Shiver And Exhale

Thanks to marley who took the time to beta-read this, to all reviewers and to you for reading it.

Now I’m standing on this cliff and everything lies below. The sea is shimmering in the last rays of sunlight and I’m towering above the world watching it silently. Warm tones are all around me. Everywere. But they don’t seem to reach me. I’m already gone, lost in memories. The sun touches the surface of the water and soon it will be gone – just like you. Leaving me bereft of all the joy and happiness. Alone in the dark.

You always reached out to me
and helped me believe

You were my first true friend – you didn’t like me just because of my scar. God, when we weren’t speaking to each other, it was all the scar’s fault. It was my first real Christmas, the one I celebrated with you. I didn’t know how it feels to be liked – to be loved. I am Harry Potter. I didn’t know before I met you. I used to be a little boy to be bullied, punched and pushed around – just Harry. Don’t heed me.

All those memories we share
I will cherish ever one of them

Do you remember how we walked the pure snow-covered grounds together? Chased each other, fell into the soft surface and laughed. So happy and careless. And although we were all soaked when we got back to the castle, I never felt anything near to cold. Just because you were with me. I was nestled against your chest and the many blankets couldn’t warm me the way you did, with only one touch. The fire was crackling merrily beside us, as we watched the snow falling silently past the window.

The truth of it is there’s a right
way to live
And you showed me

There’s this little saying – ‘Carpe diem!’ Seize the day.

We’re not immortal! None of us is. Hear my words – live, as long as you have the chance to do so. I don’t have any longer, not really. I heave a tiny desperate sigh. Stop reminding me so cruelly that I’ve failed. Lost.

Could you hold me once more, like you did before, you drifted out of my reach… How poetic.

So now you live on in the words
of a song
You’re a melody

…

Just when fear blinded me
you taught me to dream

Courage blossomed forth from our friendship. I’m nothing without you. I thought I could never return to Hogwarts after just one year. The only year I’ve been alive. You were there – you came to get me. You risked so much.

I’ll give everything I am
and still fall short of
what you’ve done for me

‘I’m alive.’ I hear my whisper and it fades. Still alive. My mother sacrificed herself and so did you. For me. What was it worth. Why should I live, when I’m all alone? ‘COME BACK!! … Come back to me.’

In this life that I live
I hope I can give love unselfishly

Because I can’t expect you to give anything to me in return except the sweet memory. I’ll never cease to love you. Never. It’s more than love. Beyond anything. A part of me stopped to live as you did. I could feel my heart breaking inside of me. Never to be healed again.

I’ve learned the world is bigger
than me
You’re my daily dose of reality

Why at Christmas! Our time. We wanted to celebrate together at Hogwarts. The Enemy’s clever – few students, few teachers. So why did we stay? We could have gone to the Burrow. Did he know we hadn’t? Voldemort came to take over the school. Which was supposed to be the stronghold of the wizarding world. A simple act of showing his power, which had arisen to full strenght again. Even beyond full strenght. He brought all of them along with him – wild beasts, Giants, Dementors, Death Eaters…

Fortunately the two of us weren’t in the Great Hall, where most of the battle took place. Still they found us and I fought hard. From somewhere I heard it – ‘Expelliarmus’ – and my wand left my hand to rise several feet into the air and then it fell back to the floor. I didn’t care why it hadn’t flown to the caster and crawled to get it back. Just that very moment I heard you scream ‘Watch out, Harry!’ while you launched yourself at me and pushed me out of the line of fire.

And you got hit yourself. I wheeled around seeing how you were slammed against the wall. RON!!! The cracking noise won’t leave me. I forgot all about the scene around us. It might have been Snape ‘taking care’ of the attacker. So he had betrayed his master!

I rushed to you. ‘Oh my God, Ron. No.’ You lay in my arms and finally, finally opened your eyes. They were so full of warmth and yet so terribly blank. Your lips curved into a tender smile and formed those magical words once more. ‘I love you.’ I found myself showering you with tears and kisses. One last look into the pool of your eyes. And they closed.

NO!!!

You stand here with me now

I can sense the young spirit of our love enfolding me. Your warmth will never fade. You’re imprinted upon my heart so I won’t forget you; never can – never want to. I close my eyes trying to hold the tears back. I can hold these tears back… Until I feel your arms wrapping around my middle and your kisses on my shoulder and neck. It seems to be real. Seems. Just like before. Starting to feel – shiver and exhale.