What Lies Within

Chapter Eight - Vertigo

The Potions dungeon was deathly still, every eye directed to a lonely table in the back of the class. The only sound that could be heard was slow dripping of liquid onto the stone floor. It had been nearly a month since the incident on the Astronomy Tower and the students of Hogwarts were into the second week of October.

The last month had seemed to fly by for the Marauders, sometime passing in a blur of papers, Quidditch practice, classes, and those strange, random conversations that just seem to crop up whenever anyone has any trouble sleeping (for example, once the four friends got into a debate about whether Charles Dickens named two of his characters in Oliver Twist Master Bates and Little Dick on purpose at about two-thirty in the morning), and at other times every detail about certain scenes seemed to become crucial and stuck in their minds. Like the time when Remus lost a bet and had to wear a kilt around the common room all night. After he appeared in the stairway leading to the boys' dorms, all the girls got rather giggly and all the guys got uncomfortable (Remus, as it turned out, could pull off kilts, but his friends weren't entirely sure if that was due to the whole heightened physical appeal of werewolves or just because Remus was partially Scottish).

James was still driving them all to drink with his infatuation with Lily. He was now thinking of ambushing her on her way to the bathroom and not letting her by until she agreed to go out with him. Sirius pointed out that that was a good way to get him a swift kick in the balls, but James wouldn't hear a word of it. He was convinced that Lily loved him too much to hurt him. So it wasn't a big surprise a week later when James crawled into the common room, clutching himself and groaning. Sirius and Peter both burst out laughing and Remus rolled his eyes.

Half an hour later, after James had crawled up to the boys' dormitory, Lily entered the common room, still seething from James' latest attempt to pick her up. The three boys exchanged glances then burst out laughing. Lily paused, confused.

"What the hell?!" she demanded. She stood there staring at them for a moment... then all hell broke loose.

Lily snatched her wand from the sash around her waist and, letting loose a war cry that would stop an Amazon in her tracks, she jumped at the Marauders, flinging curses haphazardly at them. Remus and Sirius ducked and jumped behind their chairs out of instinct. Peter, naturally, didn't move an inch, but held up his paper to shield his face. The paper caught fire as a fiery curse hit it. Peter gave a yelp and almost wet himself.

Sirius pulled his wand out and Remus mirrored his actions. "Shit." Sirius shook his head and grinned. "There's nothing more dangerous than an angry girl whose been approached by James," he said.

"You were all in on this, weren't you?!" Lily screeched, sending another curse at them that barely missed setting Peter's pyjamas on fire.

"Well, obviously." Sirius poked his head slightly above the back of a chair, but quickly withdrew to narrowly avoid getting scalped by a hex. "But we didn't know when or where he was going to do it! We swear!"

Lily just growled at him, but she paused in her barrage.

"That's right! We would have told you if we had known. Trust me!" Remus assured her. "We thought it was a stupid idea from the start, but James wouldn't listen to us. We didn't tell you because it would have made you paranoid and we figured you would like to continue going to the bathroom normally! Isn't that right, Peter?"

Peter just cowered. "Please don't eat me!"

Sirius jumped to his feet in exasperation. "What fuck, Peter? That statement doesn't even warrant the 'the'! Couldn't-"

Sirius was cut off by a sharp pain behind his eyes. All he could see for a moment was a flash of red. At first he thought that Lily had hit him with a curse, but faintly in the background he could hear his friends calling his name.

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"Sirius?"

"Sirius!"

Then the voices faded all together. Sirius had the distinct feeling of floating in space, neither moving, nor being able to move. There was blackness all around him. No sound broke the stillness... Suddenly, a scream cut the silence like a hot knife through butter. Confused, Sirius tried to move, but found it to be extremely hard. The only movement he could manage was one that brought his arms above his head, and even that was trying. While still trying to move his legs to bring him closer to the screamer, Sirius got the impression that he was already moving, and quite fast at that, but not in the right direction.

Through the blackness of his vision, Sirius started to notice shapes flying by at high speed, but they were going in the wrong direction. The way his surroundings were passing, he could have sworn that he was falling headfirst...

"Ye gods, Sirius! Do something!"

Something clicked in Sirius' brain. He knew that voice. It was the voice that haunted his dreams... and his nightmares. It was the voice that he always hoped to hear when he heard someone approaching, yet he knew that he should not want to hear it. It was the voice of an angel... and a demon.

It was the voice of Raven Storme.

