Antares

Chapter Thirteen ~ Doubt Not

The exam weeks were hectic ones, much more so for the fifth years and their OWL's. Every day was a long, drawn out torture of completing an exam; most of which had two parts to them. Many of the fifth years could be heard complaining that the term "Ordinary" Wizarding Levels was a massive understatement.

It was interesting to see the kind of effect this time had on the students. Everyone was looking more and more ill and unappealing. Nobody was really having conversations anymore, and laughs were almost extinct. The incessant studying and anxiety was clearly taking its toll on everybody, and with it being only Tuesday, there was still much worse to come.

It was around four in the afternoon, meaning that the day's exams were done. Aki stepped into the library, and even though she was alone, she was immediately met with a suspicious glare from Madam Pince. Aki shrunk under the weight of her predatory inspection, feeling like a gazelle about to be pounced on. She tried to avoid the librarian's general direction as she quickly scanned the whole library. Somewhere near the middle of the sea of students at the group tables studying, Rachel was waving her over. Aki walked towards the study area, clutching her notes protectively to her chest. She came to the table Rachel was at, turning her back to the librarian.

"I was worried for a second that you wouldn't come!" Rachel said with relief. "You Ravenclaws, you study like mad, I thought you were too busy to help out a friend..."

"No, of course I'd come, but... this won't take long, will it?" Aki cringed at her words that sounded a lot less rude and impatient in her mind. "I mean... I was kind of needing these notes to study tonight..."

"Please, I need them. Rowan gave me her notes, but they're useless, I need to copy some good ones... Ravenclaw ones..."

"But... are you sure copying mine will help you memorize the information for the exam...?"

Aki sighed as Rachel had already taken the notes, not listening to a word she was lecturing. She sat down, and only now did she realize that someone else was sitting at the table. She glanced up at the girl who was sitting directly across from her and Rachel. The girl was already staring back, appearing a bit uncomfortable. She was looking as sick as ever, but in this case, exams weren't the defining factor.

"Oh... err, right," Rachel stammered. "Moira, this is my friend, Aki."

"H-hello," Moira greeted.

Aki wasn't wholly surprised upon hearing this girl talk, given how the rest of her came across. Even her voice made her sound like she was terminally ill. Aki was afraid that, at any minute, an unexpected gust of wind would be too much for her and she'd fall down dead. Consequently, she tried to refrain from making any sudden movements or sneezing in front of her.

Aki gave a brief smile and a nod. Moira only squirmed in response. She was bizarrely edgy, even more so now that there was silence at the table what with Rachel keenly copying notes. Moira coughed, and Aki thought that she was about to have a fatal spasm. Instead, she simply stood up, using her skeletal hands to push off from the table. Aki half-expected her twiggy arms to crumble with the way they were wobbling when she did so.

"I... ah... I suppose I've had enough studying for now... I suppose..." Moira said, not knowing what to do with her hands, as they were fussing with the ends of her hair.

"Okay. Maybe we'll have a go again at Care of Magical Creatures later tonight, then?" suggested Rachel.

Moira only nodded, but her glimpse kept darting from the floor to Aki. Her small fist clutched around a strap of her bookbag and it slid off the table as she walked away. Just before she had reached the exiting door, she gave one last sly glance over her shoulder to Aki. Aki caught it, and Moira threw her eyes back forward like it never happened. She vanished past the doors as Aki furrowed her brow hard. She sure was a dodgy sort, that Moira.

"These OWL exams are positively ravaging my arse!" Rachel commented, underlining a fact on her parchment and interrupting Aki's thoughts. "Studying is such rubbish."

"I've never seen you study once! Except now, if you call this studying."

"Belt up."

"How come you never come around when we're all studying together?"

"Ah, I dunno."

"Do you have, you know, Slytherin study mates or something?"

"Um... yeah, that's it," Rachel replied, more agreeing than affirming.

"Oh, really? Who are they? Where do you study?"

"Oh... just... err... some friends."

"Where do you go?"

"Nowhere."

"Tell me where."

"Mmblmmhm."

"Huh? Where?"

Rachel's elbow made a sudden jerk, and her roll of parchment dropped off the table. It looked more than accidental.

"Oh, dammit."

She bent over to retrieve it, taking a strangely long time. When she came up, Aki had full intention of resuming her inquisition, but Rachel cut in first this time.

"So, really, what's going on with Victoria?"

"Victoria?"

"Yeah. I met her by the Great Hall, and I said hello, and she completely ignored me! Just stomped off, never said a word."

"When was this?"

"Saturday. Saturday afternoon."

