A Change of Heart

Chapter 11

When Lily awoke next morning in the infirmary, she found that the bed next to her was empty. James had left earlier. Her friends dropped by to get her up and going all the while asking for an explanation.

"That was one hell of a detention Lily," Sarah said amazed as they walked to the common room. "When was the last time a student got sent to the infirmary because of serving a detention?"

"So what happened?" Hannah asked curiously.

"Well, we were helping Hagrid collect specimens for Professor Kettleburn's class. We were able to collect a bowtruckle before James and I were stung by a billywig," she said all the while trying to avoid their eyes.

"A billywig? Aren't those only found in---" Hannah started.

"--Australia and apparently the Forbidden Forest. Hagrid said that there's more to that place than meets the eye. Next thing I know, we were giggling like crazy, and we started levitating slightly. Hagrid had a difficult time getting us down. Anyhow, Madam Pomfrey wanted to make sure we didn't float off in the middle of the night," she said stopping before the fat lady's portrait. "Lion's den."

The portrait swung open and they made their way through the common room, Lily looking around inconspicuously for any signs of James or Sirius. Neither of the two boys was there, she noted trudging her way up the stairs to the girls dormitories. She gathered her things to go take a shower before walking to class. She barely registered that her friends had changed the topic of the conversation and were now arguing about the latest issue of the daily prophet. She barely heard a word they said as her thoughts started drifting to the notion of Hogsmeade with Sirius. But then her feelings began to waver. She started thinking subconsciously about James. She wanted to think that it was only because of the way he had seemed so nice yesterday.

'No, that wasn't it,' a voice inside her said. 'It was the disappointment in his eyes after you told him not to tell anyone about your kiss..."

She tried to pry herself from those thoughts as she picked up her garments and walked to the bathroom, fingering her hair like she did when she was nervous. She turned back and reached over to the side of her bed, where she had placed her bag the day before. She pulled out of a book the parchment she had written back and forth with Sirius on.

'You're going on a date with the guy you have a crush on,' she tried telling herself. 'Stop thinking about his best friend.'

Another thought suddenly formed in her head. She imagined that if James always tried to ask her out when she kept refusing, he wouldn't be too keen on his best friend having succeeded.

'Not that it matters,' she told herself. 'What do I care what James Potter thinks?'

She looked over at her friends who were still talking about something she didn't care to notice. She walked to the bathroom door and called out, "Wait for me, I won't be long."

She heard Sarah and Hannah say "Yeah, okay" and turned to the shower. She let the water flow over her trying to erase the thoughts of the night before. As she changed, she read over the 'conversation' she and Sirius had had. She smiled to herself as she thought that tomorrow she and Sirius would be going to Hogsmeade together. It was after all, she said to herself, what she had wanted. With that thought in her mind, she walked out ready to begin her classes for the day.

***

When James had stepped out of the infirmary early in the morning, he had felt somewhat depressed about what had happened the day before. He could still feel Lily's lips on his and he smiled despite her late reaction. He wanted to think that her giggles were actually how she felt, but that wasn't true. She had been under the effects of the billywig. He headed up to his dormitory, being too early for anyone to be up. He noted that his roommates, his friends, were still snoring in their beds. He took a shower and walked to the great hall, had an early breakfast and walked outside to the fields as soon as he was done. He had herbology that morning anyhow, he said to himself. He would be early, but he started to feel the morning chill around him. It was almost Halloween and as the month ended, the days tended to get a little colder and windier. As he entered the greenhouse, he felt a wave of warmth wash over him. He sat in the place reading a book called 'History of the Great Wizards' until he heard the door open and close. He looked up and found Sirius looking at him rather nervously.

"I thought you would be here," he said sitting down next to him.

"Yeah, is there something wrong?" James asked concerned.

"No, not really. Where were you last night? I don't think I heard you come in," Sirius said stalling the real reason he had gone to find him.

"Yeah, can you believe it? Lily and I got stung by a billywig," he said jokingly. "We started laughing like crazy."

"I thought you had detention with Remus and Peter yesterday," Sirius said confused.

"I did, but turns out Lily got detention for speaking too loudly in Binns' class so she had to serve detention with us. McGonagall thought Lily and Remus were speaking too much so she had me and Lily work on a completely different task than Remus and Peter. We ended up helping Hagrid in the Forbidden Forest," he continued to tell him about what had happened, except about the kiss. He wanted to keep his promise to Lily. "So are you gonna tell me why you look like you're about to toss your cookies?"

Sirius just looked at the floor before speaking.

"I asked Lily out," he blurted out.

Sirius surveyed James look from where he was sitting, but the look in his friend's face was unrecognizable.

"You what?" James asked calmly.

"I asked her out, on a date, tomorrow to Hogsmeade," Sirius said somewhat shakily.

"What did she say?" James asked again coolly.

"She said yes," Sirius said still hesitantly.