Sirius' eyes snapped open and he took in his new surroundings with shock. He hadn't been falling after all; he was still standing in the common room with Remus, Peter, and Lily standing around his with worried faces. Sirius blinked and stared back.

"What just happened?" he asked no one in particular. It was Peter who answered.

"You just stopped moving and at first we thought Lily hit you with one of her curses, but she said she didn't and you started swaying and twitching...we thought you were having some sort of fit or something! Are you okay?" He looked on the verge of tears.

"I'm... I'm fine, I guess. I just..." Sirius trailed off, not knowing how to describe what had just happened to him.

"Well, if you're sure you're alright..." Lily eyed him anxiously, "I think I'll go to bed. Remus, could you tell James that if he ever tries anything like that again, I'll make sure he knows the meaning of the term 'ultimate suffering', okay?"

Remus grinned shakily, still staring at Sirius. "Yeah, I'll make sure he understands."

"Thank you. Goodnight." Lily headed toward the girls' staircase, casting a glance over her shoulder at the three boys. When she had disappeared up the stairs, Peter, Remus, and Sirius all headed up to their own dormitory. Peter was the first to get in bed after getting through the washroom, but Sirius stayed behind to splash cold water on his face. Remus stayed too and closed the door to the washroom so James and Peter wouldn't hear them.

"What did you see?"

Sirius looked at Remus with a start, unsure of how to respond. After a moment he said, "I don't know what you mean."

Remus bristled. "You know damn well what I mean, Sirius Black. This isn't the first time you've had a vision, remember? Now what the hell did you see?"

Sirius sighed. He knew Remus was right, but this time was different. Usually his visions were clear and easy to decipher, but this one had been different. Though like the other visions it didn't fade from his memory, the details were vague, kind of like when he had received a concussion while playing Quidditch.

"Well?" Remus demanded, arms crossed over his chest.

Sirius sighed again, but this time he answered. "This one wasn't like the other ones. I don't really know what was going on. All I aware of was that I was falling and... someone was screaming at me to do something, I think to save myself... or something... I'm not sure. The whole thing was vague and unrealistic, almost like a dream, but I've never had a vision of a dream before. I don't think it's possible..." He trailed off.

Remus just stared at him.

"What?"

"It was a vision, right?" Remus asked softly. He seemed slightly disturbed. "I mean, it wasn't a dream, but something that is going to happen, wasn't it?"

"How could it have been a dream? I was standing up! And I wasn't asleep... There was his sharp pain behind my eyes, like I had just looked into the sun or something... Argh, I don't know anymore! I so damn tired; I haven't slept right for weeks. And when I do finally manage to get to sleep, I have these horrible dreams of nothingness. Just blackness for hours on end. It's like being aware that I'm sleeping, but not dreaming anything at all. It's maddening! After a while, I wake myself up out of frustration, and then I can't get back to sleep, even if I wanted to. I'm going crazy, Remus! I need sleep." Sirius rubbed his hands over his tired eyes. "And the amount of homework we're being assigned isn't helping. I still haven't found the time to finish writing that essay about dormroot for Sprout, and it's due tomorrow afternoon! I'm screwed, Remus! Royally and utterly screwed!"

Remus just continued to stare for a moment, then he started to laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

Something heavy shattered against the washroom door, but Remus just laughed harder. Sirius sighed and took out his wand again. Remus was laughing so hard that he didn't notice the silencing charm until he stopped making noise. By the time he wound down Sirius was leaning against the wall, examining his nails. Remus pointed at his mouth and raised an eyebrow. Sirius undid the spell.

"You done?"

"Almost." Remus pointed in Sirius' face and shouted, "HA!" as loud as he could.

"Okay, now I'm done."

"Right."

They both exited the washroom and settled into bed. For around half an hour there was no sound except the light breathing of four boys. None of them were asleep, made obvious by the lack of snores that generally came from them all. At around one thirty Peter spoke up.

"Hey, where's Lance? I haven't seen him all evening."

"I'm not sure. I haven't seen him either," Remus replied.

"Probably off shagging some girl down by the lake like he was last time," Sirius muttered.

There was a pause then-

"Let's go see!" James exclaimed, jumping out of bed.

The four boys raced down the staircase to the common room and on to the east window, the one that faced the lake. There by the big beach tree, barely discernable in the moonlight, were two people. But it was impossible for anyone to distinguish anything about the people. Well, except for Remus.

