Identity Crisis

Without even a quarter to my name with which to phone for a ride, I started the two-hour hike to my parents' house. I was still in my work uniform, which I had slept part of the day in, and my shoes were barely withstanding the downpour hat had returned. My hair was plastered to my head and my polyester skirt clung to my legs. People opposite of me on the street avoided eye contact and moved out of my way when they saw me coming. I was a wreck.

Everything from the new life I had created for myself had been lost in the fire, the façade going up in a cloud of smoke. As I walked on, something inside me knew that my days of masquerading as Erin, average Muggle coffee shop employee, were over. When I had decided to cut all ties off from the wizarding world years ago I had taken a new name and tried to find an apartment for myself to start life over in. All of that had been stripped away within minutes.

I hated being wrong, but I had to admit that if I had only opened that cursed letter back when Dean had given it to me, then I probably wouldn’t have encountered at least half of my problems that day. Feeling that I had put off reading it long enough, I found shelter in a nearby overhang and took the envelope out of my bag, opening the seal.

I slipped my fingers inside the envelope and pulled out a few pieces of parchment paper. I sat down on the small patch of dry cement and covered my exposed legs with my jacket. The air was getting colder as day began to turn to evening. Out of all the bad things that had happened today I was at least happy to have grabbed my winter jacket this morning.

I lay the parchment against my legs and began to read it. An elaborate family crest was printed on the top of the first page. This would have made the letter look official if it hadn’t been for the script below.

The writing on the parchment was almost illegible. Recognizing this chicken scratch immediately, I felt a lump form in my throat as nervousness came over me. I began to read.

Sierra,

I hope that this letter finds its way to you safely. After a chance encounter with Dean during a trip home for a visit with my mom, he graciously agreed to help me locate you. You have been a hard woman to track down, I’ll tell you that much. But then again maybe after so many years of having you next to me all the time the idea of not being able to contact you seemed alien to me. Maybe it even hurt. But just a tiny bit. After all you are an adult. Free to do whatever you want. But all the same, if you are reading this letter then Dean has pulled through. In fact, he is probably on his way here as you read this. And where is 'here?' I know you were wondering. The only person ever able to exceed my curiosity was you.

I scanned down the page. It was true, I had always been curious and right now I knew that there was something more important to read than polite conversation. Not finding anything that got my attention I decided to continue reading the letter and hope that it got to the point soon.

'Here' is a place that seems to change by the week. Ever since 7th year Hogwarts and the final battle against Voldemort, I have been traveling the world. Seeing the sights. You know, all that commercial garbage that everyone says about “finding yourself” when you travel, well it turns out that it isn’t as much of a joke as I had always thought. I have been all over meeting so many amazing people, magical and Muggles alike. It all just made me realize how sheltered we all were in school. I guess you found all of this out for yourself a long time ago. You were always eager to get out and experience the world.

But enough small talk. I won't torture you with any more pleasantries. The reason I had Dean come and find you was that I have known him for years and would trust him with my life. I also knew that he was someone you would be able to trust, too. You two had always been so close in school. I needed to get this letter to you because something I heard during my traveling leads me to believe that we could all be in a very bad situation soon.

When I was in a pub in Boston I overheard a conversation between two men, who had had their limit of drinks and were talking quite openly about the death of Lord Voldemort. I overheard them talking about how eventually someone under Lord Voldemort's control had grown so powerful that they had taken control of the Dark Lord himself, and used him as a scapegoat in the last great battle.

I pulled my coat tighter around my legs. I wasn’t sure if the temperature had gotten colder or if what I had just read was making my blood run cold. Weary, though wanting to get all of the information that I could, I continued the letter.

Now it could have just have been all talk from some old Death Eater supporters, but I always had a funny feeling even after the final battle against Voldemort that there was more to the situation than we could see. And I wasn’t alone, either. Little by little I have been getting word from old classmates who have been having their suspicions too. It might be paranoia, but either way I think that these thoughts are worth looking into.

The reason that I had to contact you is that I believe that Marcus Flint is the dark wizard who gained control of Voldemort. And if these feelings are correct then I think you could be in a lot of danger. We all could. I have sent an owl to all of the G.A.W.D.S, asking them to come meet with me at my family home as soon as possible. I have already gotten replies from Lavender, Dean, Harry, and Amaris. Now all I need is to hear from you.

I miss you. Everyone does. Where have you been hiding all this time? How have you spent the last few years of your life? I’ve had a lot of time to think while I traveled, and I often found myself thinking of what you might be up to.

I lost my best friend when you left. And I would like to catch up.

~S.F

I sat there for a while and let the words sink in. The thought of Marcus Flint being so powerful that he had controlled the most feared wizard of all time didn’t surprise me. I had seen his potential for the dark arts first hand. But I had made myself believe that he had died during the final battle. No one had heard from him since. He could have been anywhere all these years and I was blind to it.

I knew now what I had to do. The answer was obvious. After all, my apartment and everything in it from my new life had been completely destroyed. There wasn’t much left to lose. I would go meet up with my old friends and face up to my past. But first I had to make it to my parents' house. There was a lot of preparation I would need for the trip, and I could always count on them to help me.

I put the letter back in the envelope and it disintegrated magically before my eyes. I braced myself against the wall and stood up, wrapping my coat tightly around me. Exhaustion was beginning to set in and the temperature seemed to be dropping. I was freezing as I trudged along. Dragging my feet behind me, I would stop at a bench whenever I walked by one and catch my breath. My long day was getting even longer. But now I knew I had to keep going. The words in the letter had given me the momentum I needed to continue.

