Framboise et Coquelicot

CHAPTER 5

: Getting closer to fine

Lily was awoken by something wet and rough. It took her a minute to realise it was Cléobulle licking her face. She blinked several times before sitting up on her bed, and looking around, she saw that she was alone. The declining sun was pouring its last beams through the high window and the room was bathed in a golden hue. A glance at her bedside table told her that it was six o´clock and that, true to her word, Marian had brought a plate full of goodies. She reached for it, and frowned when she saw that a couple of raspberry jam sandwiches were already nibbled at. Lily threw an accusing glance at Cléobulle who was currently sharpening his claws on the bed coverlet, looking hungrily at the plate resting on Lily´s lap.

"You little devil!" Lily exclaimed. "As if you weren´t fat enough as it is!"

Cléobulle just purred and decided that indeed he wasn´t fat enough, and that he needed to get himself another of those little sandwiches.

Lily was about to put the plate out of Cléobulle´s reach when she noticed there was something glittering on the bed where her cat had previously been laying. Discarding the plate to the great delight of Cléobulle, she reached for the shiny object. It was a small gold pendant on a thin golden chain.

As she looked at the pendant more closely, Lily noticed that it was cut in the shape of a lion with a raised front paw. Its tiny eyes were the same emerald green as hers and seemed to be alive.

It could only belong to James.

James...

Lily sighed. She couldn´t believe she had lost her composure like that in front of him. What had happened when he first entered the room was now a bit hazy, but she could remember throwing herself at him quite vividly. What must he think of her now?

Should she tell him that he had seemed like the only person she could trust? Should she tell him that she, in fact, was nothing without him and his friendship? She had only realised it when she was faced with the possibility of losing him. In a flash she had remembered all that they had done together, especially during their fifth year. He had always been there for her, to tease her, help her or comfort her, depending on the situation.

She had been badly shaken by their rift last year, but she realised now how important he was to her. And she had to tell him.

Her mind made up, she pocketed the pendant and went to the door, leaving Cléobulle feasting on raspberry jam sandwiches on the bed.

*************************

The Gryffindor common room was quite full when Lily arrived. A lot of students were waiting for dinner there rather than going to the library to study or staying in their dorms. Marian was nowhere in sight and Lily heaved a sigh of relief. She wanted to set things right with James before confiding in her friend. She spotted Peter playing exploding snap with a third year and approached him to ask if he knew where his friends were.

Peter cautiously placed a card on the top of the huge and curious looking mound in front of him before looking up at Lily. His little pale blue eyes were twinkling as he answered her.

"Well... Sirius and Remus went to the library to do some research for... err... a special project, but James said he was going to go flying. He wasn´t in a very good mood, our James. I wonder what´s up with him?" he asked innocently, but the hint of a knowing grin was playing on his lips.

"Thanks Peter," Lily said, looking suspiciously at his expression.

She lost no time going out through the portrait hole, rehearsing a little speech as she walked through the corridors. By the time she arrived at the entrance doors she had given up and was hoping improvisation would serve her best. She jerked open the massive oak doors easily - everything at Hogwarts was enchanted, it seemed - and stepped over the threshold.

Lily squinted her eyes in the light of the setting sun and looked towards the Quidditch pitch. There, in the distance, a tiny figure was zooming at great speed around the pitch.

It took her a few minutes to get to the stands and to go through the teams´ entrance doors. When she finally got to the pitch, the light was quickly fading but she could see James hovering in the air, not moving. He had seen her too.

She fingered her robes nervously as she watched him head slowly towards the ground. He stopped neatly in front of her and jumped off his broom. The captain badge pinned on his Quidditch robes was glowing gently in the setting sun and he seemed to be breathing rather heavily, as if he had just finished a gruelling practice. His face was a careful blank.

"Do you want to sit down?" Lily asked with concern. "You look rather tired."

James waved a dismissive hand. `I´m fine," he said rather shortly. "Was there something you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked more gently when he saw Lily flinch slightly at his abrupt tone.

"I - I wanted to thank you for what you did this afternoon," Lily stuttered.

