Explain The Night

Chapter Six: All You See Is What You Want It To Be

Remus woke the next morning to the smell of fresh coffee, only to realise it was everything but morning.

Noon had already passed and he noticed that substituting Butterbeer for chocolate was not smart, to say the least.

After Sirius had stormed off to his room, Remus had stayed up for another hour or two, summoning every bottle of alcohol in the apartment while reading 'Witch Weekly' (which Sirius insisted on buying to "have a good laugh").

As he muffed up to the kitchen, blacking out every two steps, he could hear Sirius talking to someone.

'Anyone I know?' he smiled, which increased his headache considerably. 'Good morning.'

'Hmm?' Sirius hastily extinguished the fire. 'No. No one.'

'Sure?'

'Very sure.'

'All right. Did you happen to make tea too?' Remus asked, checking the teapot for any liquids present.

'Why?' Sirius replied quickly. 'Why should I've made tea?'

'No reason.' Remus held up is hands in surrender. 'It's just, well, you've made tea for me before, that's all.'

Sirius shrugged and left the kitchen, as Remus started making the tea he so craved. He noticed the teapot was wet, as if it had just been washed. Even though Remus couldn't recall everything that had happened after Sirius had stomped off too clearly, he knew for sure he'd done the washing up.

Remus told himself to have a talk with Sirius as fast as possible.

As if on cue, his best friend walked into the room again. Remus took a deep breath and he sincerely hoped this would go better than it had last night.

'Sirius, I-'

Sirius stopped in mid-walk and looked at him questioningly.

'I'd like to have a word with you. About last night.'

'Listen Remus,' said Sirius earnestly. 'I understand and I shouldn't have got angry.'

Remus was pleasantly surprised. He'd expected Sirius to get mad again, not apologise.

'If you have feelings for Mary, then it was not my place to intrude upon you two or throw her out-'

Why does it feel like you've prepared your answer for my question?

'-but it didn't seem like you were having a particularly good time.' Sirius started talking faster and Remus now noticed he was talking to his cardigan, rather than to him.

'-and I don't really trust her. She's not your type and who knows, she might only say she likes you because she wants to research a bit more on werewolves and I don't-'

'Sirius,' Remus stated gently. 'Do you find it that hard to believe a girl likes me? Unless you told her I'm a werewolf, she doesn't know.'

'So? Don't they have spells to detect lycanthropy? And are you implying I tell people about your condition? Because-'

Condition? And how about answering the bloody question?

'No, I'm not. Calm down. And I sincerely hope there's no such spell,' said Remus, while following Sirius into the living room. 'Besides, that's not what I meant with last night. What I wanted to talk about was when we danced.'

'Well, how about another time? I'm late for training already and-' Sirius didn't bother to finish his sentence. He just grabbed his jacket and hurried out.

Remus turned back to the kitchen to throw away his teabags and found freshly used ones in the garbage can.

*

'I could've expected it, really.'

'Not to mention I told you to expect it,' Remus said earnestly.

'I know, I know, but still-'

'James, he knows something's changed. He's acting very strange around me,' Remus continued. 'Like, for instance, when I got up last week-'

'That would be the morning of the horrible hangover, right?' James laughed.

'Yes, it would,' Remus replied even faced. 'So when I got up-'

'What time was that again?' James interrupted with a huge grin.

In the back, Remus could hear Lily's voice call.

'James, for heaven's sake, let the man finish his story!'

'Thanks Lily!' he called back. 'So when I got up, Sirius had already had breakfast and coffee and he usually also makes tea for me, or I make tea for him if I get up first.'

'And are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?'

'Well, right now there is and I don't like it. Besides, we've been doing that for years. It's only polite.'

'Yes, I see...' James cocked one eyebrow. 'So, what happened then?'

'So last week, I asked him if he'd made tea and he seemed really offended because I had expected him to. He said he hadn't, then he apologised for throwing Mary out-'

'I still can't believe he actually did that,' said James while ruffling his hair.

'The apologising or the throwing Mary out?' Remus smiled.

'Both.'

