The Clash of the Clouds: Part 1

Harry Potter lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. It had been months since Dumbledore had revealed the prophecy to him, and it still haunted Harry's dreams. The prospect of having to fight Voldemort to the death was positively unnerving. On top of that, he was suddenly feeling lonely since Ron and Hermione had started dating. One passionate kiss between the two of them and BOOM! They're sleeping together faster than you could say hinkypunk. Of course they never did it in the dormitories. They'd always leave about midnight for the Room of Requirement, and only Harry knew where they went. Dean, Neville, and Seamus had inquired constantly about the absence of their roommate, but Harry simply acted like he didn't know.

He had tried his hand at dating, but it never worked out. Cho Chang would never stop crying long enough to talk. Parvati Patil was two full of herself to ever pay him attention, and Lavender Brown had her head so far up her own butt that you'd have to get a megaphone (a Muggle voice amplifier) for her to hear you. Harry had never really liked any of them; he'd just wanted some company. In fact, the only girl he did like was Ginny Weasley, but she was taken by none other than Draco Malfoy. Harry shuddered at the thought. He had no idea how sweet little Virginia Weasley had fallen for that son of a bitch. He knew Ron was not too happy about it either. The red-haired boy had tried every means possible to break them apart. Whether is was feeding Ginny Hatred Honey to make her loathe Malfoy, or even trying to take a photo of them snogging to send to her and Ron's parents. Somehow though, Malfoy always seemed to stop him without lifting a finger (meaning Crabbe and Goyle got him in a headlock and dragged him off). If only Malfoy hadn't gained so many good looks and charm in the past year. Damn American beauty potions.

So, obviously, Harry's year wasn't looking too thrilling. With the prospect of all the extra work that was going to be piled on them to prepare them for N.E.W.T.s, the incredible annoyance of their new American Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, a mysterious Professor Squigley, and the fact that the wizarding world was on the brink of war, Harry Potter was nothing short of depressed.

With nothing else mildly entertaining on his agenda for the day, he decided to practice the Fiction to Fact Spell he'd found in a Magic for Dummies book he'd bought at Fred and George's shop. Harry found it shocking that the twins had actually produced something that didn't spew pickle juice in your face or send a deadly rabbit chasing you down the street. Anyway, he had found this particular spell to be quite useful. The purpose was to bring fiction characters from movies and books to life so you could talk to them, and then send them back when you were done. It had really come in handy when he had brought The Terminator to get revenge on Malfoy once, even though it did try and destroy the school with assorted futuristic weapons. But it wasn't that big a deal. Terry Boot didn't need all ten fingers anyway.

Harry pulled out his wand and studied the spell carefully, thinking he'd bring some characters out of Monty Python and the Holy Grail to try and make him laugh. This spell was particularly difficult, being that the words were Norwegian, and you had to say the write combination of words in order to retrieve the proper characters. Otherwise you might cause a repeat of World War II.

After a moment, Harry was sure he had it right and raised his wand.

"Galactisk Avbrytelse!" he muttered.

A brilliant flash of light filled the room followed by a puff of green smoke right in front of Harry. Lightening flashed and thunder sounded throughout the room, causing Harry to jump back in surprise. Then, as quickly as it had all appeared, everything vanished, and it was replaced by a new presence in the room.

Harry coughed and wiped the dust from his glasses.

"Well that can't be good," he said, before noticing the new presence in the room.

Standing before him was a tall, thin man draped in gray robes and wearing a pointed gray hat. He looked to be about Dumbledore's age, with a beard and hair as gray as his clothing. In his right hand he held a gnarled wooden staff.

"Hey," Harry said curiously. "You're not Patsy!"

The man, who had been looking around with a bewildered expression on his face, stared at Harry.

"What?" he said. "Who are you? And where am I?"

Harry was just as befuddled as the man appeared to be.

"I...I'm Harry Potter, and you're at Hogwarts."

"Hogwarts? Why do you speak of warts on hogs?"

Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Okayyy. Well, there seems to have been some sort of mix-up."

"I'll say there's been a mix-up. I was just about to engage the orcs in battle, gliding down the hill on my stallion, brandishing a fiery sword in their faces, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, slow down there, Rosie O'Donnell. Who are you, exactly?"

