Stupid Boys

STUPID BOYS

CHAPTER 5: MISGUIDED FOOL

James swiftly folded another paper aeroplane and launched it in the direction of the front row. She had screwed up his first three notes but maybe this time...

No. Another parchment wasted.

'It was worth it for the cause, though,' James decided. He didn't care what it took, he was going to get her attention whether she liked it or not. He was going to make her talk to him again. Even if all she did was call him a few names, comparing him to a giant squid or a gnome or something, and kick him up the bum, she'd still be talking to him. He didn't think he could stand the silence anymore.

"Lily!" he whispered across to her, but still she ignored him. "Psst! Lily!"

He knew that she had heard him because she turned her head away, but not before he saw the flash of annoyance in her eyes and the flair of her nostrils.

Maybe, he was getting off lightly with the silence.

He couldn't quite understand. He was just doing what Sirius said would work. Actually, thinking about it might be the reason why it wasn't working. It was Sirius' advice, why should he expect anything less?

As Professor Binns droned on and on monotonously James sighed. How could he win Lily over? Obviously, telling her straight out hadn't worked. Paying attention to her, as Sirius had insisted would work, hadn't. But then again, James had translated 'pay attention' into 'pester'. It was the only way he knew.

The bell rang and the class filtered out into the corridor, joining the crowd heading to the Great Hall for lunch and James sidled up to Lily.

"Hey, Evans. How are you? Well, obviously, you look well, no, you look great." As she increased her speed to get away from him James had to run to keep up with her and smiled nervously as he attempted to get her to speak to him. "What are you doing Saturday? Going to Hogsmede? So am I. Maybe I could see you there...?"

His heart sunk when she simply turned to look him in the eyes for the first time and glared at him coldly, before joining her friends at the Gryffindor table.

That was it. She was never going to talk to him again. What had he done? He had been happy with their friendship. He had enjoyed her company. He had liked that she used to treat him just as one of her friends. But he couldn't escape the fact that he had wanted more. James knew that he would never have been satisfied with just being friends. He would've had to express his feelings sometime or another, and now it had happened, at least he had got a kiss out of it. Ok, he had got a black eyes in return that hurt like Hell but it had been worth it. Now he would die a happy man, having kissed Lily Evans, having felt the fireworks, the spark, the bloody marvellous feelings of a man in love.

James shook his head in wonder. When had he got so completely cheesy? Probably around the same time he had told Lily Evans that he had a thing for her. Anyway, he didn't care if he came across as cliché he just wanted her to forgive him. And now he knew he would never stop trying to win her over.

James sneaked a glance over at Lily as was his daily lunchtime routine and then began to file his plate with mash potatoes, all the while a plan forming in his mind. Sirius had said the five main things sure to work were: attention, serenading, complimenting, gifts and poetry. He decided to ditch his first attempt paying her attention (AKA stalking her) and go on to another method.

As a strategy involving a banjo-playing Sirius, a maracas shaking Remus and himself singing Elvis style outside her bedroom window began to take shape in his mind he wondered if he had gone insane. He was taking Sirius' advice? But it was, for once, good advice! It was sure to work!

Maybe he should've gone to Remus.

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Friday 1^st December

Death? No, its too good for him. He deserves pain. Lots of pain. He needs to pay. What for? Pestering, serenading, annoying. Prank made me mad but I thought it was over. Finished. But, noooo! Bloody Potter, bloody annoying, bloody embarrassing, bloody, bloody, bloody Hell!!

Seriously homicidal at 3am. With the singing and singing and singing. Yes, combine broomsticks outside my window, Stupid Boys, banjos, maracas and an Elvis song sung v. badly and you've got the picture. Sweet, eh? Suicidal, more like. Was funny though when fell off broom. How is it my fault his head got in the way of my paperweight? Heard Potter refused treatment. Have no sympathy! Must like pain. Ah! That is why he follows me all day! Waiting for me to explode and cause him pain. Won't have long to wait.

