I Am Already Here

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Chapter 2

George and Ron stood frozen; not looking away from each other, both unable to believe what was said. The unbearable challenge slowly disappeared from their faces, but their minds were paralyzed. Neither of them could think of something to say. Something between them had broken irreversibly and they both felt it, but had no idea what to do.

How long had they stood like that, looking at each other with horror? Maybe it was hours; or maybe it was just minutes. Finally, George made a slight movement - a faint wave to the kitchen.

"Hungry?"

Ron nodded, although it was not true. Food was the last thing in his mind, as well as in George's, but they went to the kitchen and sat at the table anyway, desperate to find an excuse to stay together and have the time to think of how to remedy the situation. Despite everything they had said, they did not want to lose whatever frail bond their rash words had left hanging limply between them.

It looked inevitable, though.

They made attempts to start a conversation, but they remained just that, attempts. Had Ron really found strange his vain attempts to get George into talking the last four months? What was happening now was really strange, because this time it was not only Ron who was trying to start a conversation - George was trying too, but they just could not find a topic to which they could say more than a few sentences. They were growing more and more apart with every minute and they knew it and were horrified of it, but they could do nothing to stop it.

'Stay for the night?" George finally suggested, after a whole evening full of failed attempts to restore what a few hasty words had destroyed.

He fully expected that Ron would refuse - a night in the flat that Ron and Harry were sharing definitely would be better for his brother that a night here, amidst all that tension, - but Ron only nodded.

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A few hours later...

A flash of green light.

"Fred!" He dropped to his knees and started shaking his brother, but Fred did not move. Behind him, in front of him, all around him he could hear the aftermath of the battle, but it was somehow muted, only a background of what he was seeing in front of him. The disbelieving shock on Ginny's face. The tears on Percy's. His mother's sobs. And Fred - Fred, who would not move, no matter how hard George was shaking him.

"C'mon, Fred! Don't be like that!" He shook him again and looked down to see his response.

There was no response... no response and no Fred. George knew that Fred was dead, that it was the same nightmare that he was having almost every night, but this time there was something different - there was that green light and then the body sprawled in front of him suddenly was not Fred's, but Ron's!

"Noooo!"

He woke up with a startle. He was breathing rapidly and when he ran a hand over his eyes, he realized that it came down wet. Merlin, how he hated this nightmare!

Suddenly, he bolted out of bed and hurriedly headed over to the guest room. He knew it had been only a dream, of course he knew that, but he had to know for sure, he needed to see...

Ron was lying completely motionless on his bed, his pale face flooded with the light of the pale moon. It was the night of the full moon and George thought of his ex-teacher, who had been cursed by the moon, of little Teddy, of all people who had to deal with the aftermath...

Very carefully, he raised a hand and touched Ron's cheek. It was warm. He was alive. Just sleeping. For a while, George stood there, looking at the slight rise and fall of Ron's chest, deep in thoughts. What would happen now? How would they make it all right after what had happened the day before? How could Ron say those things to him? How could he say those things to Ron?

I wish you were here, Fred, he thought. You would have known how to find a way out of this situation. But Fred was not there. George had never felt more helpless in his life. Even if Ron was right - if he had neglected his family, - he had still relied on their support, he had taken it for granted. The last few hours had shown him how dangerously close to breaking the family bonds he could be. Well, it was not entirely his fault - Ron had been a real git, but yet, George did not want to ruin their relationship. Only, he could see no way to prevent that.

Slowly, George turned back and headed outside, although he knew that he would not be able to fall asleep.

He was already in the hall, reaching for the door-handle to close it behind him, when he heard it - the unmistakable sound of moaning. Thinking that Ron must have been hurt worse than he had thought in the evening, George came back and bent over the bed.

The expression on Ron's face showed no pain, though - only terror. There was a long moment, before George realized what was going on.

"Ron! Ron, wake up! You're having a nightmare!"

No reaction. George grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him hard. "Wake up! It's only a dream!"

Then, all of a sudden, Ron's eyes opened and he looked frantically around. He looked confused, as if he was wondering where he was and what had happened to the scene that he had been seeing only moments earlier.

"You are at our... my flat," George helped him. "You were having a nightmare."

Ron's eyes found their focus and his lips curled into a sickening resemblance of a smile. "A nightmare," he repeated bitterly. "It was real."

George shook his head. "It was a nightmare, Ron. You are awake now."

"Yes. Yes, of course."

He wiped the sweat from his face and swallowed dryly.

"Do you want some water?" George asked. "I can go downstairs to the kitchen and bring you a glass -"

"No," Ron said. "No. Just - stay here."

It was like nothing bad had happened between the two of them. George knew that it would not last for long, but he decided to take what he could from the moment. Ron obviously did not want to be alone, still in the clutches of his nightmare and Merlin knew that George had been alone more than enough for the last months. He sat on the bed and looked curiously at Ron. Something about the way his brother had said 'of course' had sounded not quite right and George could not catch what was false.

"Ask," Ron said without looking at him. "Otherwise, you'll explode with curiosity."

George realized that it was true. For first time in moths, something had really kept his interest. "What were you dreaming about?"

Ron hesitated. "I was looking for Harry and Hermione," he said.

George blinked. Was that it? Ron was still very pale and the vein on his temple was still visibly pulsing. "You were having such an awful nightmare just because you thought you've lost sight of them?"

