Pardon?" Hermione insisted.

"Pansy," the pillow said.

Hermione giggled. The pillow shook slightly. "Oh, I'm sorry, Gin," Hermione said, trying to control her voice, "but you're being quite silly. Why would Harry sleep with Pansy of all people? They absolutely loathe each other."

"Regulus said that they use codewords for a time and a place," the pillow said sadly. "You know, I have an ITCH, Harry. Itch, my arse."

"Regulus is an idiot. Nobody can be thicker than him about these things," Hermione assured her. "Plus, again, Harry hates Pansy. I don't think he'd even offer her a hug."

"They say there's a fine line between love and hate," Ginny said thickly, peering from over the pillow. "And she's quite pretty, isn't she?"

"But Harry loves you," Hermione added. "Even if he is, I agree, a bit stupid and believes that he's doing the best thing by keeping you at arm's length."

Ginny seemed to think it over. She was clutching the pillow as though she wanted to tear it apart. "It's just that, we're going to go against Voldemort soon, and I don't want things to end like this with Harry," she explained.

Hermione smiled. "Well, I don't know much about approaching a man about sex and the sort, so I can't offer you any advice in that department, but Harry does love you very much, and I'm sure he'll talk things out with you."

"So you and Regulus haven't slept together yet?" Ginny asked, getting up with a cheeky grin.

"Goodbye, Ginny," Hermione said firmly.

The only thing that saved a cheeky Ginny from getting a book thrown at her was Tonks' sudden appearance, announcing, "Order meeting! Let's go!"

-!-

Harry had called an Order meeting. Everyone was asked to come, and he decided to share snippets of Regulus's story. He didn't want to lie; he told things as they were. He couldn't help but glance at Remus as he told Sirius's part in it all, noticing the disappointment, the remorse. It's a thing of the past, he ended the tale.

"The best thing would be to send a group of five to the gravesite tomorrow," said Remus. A map suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Remus pressed a certain square and a large photograph of the grave rose over their heads. "We're only grasping at straws, so there's no need to send a whole army. If there's anything suspicious, one can go back and bring others."

"Who's going?" Bill asked.

"I'm going," Harry said firmly. "And I'll choose my team. Ron, Hermione, Neville, I want you to come with me."

"Can I go?" Regulus asked.

"No," answered Harry. "You're a liability. Even though we're not expecting anything, in a fight you're of no use. Sorry."

"I think you should take an adult," Molly said.

"They are adults, Molly," Arthur said solemnly. "Children have to grow up quickly these days."

"Tonks can come along, if she wants," Harry said.

Tonks nodded. "Sure thing, Harry," she said with a grin.

"We need to move faster." Harry looked around at the members of the Order. "We need to get lucky now. We're behind. Voldemort's laughing at us. We need to win quickly."

"We have a possible lead over in Wales," Kingsley said, taking the floor. "We can't leave tomorrow, but Tonks and I will head over in three days. Someone is claiming to have an object that belongs to Rowena Ravenclaw. We're going to verify it, possibly bring it back."

"The werewolves are ready to wreak havoc," Remus added. "They're planning on finally going out into the open. They're... they're keen on human meat. Harry is right, we need to speed up."

A few more topics were brought up in the meeting, mostly bad news. Harry grew more frustrated as the time passed, and Remus finally called everything to an end. Tomorrow his team would be ready. He hoped they were on the right lead.

"Potter, can I have a word?" Regulus said, lurking behind.

"What is it?" Harry asked, sounding cranky. He wanted nothing more than to sleep. Actually, he wanted to get in a good conversation with Cedric.

"I have something for you. Come into my room." Regulus walked him there, and began to rummage in the back of his wardrobe. After a few seconds he pulled out a rather nice-looking leather scabbard. It was big enough to fit a sword. "It belonged to some ancestor of mine," Regulus explained. "You know, back in the day when swords were still being used. It's been charmed to weigh lightly on your back. I thought you could use it to hold Gryffindor's sword. You should take it to the gravesite. Just in case."

Harry accepted it. It felt soft to the touch. "Thank you," he said, because he wasn't quite sure what else to say.

Regulus grinned. "Oh, well, you know how it goes. Brother adopts kid, brother dies, brother's brother adopts kid. Consider it a late Christmas/Birthday present."

Harry grinned. "Sirius didn't exactly adopt me," he said.

Regulus shrugged. "He would have. Blood law says that I would have to take care of you in the case he died. I'm not making it up, I swear."

Harry snorted. "Like I'd want to be under your guidance. But thanks for this. It looks proper for Gryffindor's sword."

"You better take good care of it," Regulus said. "My great-great-great-great-grandmother's house-elf made it herself. She infused her own blood in it and everything."

Harry stared at the scabbard in his hands with slight disgust. "Gee, thanks for the history lesson," he said dryly.

Regulus smirked.