- Rating:
- PG
- House:
- The Dark Arts
- Characters:
- Remus Lupin Severus Snape
- Genres:
- Drama
- Era:
- The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
- Stats:
-
Published: 11/28/2007Updated: 11/28/2007Words: 2,043Chapters: 1Hits: 510
A Measure of Mercy
Ravenpuff
- Story Summary:
- The full moon will soon rob Remus Lupin of his ability to speak--and there is something he has made up his mind to tell Severus Snape. He finally has the courage to confess; will Snape be man enough to listen?
Chapter 01
- Posted:
- 11/28/2007
- Hits:
- 500
A Measure of Mercy
Heavy draperies covered every window in every room at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. Though they obliterated all traces of the twilit sky and would hide the rising moon from those inside, they could not prevent the agonizing transformation of Remus Lupin, who now sat at the kitchen table while Severus Snape paced up and down the room.
The remains of a sketchy meal lay on the table. Only the current master of the house-elf Kreacher, Sirius Black, could order him to prepare food--or do anything else, for that matter. Black, however, had chosen to remain in his own room while Snape was present. The enmity between the two of them ran deep and showed no signs of easing, despite their common goal of defeating Voldemort.
Snape looked at his watch.
Lupin smiled, a humorless smile. "It's not time yet, Severus. Relax. Sit down, why don't you? We could have a drink...."
Snape stopped pacing but remained standing. "I am not sure that would be wise, under the circumstances."
"Just one--what could it hurt?"
Snape shrugged and strode to a cupboard in the corner and rummaged within for a bottle of firewhisky. He was not averse to a raid on Sirius Black's liquor supply, as long as he did not have to report to Lord Voldemort anytime soon. As a spy for the Order, he had to keep a clear head at all times. One slip, and both the Order and his own life would be in grave danger.
Snape placed teh bottle and two goblets on the table and poured with great deliberation, as though measuring doses of a powerful potion. Then, he finally alighted across from Lupin. Again, he looked at his watch. "Not long now."
"Time for a last dose?"
"Yes." Snape took a sip of firewhisky, and for the next ten minutes, neither man spoke much. Then Snape got up from the table again and retrieved a smaller goblet from the cupboard and placed it on the table beside a glass vial.
"Severus," said Lupin. " I want to tell you something before--"
"Before you turn into a werewolf?" Snape sounded almost gleeful, as though he enjoyed rubbing it in. He did not know, could not know, how horrible the monthly change from man into monstrous parody of a wolf was for Remus Lupin. The suffering was not merely physical; with each transformation, Lupin felt the full impact of having his humanity stripped away from him, the debilitating illness that followed each dreadful episode.
Lupin knew that he was becoming weaker month by month, less able to shake off the aftereffects of the change, more despairing. Severus Snape might regard him with loathing, but the potion he provided the day before each full moon alleviated the worst effects of the change, and Lupin was grateful for it.
Lupin put his half-empty whisky goblet down on the table and took a breath, very much aware of Snape's cold-eyed scrutiny.
"I want to--clear the air." Lupin's voice was low and hoarse. Was it Snape's imagination, or had it become hoarser in just the last few moments?
Snape had long ago learned to conceal his emotions, including surprise. He uncorked the vial of wolfsbane potion, poured a carefully measured dose into the small goblet, then shoved it toward Lupin.
"Here," he said. "Drink it."
Lupin, however, merely toyed with the stem of the goblet. It was too late to turn back now, and the anxiety he felt was only partly related to the transformation he could felt bearing down upon him.
"I will," he promised, "But I need to--"
Snape gestured impatiently toward the goblet. "Yes, yes--but drink first. If you don't care about the danger to yourself, you might consider the peril a full-blown werewolf poses to others." He looked at his watch again. "One minute. No more."
Snape took note of the stiffness of Lupin's posture. Whatever the werewolf was trying without notable success to say, he was evidently nervous about it.
"Given the time, perhaps you had better begin," said /Snape impatiently. "But for Merlin's sake, drink that potion!"
Lupin hesitated, but the glitter in Snape's eyes convinced him, and he picked up the goblet. As he swallowed the horrid-tasting elixir, a prolonged shudder ran through his body. He knew the potion could not prevent his transformation--that was coming, and soon--but it would allow him to sleep peacefully as a harmless wolf until the moon began to wane. So strong was the potion, however, that it took him a few moments to recover his power of speech.
"Are you planning to unburden yourself sometime soon, or will you wait until the next full moon?" Snape's tone dripped with sarcasm. He would have awarded Harry Potter an Outstanding mark in Potions sooner than admit he was--somewhat curious.
"I owe you an apology," said Lupin abruptly.
"Oh?" Snape raised his eyebrows. " What crime have you committed that requires my forgiveness?' If Snape had been hoping to get a rise out of his colleague, he was disappointed. Lupin merely sighed. "I'm not speaking of the present, Severus. I mean, I'm sorry--truly sorry--for the way I treated you while we were at Hogwarts."
Snape said nothing, his face stony as though carved out of a cliff.
Undeterred, Lupin continued. He had begun this, and he was determined to say what he needed to say before he was interrupted by a force beyond his control.
"I knew that the things James and Sirius did to you were wrong," he said. "I couldn't understand why they hated you so much, why they attacked you when you were merely trying to avoid them."
"They were bullies, and you went along with it."