"Wh... uh... Saturday, you say?"

Aki shifted restlessly in her chair. Saturday was the day that Victoria had caught her outside with Oliver.

"Yeah," Rachel continued, not picking up on the uneasiness beside her. "Do you suppose she's moody because I dropped that marmalade on her Transfiguration notes on Friday? I didn't mean to, I was sure she didn't mind!"

"Oh, no..." Aki moaned mournfully. "Victoria's not upset with you, she's upset with me."

Rachel's eyes made a particularly slow blink. Aki could hardly believe it herself when she said it. All these years she felt secure that Victoria would sooner eat a Flobberworm than find a reason to get upset with her. She considered if she got a little too comfortable in her supposed position of untouchability that she developed the mindset that she could get away with anything.

"You?"

Aki nodded sadly. Rachel immediately looked blatantly satisfied that she was off the hook, but upon catching the frown that Aki was giving her, she did her best to hide her relief.

"Err... so why is she angry at you?"

"I... I did something that she didn't like, and now Victoria's angrier than I've ever seen."

"But you're her best friend," she said conclusively, like that was the be-all and end-all.

"Yeah," Aki groused petulantly. "I know."

"You've been best mates since forever! Since... what was it?"

"First year," Aki put in.

"That's right, first year. Best mates right from the beginning!" Rachel said a little too chipperly. "You and Victoria will be okay."

"Humph. We'll see."

The feeling of extreme foreboding chilled the air; even Aki got nervous at them. Everything was like a bad nightmare, and she was a bystander watching it all happen. It was as if she was seeing this awful person trapped in her body talk so freely about hers and Victoria's friendship fall apart.

"So, um, what did you do? To make her so upset?"

"I didn't think it was going to be that big of a deal... I just... I went to meet with Oliver."

Aki froze and wrinkled her nose. She felt a twinge of regret that she had let that information slip. She knew that Rachel didn't like Oliver a whole lot either, and was a bit disturbed that she might storm out of the library in disgust. Her heart rocked in her chest when she imagined Rachel giving her the silent treatment for days, like Victoria was.

"Oliver?!"

"Err, yeah."

"Oliver Wood?"

"Yes."

"You're still pissing around with him?"

"Why do people have such a problem with Oliver?"

"It's just... he's... he's... a Gryffindor!" spewed Rachel through bouts of distorting her face.

"I know he's a Gryffindor, Rachel, but... but if you look past the house thing, he's really great--"

"At being an annoying Gryffindor? Yes, I'm already aware--"

"No," she retorted impatiently, "he's just... really great. He's... nice, and... he's sweet..."

Rachel was rolling her eyes with such passion. Aki got the impression that sarcastic words were bubbling up from her throat.

"Anything else, dear?" she chided bitterly.

Aki didn't care much for the stress on 'dear.' She was right about the sarcasm; it reeked of scorn, like she wasn't talking to a friend at all.

"Well, he, you know, he cares... and..."

Rachel seemed closer to stomping off now, gnashing her teeth and massaging the top of her head like she had a migraine. What had to be said next was going to be the icing on the cake.

"And... I think... I think I really like him, Rachel," Aki admitted.

Rachel snapped her head up and shot her eyes to Aki; they were big and probing. Aki looked right back into them. She went as long as she could without blinking, which was a surprisingly long time, to convey just how truthful her words were. A tense moment of scrutinizing passed where pins to the retinas wouldn't disrupt neither girl's focus. Rachel broke the standoff first, as her hard expression morphed into a queasy frown.

"Really?"

Aki could tell by the almost fearful tone of Rachel's voice that she was praying with a shred of faith that Aki would doubt what she had said, or take it back.

There was nothing else she could do; Aki had to dash her hopes.

"Yeah."

The affirmation of certainty made Rachel struggle a heavy, aggrieved sigh that made her whole body shake. Like a mother who had just received very bad news from her child, it was apparent that she was incredibly disappointed. Aki braced herself for the angry side of Rachel that she was so close to forgetting.

"I don't understand!" she snarled as low yet viciously as she could in the quiet library. "He's such a--"

She finished the thought by bringing up clasped hands to her lips to prevent an expletive-filled outburst. Rachel had to shut her eyes tightly, probably because she was seeing red. She pointed her nose to the ceiling as she took a long breath in. Aki sat quietly and waited for the next onslaught.

"This is him! You can do better!"