'Me neither, actually,' Remus sighed. 'But to get back to my story, when I tried to ask him about when we danced he just made sure he was out of the room before I could ask him again. And-'

James looked to his left and Remus saw Lily getting down on her knees beside her husband, looking kind of worried.

'-then I found teabags in the garbage. And they were still wet and warm.'

'You touched them?' James asked.

'No, Prongs, but you could see they were still wet. The entire garbage can smelled of tea.'

'My advice, Remus, is that you talk to him about it,' Lily said, looking as though she wanted to hug him.

'I've tried.' Remus rubbed his eyes. 'He won't listen. He knows I'll try to talk to him about it and he just avoids me. He hasn't spent two minutes in the same room as me. He talks to people on the fire, hastily extinguishes it when I get near and he refuses to tell me who he's been talking to.'

James and Lily exchanged worried glances.

'I leave food out for him every night, so he won't have to get takeaway after getting home from Aurortraining, but every morning I find Kwo Nam's Cheapest Tjap Tjoi on the counter. He's just refusing to have anything to do with me.'

'Corner him.'

'What, Prongs?'

'I'm serious, it's the only way to talk to him when he doesn't feel like it,' James said. 'I've seen girls do it loads of times.'

'I can't force him to talk to me, James, that would be immoral.'

'Avoiding you isn't right either,' Lily said. 'I'm not really in favour of James' idea, but it might be best to catch him off guard. After tonight's full moon or something.'

'Great idea, Lily,' James said while kissing her cheek. 'You know he's always beat after a full moon. He'll do anything to get some sleep, so pester him until you get the answers you want.'

'Isn't that cruel?' Remus asked hesitatingly.

'Yes, it is,' James smiled. 'That's why it's such a good plan.'

*

Merlin, I wish I were dead.

This transformation had been one of the roughest in a while. All the anger and frustration Remus had been carrying with him, had come out last night.

Even though the pain was excruciating, he felt a bit relieved and at ease. He felt better and maybe even ready to ask Sirius what he so desperately wanted to know.

'Padfoot?' Remus asked. His voice was hoarse and it hurt to speak, but he needed to get this over with. 'Sirius?'

A loud and tired grunt came from the opposite corner of the shed they were in. Albus Dumbledore had been so nice to arrange this place for them. It wasn't too far from London city, so it didn't take much of an effort to Apparate there and back. It was a crooked and old and smelled horribly like goats, but it was easier than the Shrieking Shack.

'Sirius, I wanted to ask you something ab-' Remus couldn't get much further. His throat felt as if he'd swallowed a handful of flames and he burst out coughing loudly, hardly getting any breath. His stomach turned over and Remus knew everything in it would soon come out.

Within two seconds, Sirius was by his side to hold back his hair and whisper soothing words in his left ear.

Was this place always this cold?

'Merlin, Moony, you're shivering as if you've been hit with Cruciatus!' Sirius said.

An odd nauseating feeling rushed over him and before Remus could fully register being put in his bed and being washed carefully, he blacked out.

*

He woke up with a headache so fierce, he didn't think he'd ever be able to open his eyes. He groaned and tried to find a position that both his stomach and his head agreed with.

'You all right, Moony?' Sirius' voice was soft, as if he was afraid talking to loud would make Remus explode. He wasn't far off.

'Had worse,' Remus moaned, eyes still closed. It still hurt to talk and move, but he didn't think he'd pass out again. He moved his right arm lazily and pointed at where the abnormally bright light seemed to come from.

He heard Sirius getting up and a few moments later, the room was a lot darker than it had previously been.

'Headache again?'

'Aye.'

'I'll get you something.'

Remus didn't really notice Sirius leave, but he suddenly felt something pressed to his lips and Sirius' hand in the back of his neck. The liquid was thick and tasted like flower, but Remus knew Herr Herman's Headache Help really did relieve the pain quickly.

He finally tried to open his eyes. After they'd focussed a bit, he saw how pale, tired and worried Sirius looked.

He tried to shift a bit.

'How long have I been out?'

'Fourteen hours or so,' Sirius replied.

'Must be a record.'