Lupin nodded, looking unhappy. "You have to understand--their friendship meant everything to me. Who else but a bunch of Animagi would tolerate a werewolf, protect a werewolf, even befriend one? I did try to talk to them about how they were treating you, get them to tone it down, at least...."
"But you did nothing to prevent them," Snape sneered. "Hanging out with the big shots was more important than the mere murder of an unpopular student."
Lupin looked stricken. He knew exactly what Snape meant; he was referring to the horrible trick that Sirius Black had played on Snape, leading him through the secret passage to the Shrieking Shack, where Remus Lupin, fully transformed into a werewolf, was waiting for him. If it hadn't been for James Potter's intervention, Snape might indeed have been killed.
"Severus, I didn't know what they had in mind. I swear it, or I would have--"
"What?" Snape's tone was contemptuous. "Turned them in? Told them to go Jinx themselves?" When Lupin did not answer, he said, "I thought not."
Snape looked at his watch. and now it was Lupin's turn to raise his (now noticeably bushier) eyebrows. "Bored already?" It was a weak joke, and Lupin did not expect Snape to smile.
"No, merely checking the time." In fact, Snape had done it without thinking, to conceal a certain unease. Lupin's confession, if that is what it was, was leading Snape down a trail of thought he had no wish to tread
"Severus," said Lupin, "I'm well aware that I behaved like a coward. But you see, when the werewolf bit me, everything changed. My parents continued to love and protect me, but they couldn't completely hide the way they felt--the fear, the shame. I was only five years old, afraid of being, I don't know--"
"Thrown to the wolves?" Snape's lip curled. Lupin looked at him closely; was Snape actually joking?
"Exactly." Lupin ventured a smile himself. His whisky goblet was now empty, but he did not want another drink of any sort.
"So," said Snape, "you developed the habit of going along to get along. Out of fear. Very sad, I am sure, but we all have our--challenges."
Suddenly, unwelcome memories flashed into his mind. He was huddled in a corner, crying, while his father harangued his cowering mother. The fight had been going on for hours, and the boy Snape knew exactly where it would lead, where these arguments always led. He wanted to interfere, to stop it, but he was so small, so afraid....
To cover his confusion, Snape looked at his watch once more. "Not much time now," he said. When he looked up, he saw Lupin regarding him with a gaze so penetrating that Snape was suddenly struck by a horrible thought: Could Lupin, himself an expert in Defense Against the Dark Arts, be capable of Legilimency? In spite of his determined air of indifference, Snape was feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
Much as he preferred not to, he found he understood far too well what had prevented Lupin from standing up to his friends. Had he not done the same thing, with far worse consequences? Had he not been eager to associate with the worst element in Slytherin because he, too, was seduced by the promise of inclusion and fearful of being an outcast, of being alone?
Lily Evans's voice came back to him, She had warned him, tried to persuade him to give up his "Death Eater pals." Yet much as he loved her, he hadn't listened. And here he was, with the Dark Mark on his arm, suspended between two worlds, living a life of deception that could end at any time....
"Severus? Are you all right?" Lupin's words were becoming slightly slurred now.
Snape shook off his colleague's concern. "Why stir up all this now?"
Lupin smiled, showing teeth that were longer and more pointed than human teeth. "Isn't it obvious? We're in a war, Severus, in case you hadn't noticed. We're fighting on the same side, aren't we? Who knows how long either of us will survive? I thought it was time we let bygones be bygones, but I won't ask you to...." The words trailed off into a kind of howl.
Lupin's transformation was well under way. His hands were turning into paws, his nails into claws; gray-brown fur was sprouting all over his face; his ears were now pointed and erect. Only his light-brown eyes still retained a human quality when the transformation was complete. They were fixed on Snape, with an expression of mingled pain and pleading.
Snape pushed his chair back and approached the wolf, which stood docilely enough beside the chair Lupin had occupied, head down, its sides heaving.
"Come on, Remus," said Snape, "It's time to go to upstairs now, time to go to sleep." As he turned and strode out of the kitchen, the wolf trotted after him down the hall and up the stairs to the bedroom Lupin usually occupied. Climbing appeared to take an enormous effort, and by the time the wolf neared the top of the staircase, Snape had to half-lift it up the last few stairs.
Snape never stayed the night at headquarters. Tonight, for the first time, he considered doing so, though he had no desire to encounter Sirius Black. It was late; he was tired; it might be dangerous to leave the Lupin-wolf alone with only the irresponsible Black and the malignant house-elf to watch over him.
To his surprise, instead of curling up immediately on the rug and settling down to sleep, the wolf paced the bedroom, still panting. Snape began to wonder if he had made some error in concocting the potion. Would he soon be confronting a dangerous fullblown werewolf? He moved nearer the door, with his hand on his wand, and the wolf followed--but it merely sat down in front of him, fixing its eyes on him. There was no menace in them, only a kind of appeal.
Impulsively, Snape reached out and placed his hand on the wolf's head. Its fur was springy and coarse, but surprisingly soft. "All right, Remus," he said. "It's all right."
The wolf seemed to relax, and in a moment, it turned away, trotted over to the rug beside the bed, and lay down. Snape sat on the edge of the bed and watched as the wolf closed its eyes. He continued to watch until the wolf's breathing slowed and its legs began to twitch in a lupine dream.
The End