The Kite Song

The Kite Song

Sunday after,

there was laughter in the air

everybody had a kite

they were flying everywhere

and all the trouble went away

and it wasn't just a dream,

all the trouble went away

and it wasn't just a dream

In the middle of the night,

we try and try with all our might

to light a little light down here.

In the middle of the night,

we dream of a million kites

Flying high above the sadness and the fear.

Little sister

just remember

as you wander through the blue

the little kite that you sent flying on a Sunday afternoon

made of something light as nothing

made of joy that matters too

How the little dreams we dream are we can really do

In the middle of the night,

The world turns with all its might

The little diamond colored blue

In the middle of the night

We keep sending little kites

Until a little light gets through

-Patty Griffin

Ellie Potter

If life went as planned, I think we can accurately say it would be boring. Not that I wanted any of what happened to happen; I would have taken boring any day, but I'm also sort of glad with the way things went. Don't get me wrong, I agree that it was horrible and complicated and difficult, especially for Dad, but... it sort of needed to happen, I think.

My little sister has always been very delicate and shy and small and scared. The opposite of me. In most ways anyway. She is emotional and cries about everything. She wouldn't dare stand up for herself. There's nothing else to say other than that the thing that made her special is ultimately what caused her the most pain. And that what took place this past year is ultimately unexplainable. It was...beautiful, if you really consider everything, and how it all worked out. It was terrible for a while. But, now, I just feel like I need to rethink about it. All of it. From when it started.

She knew things none of us did. She saw things that we could never imagine. In her eyes the world was just naturally beautiful and perfect. And the people were all perfect. She didn't grasp the fact that bad people could say the things they did. Or that those horrid type of thoughts even existed. She didn't hear what she didn't want to. But, at the same time, the things she did hear were more than any of us cared to bother with.

It's hard to explain, but Rose was just what you think of when you try and put a face to that name. She was...brilliant and perfect and delightful, but with thorns. Secrets and hidden thoughts and words that broke her down. I worry about what would have happened if she hadn't had me or my father or Remus. I just don't know. She truly needed us, and didn't bother denying it. When we were at school she was my and Remus' responsibility. Mine out of the classroom, and his inside it.

Over the summer my Dad didn't dare let her out of his sight. I got jealous so badly. I hate thinking about it now; I feel guilty for it, but I hated that she needed so much attention. My poor dad. His attention span could only go so far, and half of the world yearned for it. They still do. I wish he wasn't who he is sometimes. I think then maybe I could place myself where I wanted to be in the world. Not automatically elite and cool and destined for greatness. I know he hates it. I think I hate it more, because they said the same thing for him, destined for greatness, but he really did great things. What am I going to do?

I can't do anything without my wand like Rose can. I'm not a wizarding genius. I... I haven't set any goals because...well, it's always been everyone else sort of moving me around. Like in the ocean; no matter how much you swim one way, you still end up somewhere you didn't plan. And now, the one thing I really had to focus on isn't necessary anymore. I don't have to take care of her. Now, everything's fine.

"Rose, will you bloody stop saying that!" I shrieked at her once. This was before my last year at Hogwarts, her fifth. Despite what you might think, really we were just normal sisters. Fighting, belittling sisters who drove their father crazy.

She glared at me, but stopped singing or whatever she'd been doing. Her strawberry hair fell into her face and she flicked it away. She didn't appreciate that hair enough. I would have died for it back then. Ha, listen to me, back then, it was hardly a year ago.

Dad walked in, his own hair standing on end to remind me what mine must have looked like. He smiled at me though, and believe it or not, that was rare. "Happy birthday, Ellie," he said, and I could tell by his eyes that he wanted me to have a good birthday more than anything.

"Happy birthday, Dad," I said back to him. Yes, we have the same birthday, now isn't that cute? The newspapers loved that. 'Harry Potter's ultimate birthday present... The wizarding world welcomes little Ellie Potter...' Ha. It is a cute picture of him holding me though, I have to admit.

