One Day at a Time

Day 30~~~~21 July 1996

Centered at the top of the page, the letters and numbers flowed in an even elegant hand; after that, nothing marred the page's pristine perfection. The literal marking of time stood out in sharp contrast to the white emptiness of the remainder of the page. Remus paused after writing the date, realising the significance of today's journal entry.

Thirty days, has it merely been a month? It seems like eons, and it is only one month. How keenly I know that "time and tide wait for no man", and yet, here I sit stunned at its swift passing.

There were many words recorded on the earlier leather-bound pages that had for the past month served as the journal of Remus Lupin. Initially, the journal had served as a recording of the day's interrogation at the Ministry of Magic. Remus needed to keep all his facts straight so he could adequately report on what had occurred to the Order. He needed a way to focus his thoughts.

It was hard to say when the journal evolved from the merely factual to the personal. It began with Remus denying his feelings, just sticking to events and interrogations at the Ministry of Magic. Then, slowly, his writings became more personal; there was anger at the Ministry, at the Death Eaters, at fellow Order members, even at Sirius, and himself. Lately, the entries were again changing in tone; they were more reflective, and peppered with the guilt of "if only I, I should have, and why didn't I?"

Have I acquired anything of value in a month of thoughts and feelings I haven't experienced for almost fifteen years? With age comes wisdom they say; I don't know that I feel considerably wiser at 36 than I did at 21. What lessons have time and experience taught me?

Remus stood up and walked about the room he had occupied for the past year. The room was sparse, yet functional. It contained the bed, the writing desk and the meager possessions that Remus had amassed in his life: a few sets of well-worn robs, the Muggle attire he had worn to meet the train, a leather case that had once belonged to his father, and books, piles and piles of books. He absentmindedly picked up a volumes and glanced over it, lost in his thoughts.

It is amazing how often both wizards and Muggles discard knowledge as if it were yesterday's fish and chips. Books have always been a refuge for me, a haven, but what in all these pages have I ever learned about others and myself? Did I pay enough attention; what kind of pupil have I really been? If I had made other choices, what would have happened?

Remus' mind continued to wander. He closed his eyes and remembered the details of a June day long ago that began with books being thrown away.

Remus sat hunched in the common room armchair with his nose buried in his Guide to Advanced Transfiguration. O.W.L.s were now only a week away. He lifted himself up out of the chair looking over his shoulder upon hearing the noise coming from the stairwell leading to the boys' dormitory. The other three Marauders were coming down the stairs, brooms in hand. Remus slunk back down in the chair hoping not to be noticed. Maybe James and Sirius could play all day and manage excellent grades, but Remus couldn't; he had to work at it. He wasn't content to do as Peter either, and just settle for passing. Peter had his parents' store to fall back on; Remus had no such luxury. He was determined to master his studies to perfection; he needed more options than the others, and the only way to have any chance at a "normal life" was to learn everything about anything. For a moment he thought his presence would go undiscovered, that was until James leaned over and blocked his light.

"So, Remus, you going to stay inside all day?" James asked, broom in hand well aware he was now a distraction. Peter and Sirius were still clamoring down the stairs having a mock sword fight with their own brooms.

Remus grumbled sheepishly, "Studying...O.W.L.s", and replaced his nose in his transfiguration book.

"Well, Potions I could understand, given that interesting display of blue goop you and Peter managed to concoct last class." James now looked over the top of Remus' head toward the swashbuckling pair. They had finally made it to the landing. Sirius was mock holding Peter over the window ledge at broom point. Peter was overacting, pleading for his life. "Sirius, do let Wormtail up before he strains something, namely my ears."

"Happy to comply Prongs; there are centaurs running mad in the Forbidden Forest suffering from his squeals," Sirius replied. As he released Peter, he tossed him back his broom, having earlier disarmed him.

"Remind me again, Peter," queried James, "Exactly how long was it that you and Moony were stuck to the table after the Coagulation Serum bubbled over?"

Peter rolled his eyes at James comment and squeaked, "Four hours. It took awhile for them to detach us since Moony couldn't remember which ingredient he put in at the wrong time." He now perched himself upon the window ledge, "How did you forget to add the rat's whiskers with me standing right next to you as your partner?"

"There you have it," interrupted James, who was now leaning against the fireplace, "You owe it to Wormtail to come and play with us. He blunders enough all by himself without your help." Peter slunk sheepishly further in to the window's recesses at James' comment. James took no notice and continued, "C'mon you know your Transfiguration, Moony. Snivellus is the only fifth year who is appalling inept in that subject."

"Play with us today," snickered the mischievous voice of Sirius as he repositioned himself behind Remus' chair. " We can all 'study up' in three days time in our favourite hide-a-way. In fact, we can even invite Snivellus along to be tutored." Peter laughed as Sirius continued, his voice incredulous, "Transfiguration? Really!...as if we had limited experience in that area, Moony!"

Then, without warning, Sirius gave a quick nod and wink to his other companions. In one deft move, Sirius grabbed the book out of Remus' hands and tossed it to James who then lobbed it over Remus' and Sirius' heads to Peter. With an inspired gleam in his eye, Peter promptly threw the book out of the open window of Gryffindor Tower.

Peter quipped, "Guess you'll have to come outside now Moony." It was the best Gryffindor Quidditch relay of the year-almost.