Aki restrained a snort, but she raised a brow instead. It was funny that she was being told that she could do better than a popular Quidditch captain. However, Aki got a sudden prickling feeling at her wonder if Oliver's friends were telling him the exact same thing at this very moment. That scenario would've been much more plausible, and that gave her an unpleasant feeling right down to her toes. She hoped that if they were, he would tell them to look past the obvious, and see that she was just a nice girl that he fancied. That was certainly how Aki was thinking about it for him. He was quite different from herself--he was interesting, and kept her on her toes. There was always that something when they were with each other, that someone 'better' just wasn't coming to her at this moment.

"I thought you were smarter..."

That one cut the deepest. The way Rachel sneered it and with such contempt. The words had practically come alive and were capable of throttling her. Aki pulled at her school tie before telling herself that there were no invisible hands around her neck.

"Rachel, I know... I know you don't like him--"

At this point Rachel scoffed loudly and rolled her eyes.

"--Maybe even, err, hate him," Aki corrected herself.

She muttered something under her breath; Aki couldn't catch it, but she did hope that it was nothing like a foul name or a death wish.

"But... but please Rachel... don't hate me for liking him."

Rachel groaned angrily. She was incapable of sitting still, shifting and rubbing her temple, all the while puffing out infuriated breaths of air. This was getting much worse than Aki thought. Lord, how she didn't want to lose her too. She scooted closer to Rachel and tugged once on the sleeve of her robe when she didn't speak.

"Sometimes, I have to do things that aren't going to please everyone... you know?"

She met Aki's pleading face, and gave another sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose. Aki could only express a meek look that begged for forgiveness.

"This is your life, Aki. I won't hate you for your decision."

Both girls could only sit in silence for a minute. To have her actually accept Aki's own decision, regardless of how much she detested it, must have taken a lot on her part. She despised Oliver as much, if not more, than Victoria did, but Rachel didn't try to change Aki's standpoint about being with him. It would've been much more uplifting if she could support the idea, but it was enough that Rachel put aside her personal feelings and let her do what she pleased. Aki cracked a small but kind smile, and gave Rachel's hand an affectionate pat.

"Just promise me," she blurted abruptly, making a grab for Aki's hand on hers, "that you'll think--really think--before you get involved with... him."

This was clearly very important to her, and hesitation shouldn't have been an issue. Aki knew this, but she still didn't answer straightaway. It made her more confused to have to think about what there was to think about. Was there something about Oliver that she wasn't seeing? Aki wanted to perish the thought the second it came to her, but it stuck around like a bad smell. Perhaps she sincerely did need an outside observation. She looked back at Rachel, very aware of the contact of her hand. The moment was calling for her to ask if there was something negative about Oliver, but it seemed so unbelievable that it was absurd to even consider it.

"Promise me!"

Aki closed her burning eyes. Her nerves were trembling and she hadn't even noticed it.

"I-I will," she promised earnestly. "I promise."

Rachel's hand gave hers a particularly firm squeeze. It hurt a bit, but Aki supposed that she needed to get out her aggravation somehow. It was going to take some time for her to recover from the thought of a good friend with someone she couldn't stand, but the only thing to do was wait for that time.

There was a sadness in her gaze as Rachel shook her head. She pressed on her brow with her fingers, and idly creased a page of the papers on the table before remembering what they were.

"Right, um, I suppose I'm done with these."

Rachel gathered up Aki's notes into a sloppy pile. She didn't hand them to her, but merely slid them over the table to her. Feeling downgraded, Aki quietly accepted them, and held them back to her chest. Rachel tried not to look at her, but the couple of times that she did, it was awkward and only for a brief second. Aki wondered how long they were going to sit there in silence, two girls unsure of what to say. She would've given her soul for something to break the tension.

"So," Rachel said uncomfortably, propping up her textbook on the table. "Um, see you later."

An invisible fist thrust itself into Aki's stomach, and she was left short of breath. That was the last thing she expected Rachel to say. She was presuming maybe a light-hearted pestering, or a comical nag about what a git Oliver was, anything but a dismissal. It was so unlike her to be so calmly aloof. Aki didn't want to leave; she wanted to stay and make things right. It would've been better for both of them if they could talk it out and get all feelings out into the open, but she figured that it would've been wrong to make Rachel stay and talk if she clearly didn't want to.

"Yeah," Aki managed bleakly. "Well... bye."

Rachel gave a very abnormal, forced smile, and buried her nose into her textbook. Aki jumped up from her seat and stormed off; she wasn't even angry in the slightest, she just wanted to get out of the library as fast as possible so that she could rest somewhere private because her head was swimming. She passed the front desk, and she got one more unsavoury assessment from the librarian, which made her speed up her already fast stride. As she neared the large library doors, Aki couldn't fight it; she had to look back at Rachel. To her utter shock, Rachel was watching her, but as soon as she was discovered, she instantly turned back to her textbook. Aki kept walking, a somber frown creasing her face as she continued to stare at her friend. They had made so much progress together, they couldn't have been right back at square one. Not over this.