'You really had me worried, this time, Moony,' Sirius sighed. 'You weren't very big trouble last night-'

'I wasn't?' Remus choked and looked at the scratch- and bite marks on Sirius' arms, neck and face.

'Well, not really-'

'Sirius, I bit you in the face and-' He started coughing loudly again.

'Calm down, relax,' Sirius sat down on his bed and put a hand on his forearm. 'It's nothing compared to what you've been and are going through. You had a fever, were shaking like mad and you wouldn't wake up. I thought you were never going to wake up.'

'Have you even tried sleeping since this morning?' Remus asked, blinking.

'I have plenty of time to sleep. Moody called a few hours ago, I don't have training the next few days.'

'And that justifies you staying awake for almost twenty-four hours?'

'If you want me out just say so,' Sirius smiled, but the worry didn't leave his face.

'I thought you'd never get it,' Remus sighed. 'No, really, Sirius, go get some sleep. I'm fine, I woke up.'

'I guess it would be nice to get some sleep,' said Sirius, while rubbing his eyes. 'And you need to rest some more too. If anything's wrong, just yell and I'll be here in no time.'

'I know.'

'All right, g'night.'

'G'night.'

Sirius got up and walked over to the door. As he got hold of the doorknob, he looked back at Remus.

'You will yell, right?'

'Yes, you git, I will, now let me sleep.' Remus smiled.

'Hang on,' he said again. 'You wanted to ask me something, this morning, in the shed.'

'It's not important,' Remus sighed. 'Just go to sleep.'

'No, really,' Sirius pressed. 'If you thought enough of it to ask it right after your transformation, it must've been important.'

'No, no, it's not, just-'

'Come on, Moony, just ask.'

'All right,' Remus shifted again. 'I wanted to ask you something about Lily and James' wedding. About when we-'

'You're right, Remus,' Sirius suddenly said. 'I'd better just go to sleep.'

And he left the room without saying anything else.

*

'Sirius, I've had enough!' Remus yelled, without looking up from the carrots he was cutting. He wasn't stupid enough not to notice his best friend Apparating into the living room and trying to sneak past him to his bedroom. 'You are going to sit down at this table and you and I are going to talk.'

'About what?' Sirius' voice sounded very innocent.

'About when we danced at Lily and James' wedding, about why you've been avoiding me for a week and a half and about those Firecalls you are refusing to have with me in the room.'

'All right, just let me get changed and I'll-'

'And have you Apparate out of the apartment? No thank you,' he said angrily, turning around after adding the carrots to the soup he was making. 'Sit.'

Sirius did as he was told, be it with a not so happy look on his face. Remus took place next to him at the round kitchen table.

'Why have you been avoiding me? And please don't tell me it's not true, because I know it is.'

Sirius remained silent.

'All right, why don't you want me to know who you're talking to through the fire?'

Still, Sirius remained silent.

'Fair enough, I know the answers to all of that anyway. You've been avoiding me since the wedding... What happened when we danced, Sirius? What happened there? I see no reason for you to avoid me because of that. Something must've made you think less of me or something, so tell me.'

'Don't know.'

'That's not true and you know it,' Remus snapped. 'If you like the way we're acting, than that's your opinion, but I don't like it and I want to do something about it. Was it that awful, dancing with me?'

Sirius merely shrugged.

'Feel free to tell me.'

'Can't remember,' Sirius inspected every corner of the room with his eyes and took care not to look at Remus directly.

'You can't remember?' Remus asked, confused.

'I was pissed, can't remember a thing that happened that night.'

'You weren't that drunk,' he said.

'I was and as far as I'm concerned we never danced, so can we now put this behind us?'

'No.'

'What do you want me to say, Remus?' Sirius said angrily. 'I already told you I don't fucking remember dancing with you.'

'You do,' Remus said. 'I know you still remember, and don't swear.'

'I'm sorry to say it, but you're wrong,' Sirius said, while getting up. 'I. Do. Not. Fucking. Remember.'

He left the table and went in to the living room to throw over a few books and take off.

Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes. He got up silently, took the kettle from the stove and poured his soup down the drain.