Harry Potter and the Secrets from the Past

Chapter 25. SENSE OF GUILT

...

Blue rivers, hills and prairies

Where sweetly my melancholies run

The universe finds his place inside me

But the courage to live isn't there yet.

...

"Gardens in March" by Lucio Battisti

Harry was late for his transfiguration lesson; he rushed inside the classroom apologizing to Professor McGonagall and reached Ron at a desk far away from the teacher.

He was still disoriented by his quarrel with Hermione and his hands were trembling in the anger that he was still feeling inside.

"Is everything fine, Harry?" Ron asked in a low voice.

"Yes, fine!" Harry replied with clenched teeth, without even turning to face his friend.

"Where is Hermione?" Ron asked again, looking around.

"I don't know!" Harry replied annoyed.

"But she was with you!"

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Weasley! Be quiet during my lesson, please!"

Professor McGonagall scolded them immediately and both friends took out their books, forcing themselves to follow the lesson.

Harry couldn't stand it anymore: he had the feeling that the two hours which followed were the longest of whole his life. Professor McGonagall was sterner than ever and gave a lot of homework for the following day.

Finally lunch time came and the two friends were the first to sit at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall.

Ron was still looking at the door to see if Hermione was coming.

"Tell me the truth, did you quarrel?" he asked, alarmed.

Harry stared at him in silence, and then thought that it was useless keeping hiding the truth from him.

"Yes, you're right!" he replied, resigned, trying his hardest to concentrate on the empty plate in front of him.

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure she's going to get over it, she always does, I'm telling you!" Ron said simply, filling his plate with meat stew and baked potatoes.

"I don't think so. This time is different..." Harry commented gloomy and then he told all that had happened the previous day.

"W-what? You KISSED her?"

"NO! She kissed me, it's different! But the weird thing is that she did it after our quarrel! She has treated me like a real idiot! She has played games with me and it's making me crazy!"

"Love problems?"

Harry and Ron turned to Luna, who had just sat in front of them and was staring carefully at the two of them.

"NO!" lied Harry, extremely annoyed by her intrusion.

"Hi Luna! Shall we meet tonight after classes?" Ron asked her with a large smile on his face.

"Sure! I'll wait for you in the entrance... bye bye!" Luna greeted them with a light wave of her hand, while slowly heading to the Ravenclaw table.

"If you're going to tell her something, I swear that..." Harry threatened his friend, deeply alarmed.

"Hey, do you think I'm an idiot?" Ron replied, pretending to be offended.

Harry filled his plate unwillingly.

"Since we've started on the subject, how is your relationship going on so far?" asked Harry, after having swallowed the first bit of meat.

Ron lowered his gaze, evidently embarrassed by the question.

"Well, we're fine together. Luna is such an interesting girl. You should get to know her better, I'm sure you're going to like her."

"Yes, maybe..." Harry replied absent-mindedly filling again his plate.

"Hi guys!" Lavender had just reached them.

"Have you seen Hermione somewhere? I wanted to ask an explanation about her Charms notes."

Harry and Ron stared at each other puzzled.

"I thought that you should know where to find her, you three are always together!"

"Did you try in the library?" Ron asked, trying to speak in his most natural way.

"It's the first place I went, but she wasn't there." Lavender explained.

Ron glared at Harry starting to worry.

"Maybe she's gone in her dormitory. I think she wasn't feeling really well after Snape's class," said Harry uncertainly.

"I'll check there, thanks for the tip!" Lavender bid them goodbye and rushed away.

"Are you going to tell me what you did to her?" asked Ron with a menacing glare.

"NOTHING! We've had a quarrel, I told you!"

"Did you lose your temper as usual?"

"Well, maybe just a bit... but what is the point? She's played with me and I was feeling so bad that I..."

"What did you tell her, exactly?" Ron asked again, deeply worried.

"I wanted to know if I had any chance with her or if I should shut her out of my mind. I asked for a straight answer, but she kept saying that it was too complicated for her and that she didn't know if I would be able to understand, and then..."

"And then?"

Harry stopped to think and the image of Hermione came back to his mind immediately; she was standing in front of him, desperate and with wet eyes.

"Maybe I've been too tough with her," admitted Harry in the end.

"I really think that you should go and apologize. It's better if you do it soon, if not you're going to spend a whole month without talking to each other as you did the last time!"

Harry didn't reply, but he thought that Ron was perfectly right. He should have tried to control himself, instead of attacking her in that awful way.

Probably Hermione was now crying like a wounded bird, shut up somewhere in the castle. Harry made the decision to talk to her as soon as they met.

***O***

When Harry entered Professor Flitwick's classroom, his heart lifted when he saw Hermione already sitting at the first desk on Lavender's side.

Unfortunately during the following two hours, he didn't have any possibility to come closer to her and just threw a few furtive glances from a distance. He had the feeling that his best friend wasn't too angry with him after all, even if she didn't sit with them as usual.

When the bell finally rang, all of the students exited the classroom and headed to the greenhouse for their Herbology lesson; already in the gardens, Harry walked faster and reached her.

"HERMIONE! Hermione, wait!"

Since she didn't stop, Harry grabbed her arm and forced her to turn. Both of them remained behind, while their classmates were already entering the greenhouse number seven.

Harry didn't know where to start and he scratched his forehead nervously.

"I-I'm sorry for w-what I told you this morning. I didn't mean to hurt you." He started embarrassed, while she was frowning at him.

"I shouldn't have treat you like that, I'm really sorry."

Hermione waited a few seconds before replying, and then sighed deeply and spoke.

"Have you finished?" She asked huffily and he nodded, fearing the worst.

"Well, listen carefully to me, Harry Potter. It isn't my intention to let you or anyone else treat me in this absurd way! I'm not a target to mistreat when you're feeling nervous or frustrated, I'm a person and I've got feelings, just like you!"

Harry was deeply shocked by her words.

"If my reasons aren't of your interest, well that's fine! It means that after all, it isn't true that you care about me as you said."

"B-but I'm ready to listen to you now. I really want to, please believe me!" Harry replied, sincerely sorry.

"TOO LATE!"

With this last affirmation, Hermione turned on the other side and reached her classmates, leaving Harry looking at her, deeply astonished.

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