Kissing Potions

Kissing Potions

"I can't believe that we still have potions with Slytherin!" Ron complained to Harry and Hermione as they trundled towards the classroom in the dungeons. "You would have thought that after this long, they'd put us with another house."

Harry and Hermione just looked at each other and rolled their eyes. It was the same every year. Ron would complain about potions with Slytherin and the other two would do their best to ignore his constant ranting.

As they approached the dungeons, they heard lots of screaming and yelling from none other than Malfoy and his sort-of girlfriend, Pansy.

"No! You stay the hell away from me! Can't you get through your thick skull that I can't stand you?!" Malfoy was screaming, all dignity was lost.

"Don't say that, my little golden dragon! I know that you don't mean that!" Pansy cried. "I know that you really love me, deep down inside."

Little golden dragon? The infamous trio choked back fits of laughter but nothing would have prepared them for what lay around the corner.

"Yeah, it's so deep down inside that it's lost forever," Malfoy yelled at Pansy who was clinging to his knees.

"No! No! No! You don't mean that! You can't mean that!" Pansy cried, rubbing her face into Malfoy's trouser legs and smearing her heavy make up all over her face.

"Stop that! You're messing up my clothes!" Malfoy yelled, trying to kick Pansy off without any luck. "Get her off me!" he yelled to Crabbe and Goyle who were just standing there, watching all the drama.

Crabbe and Goyle each grabbed one of Pansy's shoulders and pulled. Hard. But unfortunately, Pansy was stronger than the two goons had anticipated and stayed clung on to Malfoy's knees. When Pansy was pulled back, Malfoy fell too and hit his head hard on the stonewall behind him.

"Ow! Crap! Watch what you're doing next time!" Malfoy complained, still trying to kick Pansy off.

The dungeon doors flew open and a rather green-looking Professor Snape greeted them.

"Put your books on the tables and form a circle in the middle of the room," he said quietly before returning to the dark shadows of his dungeon.

Everyone looked strangely at each other before going in. All of the desks had been pushed back against the walls and a tall end table with coloured potions on top had been placed in the centre of the room. Everyone was deadly silent as they did what their professor had told them to do. Malfoy was standing at the back of the room, as far as he could get away from the psychotic Pansy who was standing in front of Snape's raised platform.

"As part of your revised course this year," Snape said slowly, looking sicker by the second, "you have to learn about kissing potions. Fortunately, these are highly complex and most of the ingredients are extremely rare. So even if you could get your hands on the ingredients needed, a lot of waiting is also required and the slightest mistake could cost you your life so I advise you all not to try and make your own," he said, glaring at Hermione.

Hermione looked as if Snape had walked muddy golf shoes all over her pride, but she knew what he said was completely right. She had read all about it of course.

"Now," Snape continued. He picked up a thin red book from his desk. "The first potion is the soul mate potion. Ms Brown, would you care to try it?"

Lavender hesitantly stepped into the circle and awaited her next instructions. But they never came.

Snape looked sicker and sicker and greener too.

"Ms Granger, you take the class!" was all he was able to say before dashing out of the dungeon.

"Gee, I didn't know he hated kissing potions that much," Ron remarked and all the surrounding Gryffindors laughed.

Hermione walked up to the raised platform that Snape had been standing on just mere seconds ago and picked up the thin red book.

"Soul Mate Potion...Soul Mate Potion..." Hermione muttered to herself as she looked for the place where Snape had left off.

"Hey Granger! Stop talking to yourself and just get on with it!" Malfoy yelled from the back of the room.

Hermione flipped him off and finally found the Soul Mate Potion.

"Aha! Lav, it's the light blue potion." Hermione told her fellow Gryffindor. "It says that if your soul mate is in the same room as you, you'll kiss them and if you're not, a picture of them will appear from, uh, lip-height."

Lavender shut her eyes tight then drank the entire light blue potion in one gulp. With her eyes still closed, she walked over to where Seamus Finnigan stood and gave him a quick peck. Both Seamus and Lavender's eyes grew wide with surprise.

"So will you go out with me now?" Seamus asked hopefully.

Lavender smiled shyly and nodded.

"Goyle, would you like to try the next potion?" Hermione smiled a little too innocently.

Goyle stepped into the circle.

"The red one." Hermione pointed out.

Goyle drowned the potion in one gulp and began to sway slightly.

"What Goyle just drank is the Secret Crush potion. Once the potion takes effect, Goyle will kiss the person he has a crush on."

Goyle finally stopped swaying, gave Millicent Bulstrode a kiss, and was immediately thumped in the head by the shocked girl. The rest of the class was trying to not lose their breakfast onto the dungeon floor.

Pansy was now bouncing on her toes and waving her arms in the air, trying to get Hermione's attention, who, by the way, was standing right in front of Pansy.

"Yes Pansy?" Hermione finally asked.

"Can I try a potion? Please?" Pansy asked extremely nicely.

"Sure. The pink one is the Perfect Kiss potion. The drinker will give the person they think is the most perfect in the room what they think is the perfect kiss."

Malfoy's insides did somersaults. He was going to be attacked again. And this time it was by an intoxicated Pansy.

Pansy gave Malfoy a look of victorious evil as she drank the potion. Her brown eyes turned the pink colour the potion had been and walked over to Malfoy.

"Sop her! Stop her!" Malfoy whispered, scared for his life, to his goons.

Crabbe and Goyle restrained Pansy and she began to struggle in their tight grip.

"No! No! Let me go!" Pansy cried, still kicking and screaming.

Finally, the potion wore off and Pansy was once again her somewhat normal self. She sulked back to her place in the circle, and gave evil eyes to Crabbe and Goyle.

"Well Malfoy, it seems that Professor Snape has made two vials of the Perfect Kiss potion. Would you like to do the honours?" Hermione asked a little too sweetly this time.

"Fine." Malfoy strode into the circle and picked up the vial. "But I tell you, it's going to be hard trying to kiss myself," he smirked and drank the potion in one swift movement.

Malfoy's grey eyes turned pink and his expression became one of undeniable passion. He strode up to the front of the classroom and Pansy puckered up, ready for her perfect kiss.

Except, Malfoy roughly pushed her aside and stopped onto the platform where Hermione was.

"You're mine," Malfoy whispered and dipped the stunned girl, giving her his perfect kiss.