What the Bloody Hell?

Halloween came about a week and a half after the Hogsmeade trip. The students were excited for the annual Halloween feast. Ron was hoping he'd be able to find a way to sneak off with Pansy.

The day before Halloween, Ron was sitting at a table in the library, finishing up his Defense homework. He was just about to pack up and leave when some voices in the row behind him stopped him.

"Is everything ready for tomorrow night?" one voice whispered.

"Yeah, I got the spell from my brother," another replied.

Ron perked up. What could they be talking about?

"So, let's go over the plan again quickly," the first voice said. "We go down to the kitchens, John and I will distract the house elves, while Michael will perform the spell on the pumpkin juice. Then we go back upstairs in time for the feast and watch the madness ensue!"

"And everyone will know that Hufflepuff can be just as devious as the rest of them!" said a third voice.

"No they won't. We won't be telling anyone," the second voice said.

"We don't want to get into to trouble," said the first voice.

"Oh. Well, at least we'll get to see everyone else make fools of themselves!" said the third voice.

The three left amid a midst of muffled giggles. Ron turned and saw three Hufflepuff fifth years walking away. He stared after them in shock. Hufflepuffs were going to pull a prank on the school?

~*~

At the feast the next night, Ron tried to tell the Gryffindors about the Hufflepuffs plans. Unfortunately, no one believed him.

"Come on, Ron, Hufflepuffs?" Seamus laughed. "Why would they want to pull a prank on the school?"

"Because no one thinks they could!" Ron cried.

"I don't believe it," Harry said.

Hermione carefully inspected her goblet of pumpkin juice. "It looks normal to me," she announced. She took a sip. "Mmm, tastes delicious!"

They all waited for something to happen to Hermione. When nothing did, the rest of the Gryffindors cheered, and then took a drink from their goblets.

Ron shook his head. "I still don't trust it."

"Aw, come on, Ron," Neville said. "There's nothing wrong with it!"

But Ron refused to drink any pumpkin juice for the rest of the night. He spent the time trying to figure out what the three Hufflepuff fifth years had done, but all that seemed to be happening was the students getting rather giggly, slurring their words, and stumbling around.

When Pansy approached Ron near the end of the feast and stumbled into his lap saying, "Ronnie, Ronnie, my lover," it finally dawned on him. The Hufflepuffs had spiked the pumpkin juice. He looked around him. Sure enough, students everywhere were displaying signs of unmistakable drunkenness. Neville and Hannah Abbot were making out in a corner; Seamus and Dean couldn't stop giggling; Draco Malfoy was red in the face and flirting with Daphne Greengrass; Harry and Ginny were talking loudly to each other about Quidditch (but Ron couldn't be sure because they were slurring their words so badly); the Ravenclaws had started up a karaoke contest with the Slytherins; and Pansy Parkinson was touching Ron inappropriately in front of anyone who cared to look.

"Pansy, stop that," he muttered, pushing her hand away.

"Aw, Ronnikins," she slurred, "dontcha wanna make out?"

"Pansy, not here, everyone will see!"

"Mmm, but you're so sexy."

"P-AHN-sy!" Ron gasped as she fondled him through his robes.

Dumbledore applauded the end of the Ravenclaw/Slytherin duo, then stood up and announced the end of the feast. The students all stood and stumbled their way out the doors and into the Entrance Hall. Everyone was hugging and kissing and fighting. It was madness! Slowly the crowd started to thin as people drifted off in different directions. Ron found himself and Pansy being dragged towards the Gryffindor common room. They passed by Hermione, who was in deep discussion with Daphne, and by Anthony Goldstein and Padma Patil, who were practically going at it in a small alcove.

Ron was shoved into the Gryffindor common room. He fell over one of the chairs and crashed to the floor. A minute later, Pansy pulled him upright and into her arms. She leaned forward to kiss him, but Ron ducked.

"Not here!" he cried. "Too many witnesses," he added. Ron grabbed Pansy's arm and, with one last glance around him, quickly pulled her up to the seventh year dormitory.

There was some commotion coming from Neville's bed, so Ron pushed Pansy onto his bed. She started giggling loudly. He climbed in after her and pulled the hangings closed. "Pansy, shut up," he muttered.

She started giggling slightly more quietly. Ron pulled his pillow out from under him and when he turned back to Pansy she was in the middle of unbuttoning her shirt.

"What are you doing?" he squeaked.