"It's definitely a boy and a girl, but I can't tell if it's Lance or not; they're too far away." Remus squinted into the semi-darkness, shaking his head.

"Someone go grab their telescope!" James ordered and Peter rushed off.

"A telescope?" Sirius demanded, turning to stare at James. "Don't you think that'll be a little powerful for this distance? I mean, we don't want to see right up their asses!"

"We can adjust the zoom," James muttered, waving away Sirius complaint. Peter ran up to them, panting, holding out his telescope. James grinned that evil grin that the Marauders always adopted when they were up to no good. Peter, still panting, held out another object.

"I thought... this... might... come in... handy," he puffed between gasps for breath.

"Excellent thinking, Wormtail. Now we'll be able to see who the hell he's down there with." James relieved Peter of the precious map while Remus set up the telescope and adjusted the magnification.

"Ye gods, Wormtail, you're really out of shape aren't you?" Sirius scoffed as Peter wheezed, his hands on his knees.

"I know! It's horrible!" Peter panted.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" James declared, tapping the map with his wand. Writing instantly appeared, and then lines spreading in every direction.

"So who so you think she is?" Remus asked as they waited for the map to complete itself.

"As long as it's not Lily, I don't really care," James muttered. Sirius didn't miss the look that Remus gave James. He suppressed a grin.

"I think it's that slut Amy Forester in Hufflepuff; you know, the one with really blond hair?" Peter chuckled. "She'd be about the only one who'd shag Lance."

"Yeah, I don't know. Even Amy has ----standards." Sirius shook his head.

"She shagged you," James pointed out with a laugh.

"Exactly." Sirius smiled smugly. I just hope it's not-

"Jeanna Morgan? Who in the name of Merlin is that?" James stared incredulously at the Marauders' map.

"Wait a minute... I know that name." Sirius frowned trying to remember. "Blimey!" he exclaimed as it came to him. "Jeanna Morgan is a first year!"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" came from the other three.

"That's just not right!" Remus cried, making one last adjustment to the telescope. "Do you still want to use this thing, Prongs?" He made a face.

"Yup!" James skipped forward and took a glance through the lens.

"What are they doing?" Peter asked, cracking his knuckles in excitement.

"Nothing yet, but... ew! Lance hasn't got any pants on!" James turned away from the telescope and pretended to vomit.

"Oh, grow up!" Sirius exclaimed, taking James' place. The others gathered around him expectantly.

"That's sort of an odd comment if you consider what we're doing," Remus observed. Sirius snorted, but didn't respond; he was too caught up in what was happening below.

"Okay, they're doing it now!" he informed them. "Jeanne Morgan sure doesn't look like a first year; she looks to be about sixteen! Nasty."

"Well, what are they doing?" James demanded, trying to push Sirius out of the way.

"Shove off!" Sirius spat, giving James a push back. "They're... done."

There was silence for about three seconds, then-

"What?" Remus stared incredulously at Sirius. "They can't be! They've only been at it for... thirty seconds!"

"Yeah, well, they are. It is Lance we're talking about, remember?" Sirius stepped away from the telescope and yawned. "I'm tired. I think I'll go back to bed now." He turned toward the boys' staircase. "Coming?"

"I think I will," Remus said, stepping forward. "James?"

"Naw, you two go on. I think I'm gonna stick around for round two." James stretched, then positioned himself behind the lens again.

"Remus shook his head and rolled his eyes at Sirius, who snickered. "Peter?"

"No, I think I'll stay down here with James."

Sirius shrugged. "Suit yourselves. Goodnight."

As he and Remus climbed the stairs, the last thing Sirius heard from the common room was muffled laughter. He smiled grimly as a line that Tessa used to say popped into his head.

Boys will be horny.

The Potions dungeon was deathly still, every eye directed to a lonely table in the back of the class. The only sound that could be heard was slow dripping of liquid onto the stone floor. It had been nearly a month since the incident on the Astronomy Tower and the students of Hogwarts were into the second week of October.

"Oh, not again!" Professor Slughorn marched toward the table at which sat a Ravenclaw girl, close to tears. "What did you do this time?"

"I-I d-don't know!" wailed the girl. "I j-just can't s-s-seem to g-get it right!"

"Obviously," muttered Severus Snape under his breath. Sirius shot him a look.

"If she wants, I could help her, Professor Slughorn; I'm done my potion," he offered, very aware of the glare that a redheaded Slytherin boy was giving him. This struck him as odd, but he ignored it for the moment.