"It´s okay, you don´t have to thank me. You weren´t well, it´s a prefect´s duty to look after fellow students in need."

He sounded so detached, so indifferent. Was it the same boy who had held her tenderly in his arms a few hours ago? Lily nodded a bit uncertainly and swallowed. This wasn´t going as she wanted at all, and she made a mental note not rely on improvisation in the future.

"If there wasn´t anything else we should go back to the castle," James said before starting to walk away.

Lily followed, having trouble keeping up with him. He wasn´t slowing his pace to make it easier for her this time. She started to pant, half running, half walking, whereas he seemed to be breathing more calmly with every step.

She would get nowhere in her apology if he continued to be that stubborn. It was time for desperate measures. She stopped dead in her tracks and called loudly: "James Potter!"

James stopped, he was already a few steps away from her and had reached the front steps of the castle. He turned to face her, raising an eyebrow.

Lily walked up to him, and gripping his forearms, she forced him to sit down with her on the bottom step. There, he wouldn´t get away so easily now. "We´re going to clear up everything once and for all," she said with determination.

"Clear up everything?"

"Yes. And I´ll start with an apology."

"An apology for what?"

"For that Transfiguration business."

James frowned slightly but said nothing, and Lily plunged forwards.

"James, if you had been in the library on Sunday afternoon I would have accepted your help," she blurted out.

James waited a bit for her to continue but she seemed to have finished.

"And..." he prodded tentatively.

"And what?"

"What do you mean `and what´? Was that all of the apology you had to give?"

"Well, what´s wrong with it? I was being honest."

"Honest?" James repeated in disbelief.

He sighed at Lily´s hurt expression. "Look Lily, I can usually follow the twisted way your brain seems to work, but there are times, like now, when I´m totally lost. In what way exactly is what you just said an apology?"

Lily wasn´t too happy with the `twisted brain´ part but let it pass.

"It´s not exactly an apology," she admitted reluctantly. "I just meant to say that I didn´t need help when you asked but I did when I met Sirius in the library the next day. I never meant to ask him rather than you in the first place. And I was so surprised when he offered to lend me the book that I didn´t have the chance to say no."

James stared hard Lily but she could see he was trying to suppress a smile, and she tried not to look too triumphant.

"Why is it that I can never stay angry at you when you start explaining the obscure reasoning behind everything you do?" he asked in mock exasperation.

Lily grinned. "Because I´m irresistible?"

He shook his head. "No, I think it´s because of your love of raspberries." He laughed. "Whenever I feel like strangling you there´s this image of you licking your fingers covered in raspberry jam popping into my head and I always end letting you live in the end."

Lily was shocked. "James! The only time you caught me doing that was in our first year!"

She remembered it like it was yesterday. She had been very homesick and depressed a week into school. Coming to Hogwarts didn´t seem so great any more. One night, she had taken a jar of home-made raspberry jam from her trunk and tiptoed down to the common room where the fire was slowly dying. She remembered sitting down in one of the big, squashy armchairs, trying to open the jar with her small hands. It had taken eleven-year-old Lily a long time but she had succeeded and could finally dip her fingers into the deliciously sticky mixture. She was licking them off, happy memories from home floating through her mind, when James had come down the stairs, his hair as messy as ever. She never thought he would remember it.

"So? I have an excellent memory," he answered simply, smiling.

Lily was troubled by the tender look in his eyes and lowered her gaze. She started to pluck at the grass, which came right up to the steps, but James´ hand came to rest on top of hers, and she looked up. He wasn´t smiling anymore and his expression was grave.

"You were sad then, you wanted your parents," he said softly. "You´re sad now too, have been for a long time, in fact. I wished..."

Lily never knew what he wished because he stopped quite suddenly and looked into the distance. The night had fallen without Lily noticing and stars were twinkling in the black sky. A lantern fixed above the oak doors was throwing its soft light on them and seemed to be casting some sort of spell. Surely James´ face had never had that ethereal and otherworldly quality before? She looked at him more closely and it seemed to her that he wasn´t quite there on the steps with her anymore. But wherever he was, it was not a happy place. She had never seen him so downcast, as if a great weight was resting on his shoulders.