"Getting ready for bed, silly," she giggled. She finished unbuttoning her shirt and pulled it off.

Ron stared at her. She had on a dark green bra. "Figures," he mumbled. Now she was pulling off her skirt. She was trying to get it over her knees, but leaned back too far and started to fall off the bed. Ron managed to grab her by the leg and hoist her back up. That set her off into another giggle frenzy.

"Ronnie! You . . . you . . ." she giggled.

"Stop calling me Ronnie," he hissed.

Pansy finished pulling off her skirt, then took her socks and shoes off. She threw everything onto the floor, crawled under the covers, stowed her wand underneath the pillow, and then looked up at Ron. "Are you going to sleep?" she asked in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, yeah," Ron replied, starting to crawl under the covers.

"No, no, no, no," Pansy said, shoving him slightly. "You hafta get undressed first!"

"Oh, sorry." Ron quickly pulled his shirt off over his head.

"Pants too," Pansy said, closing her eyes.

Ron rolled his eyes, but pulled his pants off. Clothed just in his boxers, he crawled under the covers and stretched out next to Pansy.

She curled up next to him and sighed happily. "G'night."

Ron kissed her on her forehead. "Good night, Pansy."

~*~

Pansy woke quite abruptly the next day. The first thing she noticed was the pounding headache currently rendering her incapacitated. "I can't believe someone actually spiked the pumpkin juice last night," she muttered. Groaning, she dug around in her bed until she located her wand. She managed to sit up, point her wand at herself and mutter, "expello madide". The effect was instantaneous. Finally able to think, Pansy looked around her.

Something was wrong. The hangings on her bed were supposed to be green, not scarlet. Also, her room smelled like flowers and vanilla, not like dirty socks and musty air. She grabbed the edge of the hangings and pulled them back enough to peer out into the room. She frowned when she realized there were five beds instead of three. "Where am I?" she whispered.

Just then, something behind her moved and pushed her out of the bed. Pansy fell with a scream to the stone floor. Suddenly, the room was filled with groaning and questions of, "What the fuck?", before a group of voices muttered "expello madide". In the bed next to her, Harry Potter poked his head between the hangings to see what was going on.

"What are you doing here?" he croaked.

"Me? What are you doing here?" Pansy cried.

"This is my room!" Harry replied.

"Huh," Pansy said. "That would explain a lot. But in that case, what am I doing here?"

"Whoa, Parkinson!" Seamus yelped having stumbled over to see what was going on. "Nice rack!"

"What?" Pansy looked down at herself and realized she was only in her underwear. She shrieked and reached behind her for the sheets. They were caught on something so she tugged as hard as she could and ended up with Ron in her lap. She looked down at him, then over at the bed, and then she collapsed onto the floor, crying.

Ron quickly got off of her, looking worried. "What's wrong?"

Pansy continued crying. "My life is over!" she wailed. "I lost it to a Weasley and I don't remember it! I slept in the same room as Gryffindors!"

"Gross, Ron, you had sex with Pansy Parkinson?" Ginny cried, appearing behind Harry.

Ron yelped. "Ginny! What are you doing in here?!"

"I was sleeping," she answered.

"With Harry?!"

"Yes."

Ron looked scandalized.

"Not like that, stupid," Ginny corrected, rolling her eyes. "And anyway, even if I had, it's still not as gross as you sleeping with Parkinson. It's morally wrong, Ron."

"I didn't sleep with Pansy!" Ron snapped.

Pansy looked up at him hopefully. "We didn't? Are you sure?"

"Positive," Ron replied. "Because I did not get drunk last night, unlike all of you."

"It's not like we meant to," Dean spoke up from across the room. "Anyone know who spiked the pumpkin juice?"

"Didn't Ron keep mentioning something about Hufflepuffs last night?" said a voice from Neville's bed. A voice that was definitely not Neville's seeing as how Neville did not have a girly voice.

Everyone in the room looked over towards his bed. Dean leaned over and ripped the hangings apart. Neville and Hannah Abbot were sitting huddled together.

"Did she sleep here too?" Ron questioned in surprise.

Neville and Hannah both flushed scarlet.

"Whoa, Longbottom, who knew?" Pansy said, astonished.

"People can sleep together without sleeping together," Hannah retorted.

"You're right. You don't need to sleep after you have sex," Pansy replied. Ron laughed.

"That's not what I meant," Hannah said, crossing her arms.

