Reckless

God, he loved her. He loved her so damn much that he didn't care about having to explain to Harry and the boys why there was a girl in his bed or having to come up with an excuse for why she'd be staying with them for a while.

Pansy hadn't told him what had happened, but he sensed that she was still...alright in some way.

She seemed at peace now, at 3am, which was fantastic, considering that she'd cried in his arms until she'd fallen asleep around midnight.

There was something...poetic about the rising and falling of her chest as he watched over her in the moonlight. Her long, blonde hair was splayed around her like thin tendrils of heavenly light, her lips were slightly parted and pink...the life that reddened her cheeks made him feel like living in a way that he never had before. Like he had to live so that he could make sure that she did.

In just being there, together, they belonged to each other, and even though she was sleeping, Pansy knew just what he thought, and just what he felt, because she thought and felt those same things in her dreams.

As he snuggled in beside her, he made a silent wish to whoever would listen.

Please...let her be safe...but most of all, let her be mine. F o r e v e r.

He swore to himself, no matter what happened, no matter what he had to give up, he would stand by her forever in anyway that he could. As a friend, a protector...a lover, anything she wanted him to be. He would do anything if it would make her happy.

***

"Ron, you know she can't stay!"

Pansy pretended to still be asleep, hoping this wasn't about her but knowing damn well that it was. In any case, she needed to know what the consensus on her stay here was.

"Goddamnit, Hermione, it's not your decision! What are you going to do, report me? I don't care."

Rage...self righteous rage, too. She'd never had anyone fight so strongly for her before...knowing that it was Ron made her feel infinitely and unreasonably warm.

"Ron, you can't let this one little reckless affair ruin everything else we've-"

That bitch...it wasn't some little affair...that wasn't what Ron thought, was it?

He exhaled frustratedly. "It's not about 'we" Hermione! You and Harry have nothing to do with it! Its about me and how I..."

Whatever he said next, she didn't hear, and she cursed, because the urgent tone of his voice made it seem like it was something she really would've wanted to hear.

"...If you have a problem with that you can go to hell and don't ever even dare to talk to me again."

She knew how much Hermione and Harry meant to Ron, so she faked a large yawn to ease the situation.

"Good morning..." Eh, that was really fake. She should've rolled over first and at least blinked a few times, but oh well.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We all know you were awake since at least when he started using foul language in loud tones in an extreme excess."

Pansy winced....well, at least they didn't know that she'd been awake ever since she felt Ron's arms slide out from underneath her body and heard him stumble into the bathroom. The water ran, then she'd felt his weight settle on the bed as he'd snuggled back in beside her. She remembered thinking that nothing could be better than how they were then.

His words had been so sweet that she hadn't even bothered to open her eyes, but she was sure that she'd smiled at least once.

In the middle of a sentence, she'd heard the door burst open and rustling in the other beds.

"Uh...Hi, Guys," she said to Dean, Neville, Seamus and Harry, who had all just woken up, jumping out of her recollection of the recent past. "Hermione," she said shortly, hoping Granger wouldn't rat her out. If she got kicked out...there wasn't anywhere for her to go.

"Holy hell," Dean murmured, "Weasley's finally gotten laid." He sent an approving nod at her. Okay, maybe he meant to be sweet, but somehow she felt slightly yucky, like she needed a shower or something.

Seamus snapped awake at this, glaring at Ron. "You mean to tell me you were a virgin up until last night? Meaning that you, as of today, owe me...oh, I don't know...a couple hundred galleons? All of those bets...All of the girls you 'slept' with. I should've known not to trust a red head!"

All heads turned to a red-faced Ron.

"What's he talking about?" Harry demanded. He seemed to be awed, curious and slightly disappointed at the same time. In any case, it was evident that the awe was the prevailing emotion.

"It's no big deal. Don't even worry about it...nothing happened...."

"Apparently," Seamus muttered, shaking his head once more.

The expression on Hermione's face clearly expressed that it was most certainly a big deal. "Ron!" she exclaimed, scandalized, "What in the world possessed you to...I mean, it's not exactly proper if its what I'm thinking..."

Pansy screamed in frustration. All of the shouting was driving her nuts, considering she was the subject, and well, it was the only thing she could think of that might work.

Unfortunately, it did work, and they all stared at her as if she were possessed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, but fortunately, they all became quiet.

Ron cleared his throat. "There's a few things to be done here. Neville, Dean, Seamus, Harry....get the hell out of here. For..oh, twenty minutes. Keep your goddamn mouths shut and Hermione; bring me...oh...whatever it is that girls wear."

The boys looked at each other and shrugged, starting to file out of the room. They didn't really care, and them walking out into the common room and lying on the couches shirtless only meant that the ladies would like it and that they'd have potential for a date later on.

Hermione grabbed Harry by the arm. "You don't mean to tell me that you actually approve of this, do you? Stay here, tell him how-"

"Hermione, please, just go with me." Harry at least seemed to understand Ron's cause, and if he didn't, then he was at least being a good best friend.

Hermione stood her ground. "I'm not moving."