Slughorn nodded approvingly. "Yes, Mr. Black, I think that would be quite fitting. Hurry up now and help Miss Storme; she has a lot of catching up to do."

Sirius nodded and smiled slightly at Raven, who smiled shyly back. As Sirius took his new seat next to Raven, Slughorn turned and addressed the class. "Has anyone seen Lily Evans today? It's not like her to be late for class."

As if in answer to his question, the dungeon door swung open and Lily Evans walked in. A Slytherin girl a table away from Sirius and Raven giggled at the sight of her. Evans' hair was dishevelled and her robes were covered in dust, there was dirt of her nose and she was carrying her wand like a sword.

"Sorry I'm so late, Professor, but Peeves locked me in the moving cupboard and I've just escaped!" she panted. Sirius noticed James sit up a little straighter. He rolled his eyes at Raven, who giggled.

"Not at all, Miss Evans, not at all! We all know what havoc Peeves can reek; it could happen to anyone. Now we're doing the Corvicus Maximus draught today, so if you'll turn to page three hundred and thirty two, you can try and catch up to the class. If you're not done my lunch, you can stay a little longer and finish." Slughorn puffed up like a peacock as he watched Lily get instantly to work.

"If that had been one of us, he would have given us detention for a week!" Sirius heard the Slytherin girl whisper to her neighbour.

"Poor Lily," Raven murmured to Sirius as they got started on her potion.

"Peeves is nothing; I pity her for having to sit next to James," Sirius murmured back, cutting up Kinkart root. Raven giggled. The redheaded Slytherin boy shot Sirius another dirty look. Sirius responded in kind until the other boy looked away.

"Who is that boy with the red hair?" Sirius asked Raven quietly, not wanting to draw attention from anyone to their conversation. The look of the boy gave Sirius an uneasy feeling.

Raven sighed. "That's Julian Anderson. He thinks he owns me. He's really annoying sometimes." She added crushed scarab beetles to the potion and stirred it seven times counter clockwise, then three times clockwise. "Now it's the next part that I don't understand. It says add a teaspoon of spring water and, using a cross technique, mix it into the potion. What in the name of Merlin in a cross technique?"

Sirius chuckled. "Yeah, that stumped me for a minute, but if you read the preface at the front, it explains what a cross technique is. All it is is stir clockwise in the upper right quadrant and the lower left quadrant and counter clockwise in the upper left quadrant and the lower right quadrant. Then to prepare for the next step, stick your spoon in the center of the 'cross'. Got it?"

"I think so..."

Raven added the spring water and tried making a cross in the water. Instead of bubbling insanely like it had the last time, the potion turned a delicate shade of pink. Raven smiled. "It worked!"

"Yes, it did." Sirius smiled down at her reaction.

"But I can't believe you read the preface! Who has time for that?"

Sirius chuckled. "Yeah I know, but I couldn't sleep one night and I only had my potions book with me. I didn't want to wake anyone up so I just read the preface. Let me tell you, it put me right to sleep.

Raven smiled. "I'll remember that if ever I have trouble sleeping."

They finished the potion quickly, but not as quickly as Evans who was done a good ten minutes before they were. As they were cleaning up, the bell rang, signalling the start of lunch. Raven gave Sirius one last smile. "Thanks for helping me; I never would have gotten it if it weren't for you." Her voice was like velvet.

Sirius shrugged, embarrassed. "Sure you would have-"

"No, I wouldn't. Thanks." Raven stood on her toes to reach up and kiss him on the cheek before running off to go eat lunch.

Sirius touched the place where her lips had touched him with a distracted expression. The place was oddly warm, as though he had been burnt but couldn't feel the pain yet. Plus there was a strange feeling in his stomach, like he had missed a step going downstairs.

"Come on; we've got to find Remus and Peter before all the good seats are taken!" James pulled on Sirius' sleeve to make him go faster.

"Yeah, all right, I'm coming." Sirius tried to shake away the strange feeling, but it stuck stubbornly. He and James hurried from the dungeons, heading toward the Great Hall. But before they had reached the top of the stairs, Sirius noticed a group standing in the shadows, watching him. In the center of the group, he could just make out a redheaded boy glaring daggers in his direction.

Lunch passed a little too quickly for the Marauders and they found themselves rushing to get to Charms. They took the steps up the marble staircase two and three at a time. Peter was soon left behind as his girth and short legs slowed him down. Sirius, James, and Remus raced each other for the top of the stairs. Eventually James fell behind slightly and Sirius and Remus pushed themselves to win their unspoken contest. They were on the landing of the fifth floor (James and Peter were approaching it), the floor Charms was on, when they all came to a screeching halt.