"Don't mind her, Hannah. Parkinson just likes being a bitch," Ginny spoke up.

Pansy shot a glare at Ginny. "You're not better than me, you know."

"Says the Slytherin girl who slept with a Gryffindor just because she was desperate and drunk," Ginny said.

"We did not sleep together!" Pansy and Ron bellowed. Pansy stood up in a huff, jumped onto Ron's bed and shut the hangings without another word.

"Now you've done it," Ron told Ginny.

"So what? Why do you care? It's just Parkinson," Ginny said, angrily.

"She's still a human being."

"Then maybe she should act like one."

"Stop being such a prissy bitch, Ginny." Ron turned his back on his sister and opened the hangings just enough to peer inside. "Pansy?"

"Go away," she said, throwing a pillow at him.

Ron caught the pillow. "This is my bed, you go away."

"No."

Ron climbed in, ignoring Pansy's protests. He closed the hangings, then muttered a silencing charm.

"Do you see why we can't tell anyone about us?" Pansy said. "Look how they act towards me already."

"Maybe they would be nicer if they knew we were together."

Pansy gave him a look.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Ron sighed.

After a moment of silence, Pansy said, "I should be getting back to Slytherin."

Ron nodded and helped her find her clothes. Once Pansy was fully dressed (and Ron had to admit to himself that he was kind of sad because, as Seamus had said, Pansy did have a nice rack), she pulled back the hangings.

"I'll walk you down," Ron said, stepping out and grabbing some pants from his trunk.

On the stairs, Ron pulled her into a kiss. "I'm sorry all this happened," he murmured.

"Don't be. At least we got to spend the night together, even if I don't remember it."

Ron grinned. "You were so drunk."

"I know," Pansy groaned. She kissed him again. "Come on!"

Ron followed her into the common room. The room was empty save for two people asleep on one of the couches.

"Oh my god, Daphne?" Pansy exclaimed, loudly.

The two people on the couch stirred. Ron realized it was Hermione and Pansy's friend, Daphne. "Hermione?" he gasped.

"Oh, hi, Ron. Hi, Pansy," Hermione said, sitting upright.

"Pansy? What are you doing here?" Daphne asked, groggily.

"Me? What are you doing here?" Pansy demanded.

"Why isn't Weasley wearing a shirt?" Daphne asked.

"None of your business," Pansy replied. "But we have to get back to the dungeons before Snape catches us."

"You're right." Daphne stood up and brushed herself off. She grabbed Pansy's arm and started dragging her out of the common room. "Bye, Granger!" she called over her shoulder.

Pansy waved quickly at Ron.

Once they were safely in the Slytherin common room, Pansy stopped Daphne. "What were you doing sleeping in Gryffindor with Granger?"

"What were you doing sleeping in Gryffindor with Weasley?" Daphne shot back.

"I asked you first."

Daphne sighed. "I don't know. I just kind of ended up there. I was talking to her and then . . . we fell asleep."

"I don't even remember ending up in Weasley's bed," Pansy said.

"Gross, you were in his bed?"

"He's not that bad."

Daphne was silent for a minute. Then she said, "Let's not tell anyone else about this."

"Agreed," Pansy said quickly. Giggling, they ran to their room.

~*~

Word spread quickly through the castle that the pumpkin juice had been spiked at the Halloween feast. For the following week, the main topic of conversation was who had done it, why had they done it, and what sort of crazy things the students had gotten up to when drunk.

Somebody in Gryffindor had let it slip that Pansy had spent the night in Ron's bed. She received all sorts of grief from the Slytherins, especially from Draco. Pansy blamed it on her being drunk and Ron trying to take advantage of the situation.

Slowly, talk of the feast died down, and new gossip was created. Pansy spent her time going to class, working on homework, going on Prefect rounds with Padma Patil, and, in the little bit of time she had left, making out with Ron.

She and Ron had learned to be very discreet. First, they would have to come up with a believable excuse to use on their friends to get away. Next, they would have to find an empty classroom or an empty passageway to meet up in. Finally, they'd be able to make out, but they always had to be on the lookout in case anyone showed up.

Pansy still could not believe that she was dating a Weasley. Worse, she actually liked him. He was sweet, he made her laugh, and he was a great kisser.

"Pansy! Hey, Pansy!"

Pansy turned in the corridor to see who was calling her name. Padma Patil was running up to her. "Yes?" she asked.

"I'm glad I caught you! I need to ask you a really, really, really big favor," Padma began.