Rose hugged him from behind, and he rubbed her arms and kissed her hand. Then he came over to me and ruffled my hair. He never did that to hers because it was too perfect, but mine he never hesitated to agitate. He sat next to me and tugged me into his lap. He didn't care that I was seventeen and that there was nothing cool about cuddling with your Dad. "My baby's all grown up," he said, faking a sad face.

I laughed because at the time it was funny. Now that I think about it, I was hardly grown up at all. No worries except that someone would see me on his lap, no responsibilities other than watching out for my sister, no cares in the world, along with a chest flatter than the couch we were sitting on.

Okay, I do exaggerate, but I definitely did not have a womanly figure. Besides, I learned more that year than I think I ever will, and as I turned seventeen that day, I was still a girl. By the time I turn eighteen, I have an inkling it might feel like I'll be turning thirty. Some of the ordeal was that bad.

We went to the Burrow like we always do for any significant day or get-together. Everyone was very ecstatic and wild, like usual. I had no problem joining in on the fun. I love the Weasleys. All twenty-four... twenty-five? All twenty something of them.

I have a total of thirteen 'cousins.' They aren't my real cousins, but they might as well be. Bill and Fleur have five children. Though they aren't children anymore as the youngest graduated from Hogwarts last year. Charlie and his wife Sophie have two boys, Ron and Hermione have four, and Draco and Ginny have two. The simplest way to give you the facts, I think, is a list, so here goes...

Bill's Children

Charlie's Kids.

Ron's.

Ginny's

They end.

Somehow with all of my 'cousins' I still tend to hang around the adults more. Not that I think I'm superior or anything. I just, get a little tired sometimes. The adults aren't exactly less exhausting now that I think about it though. Especially Fred and George. Besides the fact that my name is Ellie Potter, I would be cool anyway because I know them. They make everyone laugh by walking in the room, and if that doesn't work they will devote all of their time to making it happen. I can't think of anything better to devote oneself to. Making people laugh. I can just envision God getting very happy and creating them with the purpose of making everyone around them feel as he felt at the moment.

And Ron. If my Dad didn't pick on me enough, I only needed to be around both of them at the same time. That was their purpose in life, to bother me and think they were cool doing it. They have a system, I swear. As soon as one starts, the other tags on. Of course, it's not only me that they tease, but it's usually me. Ron could put a bit more effort toward his own daughter. She needs to be taken down a notch, if you ask me.

Aunt Ginny always saved me from them, her brothers, I mean. She isn't really my Aunt, but she's always been Aunt Ginny to me. She can put anyone in their place. To think the youngest, smallest, and only girl of the lot could keep tabs on every single one of them, and enough to make them stop in their tracks really made me proud to be a girl.

Malfoy tended to give me the creeps, only a little, and it amazed me when all Aunt Ginny had to do was look at him or touch him and his eyes were pools of pure honesty and longing. I like their relationship. It's always seemed to me that the flirty, teasing stages of a relationship tend to fade away, but they display more than enough of that for entertainment and sometimes educational purposes. For me anyway. But then, when they're off to themselves, just talking, you can tell how well they know each other and how...just connected they are. I don't really mind that Malfoy, as nearly everyone calls him, is a bit of a weirdo. I know there's love in there somewhere, so I'm not worried.

I was the flower girl at Ron and Hermione's wedding. The only thing I remember about the whole day was getting to stand next to her. She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I remember just staring up at her in awe and wishing I was her in the gorgeous dress and long hair and sparkling, warm eyes. She was like a queen when I saw her that day. Now, I know for a fact she is not the most beautiful woman in the world, she has faults like all of us, but inside she feels that beautiful. She is so sure of herself and is definitely the smartest witch in the world, so that makes up for any other imperfections.

Percy is the quiet one, and when he does speak I can't help smiling because everyone tells him to stop. He holds his head up, no matter what, as though he really thought himself superior to all of them. I'm told that he went a little too far with that at one point in time, but I admire his ability to be himself even if no one really appreciates how different he is.