A gust of wind came blowing towards them and Lily shivered. As she put her hands in her pockets to keep them warm her hand came touched the cold metal of the small lion pendant she had meant to give back to James. She pulled it out and held it in her palm. Despite the freshness of the night it warmed up quickly at the contact with her skin, and she was suddenly loath to part with it. James was still looking off into the distance and hadn´t seen it yet; she could easily put it back into her pocket and keep it. It was almost as if it was asking her to keep it; a pleasant warmth was spreading through her body and it felt wonderful.

She was about to give in when another gust of wind, stronger and colder than the first one, brought her back to reality, and the metal felt cold in her hand once more. She must have been imagining things.

She got up and shook James by the shoulder. He blinked and looked up at her.

"It´s getting cold, we should get inside and have some dinner."

He nodded and stood up. Together they silently went up the stairs and through the doors. It was only when they arrived at the entrance to the Great Hall that Lily stopped and handed James the necklace.

"You left it in my room this afternoon," she said.

James looked at the pendant in his hand and then back at Lily. His eyes were unreadable.

"Thank you," was all he said.

Lily smiled. "You´re welcome."

Having spotted Marian sitting alone at the Gryffindor table, she was about to walk over to her when James placed a hand on her arm to stop her.

"I think I need to apologise to you, too."

Lily just looked at him, dumbfounded.

"For barging into your dorm like I did," he clarified.

"Oh, well...You had every reasons to be angry, I suppose," she hazarded.

"Yes, but I wasn´t really mad at you. There are..." He hesitated. "There are other things on my mind," he finally said. "But I shouldn´t have turned my anger onto you like that. I don´t know what came over me."

Lily bit her lip and thought for a moment. "Was it something that Trelawney said to you this morning?"

"It´s complicated, Lily," he answered, side-stepping her question. "You don´t need to be burdened with it, you have your own issues to deal with. Don´t worry about me."

"If you say so," Lily said, unconvinced.

"Indeed I say so, my little Poppy." He smiled. "Now go and have some dinner with your friend. She seems rather lonely," he said gesturing towards Marian. "I´ll go and sit with the boys."

It was only when he had walked away and she saw him laughing with his friends that she realised she hadn´t told him half of what she wanted to. Sighing, she walked over to Marian and sat down, thanking her for the sandwiches.

****************************

Time passed rather uneventfully until Thursday. Marian had helped Lily take her measurements for the duelling uniforms since Lily had been sleeping when Madam Malkin came on Monday, classes were still the same as always, and Hogwarts and its inhabitants had settled into the usual routine. She had not spoken privately with James since their little talk but everything seemed to be fine between them. Her breakdown had done Lily a lot of good, and had she not still been musing over the strange Duelling professor, she would have felt better than she had in a long time.

"I don´t think I should have had that extra piece of apple pie for dessert," Marian said as she and Lily were walking to their first Duelling class. "I´ll have all the grace of an oliphant if we´re asked to do some physical stuff."

"It´s `elephant´," Lily corrected automatically. Marian was a pureblood and very fond of Muggle culture, but she had a hard time getting things exactly right.

Marian shrugged. "Oliphant, elephant... Sounds close enough to me. By the way, since we´re talking about Muggle things, didn´t you say you´d finished that Moonstone book? You said you´d lend it to me when you had."

"Only if you promise not to look at the last page while you´re still halfway through the story."

"I promise," Marian answered with a huge grin. She loved detective fictions written by Muggles; she was fascinated by the way the characters could solve an enigma without the use of magic.

Lily smiled indulgently. "I´ll give the book to you tomorrow, and I´ll charm it so you won´t be able to find out how it ends without reading every single word in order first."

"Just say flat out you don´t trust me! And there´s no such spell anyway."

"Oh but there is." Lily looked smug. "I did some research after you spoiled yourself the ending of The Unicorn."

Marian was about to protest but didn´t get the chance as they had reached the classroom and she saw that Professor Raven was standing in the corridor, next to the door.

His face was expressionless, as were his eyes as they swept over the two girls. "Names?" he asked.

Marian answered for the both of them. "Marian MacMillan and Lily Evans."