Harry shrugged in defeat, and squared his shoulders, seeming as though he'd had to make a tough call and now he was ready to do the things he had to do. "Then I guess I have to move you." He lunged at her and hauled her from the room, muttering a 'you're welcome' in Ron's direction as he barely missed being scratched on the cheek by Hermione's furiously flying nails.

Pansy dangled her bare feet off the edge of the bed, wondering what she was going to have to do...she didn't want Ron getting in trouble and she'd caused enough trouble as it all stood.

"What happened to your wrist?" he said gently, sitting next to her, gently stroking the faint purple bruises and the bloody half moons that glared up at him from deep in her skin.

Please don't look at me that way. It makes me want to tell you anything. Everything.

A choked sob caught in her throat. "I...I tried to get away, and he dug in tighter and..."

"Malfoy? Did he do this to you?" Ron questioned, looking sincerely into her eyes in a way that made her want to tell him everything so he could fix it.

She nodded. "I..."

"Do you know why?"

"Yes, he was drunk....and-" Another choked sob. You idiot...just tell him.

He waited patiently for her to continue, but, she could feel his anxiety.

"He's...hurt me before...and at least he was so drunk this time that I was able to kick him and run away before any of the other Slytherins in the common room had realized what I'd done."

"How, Pansy? How did he hurt you before?" He thought he knew, but he wanted to be wrong. He wanted to be wrong almost more than he wanted her to love him.

She sighed heavily, knowing she had to tell him.

"It all started two years ago...on a Christmas break..."

***

"Draco...we have to stop," Pansy said softly as she lay under him as he kissed her neck and she let his hands wander.

She had never let his hands wander under her robes in any way...and now it was all too much. She wanted to be close to him, but she wasn't ready for all of the things he was trying to do.

It seemed as if he hadn't heard her, so she said loudly "Stop!"

"No," he murmured, starting to unbutton her uniform shirt.

"Draco, stop!" she urged, panicked as she tried to push his hands away. "Why aren't you listening? Stop; if you love me, please...stop. I'm not ready..."

He glared into her eyes. "I hate you."

Her heart broke. Pansy watched as it fell from her body and shattered into a billion irreplaceable, irreparable pieces. It writhed in agony, oozing blood...but there was no one there to care; no one to pick up the pieces and stem the flow.

He continued, "I always did...all I wanted was what I'm about to get. Just shut up and let's get this over with. The things I do for a hot chick like you..."

She tried to scream, and her eyes widened as she realized that there was no one around to hear her scream.

As the worst of the pain and violation and humiliation came, she fell silent, trying to ignore the sounds in the room...

Her scared whimpers of pain...Draco's heavy breathing, the sick way he moaned in pleasure, the rustling of the sheets as they became rumpled by her desperate clenching and the sound of a winter storm outside, the rain slamming into the window before plummeting to the ground below.

Thunder ripped through the air. She felt it was equal with the way Draco ripped into her body. Her mind. Her heart. Her soul. Her capacity to love. Her will to live.

***

Tears fell down her face as she told him her story, remembering each horrid moment. Feeling like she was being ripped in half in so many ways all over again.

"I didn't want it to happen again...I don't know where to go, or what to do, I-"

"Oh God...Pansy...It's okay. I'm okay. You're okay now. You'll be fine...I'll take care of everything, don't worry at all."

The fact that he didn't freak out and simply hugged her and told her it would be alright made her feel so much better than if he had made a bigger deal of an already big deal. If only she truly knew Ron the way Harry, Hermione and Ginny did. Because, if she had, his calm demeanor would have scared her; it was when he didn't have a gigantic reaction that bad things happened.

But, she didn't know that, so she mused on how his statement of "I'll take care of it" had a nice ring to it. Maybe she could grow old hearing those words...Oh, to be taken care of, it must-

"Pansy?" He wondered what she was thinking about; her eyes had gone from the desperate pain of a destroyed life to the wistful hope of a new tomorrow. If he could...he'd wipe away as much of that horrible past as was possible, no matter what would happen to him. He would do anything for her.

How he wished he was that new tomorrow. Maybe he was...she just couldn't tell.

"Ok. Everything sounds okay. So...what now?"

He chuckled. "Don't worry..." I'll take care of it.

***

The sweet novelty of the morning had worn off, and Pansy still had no idea what she was going to do. Obviously, she couldn't stay locked up in Gryffindor tower forever. Not all the Gryffindors were going to agree to keep their mouths shut, and she did have to go to school.

Fresh out of the shower, Ron poked his dripping wet head out of the door. "I need my towel, it's on the bed."

She saw the folded white towel on the bed and looked at him lazily from her position at a desk, reading.

"Get it yourself. You're closer."

He sighed miserably, running a hand through his wet hair. "Its not...proper."

She laughed. "You're starting to sound like Granger."

"Please?" His eyes begged her for help.

Oh. So adorable. Even so, she wasn't going to let him think that she was going to go about fetching things for him, even though she'd give him her last galleon, do anything to make him comfortable.

She shook her head, dropped her book and plopped down on the bed. "Come and get it, if you want it...." Pansy winked seductively.

