Harry Potter and the Secrets from the Past

Chapter 33. COMING BACK TO LIFE

...

Sorry, it's late, and I'm thinking of you

Yes I'm coming, and I'm thinking of you

I wasn't funny, and I'm thinking of you

I'm sitting in the dark, and I'm thinking of you

I close my eyes, and I'm thinking of you

I can't sleep, and I'm still thinking of you.

...

"... and I'm thinking of you" by Lucio Battisti

Hermione and Ron came back to Hogwarts on Sunday night in order to start their classes on Monday morning.

Officially, all the other students knew that Harry had to leave school for a few urgent and very secret matters. Dumbledore had absolutely forbidden the teachers to reveal how things truly were; in this way, the Headmaster wanted to prevent Voldemort from coming to know Harry's real health contidions and also, to protect Snape's cover.

In private, Dumbledore had informed Ron and Hermione the minimum needed to keep them quiet; he told them that Harry was alive, even if still senseless. Nevertheless, Hermione wasn't able to calm down; it was unbearable for her to know that the boy she was in love with was still in mortal danger, isolated in an unknown place, without his closest friends by his side.

On Monday morning, Hermione was still lying on her bed with the curtains closed all around it, staring at the ceiling with wet eyes. The previous day she didn't want anything to eat and during the whole night, she wasn't able to sleep at all.

She almost didn't realize that her roommates were already up and getting ready. Suddenly, Lavender opened her bed curtains, smiling.

"Good morning! I don't think you want to be late, do you?"

Hermione didn't reply and quickly wiped her eyes with her pajamas' sleeve. Lavender became serious and moved closer to her. "How are you feeling, Hermione?"

Hermione stared intensely at her mate, feeling that she was going to burst into tears any minute, but forced herself to resist; she couldn't tell Lavender what the true reason of her suffering was. What was she going to tell her friend then? Maybe that she was fine, but that had just had an awful nightmare? Hermione opened and closed her mouth several times, feeling a knot in the throat which prevented her from speaking.

Lavender sat on the bed and gently caressed her ruffled hair. "Are you missing Harry?" she said, and Hermione nodded in silence.

"I'm sure that when he'll come back, you're going to forget all your troubles."

Hermione felt extremely thankful for those words, even if the situation wasn't as simple as Lavender thought. She sighed deeply and finally managed to get off the bed and get ready.

In the common room, Hermione found Ron waiting for her; when she reached him, the two friends exchanged an agreeing glance.

"We'll meet in class, Lavender. See you later!" Hermione dismissed her mate and moved to a quieter corner with Ron.

"Any news?" she whispered hopefully, but Ron slowly shook his head no and Hermione lowered her gaze to the floor.

"Do you think Snape will be at school today?" Ron asked uncertainly.

"How could he? Snape is taking care of Harry at the moment. Surely there will be a substitute for his potions classes. However, I don't care who is going to teach us today, as long as Snape does the impossible to save Harry."

"You're right!" replied Ron, looking around warily. "It's better if we go now; I think we're attracting too much attention."

The two friends exited the common room and walked along the corridors, passing other students who were rushing to reach their classes.

"If we run, maybe we could still find something to eat!" said Ron walking faster, but Hermione didn't look interested at all.

"I'm not hungry!" she said, carelessly.

Ron stopped abruptly and turned to her with a stern look in his eyes. "If you keep fasting like this, you're going to be sick!"

"Why don't you stop telling me what to do and mind your own business?" Hermione was losing her temper.

"I'm just worried about you, that's all!"

"I'm sorry, Ron, but today I'm not in the right mood for a quarrel!" Saying these words, Hermione rushed away, leaving Ron there, astonished.

Hermione ran donwstairs in a fury, squeezing her school bag in her arms angrily. When she reached the dungeons, she didn't find the usual line of students waiting in front of the class, meaning that the teacher was already inside. She moved to the door and entered, panting heavily because of the run; in that moment, she felt everybody staring at her and with greatest surprise, she saw Snape looking at her sternly from his desk.