Remus starred at Peter jaw opened, Sirius was doubled over in laughter, and James was leaning on his broomstick for support trying to keep from doing the same. There were tears rolling down their faces until-

"Agh!" came a cry from below.

Then a split second later, "Are you all right, Lily?"

The laughter abruptly stopped. Remus leapt off the armchair and bolted to the window followed by James and Sirius, tripping over each other at his heels. The three of them nearly knocked Peter out of the window. There, dazed and prone on the grass below, was Lily Evans with a nasty looking bruise starting to form on the left side of her face. Remus' transfiguration book was lying open on the grass inches from her head. The only other figure was Emmeline Vance, a gangly, awkward, fifth year Gryffindor and friend of Lily's. She was kneeling next to Lily trying to understand what in Merlin's name had just happened. Apparently, she had not seen the book strike Lily; she had only seen her friend sprawled on the ground.

"Peter," growled Sirius not looking at Peter but still looking out the window trying not to be seen, "Is it even remotely possible for you to learn how to aim something? Of all the people for you to hit, you had to go and whack Little Miss Perfect Prefect on the noggin?"

Peeking over Sirius' head James added, "Terrific, and there is a witness, good old Vigilant Vance. It's only a matter of time before she picks up the book and sees that it belongs to Remus. I can't get a decent angle to retrieve it with my wand without being seen."

Remus just groaned; a small crowd was now forming outside. He pulled back from the window with his hand on his forehead, "I have to work with her; she has only just started to speak civilly to me again."

"But it was only an accident," said Peter, desperate for a way out, "She'll understand it wasn't your fault. She'll give you the book back. I mean we can just say it fell out by mistake."

"Peter," said Remus looking at his feet trying not to sound exasperated, "She is never going to believe that. Books don't just leap out windows. I can just picture her giving my book back; she'll hex each page so that they detail my shortcomings! I can hear her lecture now, 'It's bad enough you can't control your friends, but you could at least set a decent example.' Remus picked his head up as he sighed deeply. That, is when he realized their numbers had changed. "James, Sirius, where's Peter?"

Peter Pettigrew had disappeared from the common room. Well, not exactly disappeared, he was there, but in a different form. James, Sirius, and Remus caught a glimpse of his tail as he scampered out of the window and climbed down the steep wall of Gryffindor Tower.

"What is he doing?" asked James a bit befuddled.

"Running away from trouble, what did you expect?" replied Sirius acidly.

Remus knew differently, as he exclaimed in awe, "No, he's gone to retrieve the book!"

Remus couldn't believe his eyes. Peter was actually going to get him out of this predicament; he wouldn't have to risk the wrath of Lily Evans after all. Silently he urged Peter on, holding his breath hoping he'd be able to reach the book before anyone noticed it wasn't Lily's.

The three of them continued to watch frozen from the shadows of the window as Peter at last reached the ground, and scampered across the grass. Before they knew it Wormtail had the book in his teeth and was struggling to climb back up Gryffindor Tower.

He's got it! He is going to make it! Nobody will be the wiser!

Remus' luck turned when with just ten feet to go, Emmeline looked up and realized what was happening. Her evidence was about to escape. She pulled out her wand and sprang to her feet, pointing her wand directly at her quarry.

"Accio Rat." A beam of barely visible white light hit the intended target squarely on its backside, but nothing happened.

"Accio Mouse." Another stream was precisely aimed with the same results- nothing happened. Wormtail was now only five feet from safety.

Emmeline was staring open mouthed not comprehending why the spells hadn't worked. Clearly, she had hit the rodent twice. She was so shocked, she didn't realise that this animal had just skipped the last five feet and practically flown through her own common room window, nor did she notice James Potter's wand arm and head clearly visible for several seconds hanging out of the window.

He made it! James or Sirius couldn't have pulled off a more daring rescue themselves. This really is cause for a celebration!

James managed to grab the book from Peter's mouth and plopped him on the floor just as he transformed back. Peter looked both exhausted and very proud of himself as he rubbed his obviously sore backside. A hero's welcome; however, was not forth coming.

"You stupid git! What if you had been caught?" yelled Sirius clenching his fists, "You only made it back because James knew that Accio Animangus were the words Emmeline wanted."

James continued, "Couldn't you just have waited? Sirius and I were going to toss other books out the window and cause a diversion so she couldn't tell which book had hit her. We can actually manage to aim away from people when we throw, or at the very least add a cushioning spell."

Peter open his mouth and started, "But I tried...I didn't think..."

I'll say you didn't," interrupted Sirius cutting him off, "A rat, running up Gryffindor Tower with a book in it's mouth, didn't you think anyone would find that a trifle odd?"

Peter was crushed; he had no reward to show for his Gryffindor bravery and daring. He looked back and forth amongst his friends his eyes at last rested on Remus looking for help. Remus said nothing.

Slowly Remus mind returned to the present and the nearly blank page of his journal.

How many times had Peter tried something and failed? How many times did I not tell Sirius and James to tone it down? For everything I learned in books, I never learned to risk honesty in the face of adversity. Could we all have been here together if only different choices were made? There is no deal, no bargain to undo the past.

He walked over to the desk and took quill in hand, thinking a moment before he wrote today's entry: a quote from one of his well loved possessions, maybe it was not too late for him to learn something deeply personal from them.

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom.