Near You Always

Near you always

Chapter Two

It was the end of the Halloween feast but before anyone could get up to leave Peeves the Poltergeist flew into the great hall and over to Sirius and he chuckled as he took a red leather bound book from inside his robes and threw it to Peeves.

"Read the entry from this morning, Peeves," Sirius instructed loudly enough for everyone to hear.

"Ahem. October 31, 1975." Peeves began. "As I look across the table, I notice the gleam in his cold, dark eyes,"

Raven recognized the entry as her own and screeched, "Don't you DARE!!"

Peeves cackled and continued. "Why does he steal my heart?" He read in a mocking voice. "Mother always told me I was the strong one but whenever I look at Severus, my knees turn to Jell-o."

The Great Hall erupted in laughter. Raven turned to look at Severus who was going crimson red and glared angrily. She didn't notice his gaze was not fixed on her and tears sprung to her eyes.

"Wait! There's more!" Peeves bellowed. "I can't help but feel vulnerable towards him, I would do anything he asked me to." Peeves again took on a mocking tone and said, "Oh why can't I tell him how I feel!"

At this line, Raven could no longer bear the humiliation and she fled from the great hall sobbing. Severus was furious. He stalked over to Sirius, pulled out his wand, and shouted at the top of his lungs, Petrificus Totalus and Sirius fell to the ground, petrified. Severus looked down at Sirius' unmoving body and said with a sneer, "That'll teach you to mess with a fellow Slytherin!" He then turned and fled the great hall in search of Raven.

Severus decided that the first place he was to look was the Slytherin's common room. He said the password and the wall slid open. She was close. He could hear her crying. He spotted her curled up on the floor in front of the fireplace. Tears were streaming down her face. She held her diary in her hands, ripping out pages one at a time and throwing them into the fireplace. He heard another page being torn from the book.

"Ouch! Goddamn it!" he heard her say. Taking another step towards her, he saw that she had cut her hand on the page. The wound was beginning to bleed and all Raven felt capable of doing was crying.

Severus could bear this sight no longer. He strode over toward her and sat down beside her. He pulled a green handkerchief from his robes and reached out for her hand. She pulled back and blinked, not sure how to react.

"Give me your hand," he said gently, and she obeyed. They sat in silence for a few moments and her sobs had finally begun to subside.

"There, it stopped bleeding," Severus said, finally breaking the silence. She smiled up at him gratefully but refused to look him in the eyes.

"Raven…" he began.

"I'm so sorry," she sobbed, fresh tears springing into her hazel eyes. "Had I known someone would have stolen my diary I never would have…"

Severus smiled at her and lifted her chin so she would meet his gaze.

"I'm not angry with you," he said in just above a whisper, "I am actually quite flattered."

"You…you are?" Raven sniffed.

He nodded and smiled again and then reached down and wiped the tears from her face. She stood up to leave and Severus realized that he didn't want her to go. Before he realized what he was doing he reached out and grabbed her arm. His face showed almost no emotion but his eyes said everything. They seemed to say please don't leave me here standing all alone. When Raven saw that look in his eyes she realized how alike she and Severus were.

Impulsively, she turned, stood on her toes and kissed him. She was quite surprised to find that not only was he kissing her back but he was holding her too. When their kiss finally ended Severus led Raven over to the fireplace. They curled up on the floor, Raven in his lap, unaware of the world around them.

The night seemed to fly by. Severus and Raven stayed curled up on the floor together until Narcissa gently shook them.

"You two had better get to your rooms," she whispered. Raven blinked sleepily and said good night to Severus.

"Good night," he said, and he turned to go to his room. When he entered he was greeted by applause and congratulations. Severus said nothing and went straight to bed.

The next morning he was ushered into Professor Maverick's office to discuss the events of the past evening. Severus had never been in trouble and was prepared for the worst.

"I personally do not feel that punishment is in order," the head of Slytherin began, "but the others feel that I should do something."

Severus took a deep breath. "Sir," he began, "Sirius has been picking on Raven since day one. I felt it was my duty to defend her. Stealing her diary and having it read out loud is, if you excuse me sir, inexcusable."

