The Final Choice

Thanks to my beta, saiyanwizardgurl, for all her time and patience!

Chapter 2

He removed the wards, opened the door, and entered the flat, turning immediately back to build them again, then walked into the nursery, careful to make no noise. Caine was already asleep, as his father knew he would be. Sirius smiled and touched the child's forehead with his finger, causing Caine to mutter something in his sleep and turn on the other side. Sirius smiled again when he saw Snuffles pressed firmly in his son's arm. Does he ever leave this toy out of his reach? Then, without any warning, Caine's eyes snapped opened and completely awake.

"Daddy!" he gasped.

"Hello, Champion," Sirius whispered.

"You didn't come," Caine said, and Sirius blinked. "You forgot."

Well, it seems that I certainly did, but for the life of me, I can't remember what it is that I forgot! Sirius saw the big tears forming in his son's eyes, and tried to comfort him. "Shh, I didn't forget, I just had work to do and I couldn't come. Don't cry, I promise I'll make it up to you. I promise. See, I can take you to the zoo tomorrow. We're going to see the elephant! You like the elephant, don't you? Shh, it's okay. We'll have a great time!"

"Promise?" Caine sniffed, clutching onto Snuffles.

"I promise. Come on, Caine, go to sleep. It's okay."

Soon, Caine fell back to sleep. Sirius tucked him in before creeping into the dark bedroom, taking his clothes off and laying down beside Angela, who, he realized only a moment later, was not asleep at all. She was lying with her eyes open and shining into the darkness, staring into the ceiling. Maybe she's been crying, Sirius thought guiltily.

"Do you want us to leave?" Angela asked, her voice quiet and calm, and not sounding at all like she had been crying. "If you do, you can tell me. We can leave tomorrow. You've always been more than generous and never took a Knut out of my salary, so I'll have enough money to rent a decent flat. I can continue Mrs. Thompson's babysitting arrangements, it won't be a problem."

"What?" Sirius asked, shocked. She sounded like she had thought about it - really considered it a possibility. "Are you mad? Why I would want you to leave?"

"Because we aren't here, Sirius, not really. Or maybe it's you who isn't here. I can't continue like this. I can't let my child continue like this."

"Like what? For Merlin's sake, Angela, what are you talking about? If I had promised Caine that I would come home earlier and I didn't, I'm sorry! But they are worried, don't you understand? Voldemort is after them because of this bloody prophecy!"

She laughed mirthlessly. "So, that's where you've been. Why am I not surprised?" Then, her laughter suddenly died. "I can't take this for much longer, Sirius. I'm warning you, I can't take this for much longer..."

"Take what? What the hell are you talking about?"

For the first time this night, his wife turned to face him and her dark face seemed white in the darkness of the bedroom. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Know what? Say it, damn you!"

"What day is it today?"

"September 16th, why?"

"September 16th," she repeated and fell silent.

Suddenly, Sirius understood. It was Caine's birthday today! And he had forgotten! "Oh Merlin, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

She still had her back turned to him. "So am I, Sirius. So am I."

Sirius woke up at once, sweat pouring down his face. It took him several seconds to realize that it had all been a nightmare. A memory, yes, but still a dream. Caine's birthday, the one that he had missed, had been almost a month earlier and he had mended things - he had taken Caine and Angela to the zoo and for a week he had even come home earlier. That had seemed to make Angela reconsider her former intentions.

And they had not left him.

Not that he was sure they would not do it now - Angela, Caine, and the new baby. That though, of course, brought him back to the stunning news of the Healer.

"Didn't you know? Mr. Black, your wife is five months gone."

No, Healer Emerson, I didn't know. How could he know? They had thought it was impossible. It had seemed impossible - four years after Caine's birth, there had not been a single indication of a second pregnancy. They had become reconciled with it.

"Are you happy with me?" Angela had asked him one night, about a year ago.

"I'm happy with you, Angela."

"Are you sorry that I cannot have other children? Don't you want other children, Sirius?"

"No, Caine is quite a handful," he had answered, shuddering dramatically. "Imagine what it would be if there were two of him!"

He had not succeeded in fooling her, though. She had propped herself up on her elbow and had given him an intense look. "Don't lie to me, Sirius. I really want to know."

"It's fine this way, honey. I'll admit that I wouldn't mind having another child, but unfortunately that would mean another woman with me, so I certainly prefer it this way."

She had believed him then, but now, Sirius could not say what was going on in her head. Why hadn't she told him? Hadn't she known how happy he would be?