Charlie and Bill each have their moments. They are there to keep the piece between the siblings. It sounds funny to say it like that, but whenever there is rivalry they seem to know every detail, and better yet, they know how to make it better. And they blurt out some funny things every so often. Better than Fred and George's usual. Charlie, for me is very easy to talk to, the one I'm not really embarrassed to admit that I've picked my nose or farted before. He's just very...chummy, I want to say. Bill, while I have no doubt that he is just as nice, is considerably harder for me to talk to. For one thing he is very cool, and dare I say cute? Even though he's years older than me and has a family with a wife, equally cool and sometimes intimidating, and children and everything... I still get that sort of nervous feeling around him. It's weird. Dad said when I was a little girl I used to scream at him to hold my hand. That's probably why I can't talk to him now, how embarrassing is that?

Molly is the Grandmother of all grandmothers which is good because I don't have a real one. Like Ginny who controls her brothers, Molly controls them and everyone not in the brother category which includes all of my cousins, plus Dad, Remus, Rose and I. I went to Molly when I started my period for the first time. If that doesn't give you an idea of how I feel about her you are either male, or...I don't know what.

Grandpa Arthur never fails to make me smile. And I don't mean in amusement, I mean when I feel good about myself. He doesn't even have to say things, he can just give the most honest glance and I know that he was thinking something good about me. I went to him when I once found my Dad passed out on the sofa with scattered bottles and mugs everywhere. That should give you an idea if you know anything about being scared.

Remus is my real grandfather and basically the only real relative of mine out of them all, besides dad and Rose. He was my mother's father. Before you start wondering about her though, I need to tell you about him. He is the man who lost more than any of them. He lost his friends, all of them, he lost his home, his daughter, and to top it off he is a werewolf. And I still can't feel sorry for him because he doesn't allow it. At school he lets off this aura of power and wisdom that no one else I know ever could. He tells me stories about everything. Sad, happy, one's with morals to learn, one's about my dad, and about things my dad wouldn't tell me, or be able to tell me. Remus is the most important out of all of them to me. All I have to do is look at him and know that no matter what, it'll work out. Even if I lose as much as he has, I'll still be able to smile.

My mother's name was Aislynn Jenkins. She died when I was three years old. Rose was barely a year. She was like Rose in that she was shy and delicate as well. She had that whole mysterious outlook on life; at least I imagine so. From what my Dad tells me she was talented and hardly ever needed to use her wand. That's where Rose gets it. She could exert so much power, but she never really did. She stayed out of the war as much as she could. The most she ever did was provide comfort for him when he needed it. He told me once that what really made him fall in love with her was how innocent she was. I forgot to mention that Rose is the most innocent girl you will ever meet. My mother though, never really meant for my dad to fall in love with her.

Consider this; if he were to go up to any woman back then, and now, and say that he wanted a wife and children they would all get excited and bat their eyelashes his way, just because of who he is. She never did any of that though. Her biggest concern was getting to know her own father, Remus, and making up for lost time.

She hadn't known who her real father was until her mother died when she was fifteen. My dad was out of Hogwarts by then and was concerned with far bigger things. When she was around though, he hung on her every word for some reason and eventually gained her trust and love. He cared for her more than he ever cared about the world. This is what I've put together from what everyone tells me. Mostly Remus, because he picks up on everything, and I've no doubt he picked up on everything back then as well.

When she died, he was devastated. Another thing taken from him. Only this time, it went too far. It wasn't fair. I don't know what he did or how he did it. Rose and I lived at the Burrow for a year under Molly and Ginny with frequent visits from him. We didn't think it was too rational for we hardly knew what was going on at all. I'm afraid to ask what he did during that time. Somehow he pulled himself together because when we went home we were still his princesses, and he gave us twice as much love as we needed. Probably because we were all he had left then.

How she died is the thing that concerns me the most. As I've said before, Rose is special. Even when she couldn't speak, she was special. She didn't know what she did until a few weeks ago. I didn't even know until four years ago when I overheard Remus talking to Molly. I cried so hard.