"Severus, I am taking fifty points from Slytherin," professor Maverick informed him with a sigh, "and don't do that again. At least," he paused, "not where any faculty members can see you."

"Yes sir," Severus nodded. He left Professor Maverick's office and headed to the Great Hall for breakfast.

He wondered what kind of greeting he would get from Sirius and his band of merry men. As he approached the Great Hall he noticed Raven standing in the doorway.

"Looking for an escort?" he mused. She jumped, startled, and turned bright red.

"W-Well I," she began and she looked down at her shoes. Snape looked over her shoulder to see that Remus Lupin, James Potter, and Sirius Black were all standing up, their backs to the doorway.

"I won't let them hurt you anymore," he told her. He held out his arm and gratefully she took it and together they entered the Great Hall.

The room filled with excited whispers when they entered. Severus felt Raven tighten her grip on his arm and smiled at her. When they reached the Slytherin table Sirius Black strode toward them, eyes blazing.

Chapter Three

As Sirius approached Raven hid behind Severus. He realized that she was afraid so he stepped protectively in front of her to make it look as if he were merely protecting her.

"What is it?" Severus demanded as soon as Sirius reached them.

"If you ever," Sirius began, his blue-gray eyes as cold as ice. "If you ever do that again I'll…"

"You'll what?" Severus asked rather annoyed. "Lie there until James decides to un-petrify you?"

Raven realized that there was nothing Sirius could do to her and stepped out from behind her protector. She stood tall and looked Sirius in the eyes. Her fear had turned to anger.

"You needed to be put in your place," Severus began.

"And to be taught a lesson," Raven added. Sirius glared at her as she did him. "That'll teach you to read things that don't belong to you." She concluded. Severus was impressed. She was so much smaller than Sirius he was surprised that she was acting so brave. Don't let them see how scared I really am. She thought to herself. She needed them to think she could handle herself.

"I think it's terrible that you had to sink so low to get to her," Severus said to Sirius. "I think it would do you good to leave my girlfriend alone from now on." He concluded, putting one arm around Raven's thin waist. She was caught off guard and looked at him with surprise. Girlfriend? She thought. When did that happen? She looked past Sirius to see the rest of the Marauders coming toward them now, all with looks of anger in their eyes.

"Looks like we've got company," Raven commented.

"Not so hot now are you little one?" Sirius teased.

"I am not afraid," She said to him, looking him in the eyes. Sirius was surprised by this simple act and looked back to Severus. The rest of his group joined him and it was now five against two and that didn't seem very fair. Luckily Professor Maverick strolled into the great hall and over to the group.

"Is there a problem?" he inquired.

"No," Raven said, "These Gryffindors were just apologizing for their rude behavior from yesterday sir," she said, a wicked smile on her innocent face.

"He was?" Remus Lupin said from behind them.

"Yes…Yes I was," Sirius jumped in realizing the spot that Raven had put him in.

"Well let's here it then," said Professor Maverick and he stood patiently waiting for Sirius' apology.

"Raven," he forced himself to say, "Sna…err…I mean Severus," he continued, gritting his teeth, "I'm sorry for yesterday."

"And it won't happen again?" Severus pushed.

"No, it won't," Sirius said slowly with anger rising in his throat.

"There! All settled, now go back to your tables," the professor instructed.

"Yes sir," they mumbled in unison and retreated to their tables.

***

Severus blinked and sat up. His head hurt terribly and he couldn't quite remember where he was. As his eyes began to focus he realized that he was in the dungeons. He then remembered what he was doing and shakily got to his feet to check the sleeping draught he had been brewing. Alas, it had brewed too long and was useless. He decided that he would leave the mess for tomorrow and he turned to return to bed. He wished that he didn't have to go through this every night. I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since she died. He reminded himself. She'd still be alive had you listened to her! The voice in the back of his head told him. It was starting again. The guilt. He blamed himself for her death. He blamed himself for not marrying her sooner. He blamed himself for everything. Had he not been so proud he, had he trusted her, that fateful night wouldn't have happened. It was obvious that sleep would be the last thing Severus got tonight.