Sirius sighed and looked at the Muggle clock. It was barely five. He had more than enough time to go to St. Mungo's, so he made himself a cup of coffee, noticing for a first time all the tea packets and vitamins in the cupboard. She's been taking care of the baby, he realized, and that thought made his heart ache. Each morning of the five days Angela and Caine had spent in the hospital, Healer Emerson gave him the same answer: they could not tell yet whether the baby had been harmed by his mother's torture or not.

He went to Caine's room. He had not bothered to remove the clothes from the floor, or to end the incantation that made the quill on the table ceaselessly draw. The biscuit that Caine had obviously stolen from the kitchen - Angela would never let him bring food in the nursery - just before the attack, also contributed to the chaos. It was a room waiting for its owner to come back, and yet he had not. Sirius took the pillow from the bed and buried his face in it, then changed into Padfoot to catch the scent better. It smelled like laughter, stuffed dog, and children's shampoo. It smelled like Caine. The dog huffed - the doggish equivalent of a sigh, went to the kitchen, and then changed back to make himself another cup of coffee. While Sirius was taking a shower, it suddenly occurred to him that for the last few days he had spent more time in his flat than the six previous months. It was a pity that Angela and Caine were not there to appreciate it. Of course, if they had been there, then he probably wouldn't have been...

At eight o'clock, Sirius was already outside Emerson's office. The Healer was not there, but Sirius could not blame him - they were in the middle of a war that provided St. Mungo's with more than enough patients for all Healers. He waited until Emerson finally came and invited him inside. His face was very solemn and Sirius suddenly knew that he would not like the news. "Can I see them today?" he asked.

Emerson shook his head. "No, Mr. Black. As I told you before, my greatest responsibility is my patient's well-being. I have to respect her wishes and she told me that she did not want your presence in her room. I am sorry."

Sirius sighed. The man in front of him was not the one to blame. It was Angela who wanted to torment him. "How are they?"

"Better. Your son sleeps most of the time because the spells that attenuate the pain have that effect, but I think he'll make a complete recovery."

"That's good. And what about my wife?"

"She'll be fine, too," the Healer assured him. "There will be no permanent damage, I can say that for sure."

"Thank Merlin," Sirius whispered.

The Healer's dark face showed him that he had not finished. "Is it the baby?" he asked fearfully. "You can tell me what's going to happen to the baby, right?"

The Healer nodded. "For now, the baby is fine. We managed to get the situation under control."

"But?"

"But I cannot guarantee what will happen later. The Cruciatus Curse is something terrible for every living creature, and unborn children are very vulnerable. You see, when the Cruciatus hits a child, we can localize the damage and try to fix it - we did it with your son. When the baby is not born yet, we don't know what the harm is. But I am positive that there is some damage."

"What makes you so sure?" Sirius asked sharply.

"I've treated pregnant women after they were exposed to the curse. I've read about other cases."

Sirius bit his lip. "How many cases are there when there were no consequences?"

"Few."

"But how few? Twenty? Five? One? Not a single one?" The Healer's eyes gave him away. "That's it, isn't it? There was not a single case where the fetus was unharmed."

Emerson did not answer directly. "If your wife were a few weeks or even a few months gone, I would have recommended for her to abort. In this stage of her pregnancy, that is not possible."

Sirius looked at his feet and tried to summon all his courage to ask the next question. "What happened to them, the other women?"

The Healer offered him a glass of water, but Sirius did not even look at it. "Drink it, Mr. Black. You're going to need it, believe me."

]

"What I need is an answer."

Emerson's face was sympathetic. "I've had four such patients. Most women get frightened and abort if possible, but these four were either too far gone, or resolved to give life to their babies. One of them was two months gone when she was attacked. She suffered a miscarriage in the sixth month. Another one was four months gone and everything looked normal, but delivered a stillborn." He fell silent.

"Yes?" Sirius pressed. He had to know, no matter how awful it could be.

"The baby girl of the third patient was born with her right arm missing."

Merlin! Sirius did not say it aloud because he was trying to suppress the nausea that was gripping his stomach. I'm not going to throw up. In two minutes, he felt it would be safe to take a sip of the glass of water, and almost drained it. "What happened to the fourth child?" he whispered.

"He was born retarded. He died at the age of six."

This is not happening, Sirius told himself. He would probably wake up any minute and would tell Angela about the terrible nightmare. "And there is nothing we can do?"

Emerson shook his head. "No. Nothing we can do."

"Did you tell my wife all that?"

Another shake of the Healer's head. "No. Not all the details. But I told her about the prospects."

"Or rather, the lack thereof," Sirius corrected him and rose up, feeling a hundred years older. "Thank you for being honest."

"Sit down, Mr. Black. You've suffered a terrible shock. Don't you want a glass of Firewhiskey or something?"

"No, thank you. When can I take them home?"

"Tomorrow afternoon."

------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you hungry?"

Neither Angela nor Caine looked hungry, but they both sat at the table and obediently ate the meal that Sirius had ordered from the Italian restaurant around the corner. Caine fell asleep during dessert, and Sirius carried him to bed and stayed there for a while, looking at his face.

During those six days in St. Mungo's, Caine had changed - he was thinner and more tired, with yellow skin and no sign of the vitality that Sirius had always associated with him. The veins beneath the skin of his hands were now visible, thin and blue. In his sleep, he clutched Snuffles and wrapped himself over the stuffed toy - his pose resembled that of a fetus. Sirius found it strange, since Caine was not a child who liked this pose. He also didn't like sleeping at all - his son was a boy who always wanted to run, draw or play, or hug someone. Resting was always on the bottom of Caine's list of priorities. Sirius kissed his forehead and returned to the kitchen.

Angela had cleared the table and was now sitting on the sofa with her feet lifted high and her eyes closed. She seemed to be asleep. Sirius looked at her white face and noticed the little wrinkles around her mouth. He knew that they were not from age. They're from pain. Her left hand was placed protectively on her still flat stomach. Merlin, no wonder I didn't notice. Why is she so thin? Her arms and legs were like sticks. With sudden guilt, Sirius remembered the night about four months earlier when she had been lying in bed with headache and nausea, the cause of which was unclear. He had told her to visit a Healer and he supposed she had done so because the next week he asked her if she felt better and she had replied that she was not ill. Now he knew what she had meant.

Angela sighed and opened her eyes. "Is he asleep?" she asked, and Sirius nodded. "Good. Sit down, please." He nervously obeyed, unsure of what to expect from her - she had refused to let him into her room at St. Mungo's, and now her tone was suddenly so civil. It could only mean one thing - trouble.

"How are you feeling?"

"As fine as I could be," she answered. "Healer Emerson told me that you know."

"That's right."

"Good, that will make this easier." She looked at him with a stern expression on her face. "I want to talk to you, Sirius."

"Okay.

"

"Six days ago, Caine and I suffered something terrible," she began. "Thank Merlin, he will recover and so will I, but the baby I am expecting most likely will has congenital problems. You know that." He nodded. "This is entirely my fault, of course."

What? Her fault? She had done everything to make sure that the baby was fine! "No, it's my fault. I should have been here. I'm sorry...."

"You have no cues at the moment, Sirius," she interrupted him. "This is a monologue. I'll try to be as short as possible. As I was saying, it is my fault because instead of taking measures, I waited for you to come to your senses and start paying attention to us. I waited for you to realize that James, Lily, and Harry might be your friends, but Caine and I were your family. Even when I saw you alienating yourself from us, I still thought that it was something temporary. Even when you forgot our son's birthday to be with James and Lily, I still thought it would pass. But it did not pass, and I did nothing. Do you want to know why? Because I was stupid. Because fighting for my husband's love with his best friend seemed so ridiculous. But James won, didn't he? He won without even knowing that there was a fight."

"Angela. I'm sorry about then, it'll never happen again, I swear to you - "

Her dark eyes bore into his and she nodded slowly. "You are right. It'll never happen again. Because I won't let it happen. I am tired, Sirius. I am so tired of waiting for you to finally decide to come home, I am tired of feeding Caine all sorts of excuses for your absences, and most of all, I am sick of listening to you talking to me about how hard it is for James, Lily, and Harry. Yes, I know about the prophecy, but in case that you haven't noticed, right now, Harry is pretty fine while my child is in bed, drowsy from healing spells. He will wake up crying from his nightmares about the attack. My unborn child will have serious problems for his whole life. If I had done this earlier, I could have been in my own flat, instead of waiting for you and facing Death Eaters alone instead. So, Sirius, listen to me carefully, because I will not say it again: I won't continue living like this. You can either stay here, really stay, with me and our children, or go on like this, with James and Lily having all your care. In which case I will find a home of my own. That's it."

"You're leaving me?" Sirius could not believe his ears.

She shook her head and looked at her hand, which was still resting on her stomach. "You left us months ago. I just want things to be clear. Now, I want you to leave and not come back until you've made your choice. You can go to the nearest pub or to James' place - Merlin knows that it's been more of a home to you that our flat has been." She took a sip of her glass of water to moisten her cracked lips. "I do love you, Sirius, but when you come back, you will be either my husband or a beautiful memory. Oh, and open the door to the nursery when you leave; I want to hear Caine when he wakes up."

Sirius silently obeyed.