Questions

Chapter 9: Findings

It took a couple of minutes for the shock to wear off. When Rose shook off her daze, she felt panic rise in her. She quickly ran down the winding path, looking all over for Scorpius. After running down the entire path, down every street in Hogsmeade, and into each store, Rose ascertained one thing: Scorpius could book it.

The sun began to set as she sprinted back onto the Hogwarts grounds. She desperately searched everywhere. She started near the lake, went to the Quidditch pitch, searched the locker rooms, and even ventured a few steps into the Forbidden Forest. After another two hours of searching, she still couldn't find him.

She ran up to the castle. She checked the courtyard, and only saw people looking oddly at her frantic behavior. She rushed into the castle and checked the Great Hall--no Scorpius. She dashed to the library and checked their table and around each tome--no Scorpius.

She then went to the Ravenclaw common room. He wasn't against his secluded wall or in any other seat in the round room. She hurried over to Jonathan Harold and asked him to check their dorm room (threatening bodily harm if he dared to lie to her), but he came back with a negative report.

It was now past midnight. She was in the hallways of Hogwarts, skirting around prefects and an old caretaker. She was tired from running around most of the day and hungry because she skipped dinner, but continued with the urgent need to find Scorpius. She had started on the very top floor of Hogwarts and worked her way down. She was now on the first floor, searching each classroom she passed. After the twelfth classroom without so much as a speck of blonde hair, she sat down, distracted, on a step and placed her head in her hands.

She had to find him. She remembered the past two days of not talking or having any sort of contact with Scorpius. She hated it. She needed to talk to him and sort everything out so that the miserable feeling in the pit of her stomach would go away.

She sighed and leaned back, expecting to find a wall to rest her head on. She quickly stilled when she realized, with a jolt, that she wasn't stopping. She looked behind her and saw a stairway. A stairway leading to....

Rose smacked herself in the forehead. "Rose, you are the stupidest Ravenclaw to ever attend this school," she berated herself as she dashed up the Astronomy tower stairs.

She burst through the door, frantically searched the room, and found what she had been trying to find for the past eight hours. Scorpius was sitting against a wall with his head in his knees, which were pulled up to his chest.

Rose took a deep, relieved breath and slowly walked over to Scorpius. She knelt down in front of him when she reached him and stayed there, silent. Finally, after a few very long quiet moments, Scorpius raised his head just enough so that she could see his eyes.

"I want to go back to the way things were," Scorpius murmured. He was taking short breaths and his voice was very shaky.

Rose widened her eyes slightly at his proclamation. "Scorpius--"

"I just... I'm sorry, Rose, but I can't do this with you. I can't... I just..." Scorpius eyes were frenzied, looking all over, but not again into Rose's own eyes.

Rose tilted her head to the side. "Why?" she asked simply.

Scorpius stood up quickly and began to pace. "I just can't, Rose!" he yelled, pulling his hands through his hair.

Rose sat down on the floor, crossed her legs, and watched him pace. She asked calmly, "Why?"

"Why!" Scorpius hollered. He rubbed his hands on his face roughly. "You keep asking why! For the last year you've asked me why! Do you really want to know why, Rose?" he asked, glaring at her.

Rose remained calm. "Yes."

Scorpius took a few short breaths before he continued pacing. "Because I'm hated."

Rose gasped. "Scorpius, no you're--"

"Stop," he said in a deathly quiet tone. He knelt down in front of her before continuing. "You've asked me why my father didn't come find me after I tried to fly to Pegasus. It's because I'm hated, Rose." Scorpius shook his head before he began pacing again. "My father was a big playboy after he left Hogwarts. He loved being with a different woman every week. He had a little book full of at least a hundred names of women he had slept with once and then ditched. He was proud of his life. One of these women was Astoria Greengrass." Scorpius balled his fists as he continued. "With her, however, his contraception spell didn't work well enough, and I was conceived. When her father found out, he was furious." Scorpius stopped pacing, leaned against a wall, and closed his eyes. "My mother had a very promising future--she was very highly ranked in her class in Hogwarts and was an up-and-comer in the Ministry. My grandfather went to Lucius Malfoy, who was never very fond of his son's lifestyle. They ganged together and forced my parents get married," Scorpius seethed.

"Scorpius," Rose began, but stopped when she received and irritated glare from him. She looked down at the ground as he continued.

"My father hated being attached to anyone for too long, and then he had to be married to a women he hardly knew. He resented his wife from the moment she became so," he bristled as he began pacing again. "He never physically abused my mother, but he was so mean to her that she began to believe everything nasty thing he said--that she was ugly, wasn't talented, a good-for-nothing witch. Her confidence in herself disappeared with every day they were married. And then I was born. And believe me, he's never missed an opportunity to tell me how much my existence has ruined his life."