He returned to his quarters, locking the door behind him, and walking across the room to his desk. He opened the bottom drawer and pulled out an old and worn photo album. That's right Severus, he told himself, as if you didn't feel guilty enough, go back and look at pictures of her. He shook his head. The pictures and memories were all he had left. Sometimes he wished he could make them go away, while other times he held them so close to him. He wondered if the pain would ever go away.

He sat on his bed, back resting against the headboard, and opened the book. Dozens of memories came flooding back all at once and he had to blink to hold back the tears. He would not cry this time. He would look at her pictures and remember when they were happy. Then he may be able to get some sleep. The first picture was of her getting on an airplane to fly to America. Her mother had moved there some time ago and was sick. He remembered that day so well. He regretted the decision he had made.

Chapter 4:

***

It had been two weeks after Severus had become an official death eater. He had unknowingly begun to push Raven away. He didn't want her to find out what he was now a part of. He didn't realize how strongly she felt for him or him for her until he almost lost her. She had asked him to come visit her at her home because she had something important to talk to him about.

"Severus, I have to go home," Raven hesitated. "My mother…well, she's sick. She may die any day and she wants me to be there."

"And?" Severus had said unconcerned.

"And I…I want you to come with me," she said looking at her feet. She had noticed that Severus had become quite distant and she was worried about him. He didn't seem to care if she left or not.

"Come with you? To America? Are you serious?" he asked somewhat annoyed.

"Am I serious?" She repeated obviously hurt. "Of course I'm serious."

"So you expect me to drop everything I'm doing just to come to America with you to care for your Muggle mother?" he demanded angrily.

"Why are you acting like this? What have I done to you?" She questioned tears forming in her eyes. "Why have you been acting so strangely? Are you angry with me? What have I done?"

He looked at her uncaringly. He didn't realize how much he was hurting her.

"Severus I…I love you, I want you to come with me…" She stopped realizing her words were not reaching him.

He looked at her in shock. She loved him? She had never before uttered those three precious words. He was about to apologize, to tell her that he loved her back when the mark on his arm began to tingle.

"I don't have time for this!" He snapped at her brushing past her to leave. "Good bye Raven, have fun taking care of your mother."

He left her standing in the middle of her living room stunned, hurt, and confused. He didn't hear from her again until the day she left. He felt badly about their last meeting and requested that she let him take her to the airport. She barely spoke two words to him as they drove toward the airport. He caught her looking at him a few times, but still she said nothing. When they pulled into the parking lot he realized that she was crying. She was crying silently so as not to make a sound. His heart wretched. What had he done to her? Why was he being so evil? It was the mark. He had placed being accepted by dark wizards because of the evils he would do before acceptance from the one person who loved him for who he really was.

"Raven," he began slowly, "I'm sorry about the way I've been acting, I've just been…" he didn't get to finish. She had raised her tear filled eyes to meet his and whispered, "You're one of them aren't you? You're following him, aren't you?"

He looked at her with shock and disbelief. How did she know? His silence was her answer. She gently reached over and took his left hand pulling up the sleeve to reveal the dark mark. She closed her eyes in pain.

"How could you?" she whispered. "You would rather be feared than loved? I wasn't good enough for you,"

Before he could object she got out of his car and started to walk away. He realized that she was walking away and if he didn't do something he would lose her forever. He too jumped out of the car and ran to catch her. He ran as fast as he could finally cutting her off at the end of the parking lot. He gently grasped her shoulders forcing her to look at him. He could tell that she was holding back tears.

"I'm sorry…" was all she let him say.

"Sorry? Sorry? You become a part of a group that hates Muggle born and Muggles and anyone that does what's right and all you can say is you're sorry?" She was furious and devastated and confused. "I love you so much," she continued tears starting to fall from her eyes, "and you join the one group that would kill me in an instant. Did you care for me at all? Or was I just a good way to occupy your time and maybe your first kill?"

He was shocked. She was right. He didn't know what to say so he hung his head in shame. What should he say? Finally finding his voice he said, "Raven, I do care about you, it's just…"

"Just what!" She snapped. "Just that having someone pour her heart and soul into you isn't good enough?"