Aki thought that anguish was the cause for the sudden pain in the side of her face, like someone had slapped her. A great slap with such force that it could jostle her entire body. The notes she was carrying in her arms fell clumsily to the floor by her feet. She yelped and took a step back, head down as she took a second for the slight dizziness to subside. In her inattentiveness, she realized she had collided hard into another student. From behind, she could hear Madam Pince tutting brazenly.

"Damn," Aki mumbled quietly, bending down and collecting her parchments. "I'm sorr--"

Aki lost the capacity to complete her apology. The notes were rounded up in her arms, but the sight in front of her was consuming, and gave her this feeling in her belly that felt like she hadn't experienced it for a long time.

A pair of trainers.

A simple pair of trainers, but she knew those trainers. The mouldy, greyish ones with the blue stripes, she knew exactly to whom they belonged to.

Before she knew what was happening, an off-putting gurgling filled her ears. Aki didn't know where it had come from before it dawned on her that it came from her own throat. She wasn't even clear when her brain told her to make a noise like that. The strain was hard to not drop her notes again. She slowly straightened up, knees wobbling all the while, gaping at the stained shoes in front of her. Her gaze drifted; there were the black robes she had come to recognize, the broad shoulders she was used to seeing, and finally that face that could make her feel queasy, but enjoy every minute of it.

It took her a minute to comprehend it, as to why she was standing in the library doorway so motionlessly. She wasn't looking up at some random stranger; she was looking up into the boyish features of Oliver Wood.

After what seemed like a month rather than three days, they were face-to-face once again. It instantly gave her some cheer to her soul; like catching a glimpse of home while in a foreign land. This was what she had come to know over the past months, and it was good to revisit it. Even though she had been without him for fifteen years, the last three months had become her norm. She liked how life was when Oliver was in the picture. The days passed so much quicker when he was around. He could, unknowingly, get her excited about things that her friends wouldn't have been able to--classes, supper in the Great Hall, menial things. He gave her a reason to get up in the morning and, just before she went to bed, made her feel like she had accomplished something that day when in actuality she hadn't done anything noteworthy at all. Seeing this boy who had been cruelly ripped away from her generated a wealth of pleasant recollections that swarmed her at the same, impulsive moment. ! The mental jolt was stupefying, such that even though she would've liked to smile, she could only stand there dumbly.

Oliver was just as shocked. Not just because of the uncanniness of bumping into her--though he should've known better seeing as how this was the library and she was a Ravenclaw--but also because it hit him that he was actually seeing her, up close. What happened on Saturday felt like a final bid adieu, like he'd never see her again. He had been mulling over the day, wondering if what had transpired meant that he was to stay away from her, approach her when she was alone, or some other possibility in between. Even if he were to approach her, he had no idea of what he would say. A greeting, an apology, or purely what was on his mind? None of them were quite appropriate for where he thought they stood. He at first told himself that she would remain strictly a friend, but the second he caught a peek at her from down the corridor, he would consider that she could be something more. Even this was hard to fathom; she wasn't like any of the girls he normally ! dated. If they did become an item, the affair would've been littered with problems. The students would've found it an unusual sight, and there would've definitely been some whispers. He was quite confident that they wouldn't bother him; he was quite used to them, whether they were derogatory or complimentary. Her, on the other hand, he wasn't so sure about.

There was a lot about her that he wasn't sure about.

Sure, she could've genuinely liked him, but that's what he thought of all the other girls he had been with in the past. All those girls who were nice to his face, who were nice long enough to build up their own popularity through him, then would discard him like a soggy cardboard box. He truly did believe that Aki was different, but that could've been his never-ending carelessness kicking back to life. That was the thing; every time he found a girl he was interested in, he would tell himself that she would be different, but they never were. Maybe Aki too only saw him as a stepping stone to something greater. She could've used the recognition, no doubt. He didn't want to get his heart broken one more time, but he didn't want to pass up the chance with this girl, either. He didn't know what to do, what to say.

He just didn't know. Everything was so confusing.

Aki had forgotten, just a bit, how much she missed his presence. She couldn't put into words what she was feeling right now. Bliss and nausea overcame her; it was like she had taken a drug for the first time.

Oliver was like a drug.

He could make her forget any doleful time in her past, like a drug he could make her feel light-headed and wonderfully silly.