"You're late, Miss Granger!" thundered the teacher, and Hermione needed a few seconds to come back to her senses; not only Snape was at school, but he was scolding her as he usually did.

"Do you want to remain at the door for the whole lesson?" Snape insisted.

"O-of course not! I-I'm coming!" Hermione stuttered, heading to one of the last desks close to the entrance and sitting on Lavender's side.

Snape frowned at her for a few seconds before he stood up and started the lesson. Hermione was deeply shocked; the last thing she could imagine was finding Snape at school that day. While thinking over it, she felt her heart beating faster and faster.

"Maybe something terrible has happened to Harry! Maybe Snape has realized that there is nothing more useful to do and has left him alone!" she thought in panic. "Maybe Harry is already gone forever, and I didn't even have time to say goodbye!"

These thoughts started to wind through her brain like an evil worm; her heart was telling her that it couldn't be true, but her brain was confirming that horrible theory.

Hermione felt a cold chill going up her spine and sweat started to moisten her forehead; the teacher's monotonous voice resounded in her ears like a deaf litany, making her lose control. She felt the air missing and raised a hand to her shirt collar, panting heavily.

"Hermione, are you all right?" asked Lavender worriedly, but Hermione didn't have the strength to reply.

Everything was turning around whirlingly, the classroom, her classmates' faces, Snape's stern face, which was moving closer to her.

"Miss Granger! Miss Granger!"

The teacher's persistent voice was the last thing Hermione managed to hear; then she closed her eyes and fainted heavily on the cold floor, where remained senseless.

***O***

The beach was wonderful so early in the morning; the sea waves regularly broke against the golden sand and the water was as blue and crystalline as the sky.

Harry felt the sun rays warming his face. During the previous night he had been sitting on the shore, staring at the sea and the stars. That magnificent place was far beyond any human imagination. He closed the eyes and breathed the fresh and brackish air deeply; he had just spent a few days there, and he already knew that it was the right place for him. Not only because it was a sort of heaven, but above all, because his parents were finally by his side.

Harry didn't clearly remember how he had managed to arrive; his mother had come to him and together, they had crossed a lighted gate leading to this fabulous astral world. When he finally managed to meet his father, Harry's happiness became complete.

James was just like in the pictures, a bit taller than his son, with black and ruffled hair, deep brown eyes behind a pair of round glasses; Harry's exact copy, only more mature.

During the days they had passed together, Lily and James had shown Harry that magnificent world; *everything was infinitely beautiful, clean, and orderly. There were no injustices, deaths and suffering; the inhabitants were living together peacefully, even if they were of different races: beyond astral men, there were also myriads of fairies, mermaids, gnomes, spirits and demigods. Each one of them possessed the power of modifying any object or being, managing to change their form and also enhancing their grace at will.

The climate was an eternal spring, with occasional luminous white snow and rain of many-colored lights; there were opal lakes, bright seas and rainbow rivers. There were no dead planets or barren lands, no blemishes - no weeds, bacteria or insects.

Sometimes, Harry thought he was living in a dream, though that world was wonderful and he didn't want to leave anymore. Oddly, he didn't remember anything about his terrestrial life, neither the faces of his friends, nor the feelings he had for them; it was as if he had removed every memory. He felt reborn and had no other desire than to remain with his beloved parents.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw that someone was slowly approaching him; he turned and smiled at his father, who sat by his side on the sand. James was wearing a simple robe covered with a shining halo of light, just like the one Harry was wearing.

"Isn't it wonderful? The sea always gives me great energy!"

Harry nodded without taking away his gaze from James's calm face. He was greedily examining his father's features, every single wrinkle or characteristic sign of his face; they were perfectly in tune, one completely absorbed in each other's soul.

"I need to talk to you, my son. There is still a very important choice you must make and I'll help you to make it wisely."

Harry stared at his father, puzzled, and James spoke again, with a great calmness in his voice.

"You must decide either to remain in the astral world, or to come back to earth, where you still have your life and your dearest friends."