"Congratulations, I hope it was worth it," James bit out angrily.

He got up from his seat, threw his book in his bag, and began to walk away, only to walk back and face Sirius.

"Why? Why did you do it? Have I ever expressed that I cared about anyone like I do about Lily? There's a boundary Sirius! It's not even about calling dibs on a person, it can't be done! But I--I don't even know how to explain it. She means a lot to me! I trust you and you take the girl I've fancied for two years in two months!" he said angrily to Sirius.

"Ever thought about what she wanted mate? I didn't take her, she was never yours! You wanna know why? Because you're a prat, she's told you herself! She hates the way you treat people. I realize you think she's the love of your bloody life, but you're right. I don't understand! You've never really had more than one decent conversation with the girl!" Sirius said defending himself. He stepped down and sighed heavily. His tone got patient and cautious. "I have feelings for her James. I didn't mean to--I didn't want to, but she makes me feel like I can be the good guy. She makes me feel like I'm in heaven, just by talking to her. I respect her and her opinions, which I had never understood until now. I--I just wanted to tell you before someone else did. I thought if you'd understand-- I knew you'd be angry, but maybe that you'd understand. I'm sorry, because I am your best friend and I knew how you felt about her, even if I don't understand it. If it bothers you that much--"

"And what? Make Lily hate me even more?" he said bitterly. "I do know how she feels about me. She would rather eat a dungbomb than admit she had been nice to me."

Sirius snuck a look at James. He sat there just feeling sorry for his best friend.

"I have to face it, don't I? She thinks I'm a jerk, but I've never known any other way of getting her to notice," he said mostly to himself. He wanted to be okay with it, but he was burning with jealousy. He wanted his best friend to be happy, but not with Lily. He wasn't sure of anything in his life, but he was sure he wanted Lily.

***

When Lily and her friends walked into the Herbology, she could feel an odd tension in the room. She noticed that most of the class was already there, even though there was an eerie silence in the room. They walked over to where Aurora and Frank Longbottom were sitting. Lily could feel the tension in the room creeping in and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Something was off.

"What's wrong? Why is everyone so quiet?" she asked Frank.

"Well, I'd hazard a guess and say it's the marauders," he said confidently.

"What do you mean?" Sarah asked confused.

"Well, Sirius and James were the first ones in the class and apparently they were having some sort of argument," Frank said in a soft voice.

"What kind of argument?" Hannah whispered back.

"We don't know. Anyhow, when everybody started coming in, they just stopped talking altogether," Aurora quipped in. "Why do you think its so quiet? They're the ones that make all the noise in this classroom."

Lily took in what her friend said and looked over where Sirius and James were sitting. Remus and Peter were there, looking quite confused and trying to get their friends to talk. James ignored everything the other two boys were saying, looking fixedly at one spot of his book. He was obviously not reading, but possibly thought the book might make other people think twice before 'interrupting' him. Sirius, on the other hand, tried to dismiss Remus' and Peter's comments by telling them everything was okay. When Peter failed to stop asking questions, Sirius got fed up.

"I said it was nothing Peter! Give it a rest!" with that he got up from where he was sitting and looked around. He spotted Lily and walked over towards her, apparently ignoring the glares James had started throwing his way.

She wanted to ask what was happening, but by the way he had shouted at Peter she just gave him a smile.

"Hey," she said in a whisper.

He gave her a weak smile and began writing something on a piece of parchment. When he finished he pushed the paper to her. She took it and read.

*James and I got into a big fight... can I talk to you about it later?*

She nodded at him and took his hand and squeezed it lightly. From across the room, James glared at them throughout the whole class.

***

When class ended, Lily told her friends she'd see them later and joined Sirius outside the classroom. When they had made sure they were the only ones left, they started walking towards their DADA class.

"So are you ready to talk?" Lily inquired after they had been walking in silence for a while.

"Yeah," he said as if he had only just noticed her. "I... well, James and I--we had this fight."

"Uhuh," Lily said warily.

"We--I did something that perhaps I shouldn't have done. I took something which meant a lot to him and he--well, I told him and he got angry. I hoped he wouldn't. I thought maybe if I explained to him my reasons for my actions, he would understand," he said nervously. He stopped suddenly and turned to look at Lily. Her piercing green eyes locked with his and he knew he didn't want to lie to her. "Actually... I knew he would be mad. I knew that no matter how I explained it, what I did was wrong, but I really--I really needed to do what I did. Am I making any sense?"

She looked at him for a moment before speaking.

"It does. You did something you knew you shouldn't have done but you were hoping your best friend would still understand," she said looking at him thoughtfully. "I guess the only thing you should ask yourself was if it was worth it."

He examined her for a moment as though weighing down his answer.

"Yes," he said significantly. "Completely."

They arrived to the DADA class in silence and sat together for class. All the while, Sirius thoughts kept turning back to trying to think of a way to talk to James.