Like a drug, he had the power to tear lives apart.

The deadness inside returned with powerful swiftness as that last thought resounded deep in her brain. Here she was trapped between what logic was telling her to do, and what she wanted to do. With Oliver on one side, and Rachel on the other, she felt like she was being pulled in two different directions, about to snap.

Aki, with great trepidation, turned back to Rachel. Rachel was already glaring back unabashedly, a cold, forbidding flicker in her eyes. It pulsated with such loathing from the bottom of her soul. She didn't turn away this time, only glared, book still in hand.

Could Aki have possibly endured more of that look? Not just from Rachel, but from her friends and classmates. She had liked a few Hogwarts boys in the past, why was everyone making such a fuss over this particular one? Maybe it was his popularity, or the lack of hers, she didn't know. Nevertheless, it frustrated her as to why she could barely find just one person who could say, 'Aki, he's a great boy, you should be with him.' All she would hear were insults, badgers, scolds, disrespect; it was never ending. Every second she spent with him just brang more trouble, and Aki pondered if it was all worth it.

How could it be that this boy who made her feel so wonderful inside be the root of all this misery in her life? Two of her closest friends were on the verge of hexing her to Hell because of this simple boy. He was the reason it took her longer to fall asleep, he was the reason for her wandering focus during her OWL exams. The bi-polarity of it all made her fail to see it before: maybe she truly wasn't meant to be with Oliver. If things were this bad when she merely fancied him, she didn't even want to think about how things would get out of control once they were attached. Her life, both of their lives, would get so much more complicated.

If only things hadn't been so difficult. This burden, her burden, it was crushing her with each passing day. He was an entire obstacle in human form. The right thing to do would've been to say goodbye, right there and then, and end this terrible heartache. Both she and Oliver could go on with their lives, and pretend like the last few months didn't exist. They could find new objects of affection, and just go back to being two classmates who never spoke to each other.

But every fiber in her being was holding on, unrelenting and unwilling to let go.

The more she looked at him, the more she got all twisted inside. Much longer, and it would've been too painful to bear.

So she did the only thing she could.

She turned away, away from his kindly face that she could not resist. She didn't waste time in stepping past him and over the library threshold. There was one ephemeral moment where she felt her arm brush against his, and every positive memory she had of him rushed through her veins, making her forget why she was denying herself the yearning to be with him. Her mind was screaming at her to stop and give the boy the decency of a glimpse, but something made her keep on moving. He was left standing by the door, only to stare dismally as she treaded away glumly. Once, Oliver called out her name, the echo chasing her down the corridor like a bullet. A chill zoomed down her spine and sent her shivering. She quickly turned the corner, dodging his voice because she knew what it would've done to her. She threw her back hard into the wall as her legs gave a violent tremble. Aki flattened herself and gazed out into the empty corridor beside her that was only so close. She ached to t! ake that single step and be able to see him down the hall, but with everything but her heart holding her back, she couldn't find the strength.

She exhaled despondently into her hands, contesting with the constriction in her lungs. Before she made her leave, she called his name in response. Though it was barely more than a whisper, she sensed that Oliver did hear it.

*****

Ravenclaw had just won its Quidditch match against Gryffindor, and there was much jubilation, indeed. It was the best possible way to commemorate the end of exams, OWL's, and NEWT's.

A celebratory party was the only logical move, and in no more than an hour after the game, every Ravenclaw was in the common room rejoicing the Quidditch victory in their own way. The Quidditch players were near the fireplace, discussing every diminutive detail of the game to a group hungry to hear it. Roger Davies, however, was not too far off giving his version to an all-girl crowd.

Everyone was in pockets of groups, all talking lively and enjoying themselves. Aki was over with the group that was listening raptly to the Quidditch players. She sipped on the pumpkin juice that someone had brought up from the kitchens, and determined that it would've tasted much better if there was a dash of Firewhiskey in it.

Team captain and Chaser David Fairchilds was the center of attention. His arms were flinging around with such euphoric zest that the licorice wand in his hand threatened to whip numerous people across the face. He sung his praises of how well his teammates played over not just Gryffindor, but all of the house teams. Aki felt a pang when one of the Beaters, Quentin, made a crack about the skill of the Gryffindor house team. She instinctively thought of Oliver; definitely not because he was a lousy player, but because he was the only thing that she could associate Gryffindor with. She shifted on her feet, conspicuously rubbing shoulders with the person next to her and earning herself a stealthy scowl.

