A Change of Heart

No Time to Breathe

Lily and Hannah waited patiently as Professor McGonagall finished talking to a few older students. Preoccupied by what it was that Professor might tell them, Lily didn't even hear when Professor McGonagall called them over to her. Hannah nudged her on the ribs softly.

"I'm sure you've both heard the tragedy that has befallen Ms. Bones," she said watching as they nodded dejectedly at her. "Professor Dumbledore had some questions that we feel would not be appropriate to ask Ms. Bones in her current state of mind. He asked me to call upon you both, to ask you if Sarah has told you anything about her visions."

Lily looked wide-eyed at the professor and glanced down almost immediately, as if afraid of what

Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall expected them to know. Hannah just looked confused and glanced at Lily, who obviously appeared to be hiding something. Professor McGonagall looked at both girls with an inquisitive gaze. Coming to the same conclusion as Hannah, she gave the blonde-haired girl a sympathetic smile and said in a soft voice, "Would you mind giving me a moment with Ms. Evans, Ms. Spinnet?"

Lily looked up and watched as Hannah simply nodded and gave Lily an unreadable look. Before she left though, Hannah turned to Professor McGonagall and asked concerned, "Professor, where is Sarah?"

"She is resting," Professor McGonagall replied simply.

"Ms. Evans, I believe that you know more about what happened than there is on the paper," the professor started. "But I also understand the delicate nature of that information. Therefore, I ask that you to go to the headmaster's office. I believe he requires a few words with you."

Lily got up and gave the professor a short nod and walked out of the classroom feeling queasy. What would she say to Professor Dumbledore? She needed to tell him the truth that way he could help-- but she had promised Sarah she wouldn't. However, it didn't seem like she had much of a choice now. When she made it out to the hall, she noticed that Hannah was nowhere near the classroom. She figured she must've gone back to the common room. She couldn't imagine what questions awaited her when it was time to face her. She knew Hannah would be hurt that she wasn't included in something so serious as to involve the headmaster.

She twiddled her fingers as she walked slowly towards the headmaster's office and was so distracted, she didn't notice when she had surpassed it. She was almost at the end of the other hallway when she noticed she had left it behind. She walked back, provided the password, watched as the gargoyle stepped out of the stairway and made her way up, standing before the door that led to her inevitable doom.

She had barely held up her fist to knock on the door when a voice came from within the room. "Please come in Ms. Evans."

She gave a small jump but collected herself long enough to open the door. The headmaster was peering at the door, through his half-moon spectacles.

"Do sit down Ms. Evans," he said in a calm voice. He looked rather serious and she shifted under his gaze. "I believe you know why it is you are here?"

She nodded slowly and felt her throat contract. She wasn't feeling her best at that particular moment. Sarah's words lingering in her mind, '...you have to promise me you won't tell him.' She looked nervously at the professor, who seemed to be distracted himself. She shifted again and gave him an uneasy look.

"No need to be nervous Ms. Evans," he said in a soothing voice. "I just need to know what it is Ms. Bones told you."

Surely the situation had changed, she told herself. Surely Sarah would want Professor Dumbledore to know what she had seen. What she had dreamt. It would help find out why Voldemort wanted the Bones dead. With that last thought, she made up her mind.

"Professor, what exactly--why would--why would any one want to kill the Sarah's parents?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'm afraid I can't give you an answer to that question," he stated in a calm voice. "Except that there are some people the dark lord feels will be a threat to him. Unfortunately he believed that the Bones would pose such a threat."

She took a deep breath and met the Headmaster's eyes. When she looked up Dumbledore was looking sadly outside the window, the light that usually shone within his eyes, dimmed by an obvious sadness. She felt a pang inside her heart. How could she have been angry at him, even if he had known? He was so much older and wiser than he seemed and she knew he had his reason for keeping things disclosed.

"Just a couple of days after the attack, Sarah told me she had a vision. A vision where she could see who was attacked, except that she couldn't really see who they were. All she knew was that they were someone close to us--to her. She didn't want to come forward with her vision because she said it would create more trouble," she said in a rushed voice.

"I see," he said simply.