"No," he croaked, tears forming in his own eyes.

"I've got to go," She informed him. She handed him a piece of parchment with something scribbled on it. "This is my address in America. If you care at all, you can write me."

With a trembling hand, he took the piece of parchment from her hand. She turned to go once more and he remembered that he had the camera with him.

"Wait!" he called. She turned to him and said nothing, waiting for him to continue. "I brought a camera, I would like a picture…if you don't mind." Her hard expression softened, she nodded in agreement and Severus ran to get the camera. When he returned she turned and smiled at him from the stairs. He took the picture. She smiled faintly at him and turned to ascend the stairs to the plane.

"Wait!" he called again, she again turned and looked at him. I can't let her leave like this. I have to fix this. He found himself thinking. Without hesitation he ran up the stairs to where she was standing and wrapped his arms around her. She stood there, shocked, unsure of what to do. Finally after what seemed to be an eternity, she hugged him back.

"I have to go," she whispered.

"Don't go, stay with me," he begged.

"Mother needs me," she told him, "I've got to go."

"What can I do to make this up to you?" he asked. "I don't want to lose you." She looked him in the eyes, searching to be sure that he meant what he was saying. "Leave the group Severus," she told him. "Stand against him. Be strong."

He nodded and she kissed him lightly on the lips. "Write me lots of letters," She said tears in her eyes again. "When I come back, we can talk."

He nodded. "I'll write you as much as I can. I'll not go back to the meetings. I'll fix this. I'll make it right." She nodded in approval. "I love you Raven," he said suddenly and she stepped back, surprised. "But you don't love me anymore do you?" he asked timidly. She leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "I love you now, and I'll love you always, but the decisions you make while I'm gone will determine if anything will ever come of it." And with that she was gone.

***

Severus shook his head and turned the page of the album. He still had each letter she had sent him, and he remembered how he would reread them constantly. Their relationship grew more and more with each letter. He turned the page to the next picture and found himself smiling. It was the day she had returned from America.

Chapter 5:

***

Her mother had died a month before and she had told him in a letter that she missed the magical world. Would he meet her at the airport? He was so nervous that he could barely sit in the car to drive. Why had she insisted that he travel the Muggle way? He couldn't wait to tell her the good news! When she got off the plane he nearly knocked her to the ground in attempts to give her a hug. She smiled at him and went instinctively to his left arm. The mark was still there.

"I can't make that go away," He told her noticing her tense reaction to the mark. "But I can prove that I'm no longer on Voldemort's side." He told her.

"How?" she asked suspiciously.

"Come to Hogwarts with me," he began. After a little persuasion she agreed and they got in the car. She began to panic when she realized that they were on their way to Severus' home.

"You said Hogwarts, not home," she said, quite afraid.

"We can't go to Hogwarts in this thing," he told her. The look of fear in her eyes made him feel as if she didn't trust him.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Raven. I promise."

When they reached Severus' home Raven noticed a "for sale" sign on the lawn. "You're moving?" she inquired.

"Everything will come together when we get to Hogwarts," he told her. They went into the house and Severus grabbed his broom. "Do you trust me?" he asked. Without realizing it, she nodded. He grabbed her hand excitedly and nearly drug her back outside. He mounted his broom and she climbed on behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him. I feel so safe. She said to herself. Somehow she knew that he had changed and that everything would be okay. They flew through the air in silence. Before she knew it she saw the familiar silhouette of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry. "Why are we coming back to school?" she asked him.

"You'll see," was his cryptic reply.

When they landed a strangely familiar face greeted Severus.

"Professor Dumbledore?" Raven said in shock.

"Raven! So nice to see you again!" He said to her as he hugged her. She was very confused. "What's going on?" she asked.

"I think explanations are best left until we get inside, don't you?" Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. Raven and Severus followed him to his office. On the way a few Slytherin students passed them.

"Afternoon, Professor Snape," they said to him. Raven looked at him and smiled.

"Professor Snape?" she asked.

"That was my surprise and the proof." He said to her. "I'm head of Slytherin house and the Potions Master." She wrapped him in a hug.

