Harry Potter and the Secrets from the Past

3. IN THE BEDROOM OF SIRIUS

...
And punching a man just because
He has been impolite
Knowing that what it is burning inside are not
The offenses.
And closing my eyes to stop
Something that
It is inside of me
But it isn't in your mind...
...

"Emotions" by Lucio Battisti

Harry was running again along a dark corridor with stone walls, lit just by a few torches. He headed toward the only door at the end of the corridor, and when he opened it, he found himself in a large room, with amphitheater shape.

Sirius Black was there again, in the center of the amphitheater, fighting against Bellatrix Lestrange.

Once again Harry wanted desperately to go and warn him, but he felt that he couldn't be able to do it and remained still, like a helpless spectator who relives again and again the same tragic scene.

Suddenly he felt a sharp pain at the scar; his head seemed to break up into pieces and he woke up screaming, with the hand at his burning scar.

"NOOOOO......SIRIUS....... NOOOOO..."

Ron jumped on his bed, alarmed.

"Harry? Did you have another nightmare?"

Ron was accustomed to his best friend's troubled nights, but he couldn't help worrying every time the nightmares occured.

"Yes, it is always the same one.... but now everything's all right, don't worry... go back to sleep, Ron," Harry answered panting heavily, while his scar slowly stopped throbbing.

Ron was not really convinced and he sat on his best friend's bed.

"Would you like to tell me about your nightmare, Harry? Maybe I could help you...."

Harry didn't know if it was a good idea to tell his friend, because he did not want to worry him.
However, he understood that it could be worse not telling him.

He got up and sat on the bed, closing his eyes, in order to ease the pain he was feeling inside.

"I always see... Sirius's death.... all the scenes.... and I cannot do anything to avoid it..."

Ron felt sorry for him and started gazing at the floor. Harry was aware of that and also for this reason he was keeping his eyes closed. Then he slowly continued.

"I feel so... so helpless.... it is an unbearable feeling... believe me..."

"Yes.... I believe you, Harry.... Do you think that you will be able to sleep now?" asked Ron nervously, embarassed. Harry nodded, realizing that his friend was feeling sorry for him, and that he could not find the right words to comfort him.

Harry stretched himself out onto the bed and turned onto his other side, gazing at the moonlight coming in from the window.

Neither of them was able to fall asleep again.

***O***

The following morning, Harry and Ron got up late. They had managed to fall asleep just at dawn.

They quickly ran down to the kitchen for breakfast, and there they found Mrs Weasley, Hermione, and Ginny chatting animately, whilst cleaning the dishes.

"Good morning to you two! Ron, you always oversleep, do you know what time it is? And you, Harry, dear, did you sleep well? I am sure that you needed some good rest, after that long trip."

Mrs Weasley was always very kind to Harry, probably because she felt sorry for him being an orphan.

Harry and Ron sat at the table to have breakfast, and Hermione came closer to talk to them.

"Good morning to you! Did you forget that today we are going to pay a visit to Fred and George at Diagon Alley? We should go shortly, so please try to get finished with your breakfast soon..."

Then she looked intensely at Harry and lowered her voice tone.

"Harry, what happened to you? You look terrible this morning! Have you had another one of your nightmares last night?"

Harry was surprised at that question; was he such a predictable person? Or maybe Hermione was able to read minds? Anyway, Ron answered instead.

"Yes, a very bad nightmare. We woke up, and we could not manage to fall asleep again until the first morning lights.... ahhhhhhhh.... I am so tired....." ended Ron yawning loudly and Harry put down his toast, feeling guilty. Then Hermione looked deep into his eyes.

"Do I have to worry?"

"NO, please, everything is under control..."

Harry reassured her quickly, while he frowned at Ron, who froze with his mouth open. Harry was sure that his best friend was going to tell her the subject of his nightmare, and he didn't want him to do it with everybody watching them.

Soon they were ready in front of the fireplace, to travel with floo-powder.Before they left, Mrs Weasley gave everybody their letters from Hogwarts, with the book list in them, and, to their surprise, also their O.W.L.S. results. Harry hoped to have passed all the main subjects with good marks, in order to be able to go on with his idea of becomeing an Auror.

Harry, Ron and Hermione were looking at their envelopes with trepidation. Hermione gave a deep sigh of relief, and Harry knew that she passed with the best marks; Ron made a sad face.

"I knew it! I didn't pass potions.... at least I will have the pleasure of not having to see Snape's ugly face again next year!"

Mrs Weasley frowned at him, and then she turned to Harry.

"And you dear, which marks did you get?

Harry had not opened his envelope yet, because he wanted to know his friends' marks first.
When he read his results, he widened his eyes full of surprise. Hermione could not resist her curiosity, and run behind him to read the results herself.

Then she jumped with excitement, clapping her hands.

"I knew it, Harry, I knew it! You passed in all the subjects with very good marks... you have been great, I had no doubt..."

In fact it was great: Harry got the highest marks in all the subjects, except in Potions, but it was enough to go on with the main subjects requested to become an Auror, which were Potions, Transfiguration, Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts.