"God," he muttered, "Don't do that..."

She smiled devilishly. "What? I'm just settling in for a nap," she remarked flippantly, hugging the towel to her chest, smirking seductively at him from under her long lashes.

He groaned. "Goddamnit...fine, close your eyes," he commanded, seeming quite annoyed.

She agreed, having no intention of doing so.

As soon as she felt his footsteps draw nearer, she ran for the door, squealing as he chased after her, laughing as he tackled her to the ground.

Oh. God. She thought it would be funny, but the way he looked at her told he just how un-funny this was to him. If she didn't say something soon, if he didn't stop looking at her like he wanted to eat her alive , if she didn't stop thinking about how much she'd like that, then someone was going to walk in and scream when they saw not one, but two naked bodies on the floor.

"Pansy..." he muttered, kissing her cheek.

The sound of her name on his lips in such a low, sexy, needy voice sent shivers through her spine. "Ron...I-"

"Shh...Its okay. I...never mind. I need to get dressed." He said suddenly, snatching the towel and wrapping it about his waist. He sat back on his heels, digging through his trunk for something to wear.

What was that about?

She tilted her head in contemplation once she'd regained her bearings. "Little Weasley isn't so little. I suppose I really oughn't listen to that Irish bloke anymore."

Ron stopped what he was doing immediately, and she winced when she heard the crack his neck made as he snapped it up. "What? He looked at my...Holy crap...." Ron seemed quite upset, but Pansy just couldn't bring herself to be remorseful about her little joke.

"I was just kidding."

He turned away, red, embarrassed, and completely and utterly tantalizing. The events of just a few moments before didn't do anything to quell her rising desires.

He was soaking wet, his hair fell adorably into his face, and his skin seemed touchable with its light freckles all over. As he dug through his old trunk, she realized how broad his shoulders were and went to sit next to him, dropping a light peck on his shoulder and jumping when she heard a loud shriek.

Hermione stood in the doorway, looking highly enraged.

Not knowing what to say, they both looked at each other and laughed.

"You two are abominable. You've broken so many rules I don't know what to do, and me being his friend is the only reason you havent been reported, Parkinson!"

After that preachy little rant, she turned to Ron and softened, saying, "About what I said earlier...well, I don't want to be the one to do it. You'd make it work better anyway because you know more about the situation. So, do it...or I will. And I don't want you to hate me." Hermione seemed largely set on ignoring Pansy's presence and pretending like it wasn't obvious that she hated her.

Hermione and Ron seemed to have made up and had quite the discussion concerning her when she'd been in the shower, Pansy concluded. In any case, Pansy had rather neutral feeling towards the Gryffindor girl, except for maybe, a slight disposition to be annoyed by her habits and attitudes.

"Goodbye, and don't you have much fun, Parkinson-"

"Pansy," she interjected, "My name is Pansy, and your name is Hermione. I get the feeling it would make the future much easier if we simply called each other by our given names."

"Goodbye, Parkinson. And I wouldn't count on it."

***

Wouldn't count on what?

"What was that about?" Pansy asked once Hermione had left. "Did you see the way she looked at me before she left and how she ignored me? What is it that she hates about me so much?'

Ron scratched his head. "I don't think she hates you, it's just that I guess maybe she's used to being the only girl in me and Harry's lives or something."

"Hmm..." Pansy considered this option, but her gut told her that there was something else going on here.

"Ok...what she meant was that...well, she thinks I should go talk to Dumbledore. I don't want to, I really don't, but he could help. The thing is, you'd have to tell him what happened...I mean, I could...its all up to you."

She inhaled sharply, the let the breath go slowly, feeling her shoulders sag. "Uh...what do you think?"

He scratched the back of his neck and then looked straight at her. "Well, I wouldn't want to. But we have to. Because the only thing I can honestly do is to kill the slimy little bastard."

She found his rage touching. "You couldn't kill anyone."

His eyes bored into hers. "For you, I could do anything."

God, she couldn't think when he looked at her like that. She could stop herself from saying,"I lo-" She covered her mouth. There was no mistaking as to what the end of that sentence would have been.

He didn't say anything, but his eyes widened considerably. "I'm going to go find my shoes."

She couldn't bear to look at him as he passed by. "Oh...sure. I...guess this means we're talking to Dumbledore then?" She felt so incredibly fucking stupid.

Okay, I'm going to go find my shoes? She almost said "I love you" and that was all he said? Did that mean he didn't love her? The one time she actually read into something...she got the words all wrong.

God...god, she was so stupid, how could she have ever thought that someone so good as he was would ever love someone who was as messed up as she was?

He came from a kind family, while the only good thing about her family was that they were rich...he had good values and real friends and....well, her life was a sad, ambiguous stage play.

She had probably just ruined the only good thing that had ever happened to her...why...that?

And why was she crying? She was supposed to be stronger than that, better than that. She wasn't supposed to care so much, she'd have forgotten about it all by tomorrow...

But she knew it wouldn't be that way.

She knew that as long as she lived, she wouldn't love anyone else if he couldn't love her...

Oh, God...why?