How Long

How Long

How long must I whisper,

Your name in the dead of night?

It's snowing again, I suppose it matches my mood. My life has been down right hell since Sirius died. I guess in a way you do help, even if you don't know it.

Moan it in my sleep?

I think about you, almost ever second I draw breath. I watch you enter the great hall, so perfect in ever detail. I amaze myself when I am able to hide how I feel for you. The others don't see, but you would, if you looked at me just once.

Scream it in my head?

I often take walks alone along the lake. Part of me hopes that I will run into you, the other moans in fear. I dream of you at night, think of you in the day and cry for you in the cold.

When I know you'll never come,

Even in my dreams.

Sometimes I think I see something other than hate, in those stormy eyes of yours. It goes away though, to quick to find out what that flicker might have been. I wonder if you ever think about me, in hate or in love. I wonder if you'll ever find out what I mean when I glare at you.

My bed seems too big,

Some people could say it was love at first sight, even though I would call it pain. I have told no one of this, for who could I tell. Ron would get mad, and Hermione would try to change my mind. I think she might know though, for she has seen me looking at you.

And my life seems too small.

The other night I put Hermione out of her misery and told her about you. She was shocked, but did the opposite of what I thought. She comforted me told me it would be alright.

I whisper for my angel,

I went for a walk in the first of the snow and for once I didn't cry. I just whispered your name and then watched the snow dance in the wind.

My muse,

I took up writing for you, poetry mostly. I write about you, you wouldn't believe how much it helps. I still love you, for what else could I do. You don't try to hurt me anymore you just give me a steady look now.

My life,

I burn to tell you how I feel, but that would show how weak I am. You are my weakness, in every possible way. I took hold of that though, and now I spend that energy to try to somehow make you proud of me. Fall for me as I have for you.

My love,

You do notice me now even if it is just looks or glances. You have to wonder how the rest of the world would react if they found out what I am, that I'm gay.

The impossibility hurts,

So I just watch and hope,

I don't think anybody will ever know you the way I do, I know every emotion that is yours. Every sigh, every smirk and everything that makes you, well you. If you knew that I know your weaknesses, you would be so happy that I love you.

Even though I know,

Like I had said before, it is snowing. So I slip outside and stand by the lake. It is a beautiful night, but the silence is broken by the sound of footsteps.

The day will never come,

I see you step out of the snow fall and into my line of vision. You stop and stand as still as the ice you appear to be. That emotion flickers in your eyes again and I see you work hard to hide it. Before you say a word, I just lightly shake my head and disappear into the night.

And neither will you.

So the days go on and no one but Hermione Granger found out that the famous Harry Potter had fallen in love with a Malfoy.