She thought perhaps he was disappointed. Perhaps he expected something else, something more consistent than what she had said. It didn't seem as important now that she had said it. The truth was that Sarah hadn't clearly explained what it was that she had seen. She had just told her she had seen the attack.

"I'm sorry I can't tell you anything else," she said in a sad voice. "Sarah didn't really specify in what she had seen--she just knew something was wrong. It was like an instinct."

"I understand and it's quite alright. I expect what she saw to be something hard for her to put into words. But I must urge you to guide her in this time of need. Has she had any more visions to speak of?" he pressed.

She thought back on the last couple of days. There were so many things that filled every second of what had been going on, that it was hard to separate one thought form the other. Then she remembered.

"The day that Professor McGonagall told us about the attack, the day after the Halloween feast, Sarah woke up in the middle of the night. She said she had seen something in her dreams," she said glancing up at Dumbledore.

He remained still, as though lost in thought. But when she spoke she knew very well, he was indeed paying attention to her.

"Is she okay?" Lily asked in a worried voice.

"She is doing as can be expected," the headmaster provided thoughtfully.

"When will be able to see her?" she inquired concerned.

"I think she will be with you as soon as she is ready," he said looking a bit sad.

"Where is she professor?" she pressed lightly.

"She is resting in a secluded part of the hospital wing. I must ask that you not call upon her and let her come to you," he supplied.

There was a thought in her mind she was afraid to voice out. However, if she wanted to find out about the spy within the school, she needed to speak her mind.

"Professor, is there any chance that this had something to do with Sarah? With her power to have visions?" she asked hesitantly.

"It is not always clear to us why something happen. I have to say you are a quick thinker Ms. Evans. I have to admit that I do not quite see any other reason for this incident. Though I do think it might be a little early to jump to conclusions," he said simply. Somehow, Lily knew it was true. It was all linked. It just had to. The spy, the visions, the deaths---it made her sick to think that something that had seemed so far ago just a couple of weeks ago was now within their mist. (hint hint).

"She just wanted to believe they weren't real..." her voice faded. "So did I."

***

Right after her meeting with Dumbledore Lily felt the overwhelming sensation of secrets and worries. She was worried about what Hannah would ask her, wondered what Sarah would be thinking, worrying about her constantly, so much that she had failed to see the change that had befallen Sirius. A change only the best of friends, seemed to have noticed.

She sat in a lounge chair in the common room that night, after failing to find Hannah, when James approached her quietly and serious. She sensed an immediate wariness in his posture and looked at him interestedly as he sat down in the chair opposite to where she was sitting.

"Is something wrong? Did you get the letter from Alice?" she asked immediately forming ideas into her head.

"No, nothing of that sort--yet. There's something else though..." he said hesitantly. "I just thought that since you are the only other person Sirius has been spending so much time with---"

She looked down guiltily. She had half paid attention to what Sirius was saying lately as she had been worried for her mourning friend who seemed to still be in hiding.

"I'm not sure I'm the right person to---" she started slowly.

""I know you have other problems, that you're worried about Sarah. I'm not trying to add to that... I just--doesn't Sirius seem to act a little odd to you sometimes?" he asked leaning in closer to her.

"What do you mean? Like disoriented? Yeah, actually but I thought he was just fooling around..." she sighed and put her hands on her face feeling the burden of a new problem arising. "Oh! I'm a horrible girlfriend."

"Come on Lily. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm sorry. You're not a horrible girlfriend, really," he said suddenly angry with himself for having brought it up.

She looked down where his hand had taken hers in attempt to comfort her.

"What are you thinking? I want to know. What do you think is going on with him?" she said lifting her eyes to look at him.

"I don't know, it's just that at times, he doesn't even seem to be himself. He doesn't even know what he's doing..." James said after a while. "He's been like that since... well, since that night up at the tower."

"What do you think is wrong?" Lily asked worriedly.

"I don't know but I do think we need to keep our eyes and ears open," his voice toning down to a whisper.

"You say it like there's something that could hurt us. This is Sirius, he'd never do anything to anyone... well, except if they were Slytherins," she whispered back.

James just looked at Lily, his eyes full of concern and his brow etched with worry. Lily didn't have to ask then what James was thinking. It seemed that there was no time to breathe between their problems. It was obvious. What if it wasn't Sirius?