We All Burn Sometimes

Chapter 11: Hope

Draco Malfoy stared into the air for a long time after Blaise walked away. Doubtless, his friend had tried to tell him something. Something about Harry. He didn´t know how he found out but, at present, he didn´t really care. It didn´t seem to bother Blaise anyway.

He had been acting like a fool the past week. And the two weeks before that. But he had been a happy fool then. Fool because he did not seek to understand the source of his bliss.

And now he knew. It had been creeping up to him all week. Blaise just cinched it. Funny, he didn´t feel happy. In fact, he became sadder than ever.

He loved Harry Potter.

***

"It won´t work, you know."

"What?" An annoyed Harry faced Hermione. His friend was looking at him with a knowing look that further irritated his already snappish mood. I must´ve woken on the wrong side of the bed.

Beside Harry, Ron gave Hermione a shrug, indicating that he was at a loss to explain the brunette´s foul mood. Hermione charged through, determined to get everything out in the open.

"This thing you´re doing: trying to ignore your feelings for Draco Malfoy."

"What do you know about it? It´s not like you and Blaise ever had this problem." He turned his attention back to his homework irritably, feeling like an idiot and hating himself for being unable to stop it. Why did she have to be right?

Hermione fell silent for a moment before answering slowly. "Actually, we did." She had a faraway look in her eyes and continued, not bothering to wait for his reply.

"He was okay with everything. He accepted what I could give and never asked for more. Somehow, he knew I wasn´t ready yet for something serious. You see, Harry, I envied you and Ron. You were both so daring, so brave in everything. I always felt so safe compared to you and I hated myself for being so cautious. So when Blaise came, I plunged in, happy to be doing something reckless for once. I thought it was just a game and when... when the time came that I noticed that I started feeling something more, I distanced myself."

"You broke up with him?" Ron asked, goggle-eyed.

"No. I just tried to detach myself in little ways: not telling him about my day even when he asked, keeping our meetings short, kissing him coolly like it didn´t matter. It was hard but, you see, I was scared. It had never happened to me before and I was afraid to get hurt. I was so sure that one of these days, I would lose Blaise and I tried as much as I could to prepare for that day."

She paused and looked at Harry meaningfully.

"So, I hurt him, little by little. Oh yes, I hurt him though I did not know that yet at the time. You see, he had loved me for a while already. Only he didn´t say anything because he didn´t want to shock me into running away. So he endured those little thrusts I delivered, determined to wait it out. I just realized my folly when I heard you, Harry, tell us about seeing no love in Draco´s eyes. That´s when I remembered Blaise, and how he looked at me every minute that we were together."

"When I ran to him first thing in the morning, I knew then. I knew that I had been such a fool to throw everything away on a stupid hunch. I was all ready to break up with him because I was scared to lose him. I wasn´t even brave enough to wait it out."

For the first time in a week, in front of his friends, a single tear fell down Harry´s cheek and landed on his parchment. The ink of his essay slowly blurred and ran down the side, unnoticed.

***

Ron sauntered to the Gryffindor tower. He felt a little happier than he did earlier. Harry didn´t tell them anything after Hermione´s confession. But what she said must have struck a chord. His best friend excused himself hurriedly and fled the library to only God knows where. Well, Ron hoped that Harry would finally be able to work his feelings out and straighten his knotty situation with Draco.

Hermione told him earlier that she had instructed Blaise to give Draco a talk to push him to the right direction. Personally, Ron thought that they should just lock the two stubborn lovers in a closet for a day to nail their stupidity into their heads but he supposed that Hermione´s method was better. Slower but less intrusive.

He entered the empty sixth-years bedroom and loosened his tie. He yawned sleepily. Maybe a nap just before dinner would be good. He was ready to change into something more comfortable when he noticed a slim white envelope on his bed. The owl must have dropped it there earlier.

Instantly, he was wide awake. Eager fingers carefully opened the flap and unfolded the sheets of parchment inside. The writing was long and lucid, the strokes bold and firm--so like the person who wrote it. After several minutes, Ron finished reading. With a goofy smile on his face, he held the letter to his chest, all thoughts of sleep forgotten.

