Reckless

Ron was glad that yesterday was a Friday. He wasn't quite sure just how long he was outside with Pansy, only that something had changed.

Before he'd kissed her the second time, he'd started to say something...

"...all that matters is...."

What would he have said? What had he meant to say? What were the things in his life that he could stick at the end of that sentence?

Pansy, yes, but...he didn't understand how he felt about or what he felt about her, just that there was something there.

Love wasn't an option, it was bizarre nonsense reserved for men who wanted to get married and have children and whatnot, whatever whatnot was. He was young, he wanted to screw around and have loads of girlfriends and things like that...right?

But, when Ron thought about it, there wasn't anything else he thought about...whatever that meant.

He hated not knowing things....but damn...something about that girl just made everything in him go crazy.

When this all started, all his thoughts of her were ones that would make Hermione start a speech on Women's rights and respect...but now...well, now all that wasn't so important. It was...but now he felt things, things he'd never felt before, things that made him wonder just how much Pansy Parkinson meant to him.

***

Pansy knew that she had to tell him the things he so pleasantly hadn't allowed her to say last night.

It wouldn't be long before Ron would tell one of his best friends that there was something between them...and eventually, word would reach Draco.

As strong as she was...Pansy didn't have the strength to fend off Draco...

...and she didn't want to have to go through the experience of realizing that again.

***

December 21^st, 1995

Pansy had never been so happy in her life. She was well established in Slytherin house, almost sixteen, and in love.

And, fortunately, the one she was in love with, Draco Malfoy, had asked her to be his girlfriend. There was nothing else she wanted more for her life except to someday become Mrs. Malfoy after she graduated from Hogwarts with good marks.

"Pansy, come here," Draco commanded, his eyes a bit clouded over and as she drew nearer, she realized that his breath smelled strange. What that smell was, she didn't know, but she did know that she didn't like it.

"Yeah?" she said breathily once she'd made her way over to him, feeling nervous and awkward like she always did when Draco was around her.

"I love you."

A shiver ran down her spine as she heard the words she'd been waiting to hear forever. "I love you too."

"So you'll come upstairs with me for a moment? To talk?" he inquired.

She hesitated. "I'd love to, but...it's against the rules, isn't it?"

He brushed her concerns away. "What are rules when love is involved? It'll be completely innocent...nothing will happen. You have my word as a Malfoy..."

The moment he gave her his word, she fully put her soul, her trust, her faith, her being into him.

That's why it hurt so much.

He p r o m i s e d.

***

Pansy hastily drew herself back to the present. There was no point in ruining what she thought could be real love with someone who was good and pure by dwelling on the stupid choices of two years ago that had left her ruined and battered in more than one way.

"Pansy," Draco hissed in his cold manner, using the tone she was sure he used with his poor servants back at Malfoy Manor.

Forcing herself to look at him and hating the sight with every fiber of her being, she prepared for another hour or so of him telling her how stupid, worthless and a slew of other untrue and degrading things that she was to him.

"What?" she snapped, knowing instantly that her tone would come to cause her much grief. God, why did she have to be so damn stupid? Maybe Draco was right when he'd said that.

He grabbed her wrist, and it was then that she realized he was drunk...he hadn't been drunk since...

She tried to yank her wrist away, but his grip was firm and painful, his nails breaking her tender skin.

He grabbed her by the shoulder and started kissing her neck...given his drunken state, it was more like slobbering all over her. It wasn't until he tried to push her outer robe off her shoulders that her brain kicked in.

Panicking as she realized what he was going to try to do again, she did the only thing that she knew how. She never reacted so impulsively in her entire 17 year existence and had never dug her slightly heeled shoes viciously into someone's crotch and then run like her life depended on it.

But then again, it really rather did.

***

The library was safe because there was no way Draco could come there yelling and screaming and drunk and not expect to get caught. The only problem was that it closed in two hours and after that, she would have to stay awake all night to avoid the nightly patrols of Filch.

Pansy finally slowed her pace as she entered the silent sanctuary of the library. Well, while she was here, maybe she could look up spells for protection or something of that nature.

When she rounded a corner and saw Hermione Granger getting frustrated as she tried to explain something to her two best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, Pansy nearly fainted.

She let out a large sigh of relief, which caused the three of them to look up at her.

"What do you want, Parkinson?" Hermione said lazily, most likely thinking that Pansy had come on behalf of the Slytherins to say something awful like she always had in the past.

Pansy wanted to speak, but she had no clue what to say. So, instead of trying to explain anything at all, she turned her face away and started to cry the tears she hadn't cried in two years.

No more than two seconds later, she felt herself being wrapped up in someone's arms and turned into them, feeling safer each moment she was there. It was then she knew that she truly loved Ron, and it was then that she knew why. He made her feel so many things, desire, and heartbreak...security. Of all the things her life lacked, steady security was the one that kept her awake the most at night.

And now, here he was, being stable, wonderful, supportive...it made her want to never leave his side.