Stupid Boys

STUPID BOYS

Chapter 8: Poetic Licence

Monday 11^th December

God, he makes me so mad! Why can't he just stay a stupid boy so I can ignore him? Instead, he had to be nice and funny and lovely and I hate him! I do, I definitely hate him. Well, not hate, maybe...dislike greatly?

Befuddled. Yep, I'm oh-so confused, yet again. Why? Three words: James Potter's Diary. Sorry- journal.

I really want to hate him but how can I? It's all about me. Every page. Page One- What I Love About Lily Evans. Page Two- Ten Reasons Why Lily Evans Is Perfect. Page Three- How Fantastic Lily Evans Was Today In Charms.

V. Obsessive. Completely shocking. Should be about boy things like...snot and pranks and sport NOT about me. Feel v. violated. I don't belong in a boy's thoughts!

What do I do? Carry on hating him? Or start liking him again? Ughh! It's so bloody flummoxing! Why do I get myself into these situations?

Lily.

Here it goes.

James took a deep breath, calmed his quaking stomach and pushed through the throng of students on their way to class. Then he saw her. His light. His life. Yes, all these sickening things she was to him and more. Even though he knew she didn't, couldn't, feel the same way, he had to try. He was a Gryffindor. He would persevere. Ok, some would call it pestering and annoying relentlessly but he saw it simply as being steadfast and faithful to the woman he loved. Of course, he was slightly delusional.

"Lily, er, hi there. Erm, I-well- can I...speak to you?" he stuttered and instantly hated himself. He sounded completely moronic! What was wrong with him?!

But instead of glaring/ ignoring/ punching she simply stopped, looked straight at him and said, "You are speaking to me. What do you want?"

In his shock his jaw hit the ground and he stared at her blankly. What...? But- Why...? She was being nice to him! It was a miracle! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Well, maybe she wasn't actually being nice per say but she definitely wasn't being openly hostile! That was something, wasn't it?

"Are you just going to stand there gawking like an idiot all day or is there actually a reason that you're making me late for class?"

Ah! There was the pissed off Evans again. He'd gotten worried for a second there, thinking that maybe she'd been abducted by aliens and replaced with a Carbon copy that had freakishly supernatural powers to torture humans with the ability to turn any male within a radius of fifty yards to mush...Maybe he's had too much coffee that morning.

"I just wanted to give you this. I wrote it for you." He handed her a sepia-coloured piece of parchment that was embossed in fancy gold writing and felt immensely proud of himself. This was sure to make her fall for him!

He could've sworn he'd seen a small smile flitter across her face as she reached for it and sent him a curious glance but that was soon to be forgotten as she began to read the poem and stilled perfectly. At first he thought he'd stunned her with his romantic soul, but when her face drained and her eyes flickered up from the parchment to stare accusingly at him, his stomach flipped over. She didn't look like she'd fallen for his romantic gesture...

"Why? I can't believe you thought you needed to- Why did you need to?" she said quietly, her large eyes torturing him with their depth of feeling. What had he done to upset her?

It was the disappointment in her expression as she screwed up the paper and threw it on the floor that tore at him. He was left feeling terrible for hurting her.

He was jogged out of his self-destructing reverie when a warm hand clapped him on the back and another ruffled his hair. "Mate! Why so glum? Evans hit you again?"

The cavalry had arrived in good spirits and James knew that his friends would make him feel better and help him devise the next method of seducing Lily. He shrugged at Sirius and covered up his confusion over Lily's reaction to his poem. "Surprisingly, no. She just...ran away."

"Well, you are pretty scary, you know. With the whole 'I worship at the altar of the Goddess Lily Evans' thing." Remus grinned at his friend. "Can't blame her for trying to get away A.S.A.P."

James' indignant frown lasted all of a ninth of a second before he gave up on trying to fool anyone and just nodded in agreement. He was acting mildly disturbing in his complete obsessiveness and utter adulation for the girl.

"Anyway, what was it this time? Another one of Padfoot's woefully rubbish seduction methods backfire as they always inevitably do?" Remus rolled his eyes as that provoked an incensed "Hey!" from the Master Plan Former himself.

"No, I just- gave her..." James rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. It was embarrassing enough to have given a girl a poem in the first place but to have her throw it back at him was excruciating and he wasn't sure he wanted to give Remus a years worth of jibing material.

Remus, however, hadn't got a clue, but was beginning to grow more and more suspicious due to Sirius biting his lip trying to hold in the inevitable hysterics, strange snorting noises creeping past his defences. "You gave her what? A leather whip? Your still beating heart? What?"

"Er..." James decided to confess before Sirius exploded as he was now doubled over taking short gasps. "That." He pointed to the screwed up piece of paper and cringed.

Puzzled, Remus picked it up unfurled it, and instantly realised what a huge nincompoop his friend was. Poetry?!! Ok, he could understand the logic behind it and it was a romantic gesture, but there was one glaringly obvious and extremely large flaw in the plan. However, he would get to that later. "Ok, poetry it is." He burst out laughing at his friend's patheticness then, after a compulsory storm of giggles and a mandatory round of death threats from an indignant James, Remus tried hard to focus on the task at hand- damage control. "Well, at least you didn't say you'd written it."

James went red and grinned nervously. "Er..."

There it was. The fatal flaw bigger than a giant's backside. "You didn't! You complete cretin! Do you even know what this poem is? Ok, just poetry I could've dealt with, but this...? I don't know. I mean, come on, man! How culturally retarded are you? 'I wander'd lonely as a cloud'- how did you not know? Of course, Evans is going to know it, its one of the most famous muggle poems and to be honest, I can't blame her for throwing it back at you!" Remus stormed, torn between anger and amusement. It was funny that James was such a nitwit.

James had by this time turned completely tomato coloured in embarrassment, but strangely enough he still had his shovel out and continued to dig himself into a deeper and deeper hole with every word he said. "Sirius told me to do it!" he finally blurted out in a rush. With that, the Guilty one grinned nervously and began to inch away from the accusing glares being slung at him.

"Ah! The Master Schemer himself!" Remus sighed, finally calm, then turned to James with a look of disappointment. "Prongs, you should have known better. Why did you listen to him? How many times has he got it wrong about girls? I mean, serenading? You? For God's sake, anyone who isn't deaf can tell that you are, without a doubt, the worst singer the Earth has ever seen-or should that be heard?"

James was rather insulted by the really quite unnecessary abuse on his ego. He thought he had a nice voice. It did seem to be able to shatter both glass and eardrums but that was just a little idiosyncrasy, wasn't it? Anyway, he decided to let that pass. After all, Remus was getting on to the good stuff- the non-Sirius influenced, sure-fire, guaranteed to work, Girl Advice.