Raven checked a roll of parchment he was holding and said, "Ah, yes... the Potions genius and the Charms expert..." The last time Lily had heard him speak, his voice had been strained, and she was quite relieved to hear that it wasn´t today. He didn´t appear to hold any grudge against her. Though it was a bit strange that he knew about them already. Did he ask for a report on every student after he accepted the job? It didn´t seem likely, Hogwarts wasn´t a very big school but it wasn´t exactly small either. She´d just have to wait and see to form an opinion of him. "Go in and have a seat," he said, smiling.

The room looked nothing like a usual classroom. It was at least as big as the Gryffindor common room and of the same round shape, although it wasn´t situated in a tower. Five high windows were pierced into the thick wall and overlooked the lake. The windows occupied only half of the curved wall, the rest was made of solid grey stone. There was no desk in sight, only a double ring of chairs placed around a big circle carved into the stone floor. Smaller circles were carved here and there inside, touching and overlapping each other in some places, and in the centre was a blue five points star. The border of the big circle was about four inches wide and strange symbols Lily had never seen were written inside it.

A lot of the students from the four houses were already there, waiting impatiently for the class to begin. It seemed that the circle of chairs was divided into four quarters, one for each house, but Lily didn´t know if it had been planed that way or if the students had decided by themselves to keep together with their fellow housemates.

Lily and Marian found two empty chairs in the first row, next to Beth and Amy who were whispering and giggling madly about something or other. It took less than two minutes for all the students to arrive, the last ones being James, Sirius, Remus and Peter, all looking slightly breathless. They found seats in the second row, behind Lily and Marian. And it seemed to Lily that as Raven was making his way to the centre of the circle, he was throwing a none-too-pleased look at them.

Standing in the middle of the blue star, Raven surveyed his students silently, revolving around himself to take them all in. You could have heard a pin drop and many felt nervous under his piercing gaze. Suddenly, he smiled, and it was as if a spell had been broken. Everyone seemed to relax a bit and Raven started walking slowly around the circle.

"Welcome to my class," he started. "I hope you will learn many things from me this year, and hopefully next, too. I´m here to teach you to protect yourself and fight against unfriendly witches or wizards. Now, I won´t dwell too much on the usefulness of this class as I did that already last Sunday, and you´re old enough to understand the position our world is in."

He stopped for a moment then to let his words sink in. Satisfied with the seriousness he could see on his students´ faces, he went on.

"As you´ve noticed, there aren´t any desks in this room. You won´t need to bring parchment, books or quills with you for this class. The only times you will have to take up your quill will be for assignments. And I wish to tell you once and for all that when it happens, assignments will be handed in when they are due, no delay. I trust we understand each other."

Several students gulped uncomfortably. Many of them had asked for an extension at least once since they started Hogwarts. Some of the teachers were easy to talk to and readily accepted whatever excuses were given. Professor Raven wouldn´t be one of them. Though he was quite young, he knew how to command respect, and he seemed as strict as Professor McGonagall, the Head of Gryffindor house.

"Now that´s out of the way, we will begin our lesson."

Raven took his wand out of the pocket of his black robes and twirled it lazily between his fingers.

"We´ve lost some time because of the `first lesson speech´ and I will only provide you with a little demonstration today. And for that I need a volunteer."

Of course no one raised their hands. Raven was imposing enough as it was, but seeing him at close range with his wand out had an almost paralysing effect on them.

Conscious of that fact, Raven slowly walked around the circle once more, looking at each of the students, his long fingers still twirling the thin piece of wood that must have blasted more than a few enemies to oblivion in the not-so-distant past.

He never paused once in front of someone but Lily had the impression that his gaze was different for a moment as his eyes swept over her. She couldn´t be sure though, and besides, she hadn´t felt anything evil or malevolent emanating from it. But of course, the most powerful wizards could easily stop any real feeling from showing if they wished.

Raven had finished his inspection and walked back to the blue star. He fixed his eyes on some point behind Lily and smirked ever so slightly.

"Mr Potter, why don´t you come into the circle and show us what five full years in this school has taught you?"

