Gazing

~~~

Dear Uncle Alphard

Thank you for the necklace. I wear it every day. I had the best Christmas day at Hogwarts with my friend, the new one I told you about.

Wish you a happy Christmas, too, and thanks for the gift again. I'm also very proud of being a Gryffindor. James is back early from Christmas break, so now it's him, me, and Remus. Ready to bring chaos to the Slytherins!

Love,

Sirius

P.S. Remus wants to know what type of silver the necklace is made of.

~~~

Remus sat cuddled up in a freshly washed blanket on the biggest sofa in the common room. He could still smell the fresh pine scent the house elves used. The blanket had been graciously brought by James after a little argument between him and Sirius that ended in James saying something cryptic about who had the thing to get a new blanket after curfew. So James had brought the blanket. James and Sirius were very worried about him, about the fact that he always looked ill lately, cold and pale and tired. It was all because of Sirius's necklace.

But mundane silver was harmless unless he drank it, which would make him seriously ill; it would only kill him if it got into his bloodstream. He'd never read anything about silver that would affect him just by being in close proximity to him. He couldn't tell Sirius, at least not with a reasonable explanation, but he had to do something because the closer the full moon got, the more it affected him. The next full moon was in less than a week.

Sirius and James sat in a few feet away, still trying to sort through their Christmas homework, which Remus had completed a week before. It was nice having the common room all to themselves; it would be the last day things would be this quiet, as term started the next day. James's early appearance had been a nice surprise, too. Remus had been ready to go to bed an hour ago, but Sirius had begged him to stay, pleading with saddened eyes that Remus could only compare to those of a sad and lonely puppy. So he had stayed, curled in a blanket on a sofa in the common room.

"Still awake, Remus?"

Remus opened his eyes slowly. He couldn't pinpoint who had asked the question, yet still nodded slowly in agreement.

"You should go to bed, Remus," James said, looking up from his half-finished homework.

"Don't make him go, James. It's not that late. Besides, look at him, he looks so cute lying there."

"He looks ill, Sirius."

"I'm fine," Remus muttered softly, which was a complete lie. He wanted to go to his bed and get some rest. The necklace only seemed to affect him directly when he was close to Sirius, but being constantly exposed to that silver drained his energy and made him like this: tired, sleepy and very, very cold.

"Just go to bed, Remus, don't listen to this git. He just want to keep you around for his personal reasons," James snickered, for which Sirius instantly glared at him. Remus chuckled, hugging the blanket closer to himself while James and Sirius got into a friendly scuffle.

James blew a raspberry at Sirius's face and ducked when Sirius tried to grab hold of the hem of his robes to apparently knock him down.

"Remus can go to bed whenever he wants; nobody is forcing him to stay," Sirius huffed.

"'But Remus, you can't go, what if we need your help?'" James imitated in his most Sirius-like voice.

Sirius chased James around the common room until James ended behind the couch on which Remus was sitting and Sirius in the front. Remus just rolled his eyes. After a few seconds of wondering whether they were going to start running again, Sirius crouched down and stared right into Remus's eyes. "I'm not making you stay, right, Remus?"

Remus took a deep breath and, trying to ignore the discomfort the necklace caused, he forced a pleasant smile on his face. "Well, you did ask very nicely, how could I say no?" and at that, Sirius's face fell.

"Told you." James grinned, initiating the chase once more.

Remus smiled to himself as he listened to Sirius's trying to curse James into oblivion. He pondered sneaking into Sirius's and James's dormitory late at night after they had fallen asleep and stealing the necklace and throwing it in the middle of the lake.

"James! Stop dodging my spells!"

"Your aiming is so bad, you'll probably hit Remus first before me."