Yes, she had been thinking about him. Several times she had caught him staring at her, but he would shoot his glance away the second she had seen. She felt like he was watching her when he shouldn't have been, and a part of her had the feeling that she was doing the same. She tried as much as she could to not look at him for the duration of the Quidditch match that had just taken place, but against all free will, there were more than several quick peeks in his direction. It was easier to do so without heavy consequence this time, since Daphne served as a buffer zone between Aki and Victoria during the match.

Glimpsing around, Aki took in the sight of all her housemates gathered together like this. She found it funny that, though they were all together, she and her friends were separated. Daphne was near the entrance hole, talking to some random boy and flipping her hair a lot. Victoria was sitting on the armrest of one of the couches, taking dainty nibbles of a biscuit, and listening attentively to the five older Ravenclaws in front of her.

Aki frowned as she observed Victoria. The tension she felt whenever Victoria got in her sight, one could cut it with a Diffindo spell. It just wasn't right to be feeling that way about someone who was supposed to be your best friend. She peered back to the Quidditch team, where the Keeper, Charlotte, and a Chaser, Ivy, were jovially laughing and hugging. Charlotte and Ivy, despite being a year apart, were best friends. Their touchy-feely affection towards each other was such a vast difference from the cold distance between her and Victoria. She had already settled things with Rachel; a happy event like this was no time for broken friendships, Aki resolved.

Nervously setting down her glass of juice and fiddling with her now empty hands, she made an unsteady stagger to where Victoria was. There were many students buzzing about, drunk on their own enthusiasm or otherwise, that it was hard to walk in a straight line without colliding into anybody. At one point, a foot--a small and light one--came down on her own, and she stumbled. Luckily, she managed to catch herself before going headlong into the carpet; she'd hate to try to explain that.

Aki darted her eyes around quickly to see who had trampled her. Close behind, Mandy Brocklehurst went on without so much as a glance back. Aki was thankful that she had gotten rid of her pumpkin juice, because it would've been spilled on about five different people now if she hadn't. Or thrown at the back of Mandy's head.

Aki continued towards her intention, grumbling a single curse. She didn't have time for petty concerns like this. This whole matter with Victoria needed to be settled now, lest the pressure rob her of any forthcoming sleep.

She came up behind Victoria, who could be seen taking another bite of biscuit, oblivious to the nervous girl behind her. She took a step so that she was now standing beside Victoria, very much visible out of the corner of her eye, but Victoria didn't flinch.

"Erm... h-hi, Victoria..."

Victoria actually stiffened for just a moment, her jaw ceasing to chew up the biscuit in her mouth. Thereafter, her features resumed motion, but remained hardened.

"Y-You haven't spoken to me since Sunday."

Victoria kept her piercing stare to the table in front of her, speechlessly.

"You're... you're really cross with me... aren't you?"

When she didn't reply, the answer was clearly obvious.

"Could you at least say something?"

She didn't, only sat stock-still like she was posing for oil paintings. Aki could see her nostrils flaring as she breathed in and out, like a sleeping dragon. The display was eerie yet disturbingly absorbing. Aki felt the impulse to scurry away and hide in a dark nook of the room. She killed the thought fast and planted her feet.

"I didn't mean to... I mean, I didn't do it intentionally to make you upset, it's just... y-you're my best friend, Victoria... and I could nev--"

"Aki, why do you defy me?"

Aki was so startled that Victoria spoke up at last that she jumped. She looked dazedly at Victoria, trying to find the breath in her throat.

"Wh... what?" Aki sputtered out.

"Why... why do you do this to me?" she asked breathlessly, her voice sounding like a mix of disappointment and repressed anger.

Now Aki was the one being silent.

"I am only considering your best interest," Victoria preached. "It pains me to see you with Oli--"

She shuddered at the name that she was about to utter, and took a calming gulp of air.

"--Him."

"Uh... w-w-we're just frien--"

"Oh, is that all?" Victoria hissed mockingly, throwing her half-eaten biscuit down to the platter in front of her. Several surrounding Ravenclaws glanced at her, then to the biscuit, awkwardly.

"I have seen you..." Victoria said in more composed, hushed tones. "I know when you think of him..."

Aki recoiled as she struggled to find the words. So many times she had told herself that Oliver was just a friend, and so many times she had second-guessed it. Everybody she knew was somehow telling her not to get involved with him; Victoria's and Rachel's obvious dislike for the boy, and Daphne's fawning reminded her that Oliver could have girls much prettier than herself. She wasn't sure who, or what, to believe. Despite repeated drillings into her head, it was so hard to grasp that he was supposedly only using her like Victoria was saying. Those times when she was with Oliver, it was nothing like she had ever experienced. It was just so surreal, yet so real at the same time. This was Quidditch captain Oliver Wood, and she was just some bumbling Ravenclaw. She was sure that there was something between them, but the annoying reality that he was so popular and his past girlfriends were so gorgeous left her suspicious. Aki opened her mouth to speak and found that he! r tongue had gone completely dry.

