Seven Years

How did I love you?

There was no measuring

Far above this dirty world

Far above everything

In your tower over it

You were clean

I remember Flora Randall with a vengeance. Flora with the mouse brown pigtails. Flora with the innumerable amount of Beatles T-shirts. Flora with the dramatic emotions. Flora with the clear blue eyes. Flora with the ever-present essence. Flora.

I remember the first time I saw Flora, her in Ravenclaw and me in Gryffindor. Lily Evans, a friend of mine, had dragged her over to me. Flora and Lily were giggling, acting just like eleven-year-old girls. Lily said, amidst giggles, "She thinks you're bloody handsome!"

Another wave of giggles broke, and I looked harder at Flora. I didn't know about myself, but I was sure that Flora was pretty, in a quirky sort of way. Underneath her traditional Hogwarts gray vest, I could see four young faces of four young British men named John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Flora had ditched the skirt, unlike Lily, and was wearing red jeans. Yes, if anything, Flora was a character.

In second year, she had a poster that read, simply, "Paul McCartney's Still Alive (And Thank God)." I remember quickly stepping into the Ravenclaw girls' dormitory (to the horror of Flora) and seeing it plastered on the stone wall closest to Flora's four-poster. I stroked my chin and asked her, "And that means...what?"

"A while ago, a couple of British Muggle gossip pages reported that Paul McCartney was dead. Of course, he wasn't, so the Beatles thought it'd be good fun to kind of tease them. On the cover of their album Abbey Road, released in 1969, they mock a funeral procession," Flora dug through a duffel bag and pulled out an album, and pointed to the cover. "John Lennon's in a white tuxedo, symbolizing the preacher; George Harrison's in a tuxedo, symbolizing, probably the pallbearer--I forget--; Paul's in a tuxedo, barefoot, symbolizing the dead guy; and Ringo Starr's in blue jeans and a denim shirt, symbolizing the grave digger. Also, if you look closely at this white car here, it says '28IF' on the license plate, which probably means '28 if lived' talking about Paul, of course," she rattled off.

"And that has...what to do with your poster, there, Flor?"

"It means that I'm glad Paul McCartney's not dead. You do know that he's the love of my life," she said solemnly.

"He's thirty-one."

"I'm in love," she repeated.

So warm and insightful

Were you in my eyes

I was sure the rightful

Guardian of my life

Damn you betrayer

How you lied

In fifth year, we began dating. Vesta Casanova, who had met up with Lily and Flora by then, thought it was the absolute perfect match. Flora was the crazy, insane hippie and "Remey" was the quiet, concentrated prefect. One day in fifth year, Lily pulled me over in the hall, and shoved a piece of paper in my face.

"Uh, Lils--," I said.

"Read this," she said, trying to hold back her laughter.

"Fine," I said. I held it up a bit away from me (my eyesight was already declining), and began to read out loud:

With their parents

Remus Janus Lupin

and

Flora Natalie Randall

invite you to their wedding at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry...

Lily had given up trying to hold back her laughter and just began to burst. I gave her a flat look and gave the invitation back to Lily. "Oh, Jesus, Lils, it's not like it's written in blood or set in stone or something like that."

"Oh, and wait until you see these wedding bands Flora bought!" Lily said.

I thought with all this Flora truly loved me. But in seventh year, something about Flora was revealed to me and all seventh-year Gryffindors. It was a scandal, an outrage.

Something that made me hate Flora for the rest of her life (which, for the record, only lasted another week).

James Potter, one of my best friends, came and walked up to me, with his long sought after girlfriend Lily. His face was pale, paler than I ever saw it again. "Remus, there's something we need to tell you..."

"What?" I began to panic. Who died? Who was having a baby? Who?

"Lately Flora's been wearing an engagement ring. And, needless to say...it isn't yours," James said, lightly.

My heart--and jaw--fell. What? What about that wedding invitation she had written in the fifth year? What about all those times she told me Beatles trivia? What about those fancy wedding bands she had bought in America for thirty American Muggle dollars each? What about Paul McCartney? What about her "clueless" boyfriend? What about me?

"She's been seeing a Ravenclaw bloke for about as long as she's been seeing you. His name's Timothy Lovegood. I'm sorry, Remus, I really am," Lily gave Remus an unprovoked hug.

But for seven years

You were loved

I laid golden orchid crowns

Around your feet

A week later, Sirius Black had gone missing. Voldemort himself had taken him away so that he would lure us towards him, so he could kill us all.

Not the smartest thing to do, rushing in there, just like he planned.

I was on one side of Lily, Vesta, and James, and Flora was on the other. We never looked at each other, and James rolled his eyes at this behavior.

I don't remember a lot about that night. "If it isn't the trusted werewolf friend of Sirius Lee Black," Voldemort said to me. He then placed me under the Crucio curse. I was under too much pain to think of much more than life.

Life

. The glorious meeting with Flora; the terrible death of Carina Kendall, a good Muggle friend of mine; the relief of receiving enough O.W.L.s to possibly become an Auror. That was life. Even if I no longer had Flora to live for, I had life and the various emotions of it to live for. This was it, though. I had realized about life too late. This was my death.

I couldn't concentrate on the green light coming in my direction, slowly it seemed. This pain caused by Voldemort hurt worse than anything I have ever felt in my life.

Lily said, to her dying day, that I had whispered one word, "Flora."

And Flora heard. She walked over to me, and I could feel her electrifying presence. Even though I hated her, I loved her. It altogether confused me.

She was an engaged woman, but she refused to let that stop her. "Remus." Flora's trademark pigtails were in pure, unadulterated untidiness. "I may one day be Tim's bride...but I will always be your friend."

Flora sat quietly in front of me, and died that night. I began to stop worrying about my own problems and my own pain, and despite the pain, carried Flora's corpse upon my back. I remember Vesta's tear-stained face looking at me sorrowfully, saying, "No."

James took Flora, and we all marched up into the infirmary. Madam Pomfrey had a regular fit when she saw us, and just about died when she saw Flora. She called in Dumbledore, who told us that he would keep me overnight and write a letter to Flora's parents.

And I spent all night, after the pain was gone, looking at Flora's dead body and wondering what would have been if she hadn't been an all-around bitch.

I've got my sight now

I see everything you hid

So don't you try to right now

All the wrong you did

I might forget you

But not forgive

Dressed in a tuxedo, I waited at the altar for her. An elusive figure I was surprised I had caught her. She was like a butterfly, gentle, but a touch of wildness colored her wings. Dreams of her, poems about her had led me to this decision, that I was absolutely sure of.

I thought about Flora as I waited for my bride. I could never forgive her for Timothy (who eventually married a Hufflepuff drip named Georgia, who also died on him and his daughter Luna), but I knew I'd eventually forget her. For the sake of my marriage, I had to forget her.

But I could never forgive.

Never.