Rose felt her heart breaking as she watched him pace and run his hands through his hair.

"My father didn't want to come find me because he didn't want me to come back, Rose. He'd be perfectly content childless. Then he could dump my poor grieving mother and go back to his life of being a man whore," Scorpius laughed maliciously. "I'm sure the night I was gone was the happiest night of his married life."

"Scorpius, stop," Rose hissed.

"Stop what, Rose?" he stopped pacing and stared at her. "Stop telling you the truth? This is my life! This is what I have to deal with when I go home! This is why I have been home a total of fifteen months in the past six years, and it wouldn't have been that much if I could have stayed somewhere else in the summers!" Scorpius stopped yelling and took several deep breaths. "Everyone that I've ever loved has either hated or resented me. And I won't let that happen again." He finished his rant and looked down at Rose. "This is why I can't be with you, Rose. I want everything to go back to the way it was, just like you said we could. I want us to be friends and laugh together and do homework together and all those things we did before today."

Scorpius looked at Rose with pleading eyes. She had always wondered why he was so sad, but nothing could prepare her for this caliber of anguish he felt every day. She knew that he needed things to go back so he could have a semblance of normalcy in his life.

But if she said things could go back to normal, she would be lying, and she wasn't going to do that to him.

"I can't go back," she whispered, tears in her eyes.

Rose looked at Scorpius. He was staring at her, his lips pursed and his eyes wide. He took several deep breaths and balled and released his fists. Then, without a word, he began to walk towards the stairs leading out of the Astronomy tower.

"No," Rose rasped. Tears flooded her eyes as she watched him walk away. Visions of the first five years of schooling and the past two days popped in her head. The silence between them during those times was unbearable. She was not going to lose him again! She jumped to her feet and as fast as she could, ran to Scorpius and wrapped her arms around him, her chest to his back.

Scorpius stopped walking as soon as she made contact and Rose could feel his entire body tense up. He was taking short deep breaths, attempting to calm himself.

After a few minutes of nearness and silence, Scorpius breathed, "I don't want to be hated by you."

"I could never hate you, Scorpius," Rose spoke softly into his back.

"You don't know that," Scorpius hissed as he walked out of Rose's grasp and turned to look at her. "You don't know what our futures hold. You mean too much to me, Rose. I won't get hurt by someone else I care about."

"I won't hurt you," Rose began.

"You can't promise me that!" he suddenly yelled. He opened and closed his mouth several times, only unintelligible sounds escaping. She could tell he wanted to holler, to scream at her, to let out his frustration, but instead he just shook his head and turned around to walk away again.

He was walking out of her life.

Rose thought frantically. She needed to stop him. She needed to reassure him...

"I'll always come and find you!" she yelled to his retreating back. Scorpius stopped abruptly and froze. Rose walked around him so she could block the doorway. When she turned to look at him, she saw that his eyes were closed tightly, his jaw was clenched, and his breathing very uneven. Rose took a few steps closer and continued with a shaky voice. "You're right, I can't promise that I won't hurt you. But no matter how bad of a fight we get in, or how angry we are with each other, and no matter the distance, I will always come and find you. That, I can promise you."

Scorpius let out a puff of air and Rose saw a single tear slide down his face. Rose became short of breath and she felt her heart swell because of the beautiful man that was standing in front of her. She immediately stepped forward, wrapped her arms around him, and hugged him as tightly as she could. She lost her breath completely when a few seconds later she felt his arms wrap around her as well. She leaned her head against her shoulder and he laid his on top of hers. They stood like this for what seemed like an endless amount of time, Rose squeezing while Scorpius tried to regulate his uneven breathing.

Scorpius finally took a deep breath when his emotions were under control. He lifted his head from hers, and she looked up to see him smiling. She smiled back as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Thank you," he whispered, his eyes closed.

Rose lifted her hand and ran it along his smooth cheek. "The pleasure is entirely--" She was cut short by his lips falling onto hers.

Rose's eyes widened in shocked, and then slowly closed. She felt pure and complete bliss. It was like lightning was striking her mouth as they moved their lips together. Rose grabbed a fistful of Scorpius' robes and pulled him as close as she could. She felt him wrap his hands around her waist and kissed her more deeply.

Rose broke the kiss when she felt like she was going to faint from lack of oxygen. She kept her eyes closed and took quick breaths. She felt Scorpius' forehead against hers again, his breath reaching her lips each time he exhaled.

"Thank you," Rose gasped.

Scorpius laughed, "Your gratitude is unnecessary, but welcome."

Rose smiled and laughed with him before kissing him and feeling bliss once again.