When I finally reached my parents' home it was well into the evening. The storm that had started this afternoon was now full-fledged, and I was so frozen that I couldn’t feel my hands or ears. I used the last of my energy to stumble clumsily up to the front door and use the knocker. That’s when my knees gave out and I slid down to the threshold.

The door creaked open slowly, and then I could hear my mom's voice calling to my dad.

“Damon! Damon, come help me! It’s Sierra!”

I could feel my mom next to me, wrapping her arms around me. Instantly all the troubles from my day seemed to evaporate into air just like the letter had.

I could hear my dad's footsteps coming across the hardwood floor, and the next thing I knew I was being carried inside. I could hear my mom chattering instructions to him as he placed me on the couch by the fire.

She removed my coat for me and wrapped me up tightly in a warm quilt. It reminded me of when I was little and would play out in the snow with the kids from the neighborhood. She always had the quilt ready for me, and a roaring fire going. All that was missing was the homemade butterbeer.

“Here, honey, drink this.” As if she could read my mind, my mom placed a mug of steaming butterbeer in my hands. I thanked her and took a long sip, savoring the taste and warmth. I hadn’t had it in what seemed like forever. It had definitely been too long. The heat from the mug felt wonderful on my hands, which were red with cold.

My parents sat on either side of me, each had a look of worry on their faces. It was a familiar scene from so many years ago -- all of us on the couch for a butterbeer and a talk. They had always been here for me, through everything.

“What happened to you?” my mom asked, wrapping up my wet hair in a towel.

I took a deep breath and began to tell them about my day from hell -- the meeting with Dean, the envelope, and the fire in my apartment. When I was finished they both sat there in silence for a minute, and then my dad gave me a big bear hug. For a moment I had forgotten all about Marcus Flint.

“Well, you will just have to move back here for now!” My mom hopped off the couch and clapped her hands together. This was always a sign that she had a plan. They were also avoiding talking about the letter for the time being, which I was grateful for. There would be plenty of time to talk about that in the morning.

She disappeared for a few minutes and soon was back downstairs with my old school pajamas. I slipped them on and was surprised to find that they were a bit loser than I had remembered. With all of the sleeping I had done lately I rarely remembered to get up and make dinner for myself. My co-workers had taken to calling me the human bean post.

“Sierra, you are just in time for dinner! I hope you are in the mood for curry.”

My dad ushered us both into the dining room and brought out a large casserole dish full of curried chicken and rice. I could feel my mouth watering and my eyes getting wider at the sight of it. I felt like a lion looking at its prey. I ate well that night. Eventually my dad just put the casserole dish in front of me and let me finish it off. My parents looked at me with mouths gaping as I took the last bite.

”Do you ever eat?” my mom asked, taking away the dish and leaving it in the kitchen sink.

“Oh Mom, I’m fine!”

She looked me in the eyes. She didn’t believe me and I knew it.

“Well, I’ve just been really tired lately. You know, with work and all of that. I just usually sleep when I get home and lately I’ve been sleeping through dinner. I probably just need some more iron or something.” It was the same lie I had been telling myself for the last few months.

“Have you been to the doctor?” It was my dad this time. I hated to see that look of concern in his eyes and know that I was the cause.

It was time to change the subject. I got up from my chair and pushed my chair up to the table. “Do you guys mind if I hit the hay?”

I said it through a big yawn. I was feeling quite tired now that I was full of warm food and was in the safety of my parents' home again. I loved everything about it. The smell, the warmth, the company. I remember being so excited to go home from school for the holidays. Just to be in our cozy little place.

My dad looked as if he were about to argue with me, but my mom put her hand over his and gave him a peck on the cheek. He was instantly under her control. It was nice to see two people so in love after so many years.

I gave them both a hug and a kiss, said goodnight, and headed up the stairs to my old bedroom. Everything was the same as it had been since I had last lived here. Same blue and white striped walls. Pennants from both Hogwarts and Craigdarroch Academy covered my walls. Although most of my Hogwarts stuff hadn’t been unpacked.

I slipped under the covers of my bed, and even though my body felt wiped out my mind was wide awake with the events of the day. My whole life had been changed at the drop of a hat. Everything I had fought so hard to keep normal had been pulled right from under my feet. There were so many things I needed to do.

I made a mental note to go into work and get a week or so off. The very thought of it thrilled and scared me at the same time. But there were more things at stake than who would cover me at my workplace. Way bigger issues at hand. I knew that this wasn’t a situation that I would able to avoid this time. I would soon be involved whether I knew it or not. Might as well try to be as prepared as possible. I would just tell them that I needed time off to get myself back on my feet after the fire. It wasn’t really a lie after all.

I would have to find my wand and all of my old magical belongings. When I had given up the magic world I still couldn’t bare to get rid of my stuff. I didn’t know if it was because I was a notorious pack rat or if a little part of me knew that I would never really be able to be entirely cut off. First thing the next morning I would ask my mom to help me sort through all of my boxes. She had a knack for that sort of thing. One thing was for sure -- I got my organizational skills, or lack thereof, from my dad's side of the family.

The thought of rummaging through reminders of my life at Hogwarts brought on a feeling of dread. It hadn’t quite hit me yet that in a few days I would be seeing all of my old friends again. This should have been a cause for excitement, but I was afraid. The dream I had was a cold reality slap in the face. I had a lot of explaining to do. I could still see Amaris, her words echoing through my mind, “So you abandoned all of your friends? Really Sierra, I would have thought better of you! Being scared off by poor little Flint."

I rolled over onto my side and shut my eyes tight, willing sleep to take over. It had been fine when I was too busy to think about everything that had happened today, but now that I was all by myself I found my mind flooding with memories. It felt like my head was going to explode. Eventually though, sleep took over and I fell into a deep sleep. I had needed it.