I couldn't understand why or how. But, that's just how it is. She killed our mother. Obviously, as an infant she had no idea and no intention of doing it, but it's just as hard to grasp all the same. Apparently, my mother was holding her while she was in a fussy mood and as her arms got tired she set her down. For some reason, Rose chose that moment to discover her magic ability and started throwing things about the room. Not like normal though, she was in control of it all.

My mother was obviously overwhelmed and proud that her baby had inherited some of her abilities and managed to use a bit of them. As she was holding her, Rose just...took the life out of her somehow. I like to think she was just absorbing our mum's love. Feeding on it and then becoming too greedy and just taking her whole heart. Dad thinks that Rose was still upset and grasping at anything that would make her feel better, and mum's life physically would do.... It's all very vague. But, I'm pretty sure she died happy, even if how she died isn't very clear.

Anyway, it's important that you know all of that. So, when I tell you about my mistake later you'll understand. I told you that I learned a lot in my seventeenth year. Well, don't we all learn by making mistakes? Yes. And isn't it logical that the bigger the mistake the more knowledge? Yes. There you go then. I made a giant, humongous, mistake, and am pretty much still learning from it. Which is why I feel thirty years old sometimes.

Our letters came that same day, right smack in the middle of the party so that everyone would know right away that I was head girl. It made everything that much more exciting. Everyone cheered, except for Neb, I think, who looked like he wanted to hex me. Rose cried. She disguised it by pretending she was happy for me, but I knew she was upset about something.

That night I went into her room and asked. "I was just excited for you," she smiled.

This was new for me. She never lied about anything. I'll bet that was her first time ever. "Rose, come on..."

She sighed. "It's just... Everything hit me all at once. You're seventeen, Ellie. You're...going to move out soon and you won't be coming back to Hogwarts next year." Her eyes started watering again.

"Let's get through this year before thinking about the next," I said. The truth was that her simple statement forced an unexplainable amount of fear in me. Where was I going to go? What was going to happen? I had no plan or ideas even. It hit me all at once too and for once I didn't think her silly for crying and I joined her.

We hugged each other for a long time, just sobbing. When Dad came in he looked a bit confused. "Sister thing?" he asked with this scared face.

I nodded and he left. When he was gone we laughed at him. He tried so hard for us.

When I finally left her room later that night, he caught me in the hallway and actually pulled on my clothes and pinned me against the wall. His eyes were wet. "Did you tell her?" he demanded.

"What?" I gasped. I remember being so scared. He had to be so sure of things. He would hurt me to find things out.

"Answer me."

"No. Dad, you're hurting me. We were crying about growing up..." He released me and if it was possible had on a far more intense look of fear. "She was just sad that it was our last year at school together," I said and caught my breath.

"I hurt you?" his voice croaked. I shook my head even though it felt like his knuckles were still crushing into my collar bone. He wiped his mouth and then his face as the tears dripped onto his cheeks. "I'm sorry," he choked and I knew he was. I did the only thing I thought of and I hugged him around the neck and fought my own eyes from crying, something they were still in the mood for. He wrapped his strong arms under my butt and lifted me in his arms like I was still four years old. "I'm sorry," he said again.

That's the last time I remember him tucking me in. I mean laying me down and literally pulling up the covers and smoothing my hair out of my face.

We talked for a long time. I told him I was worried about what I was going to do when I left school. How I had no idea. He said I could do anything and he would be proud of me. Although, he did have it in his head that I should go to university and specialize in something. He didn't care what. He also thought it would be perfectly fine if I didn't actually leave home right away; that he would allow me to stay if I absolutely needed to. Meaning he wanted me to stay.

When I started yawning he pulled off my glasses and turned off the lamp. He didn't leave though and when I woke up; he was asleep next to me. I knew that he had stayed up, making sure I fell asleep. It was a good feeling, knowing that I was his priority for at least one day out of the year.