Ron turned to one side, so he would not face George. "I didn't lose sight of them," he said. "I left them. I mean, for real."

"What?" Even without looking at him, Ron could imagine the expression of shock on George's face.

"I left them," he repeated. "During the seventh year. Before Christmas."

George slowly shook his head. Was Ron still dreaming or what? Maybe he was losing it? Maybe George had been losing it so hard that he had not noticed that Ron was losing it, too? "Come on, Ron, go to sleep and stop talking nonsense. You spent the whole year with the two of them, getting us worried to no end, remember?"

Ron snorted. "That's what you think."

Now, he sounded more like the Ron George knew. He really wished that his brother had not added, "I told you, I lost them. I ran away from them. And then, when I wanted to go back, I couldn't find them."

Now, he sounded very, very tired. And guilty. He was serious. George thought for a few seconds, before asking, "Why?"

Again, Ron hesitated. "It was the Horcrux," he said. "It was because of the Horcrux."

The Horcrux? Yes, George remembered something about seven Horcruxes and so on, but he had not really paid attention. It had been too soon after... well, after. He really wanted to know, though. How could anything be strong enough to become a reason for separating Ron from Harry and Hermione?

"How - ?" He did not finish the question, but Ron understood.

"It made me think of some things that I've been... I've been thinking anyway, but it made them harder. Ten times harder. A hundred times. I could not take it anymore, so I left."

"What were those things?" George's curiosity was becoming stronger and stronger.

No answer.

"What things, Ron?"

Still nothing.

"Where did you go?" George asked, when it became clear that Ron would not answer.

"To Shell Cottage. I stayed there for a while. I asked Bill not to tell you."

Bill. Suddenly, George felt something that he could not quite put his finger in. He only knew that it was a strong feeling and that he did not like it at all.

"Finally, I understood how to find Harry and Hermione and left."

"Why Bill?" George asked.

"What?"

"Why Bill? Why didn't you go to the Burrow? Or even come to us?"

Ron laughed. It was not a merry laugh at all. "Because I wanted to keep my skin intact? Come on, George, do you honestly think I would dare to stand in front of you and... and Fred after abandoning them? You would have killed me right there and then."

"We wouldn't have."

"Come again?"

"Well, maybe we would have given you a spanking..." George admitted and grinned, in spite of himself. Ron's body shook silently and George knew that he was laughing, too. "A spanking that you deserved, I must add. But we would have been happy to see you."

"Oh, come on."

"No, really," George insisted. "Do you think that we were happy the whole year, not knowing where you were, not knowing even whether you were still alive? Merlin, I thought I would lose conscience, when Bill Firecalled to warn us to evacuate... he said you've been caught. He missed to mention that you escaped."

Ron whistled. "Wow! That comes to tell us that even Bill isn't faultless. I'd never believe it."

George smiled, although Ron couldn't see it. "Listen," he said awkwardly after a while, "what I said before... I didn't mean it."

Ron's body stiffened. "Yes, you did, but it's okay."

"No, I didn't," George insisted. "What, don't you believe me?"

"No, I don't."

He had not been expecting such a blatant answer. "I said it just like that, without thinking, Ron. I wanted to hurt you. I didn't think, that's all."

"Well, that isn't anything new." But there was no edge in Ron's voice, it just sounded hoarse. George reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Water?" he asked again.

"Yes, please."

George went to the kitchen just in time to see Harry's face appearing into the fireplace. "Hi, Harry," he said. "Something wrong?"

Harry looked slightly concerned. "I just came back to the flat," he said, and George raised an eyebrow.

"Should I warn Mum how her little Ginny spends her nights?" he joked.

Harry didn't smile. "Ron isn't here," he said, "and nobody has seen him. After the meeting with the Death Eaters I'm worried that - "

"Easy," George interrupted him, "Ron is here."

Harry visibly relaxed. "Is he... all right?" he asked. It was obvious for George that Harry did not want to mention about what had happened earlier between Ron and George.

"He isn't in his best shape," George admitted, "but everything is under control."

"Should I come?"

George fell silent for a while and then gave Harry a look that he read exactly for what it meant: he might be your best friend, but he's my brother. Leave him to me. "No need of that, Harry," George said calmly, smiling. "I am already here."

When he returned to the guest room, Ron had turned with his face to the door. He seemed calmer now, although his face was still very pale. He's been like this for months, George suddenly thought and wondered why on earth had he not realized that earlier.

"Here," he said, handing Ron the glass. Ron sniffed it suspiciously.

"There isn't any of your products in it, is there?" he asked.

George grinned. "No, there isn't, but I'd say that anyway."

Ron drained the cup and sighed contentedly.

"Want something else?" George asked.

"Yes," Ron answered and then looked away. "I'd like it, if you stay here until I fall asleep. If I am not bothering you, of course," he added quickly. "Just this time."

George looked at him, his expression unreadable. "No, you're not bothering me," he said. "You're right. I'd like it, too."

He sat on the bed and Ron closed his eyes. Not even a few minutes later, he was back to sleep, this time without nightmares. George watched him, deep in thought about Horcruxes, family relationships and all the possibilities a glass of water could provide for their... his products. Little by little, it started dawning and George changed his position, so his body blocked the sun from shining in Ron's face.

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A. N. Well, that was it. Did you like it? Did you hate it? Just click the nice button for reviewing and make my day.

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