"B-but, I don't understant! Why should I go away? Now that I've found you, I just want to remain here, and never leave you anymore!" Harry protested, but James became serious before speaking again.

"Tell me Harry. You don't remember anything about your terrestrial life? And about your friends?"

Harry thought about it for a moment and then he firmly replied. "There is nothing which could make me come back. I just want to stay here with you!"

"My son, there are two main reasons why you've come here, in the place where me and your mother have chosen to stay; firstly, we wanted to grant your most intimate wish, to meet us again. Now you know that we're fine and that we'll always take care of you." James stopped briefly, laying a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"The second reason was that we wanted to help you overcome a very difficult moment of your life; just while we're talking, your body and mind are fighting between life and death, but the final choice depends just on you."

Harry couldn't believe to those words; how could it be true? He was there with his father, and was feeling perfectly alive. "It isn't true! I don't believe you!" he protested.

"If you choose to remain here with us, you're going to leave your life and your friends, who love you and are suffering for you at this moment. I may assure you that it'd be a temporary separation from them, because true friends will always rejoin themselves sooner or later. The question is, is it really what you want to do?"

Harry stared at the waves on the sea surface; his father was talking about people and situations which seemed so far away. He asked himself why he should ever want to come back, since he felt he didn't have any connection with his past.

"I'd like to show you something, Harry." James stretched out a hand and laid it on his son's chest, right where the heart was. "Now, close your eyes."

As soon as Harry obeyed, he saw an infinity of images and sounds skimming in front of his interior sight; when everything became quiet again, a few scenes of his past appeared. Harry found himself at Knockturn Alley at night; Ron was lying on the ground, passed out, and Hermione was kneeling by his side, her face tensed and worried. Harry was standing at a certain distance from them, surrounded by a large group of Death Eaters.

As a detached spectator, Harry relived those last frantic instants, until Bellatrix Lestrange raised her wand toward Hermione; with endless horror, Harry saw himself moving forward in order to protect the girl with his own body; when the curse hit him right in the chest, Harry felt an unbearable pain in his heart, as if right then, he had just realized it had caught him to death.

"Noooooo!" Harry shouted, widening his eyes, then stood up panting heavily and walked away rapidly, leaving his father sitting on the sand.

"It's not true! It can't be true!" he kept telling to himself, feeling his heart beating faster. "It was just one of my usual nightmares, that's all!"

"Harry, wait please!" James was calling him from far away, and Harry stopped abruptly; when his father reached him, the young wizard didn't turn, but remained there, ready to listen.

"What I've just showed you has happened for real, it wasn't a nightmare. Nevertheless, you have nothing to fear, because you'll have enough strength and courage to overcome all this. The possibility to choose between coming back to earth or remain in the astral world is a gift that almost nobody has the honour to receive."

Harry was still reliving in his mind those horrible images; suddenly, his thoughts focused on Hermione and he felt his heart overflowing with love for her. How could he ever be able to leave Hermione all alone?

"My son, if you choose to come back, you must know that really difficult times are waiting for you; the curse which has caught you doesn't leave any way out and you may regret not having chosen to remain here with us. But remember that the love of your dearest friends will help you to go on. Your mother and I will always be close to you, in spirit."

Harry slowly turned to face his father and stared at him intensely in the eyes before to speak. "I've already made my choice!"

***O***

"Miss Granger? Miss Granger!"

Hermione woke up abruptly and tried to lift herself on her elbows, coughing because of the strong smell of sulphur. She opened her eyes and blinked several times before realizing that she was in the hospital wing with Madame Pomfrey in front of her, holding a small smoking censer.

"Blessed girl! You don't eat any food for days and at night you don't close your eyes, how do you think you're going to stand on your feet! I keep asking myself what I still need to see before to retire!" Madame Pomfrey moved away mumbling and Hermione lay heavily on the bed; she felt extremely weak, but when she turned around and saw Snape in a corner of the room, she couldn't refrain herself from jumping up and getting seated.