Lily heard James get up behind her and watched him - as did everyone else in the room - walk up to the teacher. Raven was the tallest but not by much. Actually, now that they were next to each other, Lily could see a vague resemblance between the two. Maybe it was the hair...

Raven held out his hand. "Your wand please," he asked. "You won´t need it for this demonstration."

James looked cool and composed as he drew his wand out of his robes and handed it to his teacher. Lily swallowed. She wouldn´t have been so calm in his place.

Raven pocketed the wand and turned once more towards the class. "Now, I know that you are all eager to learn as many curses and protective charms as you can. But before we come to that, you must learn how to defend yourselves without your wand."

There were some worried whisperings. All of the students had done some accidental magic when they were feeling very strongly about something, but none could control it, much less produce it at will.

"Of course you won´t be able to block an Avada Kedavra or some of the more powerful spells. But with training, you´ll see that you can get out of some tricky predicaments and destabilise your adversary while you try to get your wand back or simply try and make your escape. There´s no need to stay and die bravely when you have the opportunity to save your skin." Here he looked at the Gryffindors in general and at James in particular. James looked back calmly and waited.

"We´ll keep it simple for today," Raven continued. "The reason I chose Mr Potter for that demonstration is because I know he had some previous training in the blocking of curses and it will be no trouble for him."

He seems to know a lot about James,

Lily thought. More than I do.

Raven waved his wand and the edge of one of the inside circles began to glow red. "Take your position in the circle, James. You won´t have to stay there once we start though."

James did as he was told and waited as Raven explained that none of the curses would get past the enchanted ring of stone and that there was no need to worry if they saw something coming their way. Raven then got his wand ready and concentrated all of his attention on James.

"Ready?" he asked.

James nodded slowly, never taking his eyes off his opponent. A second later the first spell was cast and landed in the middle of the circle James had been standing in only a millisecond before. Then it all went very fast. Raven was casting spells at increasing speed and James either dodged or countered with his bare hands. Everyone was fascinated and forgot about the blasts of light which were crashing on an invisible barrier inches from some them.

Lily couldn´t take her eyes from the scene in front of her. James was running and dodging with feline grace and agility, he wore the determined look she had seen so often before Quidditch matches and he didn´t seem to be getting tired.

But she could see that Raven was playing it fair. She knew all the curses he threw and none were dangerous. She wondered how he could keep his head clear with all the revolving he was doing. For he hadn´t put a toe out of the central star and it left him in a very restrained space. But he seemed to be moving even more swiftly with every passing second.

It all stopped abruptly when James barely dodged a charm Lily, for once, didn´t know. The bright blue light grazed his cheek and left a thin cut before crashing in front of a frightened Ravenclaw girl. It wasn´t bleeding, and James had probably barely felt it, but Raven stopped immediately. He congratulated his opponent and handed him his wand.

James took it without a word.

"There, you´ve seen a bit of what can be done without a wand. Everyone can learn to do what Mr Potter did just now; blocking-wise I mean, for dodging is a different matter. In Mr Potter´s case, Quidditch and other things are a great advantage. But you´ll be able to dodge too with some training. And speaking of training, go and sign up for the Duelling club rather than damaging each other in private. Madam Weasley wouldn´t be too pleased to see her infirmary overcrowded." He smiled, putting his wand back into his robes. "Class is dismissed."

The students started to file out of the room, some girls throwing admiring looks at James or Raven (varying between girls) on their way out. Sirius came up to James and slapped him on the shoulder.

"Well done mate," he said. "You´ll have no problem finding a date for that ball now. Have you noticed how Miranda Watson was looking at you with those hungry eyes?"

James threw him a dirty look. "Shut it Sirius," he said shortly. He went to collect his bag and left the room without a word.

"What´s wrong with him?" Lily heard Sirius ask Remus and Peter as they left the room and tried to catch up with James.

Professor Raven´s lips were slightly twisted into something between a smirk and a smile as he watched them go. Lily felt confused as she was pulled out of the classroom by Marian. She wasn´t even close to pinning his character down and she would have to trust him for now. Dumbledore had hired him after all, and it should be guarantee enough.