"He's... he's really nice, Victoria!" she implored desperately. "If you sit down and actually talk with him--"

"When will you understand?" Victoria was squeezing the skin on her brow and appearing so very exasperated. "The likes of a boy like that should not be with a lady of such quality as you."

Aki felt a small flash of something, most likely the beginnings of being fed up. It bothered her when she talked of Oliver like he was dirt from the bottom of somebody's shoe, not to mention that it made her feel like such a child the way Victoria was treating her right now. She scowled and straightened her posture. Her counter came out more defiant than she was used to, and certainly in more of a hiss.

"How do you know?"

Victoria whipped her head up so fast that she could've broken something. Her eyes were bigger than Aki had ever seen, like she was thoroughly surprised. It was only fleeting, however, as they soon narrowed.

"I know him!" Victoria hissed back with ten times the acidity. "He is not for you!"

Aki made an expression of flabberghasted disgust. Where did Victoria get off on judging someone she hardly knew? Claiming to 'know' him was a nice touch as well. Granted, there was that brief period in their fourth year where Victoria was paired up with Oliver for a Herbology assignment, but seeing as how she had been extremely tight-lipped about the whole incident, Aki could only deduce that it had gone less-than-smoothly. Other than that, Victoria hadn't said two words to Oliver, but evidently she knew everything there was to know about him. She might've been smart, but she wasn't that perceptive.

"What has happened to you, Aki?" Victoria said harshly, shaking her head. "You have become... unruly... and... disrespectful! All for him! "

"I have not!" she argued heatedly. "It's just because you won't let me expla--"

"You have known him for a few months, and you show me your unpleasantness? Have I not been your friend for years?"

Aki sighed deeply, guilt from out of nowhere overwhelming her. There was no denying that Victoria was still a friend, even during this rocky time. She had done so much for her through all these years, and this was how she was being repaid. That pained, searching look in Victoria's eyes, there was only one way to respond.

"Of course you're my friend, Victoria."

The wide smile on Victoria's face was automatic.

"But if you'll just see," Aki continued, to which the smile immediately dropped off, "he's a nice boy, honest! He never does anything to hurt anybod--"

"How many times will I have to say it?!" Victoria shrieked, leaping up from the couch armrest. "I do not want to see you two together! I do not want to hear that you and he had se--"

She threw a hand over her mouth and swallowed back the words that were about to slip out. Such a vulgar phrase did not belong on such a proper tongue. She took a shaky breath in to compose herself.

"I do not wish to hear that he... ahem... loved you," she said with a stern glare, emphasizing the hidden definition of 'loved', "and then left to find... other pastures."

It took a second for Aki to translate Victoria's vagueness into plain English, but when the true meaning came to her, she could only stand there in thought. Surely Victoria wasn't implying what she thought she was implying!

"Who is to say that after he has taken all that you can offer, he will conclude that you were not the girl for him after all?"

The second, more obvious reiteration did nothing; Aki shook her head.

"Oliver wouldn't do that."

Aki could swear that Victoria's left eye went into a small spasm when she said 'Oliver.'

"Aki, please! Do. Not. Doubt me!"

Victoria's index finger wagged under her nose. Aki went cross-eyed for a second as she gawked at it. The long, squared-off shape of the nail tip was made very apparent.

"Do you want to be known around Hogwarts as that sort?"

"Why do you say these things?!?" Aki demanded angrily. "Oliver wouldn't do that!"

"So naïve," Victoria said in a velvety whisper. "They prey on girls like you, Aki. Utterly blinded to the truth."

"Not Oliver," she answered with diminishing belief. "You're being pessimistic!"

"I am being realistic!" Victoria snapped, swooping in an inch closer. "Especially boys like Oliver; popular, athletic types... image is everything."

Aki wasn't sure what to make of that one. She hoped that she wasn't so heinously repulsive that it would completely kill Oliver's reputation to be seen with her, but Victoria likely meant that Quidditch captains were all about leaving the school with the highest number on their personal 'tally.' It just sounded like an unfair stereotype, but the more she thought about it, the more it very well could've been accurate. Oliver did have a string of stunning girlfriends; Fairchilds too, Aki knew that he once dated two girls sequentially who were, at the time, best friends.