He was thankful for Professor McGonagall, since she offered her help to him in this matter last year.

Everybody congratulated him and Hermione, but Ron was also satisfied.

Then they got closer to the fireplace and disappeared one by one into the fire, to reappear in Diagon Alley.

While Mrs Weasley was going to do the shoping, Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny headed to Fred and George's new shop.

It was really nice, not as big as Zonko's in Hogsmeade, but it was full of strange new inventions. Harry was very impressed, and so was Hermione, who in the past years was always disapproving wherever the twins and their "useless" abilities were concerned.

They came back to Grimmauld Place for dinner, and afterwards everybody was so tired, expecially Harry and Ron, that they wished the others good night and went up in their bedroom.

But Harry could not sleep: he wanted to do something very important first, even if it could be really sad and painful for him. He waited until Ron finally fell asleep, and then he tiptoed out of his room. The corridor was empty.

Slowly he climbed the stairs to the upper floor and then he reached Sirius's bedroom. He put his hand on the handle and hesitated for a moment. He wished so much to see his godfather's room again, and maybe he hoped to be able to find him there again.

He entered the room and the darkness pushed heavily on his eyes. Then he took his wand from his pocket and ordered:

"LUMOS!"

At his command, all the candles of the room lit up.

He closed the door behind him and remained still, looking at every angle: everything was the same as when Sirius was there, the canopy bed, the drawer, the desk, the black leather armchairs.

It looked like that bedroom was waiting for his owner to come back.

Almost without realizing it, a warm tear came down on his cheek.

Slowly he reached the bed and touched it with affection; then his hand tightened the cover with anger, he fell on his kees, leaned his face on the cover, and suddenly, he lost control of his feelings.

Harry burst into a deep crying of liberation. He felt that all his suffering from the last months was slipping away together with all his tears; he was starting to free himself from all that pain, from all that weight which he was carrying on his shoulders for so long. It was as if Sirius's soul captured in that room was helping him to find comfort, to leave everything behind him and start again.

A long time passed, in which inside the room only his sobs were resounding, no-one could be able to hear him, no-one could be able to imagine that Harry was there in his loneliness, and that he was relieving his emotions at last. When he stopped crying, he remained on the floor with his head still leaning on the bed, his eyes closed.

Oddly, he was finally feeling free, lighter than before; maybe now he would be able to face any obstacle hidden in his path, because he had just been able to face himself, his endless sadness, his desperation.

Now he would have started everything again, stronger than before.

***O***

When he finally managed to recover himself, Harry realized that it was very late.

He silently went out from the room and closed the door behind him, then reached the stairs, but he suddenly stopped. He did not want to go back to his room yet, and he sat on the first stair, his elbows on his knees, his hands holding up his head, deeply absorbed in his thoughts.

Suddenly he heard that someone was opening a door and jumped in surprise. He did not want to be seen by anyone, but it was too late, because he could already hear some footsteps.

Before he was able to leave, Hermione was already coming to him.

"Harry, what are you doing here at this time of the night?"

She was really surprised to find him there, and she was talking quietly as to not wake up the others.

"What are YOU doing still up at this time, Hermione? I thought that you were in bed."

"I was in bed, but I heard a noise and I came out to see what it was!"

Then, without waiting for an answer, she sat close to him on the same stair. Both gazed at each other, but soon Harry moved his eyes away from hers, and started looking deeply at the stairway leading downstairs.

Hermione probably understood his mood, because she changed immediately her voice tone and spoke to him in a sweeter way.

"You miss Sirius, don't you?"

Once more, Harry was surprised by his best friend's ability to understand his true feelings.

Harry nodded in silence and Hermione spoke again.

"It must have been really hard for you to come back to this house again.... everything here reminds you of Sirius, and it is inevitable that you are feeling sad now.... but I am sure that you will be able to overcome all this.... I feel it.... and we are going to help you..."

Harry was surprised to hearing those words, and he turned back to her, looking deeply in her eyes. Was it possible that Hermione knew him so well? In that very moment he felt a strong desire to tell her about the prophecy, to reveal her everything and relieve the heavy burden he was carrying on his heart.... But why should he load her with such a big burden? No, he could not do that, he was not ready yet to talk about the prophecy to her or to anyone else, and he remained silent.

"Ron and I will always be close to you.... you will never doubt our friendship... we will always do our best to help you, in every situation."

"Thanks..."

Harry was so thankful, but he could not manage to tell her anything else, since he was starting to feel his emotions coming out again and he did not want to show her his fragility.

They remained there in silence for a few minutes, then Harry suddenly got up and she did the same.

"I think that it is better to go to bed now... I do not want to make you lose sleep, as I did yesterday with Ron..."

"Yes, you are right..."

Hermione gave him a sweet smile; then she turned and reached her bedroom.

"Good night, Harry."

"Good night."

Harry watched her disappearing behind the door. Then he descended the stairs and finally went to bed.