In the End

In the End

The common room was deserted at such an hour, the fire dying slowly before him. It was almost mesmerizing to watch the flames jumping and lolling; there was some enigmatic about fire, something that quite honestly intrigued him. He didn't know why, really. But there he sat, alone, thinking. With the end of this term came the end of his years at this school. With the end of this term came the end of the only thing he had been sure of since he was a child. With the end of his school days drawing nearer and nearer, he felt a sudden anxiety that he'd never had before. This place was comfort; this was a place where he could be with the friends he had grown to love, where he could be safe, and it was all coming to an end. He feared being alone, more than anything else in the world. James was more than his best friend, he was his brother; he was afraid that the bond of friendship they had now would be loosened with their graduation. He was afraid that James would go off and marry Lily and forget all about him. He wasn't sure what would happen with Remus; he had to take extra precautions because of his condition. He was afraid something would happen to him, or one day he might change and hurt someone... Peter, he was sure, would find ways to attach himself to all of them in some way or another. Sometimes he swore that boy had invisible strings attached to each of them. He smiled, laughing quietly to himself. And at last, but most definitely not least, there was Lily, beautiful, kind, caring Lily. He hadn't thought he would see the day that James managed to woo her, but that day came, and passed, and they were quite obviously in love. He had heard tell from James that there was talk of marriage; he would only be too happy to see them married. It wasn't often you came across a woman like Lily Evans.

"Sirius, what are you doing up?"

"Ah, you know me, insomnia has gotten the best of me yet again," he said smiling.

"You haven't got a girl hiding in here do you? I'm telling you, one of these days these girls are going to gang up on you for the tricks you play on them, you dog." They both chuckled.

"No, no, James, I'm alone. All...alone," he said quietly.

"I know that tone of voice," James said, dropping into the armchair beside his best friend. "What's on your mind, Sirius?" He looked at James, his hair a mess as usual and gave a chuckle. His glasses were slightly tilted, letting him know that James had, in fact, been asleep and when he realized one of his mates was absent from his bed came searching.

"You know, at the end of this year we are no longer students at Hogwarts." He looked at James again and he nodded. "All these years... They'll be no more than memories, James."

"Memories, yes, but sometimes memories are tied to the strongest feelings we know."

Sirius smiled. "I can tell you've been hanging around Lily much more." James smiled in return. "But I can't help wishing that this was not the end," his voice was softer than usual. "I don't want to leave this, because when this is gone, I really don't have much."

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't get on well with my family, James. It's quite doubtful that I ever will, and once we leave this school, what do I have to go back to?"

"Well, you'll have us, Sirius," James said.

"Will I?" Sirius spoke softly, and James tilted his head looking at him quizzically until he went on. "I envy you, James. You'll graduate and then you'll marry Lily; the two of you will start a life together, and... I fear that I may be left behind." There was a moment of silence between the two of them as they both stared into the fire. Sirius was afraid he was right, and afraid that James knew it.

"I should jelly-legs jinx you for saying something so dumb," James said finally. They looked at one another and James smiled. "Sirius, there is one thing you don't have to fear, and that's that you will be forgotten, or left behind. I can assure you that you will be at the wedding and in our lives thereafter." They smiled again.

"All these years, James, I've wanted to be like you. Did you know that?" James shook his head. "I've wished all these years that I could have your heart, your kind of soul; I've wished for sometime now that I could be the kind of person you are."

"That's nonsense," James said shaking his head. "You have a heart quite your own, and a soul that I know many people only wish they had. You don't need to be the kind of person I am, because you are your own person, and that alone is something quite wonderful." There was a moment of comfortable silence between the two of them before Sirius grinned, followed by James. "We really should get to bed; Lily is head girl and if she finds us out of bed at this hour, we'll never hear the end of it."

"Yes, I suppose you're right." They stood. "But you see, I would hear the end of it, you on the other hand wouldn't; you are the one marrying her." They chuckled. "You're quite lucky in that."

"I am," James said quietly. They grinned at one another, walking toward their dormitories. "Now, what was that muggle saying? Always a bridesmaid never a bride?" Their grins were suppressed slightly.

"Now, James, do I look the bridesmaid type?"

"Mmm, you do have a point, Sirius. You're a bit hairy for a dress." They laughed, Sirius shaking his head slightly as the found their room, and climbed into bed. Perhaps there was nothing to fear after all.