Middle of the night. Stealing the necklace. Going back to feeling normal. The more Remus thought about it the better the idea sounded.

~~~

Remus knew that if he wanted to try to get rid of that necklace, it had to be tonight. He'd been sleeping in James's bed during the break, and after James had returned, he had picked another of the empty beds. By the next afternoon everybody else would have returned from their

Christmas break, and he would have to go back to his own dorm, and it would be twice as hard to sneak into Sirius's dorm room and steal the necklace.

They had all gone to bed at midnight after James and Sirius had given up trying to curse each other and finished their homework. He had excused himself and stayed in the bathroom a little longer than necessary, but after a few minutes he was feeling better, and by the time he had gone to the dorm, James was sleeping and Sirius was feigning to sleep.

"I know you're awake, Sirius," Remus said.

"One day I'm going to figure out how you do that."

"Do what?"

"Know if people are asleep or not, listening even if they are whispering on the opposite corner of the room, weird things." Sirius got more comfortable in his bed and grinned as he tilted his head to the side.

"Just because your hearing is bad doesn't mean mine is." Remus grinned back and headed toward an unoccupied bed. "Goodnight, Sirius."

Remus reached the bed, changed to his pajamas and settled in, still questioning whether he should try to steal the necklace or not. He had almost made up his mind when he heard "Goodnight Remus" and made up his mind.

~~~

Remus stared at the ceiling until he heard the calm breathing that meant that Sirius was finally soundly asleep. He pushed the covers away and tiptoed across the room toward Sirius's bed. He felt the effects of the silver, but they were mild, so he knew something must be covering the necklace. Remus got to his knees and searched under the bed for Sirius's trunk, the most likely place for the necklace to be. He pulled it forward slowly, careful not to make any noise. Sirius shifted in his sleep and Remus waited until the coast was clear. He opened the trunk quietly and started searching it, promising himself to help Sirius with whatever he needed for the next month for searching through his stuff without permission, not to mention stealing from him.

He had no choice, Remus told himself over and over. He couldn't stand the effects of the necklace much longer, and he would have to cut off his ties with Sirius to get away from it otherwise, and that wasn't an option, not anymore. He wanted to be Sirius's friend, to talk to him everyday if possible. There was no other way but to get rid of the necklace. Sirius loved it, he wore it everyday, and Remus knew Sirius would never just stopped wearing it unless... If Sirius had to choose between Remus and the necklace. Even if Remus was certain Sirius would choose their friendship, that would mean he having to tell him why he wanted the necklace gone, why it affected him so much. He would have to tell Sirius what he was.

The necklace had to go.

The search in the trunk was proving pointless. So far he'd found clothes, school books, and more clothes. The necklace wasn't there. Remus put everything back into place, closed the trunk and pushed it back under the bed. He turned his attention to the drawer beside the bed and searched through the cabinets, also coming empty handed. Feeling a little more desperate, Remus glanced around to other possible places where the necklace might be. Under the pillow? Remus frowned internally and rose to his feet. Sirius had his head in the middle of the pillow, his bedcovers up to his chin, his mouth slightly open as he breathed softly.

Remus walked forward until his legs touched the edge of the bed and reached out toward the pillow, sure that he could search under it without waking Sirius. He had almost got it when Sirius moved in his sleep, tilting his head away from Remus and pulling the bed covers slightly down to his upper chest. Remus's head spun instantly and he follow the urge to step far away from Sirius and the necklace still around his neck.

"Bugger," Remus swore and quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He needed a new plan or he had to back out. No. He couldn't back out, not when he'd come this far. He approached the bed cautiously and thought of the right approach. Reach out, unclasp the necklace from Sirius's neck and hide it or throw it in the lake. Remus could see the clasp on the side, and he climbed on the bed to get a better angle. Remus's body trembled, quietly pleading for Sirius not to wake up. The necklace burned under his fingertips, but he almost had it, just a little more and...

Sirius suddenly moved again, and quickly, as if reaching out to grab something. Remus didn't have a chance to react, and before he knew it he was lying on the bed pinned under Sirius's weight with one of Sirius's arms across his stomach, Sirius's face snuggling close to him and murmuring something in his sleep. The necklace was so close that Remus could feel its effects all over his body. His head spun, and he tried to push himself away but was too weak to even make a decent attempt, much less one capable of waking Sirius. He was undeniably trapped.

Remus knew that he was going to pass out, and he had a moment to wonder what Sirius would think when he woke the next morning to find Remus on his bed. His strength was gone, and he closed his eyes. Sirius murmured in his sleep again. Remus thought it sounded something like 'mine'.