Darkness

Her soft murmurs break the stillness:

(Always leave me. Always.
Alone.
No. No, please. More.)

She moves as though she can feel him beside her, his whispers tickling her ear, his breath hot and sweet on her neck. She turns to him, her movements heavy with sleep, her eyes flickering hesitantly behind closed lids. Her silent pleas resonate from her body into the darkened room, and the air around his face shifts as he smiles. Triumphant. He has won again.

He always wins.

(No, hurts . . . please . . . God . . . no. Don't.
Don't stop.
Don't ever stop)

~
Don't turn away
I pray you've heard
The words I've spoken
~

"Ginny. . . ." his low voice croons, stroking her emotions as those fingers stroke her skin. "Virginia, my precious, my own." His hands wander deliberately over her slight form, fingering the cotton gown, worn sheer with age. White, dulling against the pale of her skin. Beautiful. There will be no blood tonight, to mar the whiteness. No screaming. Tonight, this frozen night, was made simply for claiming what is his: sharp corners and flat planes, a girl not turned a woman, a child with ancient eyes (and whenever he looks into your eyes, Virginia, it is my soul he will see).

Her breath forms a pale cloud in front of her face, shifting, hot and quick in the frigid air. The moonlight catches on the tiny crystals for a moment, illuminating a sphere surrounding her. Her halo. His smile. Both are rare.

(neither?) Pure.

Her breath tangles in her throat, his hand sinking lower, lower. The lips on her collarbone, tracing, feather-light, pause and rise again. Rise, and he watches her. His eyes -his fathomless eyes- rove dark patterns over her face, as he lets his hand rise to her chest, cradling it there in the gentle rise and fall,

rise and fall,

and

fall.

~
Dare to believe
For one last time
And then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
~

She is floating in this dark cloud of indigo mist (look into my eyes, Virginia), swaying softly, ocean waves surrounding her, lifting her, closing around her like a mother's embrace, like a pool of blood. Sensation, and exposure.
Comfort.

Stark.

His touch is everywhere, his heart inside her chest, his voice always in her ear. A dream? A memory? His hands, rough on her thighs, her stomach, are just as she remembers. Beautiful hands, hardened by a reality more shadowed than her own. Her memory has served her well . . . he taught her to remember.

~
Carry me away
I need your strength
To get me through this
Dare to believe
For one last time
And then . . .
~

She knows to remember, but she has forgotten the cold. Forgotten her safeguards. And only he covers her, surrounds her, fills her . . . and she feels her flesh burn under his touch, her ears filled with the singe and her screams and his breath. Her fingers bury themselves deep in the sheets below her, and she rises, arches up to meet him, aching for his searing heat, refining, purifying flames radiating . . . the heat that is not there.

(Always leave me. Always.
Alone.
No. No, please. I need you.)

And she cries, reaching out futilely for anything but this void. Even blackness flees before her grasp, her fingers clutching frantically at nothingness. Her strength, her will, oozes from her (his?) soul, as her hair mattes crimson, wet on her pillow. Wet with the tears she could never hide (foolish child, stop this instant or I shall send you from my presence!) spilling onto the pillow that she can feel again, the pillow she rends as she flails, limbs contorting, as she reaches for his hands, the hands that were never there.

Her body shudders in its exhaustion and lies still, reflecting the moonlight back on itself. And her eyes open: blank, full of confusion, murky with her tears.
With her realization.

And terror.

(Do you fear me, Virginia? Or do you fear what I make you want to do?)

She folds herself around the blanket, once tossed and abandoned at her feet, but its warmth does not comfort her now, and as the moon falls below the horizon, she hears her own voice break as she sobs his name.

(Why, Tom?
Why again?
Never. Never. Why you?)

~
And then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
~