Pansy glanced down at her watch. She was supposed to be meeting Draco in the library to study for Potions together and she was already five minutes late. "Make it quick," she said.

"Right, well . . . Anthony Goldstein and I started dating . . ." Padma said, blushing slightly.

Pansy wondered what this had to do with her. "That's fantastic," she said, pretending to be interested. "You've liked him for awhile now, haven't you?"

"Oh yes! Ages! We got together at the Halloween feast, and . . . well . . ."

"Uh huh, so, what does this have to do with me?" Pansy asked, fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Right! Well, Anthony and I were thinking it might be nice to do our Prefect rounds together, you know, so I was wondering if you would be able to switch with Anthony so we could be together."

"Doesn't Anthony partner with Ro ? I mean, Weasley?"

Padma nodded. "I just figured you wouldn't mind because . . . well, because it's Ron."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Pansy asked, hands on her hips.

"Well, you did spend Halloween night in his bed . . ."

"I was bloody drunk!"

"Okay, okay! Forget I said anything! But, will you? Will you switch with Anthony?"

"I don't know . . ."

"Oh, please, please, please! Please, Pansy! I swear I'll make it up to you!" Padma begged.

Pansy had to fight to keep down her smile. Partnering with Ron on Prefect rounds was sure to be interesting. It was a fantastic excuse to get some alone time together. No wonder Padma wanted to partner with her new boyfriend.

"Oh, all right," Pansy finally agreed. "I'll let Draco know."

"Pansy, you're the best!" Padma gushed. "Thank you so much!" Padma happily ran off and Pansy continued on to the library.

~*~

Pansy and Padma had had the early shifts on Tuesdays and Saturdays for Prefect rounds. Ron and Anthony had had the late shifts on Thursdays and Fridays. So that Thursday evening at about 9 o'clock, Pansy wandered into the Entrance Hall to meet with Ron. He was sitting on the steps and looked up at her in surprise as she approached him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Did no one tell you? I'm your new rounds partner!"

Ron just stared at her.

"Aren't you excited?" Pansy asked, happily.

"How'd you pull this one off?"

"I didn't. Padma asked me to switch with Anthony because, now that they're dating, they wanted to do rounds together."

"That's brilliant!" Ron burst out. "I can't believe I didn't think of that one!"

"I would have liked to see the reaction you got from people when you told them you wanted to switch because you and I were dating," Pansy laughed.

Ron just looked at her.

"What?" Pansy asked, self-consciously.

"It's odd how this relationship seems normal to us, yet everyone else would think it was awkward and impossible," he finally said.

"Which is why we don't tell anyone," Pansy replied. "Come on, we've got rounds to do!" She ran up the stairs to the second floor.

They managed to make it all the way to the third floor before they had to stop to kiss each other. After a quick make-out session, they went back to rounds.

It was fairly uneventful. They discussed their days, current topics of interest, and, of course, Quidditch.

It wasn't until the seventh floor that things started to get a little . . . tense.

"Do you think I should cut my hair?" Pansy asked, fingering her long black locks.

"I don't care," Ron replied, looking into the next classroom.

"You don't care?"

"It's just your hair."

"So you wouldn't care if I shaved my head bald, then?"

"I didn't say that!"

"You said you didn't care. So I can just do whatever I want, and you won't even care?"

"Are you getting mad at me?"

"Do you care about anything? Do you care about me at all?"

"I just said that I don't care if you cut your hair or not!"

"But you should!"

"Why?"

"Because you're dating me! Because you supposedly like me and you should care what I look like!"

"Look, just do whatever you want to do. It's up to you, it doesn't matter what I think."

Pansy gave a cry of outrage.

"What is with you girls?" Ron questioned angrily. "It's always something isn't it? You can't be happy unless you're arguing."

"'You girls'?" Pansy shrieked.

"Just calm down already, won't you?"

"I can't believe you! You're blaming this all on me because I'm a girl?" Pansy shouted.

"No, I'm blaming this all on you because you started it!" Ron shouted back.

"You're the one who doesn't give a flying fuck about me!"

"Stop putting words in my mouth!"

"I'm not!"

"Pansy, you're being a bitch."

Pansy gasped as though she'd been slapped. She glared at him looking as though she wanted to murder him.

"What did I say now?" Ron groaned.

Pansy's eyes narrowed. "Ron, for future reference, you're a jerk," she muttered, before turning on her heel and storming off down the corridor.