Going Under

Now I will tell you what I've done for you

50 thousand tears I've cried

Screaming deceiving bleeding for you

And you still won't hear me

He was always there, lurking in the dark recesses of her mind. It had been years since she had last heard from him, but every night his beautifully terrifying face surfaced to haunt her dreams.

She wanted him back. She needed him with her. She was insane without him. He was her drug, her fix, her addiction. She felt like nothing more than a junkie always looking for that one quick fix.

She would feel better once she found him. Only when they were reunited would she be whole again.

Don't want your hand I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented daily defeated by you

Just when I thought I'd reach bottom

I'm dying again

She often overheard Ron and Harry talking about him. Hermione was too smart: she always remembered use the Silencing Charm before anything dangerous was said. Ron thought he knew Tom from Harry's descriptions. Harry had actually met the teenaged Tom, even if it was only a memory of him. But the real Tom Riddle was only inside Ginny's head, dripping his sweet poison into her mind.

It angered her, when anyone discussed her Tom. He was hers first, he was hers always, why did people insist on separating them? He was her first true friend, her first true love, the first to know her mind and understand her.

"Poor Ginny..." she would hear drifting from the two best friends. They would whisper in corners in the Common Room, casting sympathetic looks in her direction, hoping that their concern now would make up for their ignorance in her first year.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under

"What do you want, Weasley?" snarled Malfoy. The pale boy--No, man, the man, we've all grown up we've all gotten older we've all matured...except Tom--towered menacingly over her.

She did not shrink away; she knew he was a sham in all eyes but his own. Father in Azkaban, mother blowing the family fortune...he couldn't buy his way out of a paper bag now. "I want my diary back, Malfoy."

He smirked. "Lost your diary, littlest Weasel? Too bad I don't have it, I'd love to know all your dirty little secrets," he leered.

"I want it now, Malfoy. Give it back."

He tried to stare her down. She stood her ground, refusing to budge an inch, meeting him glare for icy glare. Little by little, Malfoy's shoulders slumped to a meeker stance. "Father gave me a diary before he--he left. He told me I was supposed to give it to you when asked for it. Why he wanted me to give you a tatty old book with no writing in it is beyond me, but fine. You can have it." He retreated a step, watching her reaction.

Ginny stood still, crushing the twisting mass of anticipation writhing in her stomach. If she let an ounce of emotion show, Malfoy would know how much she wanted that little book. And if he knew she wanted it, it was very likely that he would make her pay dearly for it. "Now," she said firmly.

He slunk back a few steps. Not meeting her eyes, he rummaged in his book bag until he came across an old book. She nearly cried with relief and frustration, she had finally found him but he was still in the possession of a Malfoy, one who had no other reason than the command of his imprisoned father to give her Tom back.

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again

Eventually, he had given her the book with minimal taunting. Now it lay on the table in front of her, filling her eyes. Harry was also staring at the innocent-looking diary, as was Ron and Hermione. Ginny shifted in her seat, the movement drawing their concerned stares up to her face.

No one spoke. No one ever guessed that Tom would make his way back into the Gryffindor Common Room. People were talking and laughing around them but no noise penetrated the invisible barrier that seemed to separate the innocent from the knowing.

I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

They stared at her with barely concealed fear in their eyes. "Are you sure you want to do this Ginny?" Harry asked worriedly. He motioned to the book in her hands. "One of us should be with you when you do this."

Ron opened his mouth perhaps to agree, but both were silenced by look from Hermione. "Ginny knows what she has to do. And she knows she has to do it alone. She'll call if she needs help." The older witch nodded slightly to the younger. Ginny smiled gratefully. Hermione understood her problem. She knew that some ties had to be broken before a person could move on.

So go on and scream

Scream at me I'm so far away

I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe I can't keep going under.

"Tom," Ginny whispered, kneeling over the small black book. After so many years, they had finally been reunited. He whispered to her, dark thoughts fluttering through her mind like black moths. She opened the diary to the first page.

Without warning, the blood red letters wrote themselves on the creamy page. I missed you. The three words didn't fade immediately--obviously he was waiting for a reply. When he did not get one, words continued to fill the page. It's been so long since we've talked...Why did you leave me? You were my best--my only--friend.

With a distant sigh, she reached for a quill and ink. I'm no longer yours, Tom...

Her written statement was absorbed at once and a response was quickly being formed, but Ginny had already shut the book. For the first time in years she did not feel an overwhelming urge to write to her Tom.

Her nightmare was over.

She was free.