"Oh, not at all, my dear! What are you thinking? You can't stand up yet, go back to bed!" ordered the nurse, but Hermione hadn't any intention to obey her.

"P-professor Snape! P-please, I need to talk to you!" she called him, but the teacher didn't seem willing to listen. "P-professor Snape..."

Suddenly, Hermione turned to the edge of the bed and stood up, feeling dizzy; with a great effort, she moved a few steps forward, but Madame Pomfrey rushed to her and grabbed her firmly by the shoulder.

"My goodness, Professor! This girl needs to talk to you!" the nurse was deeply indignated and finally Snape came closer.

"How is Harry?" Hermione asked with trembling voice.

"His conditions are unchanged; there is nothing new to say about it."

"I want to see him! Please, tell me where he's staying now!" Hermione begged, but the teacher didn't reply. "I know that Harry needs me. I only need a few minutes, just to make sure that he's..."

"Those aren't the instructions I've received by the Headmaster!" Snape cut her off with his usual cold voice.

Hermione felt an uncontrollable anger bursting inside, which made her forget her fragility. She sqeezed her fists and shouted against the teacher. "How could you be so insensitive! The truth is that you want to see him dead!"

"How you dare talking to me in this way?" Snape scolded her, but Hermione didn't care.

"Harry can't stay by himself right now; he needs his friends by his side!"

Madame Pomfrey was still staring at Snape and at Hermione in turn, without fully understanding what they were talking about.

"You've hated him since the first time you met! I'm sure you don't care about his life! I'll tell you something, professor," Hermione stared intensely at the teacher before ending her sentence, "if Harry dies, you're going to have him on your conscience, and no-one will ever forgive you!"

Snape widened his eyes in dismay.

"Come on, Miss Granger, it's better if you lay down now," said the nurse, pushing her gently to the bed. Hermione had nothing more to say and followed her without showing any resistance.

"I'm going to speak with the Headmaster! Be ready. But if you want to follow me, you'll have to put something in your stomach first!" said Snape abruptly.

Hermione stared at him with mouth open, deeply astonished; then the teacher turned to the door and quickly exited the room.

***O***

The bedroom was cold and dark, emanating a strong smell of mold. Hermione entered with slow steps, squinting her eyes in order to be able to see anything.

In the meantime, Snape had reached the window and had opened the courtains, letting a ray of light come in. Hermione went blind for a second and raised a hand to her eyes. When finally she became accustomed to the twilight, she managed to see a large canopy bed in a corner of the room, and lying on it, the motionless body of a boy. In a second, she was on his side and felt a painful lurch in her stomach.

Harry looked extremely pale; under his eyes he had deep black circles and had also grew slimmer. He was wearing simple pajamas and white clean bed sheets covered the bed, meaning that Snape had cared about him, after all.

Hermione grabbed Harry's hand and felt it was freezing; with the other hand, she brushed his black hair, which fell messily onto his forehead.

"Oh, Harry, you don't know how I've missed you. I was going crazy without you," she whispered, hoping that he was able to listen. After all those days made of doubts and suffering, she couldn't refrain from crying; tears crossed her face, but she wiped them quickly with her sleeve. "When Harry wakes up, he won't see me crying!" she thought determinedly. "I need to be strong for both of us!"

Snape came closer like a ghost and stared at the boy by Hermione's side. "It's time to go now." His stern voice called Hermione back to reality; unfortunately, she had the permission to remain there just for a few minutes. For security reasons, she would have come back to Hogwarts immediately.

"Harry, I'm sorry, but I can't stay here longer, even if I wish I could. Don't worry, I'll be back soon, I promise." Hermione slowly bent closer and hesitated an instant in front of his lips; then she moved a few centimeters up and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

In that exact moment, she felt her hand being sqeezed firmly. Hermione widened her eyes in surprise and stared at Harry's face, which was still motionless.

Making a great effort, the boy managed to move his lips, speaking only one word.

"H-her-mio-ne..."

*The description of the astral world is taken from the book "Autobiography of a Yogi", written by Swami Paramahansa Yogananda, page. 402.

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