Why carry on with prank? Do they hate me that much? Must do. Must know I...used to, once upon a time, a v. long time ago, in what feels like a Galaxy far, far away, kinda- like- stupid boy no.1. Not anymore though. Not now. Actually I never did really. Just friends. Friendly feelings. I didn't fantasise or dream or wish or hope...nope. Never did. Ever. Really.

Strangely confused. Hate him but I miss him. I miss my good friend. Now, all I've got is him, the stupid, annoying, Elvis-singing him. The Idiot Boy Wonder is here to stay and James is gone. I've lost him for good.

Lily.

P.S. Paper aeroplanes. How I hate them.

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He crouched beneath the dark table and breathed in a sigh of relief. Safe. For now. She was still hunting him and Sirius was way too stubborn and way too scared of her to surrender. His only option was to wait it out.

"BLACK!!"

Maybe, he should run. Yes, running sounded like a great idea. Sirius peered out from under the table cloth and, deciding the coast was clear, bolted, heading for the Boys Dormitory and the sanctuary it represented.

Inches from freedom, Sirius felt his stomach flip over with dread as a hand closed around his collar and yanked him off his feet. He was flat on his back and staring fearfully up into the enraged eyes of his future murderer. Evans.

Sirius, however, simply got to his feet gracefully and slowly brushed off his robes, all the while still feeling her gaze burning him. He looked up in surprise as if he was shocked to see her and smiled his ever-so-charming smile. "Ah! Evans, there you are! I know you can't resist stalking me, but, really, this little obsession has got to stop." He frowned pityingly at her and said "I'm flattered but I feel your passion for sadism is really going too far. What would James say?"

But Lily was not to be reeled in. Sirius felt rather cheated that his ever so well thought out speech had achieved nothing. Except to give her enough time to catch her breath and therefore allow her to continue her Sirius-bashing.

She stood with one foot tapping impatiently , and eyebrow raised in cynicism and fists clenching with anticipation. Sirius was deflated. Defeated. He would get pummelled and then James would do a victory dance. But it wouldn't be as effective as his- Sirius' had the power to be simultaneously attractive to girls and extremely macho. James just looked like a berk. At least Sirius had that to console himself with. A last happy thought before he died.

"What is wrong with you? Are you insane? Delusional? Or just incredibly thick? Masochistic?" Now Lily, thank God, looked rather...merciful. Sirius was baffled. The Queen of Pain was taking pity on someone? Taking pity on him? How could it be?

However, Lily wasn't done with him. She had put the fear of God into him, but, apparently, that wasn't enough. With a murderous look in her eyes she leaned forward and whispered to him in a deadly tone, "You dare to tell anyone about what you know, you die. You think about telling anyone and I'll cut off your fingers, one by one. Insinuate something? The ears go. Talk to me about him again? The nose." As if that wasn't enough, it was what she said next that would haunt his nightmares for many weeks to come. "You mention me and him in the same sentence and it'll be a fate worse that death for you." She smiled evilly. "Snip, snip goes all that lovely, luscious hair."

"NO!!" Sirius all but screamed, making a few people turn to see what all the fuss was about. He didn't care what they thought- he just wished he'd never even started Operation: Get-James-To-Admit-To-Fancying-Lily-Then-Asking-Her-Out-Successfully-While-Simultaneously-Making-Sirius-Look-Fantastic. He had just been trying to help out! Was it his fault that he just so happened to be casually walking past the girls dormitory when he noticed her diary was calling to him? Was is his fault that the lock had just fallen off? It might have been but still he didn't deserve threats over his hair. His HAIR!! He prided himself on his macho image but the hair was an essential ingrediant in his handsomeness! He wouldn't be gorgeous without it!

He pushed away from The Evil One and ran out of the common room in sheer terror. He couldn't go back to his dorm- she'd be in Gryffindor Tower, waiting for him. He had to hide. That's it! He'd hide!

And so Sirius The Stupid ran away to find the perfect place to hibernate for the Winter, while Lily leaned back in her armchair in satisfaction. Stupid Boys could be such big girls blouses.

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