There in front of them was a group of people - the same group of people that Sirius had noticed in the dungeons before lunch. And like before, there, in the middle of the group, was the redheaded Slytherin, Julian Anderson. He sneered as he saw Sirius come to a dead stop.

"Well, well, well, Sirius Black. Just the fellow I wanted to see. I've got a bone to pick with you, Black."

Remus, even without his extra senses, could sense the tension between his friend and the redhead. In fact, he could taste it. It left a salty tang on the air. His hand inched toward his wand. But to his utter surprise, Sirius didn't move a muscle.

"And what would that be about, Anderson?" he asked calmly, eyeing the Slytherin with distaste.

"You know damn well what it's about, Black," Anderson spat, baring his teeth. And so he did, but Sirius would never have admitted it. "Stay away from my girl if you know what's good for you."

Sirius bristled. "Your girl?" he demanded, taking a step toward the group. "Since when is Raven something to be owned?"

"What's going on?"

Remus turned to see where the voice had come from. Behind him, Raven stood, uncertainly eyeing the two boys ahead of her, a look of unease on her pale face. Remus just shook his head and turned back to the confrontation

"You heard me, Black, stay away from her."

Sirius was seething with anger. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this angry. His hands were shaking, but he still didn't reach for his wand. Instead he just glared at the Slytherin. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Remus saw Sirius' eyes roll into his head and his whole body shook. He knew that look; something bad was about to happen. Remus took a step forward, but he was too late.

Seeing that his opponent wasn't in a position to fight him, Anderson yanked out his wand and sent a curse hurling at Sirius.

"Go join your girlfriend, Black!"

Sirius opened his eyes just in time to see the bright red flash of light hit him square in the chest. He lost balance and toppled backwards over the railing into open space. A high pitched scream filled his ears. He was aware of the falling feeling and knew that this was what his vision had been about. But he found that he wasn't in the mood to do anything to save himself. The wind of his downward passage blew his hair in his face as he fell headfirst to the hard flagstone floor below. The last words he had heard echoed in his head.

Go join your girlfriend, Black... Go join... join...

Yes, thought Sirius, I will be joining you Tessa. I'll finally get to see you again...

Colours blurred past him, and he got the feeling of flying upwards to meet a hard ceiling of stone. Sirius just closed his eyes and just let himself fall forever downwards...

"Ye gods, Sirius. Do something!"

Sirius' eyes snapped open. A sliver of hope blossomed in his chest.

Raven.

A rush of memories flooded his mind. A shy Goth girl smiling sheepishly at him from behind his girlfriend's slim body... The glint of moonlight off bright blue eyes... Soft skin shimmering slightly in the sun... the smell of vanilla and cinnamon... a kiss on the cheek by a pair of soft lips...

You can't die! Sirius' mind told him. You have to live so you can be with Raven... can't you see that, you moron?!

Sirius grimaced at the insult from his mind, but he saw the truth behind the words, and he knew what he had to do.

Sirius ripped his wand from his belt and, pointing at the ground, shouted, "Diminuendus Momentum!" Sirius started to slow down, but he feared that he wouldn't stop in time to keep from hitting the ground. However, he needn't have worried. Sirius came to a stop an inch from the ground, his eyes squeezed tight shut, right in front of a horrified Professor McGonagall.

"What in the unholy name of heaven..." she breathed, clutching her chest.

"Afternoon, Professor. Lovely day out, isn't it?" Sirius said in a shaky noise, still upside-down. The sound of feet pounding down stairs reached his ears and he turned to see who it was. However, this made him lose his balance and he toppled to the ground, but not before his friends could see him, upside-down and safe.

Peter's sobs of terror, turned into sobs of relief as Sirius got shakily to his feet. There was a buzzing in his ears, but other than that, he was fine. He was just catching his breath when something small and soft threw itself at him and knocked it out of him again.

"Oh, thank god you're alright!" Raven exclaimed, tears running freely down her face.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Sirius assured her and the rest of his friends. "But could someone please call up to the fifth floor and tell them to send down my stomach?"

Remus, James, and Peter all laughed and Raven giggled wetly into his chest. Sirius put his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. For the first time in a month and a half, he felt truly alive...

And happy. Really and truly happy.