Most of all, for the majority of the year, Aki was under the impression that Marcus Flint truly liked her. He was nice to her, so she assumed that was justification enough to consider being his girlfriend. Under that dangerous, mysterious charm that she couldn't see through was a boy who was only after one thing. Aki shuddered to think that if she had taken a few more swigs of Firewhiskey that night in the Slytherin change room, she might've given in. It was an appalling thing to admit, but all she craved was to know what it felt like to be wanted, and to give her self-worth a boost so that she could think that, yes, a boy with such popularity as Marcus could fancy her.

Could Oliver be just like Marcus? They really weren't that different; maybe they were also similar in this matter. Oliver was just so polite, but who was to say that wasn't an act? Every declaration of what she thought she knew about Oliver whizzed in her head, and each came with one big question mark. This whole attraction to Oliver could've been a déjà vu period. Like Marcus, he could've been baiting her with his popularity and acclaim, feeding off of her insecurities. There was so much to admire about him, but Aki was hard-pressed to find one thing to like about her. She didn't find herself all that gorgeous, so it couldn't have been for bragging rights. It would've been more believable if it were for a gag, a point-and-laugh. Neither made full sense. Was her personality truly what intrigued him? Was there any way to know before it was too late?

"He... h-he wouldn't do that," Aki stated, very unconvincingly. "Would he... Victoria?"

Victoria said nothing, but rather jerked her eyebrows up while emanating cool, unerring confidence. Aki could only take that as she was a hundred percent sure that he would betray. That expression of hers, it painted the picture in Aki's head; Oliver would play the doting part of someone who actually cared, softening her up with those sweet words, and captivating her with a simple smile. Then when she was foolish enough to succumb, that's when the mask of adoration would be tossed out. Compassion would be a thing of the past as he cast her side with no remorse, no pity. He would leave her--broken, miserable, and forever resentful at the world around her.

No

.

She couldn't believe it.

She didn't want to believe it.

Aki gaped straight into Victoria's self-assured smirk. She felt rage, but her sorrow was overpowering it.

"There now," Victoria said eagerly. "You see it now, do you not?"

"R-Rachel... Rachel thinks he'll be b-bad for me too," Aki pointed out shakily, not knowing if that had any relevance at this time.

Victoria smiled; a warmhearted smile that Aki recognized from long ago. She brought up her hand and cupped Aki's cheek in her palm, fingering the strands of hair.

"Trust us; we are your friends," she insisted compassionately, eyes doe-like. "Trust me."

The sympathy was strong in her voice. The reality of Victoria being her best friend again was getting closer. Her long nails scratched Aki's cheekbone slightly as she pressed more firmly into Aki's skin, and tipped her chin up.

"Trust me."

Aki sighed softly, engulfed by Victoria's persuasiveness. This was her breaking point; she had given up. After countless hours of being torn, the time had come to finally choose a stance. She had done some weighting, and it was obvious that a lot less people would've been up in arms if she left Oliver alone.

It was foolish anyway to be convinced that a popular Quidditch captain could actually be fond of her.

It was a stupid, hopeless wish right from the start.

Tears formed behind her eyes. Victoria stood expectantly, running her thumb over Aki's cheek in a very comforting way. Aki decided to give her what she was waiting all this time to hear.

"Maybe you're right, Victoria."

And with that, the old Victoria, the one Aki had known from the beginning of the year, was reborn. She was delighted, beaming happily as she petted Aki's head. It was wonderful to have her back; it was weeks since she had last seen Victoria smile, but Aki could not shrug off the stabbing unhappiness of having to let go of Oliver. This was the first time she had gotten so close to a boy she fancied. They had dealt with a bevy of each other's emotions, and it was a shame to throw that all out. Things had never been that incredible before, and she wondered when, and if, she would ever feel the same about another boy again. Aki didn't know if she would regret conceding later, but sometimes a person could only take so much. This was the only thing to do. As Victoria's contentment shined back at her, one last vision of Oliver shimmered in her head. There was going to be a lot to have to put behind. In the few months she had known him, there was such a multitude of remini! scences. That shy smirk he would always do, the way his hand felt holding hers, that first kiss they almost shared...

Too long had passed for one person to be so jubilant, and the other one not. Victoria was regarding her hopefully, the hair petting halted. It seemed like she had said something that needed acknowledging that was never heard by Aki's ears. She gulped back the rising lump in her gullet and mustered a weak simper. Victoria reacted with a giggle and a laud that was filtered out also. Aki simply nodded and lowered her head, blinking back the solitary tear that was fighting to trickle down her cheek.