Easier Done Than Said

Easier Done Than Said

He should have been more careful. He had always known that something like this was bound to happen. Still, some stupid part of him had hoped that Sirius might feel the same way, and that had made him careless.

As a prefect, he was away from his friends more often than in the years before. He missed them, especially Sirius. He loved his friends and still couldn't believe his luck sometimes that he had found such wonderful people who accepted him for what he was, who made him feel 'normal'. It must have been the summer after third year that he had realised that his feelings for Sirius were a bit different than those for James and Peter. That in itself didn't come as too much of a surprise to him, it had never been a question for him that he was gay. But did it have to be his best friend, his very straight best friend?

At least there didn't seem to be any indication that Sirius was interested in him other than as a friend. Andrew Mullins had once told him that this was the one thing that annoyed him most about being gay at Hogwarts: not knowing whether the intended was even remotely interested. Yes, he could relate to that.

Since last year he had tried to find out without being too obvious. A small touch here and there, a hand lingering a bit too long. Sirius didn't seem to mind, but then, Remus wasn't sure if he even noticed. He hadn't dared being any more obvious, especially after he had been teased by James who had caught him staring at Sirius in too obvious a manner.

And now this ... Why couldn't he have just gone to bed straight away when returning to the tower after his rounds? Sirius had waited for him with a couple of Butterbeers. Everything had been so familiar, so relaxed. It had just been the two of them; James and Peter had gone to bed earlier. Remus didn't know why exactly, but somehow this evening felt different. And then he had done it - he had kissed Sirius!

Remus groaned. How embarrassing! He had fled right after it happened of course and was now hiding in bed, James's and Peter's snores penetrating the light silencing spell that he had put up. Sirius must be still be downstairs in the common room. Why didn't he come up and yell at him, punch him, do whatever, just do something?

Good god, what a mess! Remus sighed and rested his forehead on his knees, arms wound tightly around his calves. This would be so awkward, he didn't think he could look Sirius in the eye tomorrow. Maybe it would be best if he went down again and got this over and done with, rather than it happening tomorrow when other people were around. He had no idea how Sirius was going to react. Would he just make fun of him being befuddled after a couple of Butterbeers? Would he try to ignore that it had happened? Would he treat him as if nothing had happened or would things be awkward between them? What if he had actually liked it? There was only one way to find out. Remus knew that no matter what, he did not want to lose Sirius. He would somehow have to make things right again.

Remus felt his heart pound in his chest as he made his way to the door and down the stairs. He wanted to turn and just hide in bed again, but he knew that there was nothing for it - this had to be done, and better now than later.

He carefully peered around the corner towards the fireplace where he thought Sirius would still be sitting. The room was empty. Remus frowned. Where had he gone? Sirius would be in so much trouble if he got caught out of bed!

"I was wondering when you'd come back down."

Remus jumped and heard his neck crack as he whipped around. Sirius was looking at him, arms folded across his chest, eyes unreadable and a lopsided smirk firmly in place.

Good, so at least Remus didn't have to fear a punch in the face. He wondered if Sirius was ever going to let him live this down ...

"Si-" he started, but was cut off by Sirius's lips crashing down on his.

When Remus got over his initial shock, he tentatively nipped and licked at Sirius's bottom lip. Their kiss deepened, and Remus was sure he had never felt anything quite like this before. He felt like he was flying. This was his dream come true, finally. He was here with Sirius, his Sirius, they were kissing, he wasn't mad at him or put off. Remus smiled as they broke the kiss to catch their breath. Remus's arms were wrapped around Sirius's neck, Sirius's around his waist, their foreheads touching, and they smiled, their eyes locked and oblivious to their surroundings.

Sometimes, being gay at Hogwarts didn't suck that much at all.