"I knew I could trust you!" she exclaimed and before she realized what she was doing she kissed him.

The next few weeks flew by. Severus spent as much time as he could with Raven and they became closer than ever. He asked her to marry him on Christmas day. She was overwhelmed with happiness and agreed almost instantly. The decided to marry next year, in December.

***

Severus flipped through the rest of the photo album without thinking. The wedding had been small and quick and his relationship with Raven was perfect. The memory of her was very strong in his mind. He wished he could sleep. Should he try? Yes, despite the fact that tomorrow was Saturday he still needed to sleep as much as possible. He got up from the bed and walked back to his desk where he lovingly placed the photo album back in the drawer. He slid it shut silently and trudged back over to his bed. For a moment he thought of attempting another sleeping draught but he decided against it. He slid under the covers and snuggled down. He closed his eyes and almost instantly fell asleep. Unfortunately he would relive the one night he wanted desperately to forget.

Chapter 6:

***

In order to keep Voldemort from realizing that he no longer wanted to be a death eater Severus took on a very dangerous job as a spy. He went to every meeting and was getting closer and closer to the dark lord himself. He passed valuable information to the others that were fighting against Voldemort and before he knew it he was in the innermost circle of the group. Each time he went out Raven would sit at home and pace nervously until he returned. They rotated between living in Hogwarts and a small house on the outskirts of the dark forest. Severus felt that it would look too suspicious if he were always at the school. When at Hogwarts he and Raven shared his living quarters. She had decorated both homes accordingly and no matter which place they were in he felt like that was where he belonged. On the night of their first wedding anniversary, Severus was to be introduced to Voldemort and he was rather excited. If this went as planned he would be privy to all of Voldemort's plans and secrets.

"Severus don't go," Raven begged. "Something's not right, I know it."

Severus looked at her slightly annoyed. "I have to go, this is my chance. I need to be introduced to him," he said this slowly and precisely as if he were speaking to a child. "We may be able to find out how to stop him for good if I get close enough."

"This isn't right…you haven't been one of his children long enough…he knows Severus," Raven was on the verge of tears, "I don't want you to get hurt."

He looked at her and his expression softened. Her face was a mask of worries and fears. "I don't want anything to happen to you, please, don't go."

Severus became annoyed. Why did she have to chose tonight of all nights to try to stop him from going to one of their meetings? Yes she always protested but never this vehemently. What did she know that he didn't? "Raven," he snapped, "I'm going and that's final."

She looked at him shocked. "Fine, go." She said, her eyes filling with tears, "please be careful." With that she went into their bedroom and softly shut the door. He could hear her quiet sobs float into the living room. He had almost decided not to go when the mark on his arm began to tingle and burn. Damn! He thought to himself. He went into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Raven," he said softly, "I love you and I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise I'll be alright." When she didn't reply he realized that she had cried herself to sleep. She cries herself to sleep all the time now. He thought to himself. He decided that this would be the last meeting he would attend. He wasn't going to lose his wife trying to find out what Voldemort was up to. He gave her a soft kiss on her lips and left the house to go to the meeting.

No sooner had he left the house than a dark figure appeared before the door. Lord Voldemort had discovered that Severus was a traitor and that he needed to be taught a lesson. What a better way then to show him what he was capable of. He pulled out his wand and whispered a spell to unlock the door. He walked toward the bedroom where Raven lie sleeping unaware of what was about to happen to her.

Severus has just reached Hogsmeade as this was taking place. He looked around nervously, where was the dark lord? He jumped when a cold hand grabbed his shoulder.

"Nervous?" Lucius Malfoy asked.

"As nervous as can be expected." Severus replied as calmly as possible. "Where is everyone?"

"Oh they are out doing his work," Lucius explained.

Something's not right with this. Severus thought to himself. As if he had heard him Lucius looked Severus in the eyes and said "We have the traitor." He snapped his fingers and two people appeared behind him and grabbed his arms. She was right! This was a set up! He thought to himself. Lucius smiled. "You are a traitor," he began, "and shall be treated as such."

