Silly Git

“James?”

“Mmm?”

“Do you remember what happens in a week?”

James’ previously ducked head snapped up and blinked thoughtlessly at Lily. “Why?”

“Think about it.”

“I’ve thought about it. It’s going to be a Friday.” He winked at his exasperated girlfriend and went back to his homework, sucking loudly on a sugar quill. Lily confirmed her exasperation with an appropriate noise and, throwing up her hands to the heavens, stalked off.

“Aw, c’mon, Lil, of course he remembers!” Sirius called after her, but too late – she was already gone, probably pouting in the girls’ dormitory. He grinned and looked at James – maybe his friend really was clueless, he sure seemed like it at times… But then, James has always had that gift of hiding his true knowledge and showing it at the most inopportune times, such as when Sirius was being particularly thick. Then he would deem it appropriate to point it out to him – loudly. Really, though, who wouldn’t know that it was Valentine’s Day in a week?

Sirius noticed Remus smirking slightly as he also looked at James, but then the smirk disappeared, leaving a look of a very pensive and almost sad werewolf. Hmm, he’s sad again… Now, what is it this time? Surely not the moon – the moon had passed two days ago, and Remus was feeling much better – at least that’s what he told them. Padfoot had done his best at cleaning all the wounds, and making sure that Moony didn’t hurt himself too badly this time, taking most of the bites and gashes onto himself. It was actually a relatively painless transformation, and Remus seemed pretty grateful – even if he didn’t say as much. Sirius smiled a little – his Remus was never good at expressing all his emotions, even though he was one of the most eloquent people he knew…

Wait a minute – his Remus? Where had that come from?

Knowing he was blushing, Sirius hid his face behind his hair and pretended to be doing his homework – a very good cover-up, he thought, looking down at his blank parchment. Not that Remus was looking… he rarely did. Not the way Sirius wanted, anyway… He didn’t know when exactly it had started…it just seemed to have come out of nowhere – one day, he looked up and saw… Remus. Not one of his best friends, not a fellow Marauder, a brother, a fellow mischief maker, a young werewolf, but…Remus. A beautiful, intelligent, fascinating human being that desperately needed to be loved. By Sirius. And no one else.

Sirius never thought of himself as gay or bi or straight…he was just Sirius. He’d gone out with a few girls, broke a few hearts, had a little fun, and had always come back to his friends for closeness, because they were the ones who truly cared for him. They were… well, them. There was really no word good enough to describe what he felt for his friends, and, really, there was no need to find one. He knew he’d give his life for either one – or all – of them, and they would do the same for him. He had yet to meet a girl who made him feel the same way. Perhaps that’s why when it finally hit him that he was feeling something more for Remus than for James, or Peter, or Lily – or anyone, for that matter – he had embraced it. And had become wary of it. After all, Remus was very…unapproachable in that way.

He was a close and dear friend – in some ways, maybe even closer than James, though that was hard to achieve. But coming up to him and saying “Hey, Remus, d’you know? I think I quite fancy you!” just didn’t seem feasible – or appealing, for that matter. At best, Remus would let the statement slide, and at worst laugh at him and call the friendship off entirely. No, of course Moony wouldn’t laugh at him – he was too good, and knew too well what it felt like to be scared of someone laughing at your deepest secrets. The boy wasn’t a werewolf for nothing. But Remus couldn’t return his feelings. Why would he? Sure, Sirius was considered handsome – in fact, he readily agreed with anyone who made that assessment. But he just wasn’t…good enough for Remus. Remus deserved someone who was more…intelligent, more kind, more…everything. Sirius knew he was too impetuous, and that his attention span could last no longer than an average-length Quidditch match. He wasn’t a stupid bloke, but he wasn’t like Remus. Not at all. Remus possessed the kindest, deepest understanding of everything around him. Sirius knew that his thoughts were too pretty, too – good God, girly? – but he couldn’t help it. He’d finally realized that he, Sirius Black, was in love with Remus Lupin, his best male friend. Just his luck…

He sighed and looked down at his parchment. Oh… holy… god. He really was turning into a puddle of mush. Seemingly out of nowhere, Remus’ name had appeared on his parchment – over, and over, and over…Sirius crumpled the parchment angrily in his hand, threw it across the room straight into the garbage and stalked off to a mirror to make sure that he was still, in fact, a man.