There would be no need to write back now. Finally, he was coming.

***

Harry sat beside the lake, watching the day shift to night. Unknowingly, he was very near the spot where Draco had sat earlier. He had missed the Slytherin only by a few minutes.

Hermione´s disclosure of her experience had driven home its point. Yes, he had been stupid. So stupid it was laughable. He had been too scared to fight for Draco. Now, he was lost to him forever.

He would have given all he had just to turn back time and take back what he said. He would have given anything to have Draco beside him again--see him smile and gradually close his eyes as he drifted off to sleep. But he had driven him away. Coward that he was, he pushed Draco away. Regret always left a bitter taste in one´s mouth.

He deserved to suffer.

***

Draco Malfoy sat in the library, alone. Even Madame Pince was not around. Everyone was in the Great Hall having dinner. But Draco wasn´t hungry even though he had not eaten a thing since breakfast. In fact, food was the farthest thing from his mind right now. He was in the library because he needed the solitude to write a letter.

As he thought about his situation earlier, he realized that he had gotten everything he wanted all his life without even trying very hard. He had always been beautiful, rich, and pampered. All the good things just seemed to flow right into his hands: money, lovers, favors... the list was endless. For once in his life, he now had something he had to chase. And this time, his success depended not on what he had, but on who he was.

So, brokenhearted and very insecure about the outcome of his endeavor, Draco tried just this once to make an effort to catch the most important snitch in his life.

After two hours, he was done. It had taken him several parchments, writing drafts that he threw aside because they sounded shitty, even to him. So, in the end, he just decided to wing it and write what he felt. The letter wasn´t very long. It was honest and straight to the point.

Harry,

I don´t know if you remember our last conversation. To refresh your memory, I said that "I´m tired of this anyway!" and left the room after that.

I want you to know that it was a lie.

I don´t know if I ever meant much to you, or if you spoke the truth when you said the words that hurt so much that morning. But I have left a few things unsaid and I feel that I need to have you hear them before we end everything between us.

I ask you to meet me in our room (you know the way) at midnight. I have no idea whether what I have to say will change your mind, or if you´ll even bother to listen. But, please, give me the opportunity to face you again, and have a conversation, just you and me, even if it is for the last time. It may be the last honest words we´ll ever say to each other, or at least I to you.

Three weeks ago, I gave you a proposal. Tonight, I am offering you my hope.

I have spread my dreams under your feet;

Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.*

Draco

He read the letter twice before finally putting it in an envelope. As he watched the owl fly to its recipient, Draco felt some of the weight lifted form his chest. Whatever happens tonight would be up to Harry.

***

Blaise tried to hide his smile as he watched his best friend enter their bedroom. He knew what Draco was up to. Unseen by the blonde, he had observed him write the letter earlier. He initially looked for Draco to remind him about dinner. When he reached the library and saw the boy so focused in his letter, Blaise had decided not to disturb him. He knew that this must have something to do with Harry and therefore was considered highly important, even more than the steak dinner. With his letter, Draco had offered the Gryffindor something he had never thought to give anyone before: his integrity and person, not just his body. Blaise fervently hoped that Harry would not ignore the plea behind the words.

Still, Draco must be hungry.

"Do you want to eat? I´ve asked the house elves to prepare something for you." Smiling, Blaise motioned to the bedside table.

Startled, Draco turned to the table and noticed a tray with his dinner and a glass of pumpkin juice laid out. He nodded to Blaise gratefully before devouring the food. Amused, Blaise watched the food disappear in minutes until Draco gave a satisfied sigh and plopped onto his bed.

"Why Mr. Malfoy, I do believe that´s a smile. The first smile I´ve seen in a week. May I ask what merits the occasion?"

Draco met his friend´s cobalt-blue eyes and answered earnestly, "A game. The most important match in my life."

Solemnly, Blaise nodded. "Then, I certainly hope you win."

At that moment, a little brown owl flew into the Gryffindor dorms and sent a letter falling right into a green-eyed boy´s waiting hands.

***

(* I borrowed these lines from Yeats.)