Leaving Forever

Harry, among other things, is one of the best friends I could ever hope for. I could ever have. I value his opinions and I've held his hand through the darkest of his days. So I still can't believe that he's gone. Left.

Forever, the letter had said. I hope I can find him before then. I'm going to read the letter again, just to try and make it seem more real. I found it on my pillow, along with a picture of us two from last week when Colin Creevey got his snap happy phase back.

Dear Hermione,

I'm so sorry I have to do this, but I must. I have to go to a place far away from Hogwarts. Very far away. And I hate to say it but I'm not coming back. I can't, not while Voldemorts still around. I have to make sacrifices. I have to other wise he'll kill everyone. I have to face him soon and I have to face him alone. And stupid as it sounds, I have to face him with only myself to give. I might die, but it doesn't scare me really. It's my destiny in a way, to be the Boy Who Lived I have to die. Ironic, isn't it?

I might survive though. Never give up hope. Look after yourself for me, and give Professor Trelawnly my regards. I think she was right at last, and she should know about it. It's only fair, unlike something's.

My hands are shaking so badly writing this. I feel so awful; having to leave everything I've ever loved, having to leave the only place that I've ever thought of as home. Having to leave you. You're my best friend, ever since Ron went. He abandoned me at one of my lowest of lows - but he had his reasons. I can't blame him really; I'm a huge responsibility. I love you so much. Never forget it, never doubt it.

I love you

Harry.

I'm crying now. I feel awful. I run down to breakfast, clutching the letter in my fist. I see Ron, and suddenly I don't care that he abandoned Harry. Before I've caught up with myself I've got my arms around him and I'm crying into his shoulder.

"What's the matter!" He's totally bewildered. I pull back and I hand him the letter. He reads it and his mouth falls open.

"It's not true." I nod frantically. "It can't be!" Every body's is looking at us now. I'm not surprised really, Ron hasn't talked to me for months and months, and now we're hugging and I'm crying and I've gone to him for comfort. It must look so weird, two best friends and worst enemies re-united by their best friend doing a runner.

"Hermione," Ron pulls away and holds my hands, "where did he go."

"I don't know Ron. I wish I did!" I start sobbing heavily again, the sobs racking my body. Ron kisses my tear stained cheek and pulls me to my feet. He puts an arm around me and together we walk out of the Great Hall. Everybody's staring at us but we don't care.

Ron leads me to Dumbledore's office, and presses the gargoyles nose. It reveals the staircase.

"Bill told me about that one." He tells me as we hop onto the escalator-like staircase. When it reaches Dumbledore's office we run in. Harry and Dumbledore are standing by the window, heads bent in deep conversation. I can't believe my eyes, and before I know what I'm doing my arms have found a mind of their own and are around Harry and I'm crying again. This must be a world record, but I can't think about anything but the fact I have Harry in my arms and a chance to stop him. A chance to change his mind. But before I can, Harry pushes me away and turns towards the window, tears welling up in his eyes.

"No, Hermione. I have to go." He always had that weird ability to be able to know what I was thinking.

"Harry don't go. Voldemort will kill us any way!" he still won't look at me.

"I think me and Mr. Weasley should take a small walk." He takes Ron's arm and steers him out of the room, leaving Harry and me alone. Harry keeps facing the window, face turned impassively away from me until the door closes. As soon as it does, he grabs me again and cries into my shoulder. I'm still crying. We lean against each other and rock slowly on the spot for what seems like hours, but I don't care. I haven't lost him. Yet.

"Harry don't leave me. Please don't leave me." Harry sighs.

"Its something I need to do Herms. I need to go, I need to get myself out. I'm not doing it for myself - if it were my choice then we'd be on our way to Transfiguration." He pulls away from me and starts to twist my hair around his fingers. I swallow, swallowing my fears too. Swallowing my feelings. Wishing. Hoping.

"Harry, I-" My nerve fails. "Never mind."
"No, go on."

"I...I don't think you should go."
"That's obvious. I have to Hermione. Can't you see?"

"No I can't see! And I won't be made to. I need you here Harry Potter."

"I need you too!" the words escape out of his mouth, and it looks unplanned.

"What do you mean by that."

"Nothing. You're my best friend. Of course I need you." I look away, disappointed. Our chance has been and gone. But I want to salvage something.

"Harry I l-" too late. Ron and Dumbledore had come back in. There's an awkward moment.

"I'm sorry mate." Ron's words hang limply in the air. Harry ignores them, wafting them away. Ron looks away disappointed. Furious at Harry, I take his hand and drag him out of the office. Dumbledore can see the look on my face - and famous wizard though he is, he knows not how to deal with a furious female. I slam the door behind us and turn to Harry, seething.

"He's trying to make it up with you Harry, and all you can do is ignore him?" Harry didn't look me in the eyes.

"He hurt me Hermione. He abandoned me when I needed him most."

"And now he's trying to make up for it! Only your to stupid to see that aren't you!"

Harry looked up at me, his eyes glittering. The breath catches in my throat. He takes my hands and traces circles on my palms.

"Hermione, I've been meaning to say this for so long now. I lo-" I put a hand over his mouth. Harry shrugs it off and gives me a weird look. But he can't say it where anybody else may hear. I can't have my private life for the whole of Hogwarts to know.

Dumbledore came out of his office, complete with a broomstick.

"Come on Harry," he says gently, "it's time." Harry nods, and follows Dumbledore. I follow them and I hear footsteps behind me - a sure sign Ron's following me. We process out into the grounds. Dumbledore hands Harry his Firebolt, and gives him a goodbye hug. This is all so final. I hate it. Harry makes peace with Ron, clearing the air before he leaves. I hang back, I can't bring myself to say goodbye. Dumbledore looks as though he's finding it hard to deal with, and walks back towards the castle. Leaving me and Ron and Harry alone. Our relationship is back where it started. Three friends, meeting for the first time, although this time, it's the last time we'll all be together. I'm still crying from the talk Harry and me had in Dumbledore's office. He hugs me tight, and I breathe deeply, trying desperately to enjoy these last few moments with him. Harry whispers in my ear.

"I love you."

"I love you too Harry."

"No not like that. I love you, I'd give my life for you. I am giving my life for your protection. For everyone's protection." I'm stunned. He said it, he admitted he loves me.

"I love you too, like that Harry." Veiling ourselves from Ron we kiss once. Beginning and ending something so special in a split second. Harry releases me and climbs onto his broom. The impact of it all hits me. Harry's going, and he isn't coming back. Harry pushes off the ground. I scream as hard as I can and run towards him. Ron catches my waist and holds me back. I'm both glad for him doing it and angry at him for doing it at the same time. Harry's nearly gone now, and I scream again in complete desperation. Ron holds my waist ever tighter. Harry fades away from sight, and I collapse onto Ron, beating my fists against his chest.

"Why? Why? Why did he have to go?"

"He'll be back for you Hermione. He'll never leave you. Not now, not ever." Ron's words are true, but I want him now. I collapse onto the floor, the weight of this all too much for me. Ron hugs me from behind, on the floor next to me. The sobs come harder than ever, the intake of breath beginning to hurt. I want to re-live those moments in my mind so I don't have to go through every day wondering where he is, wondering if he's alive. I don't have to listen to Malfoy's teasing words, I don't have to believe the fake news that Harry died. But I do.