"What are you going to do to me?" Severus asked without fear.

"Nothing's going to happen to you," he informed him, "but I hope you said good bye to that pretty little wife of yours." When those words were spoken Severus realized that he wouldn't see Raven alive again.

Raven sat up in bed, she had heard the door open but the chill in the air told her it was not Severus. "Hello?" she called timidly from the bedroom.

"Hello," Voldemort replied.

Raven gasped. What was he doing here? And where was Severus? These questions spun through her mind as he stood there staring at her.

"Your husband is a traitor to me my lady," Voldemort said to her in a cold and almost silent voice. "His penalty shall be to lose something dear to him."

Raven sat and looked at Voldemort realizing that he was about to kill her. He pointed his wand at her and said, "This is going to hurt, I want him to hear you scream as he runs to try to save you. He'll be too late, I guarantee it." Raven braced herself for the pain but it was nothing like she expected. It felt as if hundreds scarabs had been released on her body and they were slowly eating away at her. She shrieked in pain and Voldemort laughed gleefully and struck her for the second time.

Severus heard her screams as he ran. It had taken almost all of his strength to get out of Lucius Malfoy's grasp but he knew that he had to get home right away. He had to save Raven. Her screams had begun to subside and he wondered if the worst was over. As if his thoughts were known a fresh batch of screams rang through the air. He wasn't far from the house now. Suddenly everything got quiet. It was an eerie silence and he knew that she was dead. By the time he reached her, she seemed to be nothing more than a small bundle on the bed. Her skin was as white as marble, her lips blue. Her eyes were still open and the expression of terror and pain that was frozen on her face was more than he could stand. He ran over to the bed and cradled her seemingly lifeless body in his arms crying hysterically.

"Seve…Severus," she managed to gasp. When he heard this faint whisper it brought hope to his eyes. Could he save her? "I…I'm goi…going to di…die," she gasped again. He began to cry and looked down at her.

"Raven, oh god what have I done to you?" Severus sobbed.

"I…I love…y…" before the last syllable could be uttered she was dead. Her eyes closed softly and the last breath she had in her body left and in an instant she was dead.

"Raven?" he gently shook her body in vain. "Raven?" he was alone again. He sat and rocked her lifeless body back and forth as if she were just asleep, sobbing for hours. Only when Dumbledore appeared in the room early the next morning did this stop. She was buried on the ground of Hogwarts underneath a cherry blossom tree. The flowers turned from pure white to blood red. Severus would sit under the tree for hours crying. He had lost her because of his pride.

"I shall never love again," he vowed.

Chapter 7:

***

Severus…he heard a voice say. He sat up and shook his head. He had dreamt about that night but why was he still hearing her voice? Severus? He heard again. He got out of bed and followed the sound to the balcony. When he looked down he had to blink and look again. Am I going mad? He thought to himself. There stood Raven underneath the cherry blossom tree, calling to him. As if in a dream, he waved and called back to her. She looked up at him and smiled. Severus come down here…sit with me, I've missed you. He was confused. He turned to go back to his room thinking that maybe he was having a dream within a dream. His breath caught in his throat when he noticed that he was still in bed. He walked over to his body and realized that there was no life left in it.

Severus? He whirled around to face the voice. It was Raven and she looked the same now as she did before her death. Her hair was a black as a raven's wing, her hazel eyes looked so alive.

"Am I dead?" he found himself asking.

"Nearly," Raven told him. "My love, do you really want death that badly?"

He nodded, "I miss you,"

She smiled at him and he knew she understood. "Then come with me," she said to him, "we can be together again. If you're sure this is what you want."

Severus looked around the room and thought about it. One question plagued him. "Why am I so close to death?" he asked her.

"You hit your head in the dungeon. You have a concussion. You're not holding on." Raven told him. Again he looked around at the room, but when his gaze returned to her he realized that he would rather die and be with her now than live without her.

"As you wish," she said as she took his hand.

The next morning Severus Snape was found dead in his bed. He died as Raven had told him, because of the concussion he had when he went back to bed that night. A look of happiness and peace was on his face and, everyone that saw it, knew that he had found Raven.