"I?" said the man, as if it were obvious. "I am Gandalf the Gray."

Gandalf the Gray? Harry thought. I've never heard of that character.

"Where did you come from?" Harry asked.

"The land of Middle Earth, of course," replied Gandalf.

Harry was still confused.

"What? Where is that?"

"Why you're in it of course!" exclaimed the man.

"No, actually, this is Regular Earth," Harry replied. Then he added in a mockery of the old man, "In England of course!"

"What is this devilry you speak of? I am an honorable wizard of the highest order, and you are some fruity little boy making up stories and refusing to tell me where I am!"

Suddenly, realization dawned on Harry. He grabbed the book with the spell and read.

"Ah, crap," he sighed. "Looks like I got swallows and psychopathic old men with sticks mixed up."

He turned to look at the man again. "You say you're a wizard, huh?"

"Indeed. Why?"

"Good or Bad?

"Good, most definitely. But I still wish to know what's going on here."

"Hmmm," Harry said. "Give me a minute. I'm trying to figure that out myself. Wait a minute..."

He turned the book over in his hand.

"Ah, there's the problem. Damn Norwegians. Looks like I used the wrong spell. Let's see, Galactic Interruption Spell. Used for the transposition of physical dimensions. Oh, well that's bad."

"What are you talking about?" inquired the man. "Why do you have a book of spells?"

Harry sighed.

"Gandalf, is it? It seems we have a problem. You see, I am a wizard, too."

"Preposterous," laughed Gandalf. "You are but a child. And I know of no wizards named Harry Potter."

"You wouldn't, would you? Have a seat, Gandy. I've got a lot to explain..."

Alicia Spinnet let out a scream to wake to dead, or at least to make Seamus's ears bleed. The two had been snogging in an empty classroom on the third floor when a sudden flash of light and thunderstorm-like special effects blasted their lips apart.

"Alicia, babe!" cried Seamus. "What the hell?"

The two of them looked to the center of the room where a puff of green smoke had erupted from the floor. Hearts racing, they watched as the cloud cleared to reveal a tall, young man and a small green creature. The man could have been no more than 20 years old, with short hair and very odd brown robes. The short, green creature standing next to him, on the other hand, was unlike any that Alicia or Seamus had ever seen.

"Calm yourself girl! Master, where are we?" the tall one asked of the other.

"I'm not sure, young Skywalker," the green creature replied.

"Who are you to bastards?" snapped Seamus.

"Watch your mouth," the tall one returned.

"What are you going to do about it?"

The tall one quickly drew a long, silver object from his belt.

"What kind of wand is that?" Alicia asked.

"Wand?" the tall one repeated, pushing a button. A long glowing saber sprung out from the silver object.

Seamus jumped up. "Expelliarmus!"

The sliver wand flew from the man's hand and landed across the room.

"Sith lords!" he shouted, glaring at Seamus. He then turned, raised his hand, and the silver wand flew back into it. In a single second he returned the glowing saber and slashed it at Seamus, cutting his wand in half like a knife through butter.

"No, Skywalker!" cried the green one. "Control your anger, you must. Did you learn nothing from those anger management courses?"

"Who the hell are you?" Seamus demanded. "And what are you, a munchkin?"

The green creature glared at him.

"All right, now you've done it!" he bellowed. "Fighting words, those are!"

In one swift movement, the green creature pulled out a silver wand of his own and sliced Seamus's left hand off. Seamus let out a higher pitch scream than Alicia, then turned and belted out of the room.

"After him, Skywalker!" yelled the green creature,

The man known as Skywalker obeyed and took off after Seamus, his companion waddling along after him.

"Hey, Seamus!" cried Alicia, now alone in the room. "You forgot your hand!"

Ron and Hermione were strolling, hand in hand, toward Gryffindor Tower after their date in Hogsmeade (naturally, Ron had been up to no good), when a shriek from down the corridor caught their attention. Suddenly, Seamus Finnigan came sprinting down the hallway, flailing his arms and screaming. He fled past them, out the front doors, and onto the grounds. A second later, a strange-looking man a little older than them ran past as well, chasing after Seamus with an odd silver wand. The couple stared after them, until another figure, a short green creature, joined the pursuit, though not moving quite as fast. Soon, they had all disappeared onto the grounds, Ron and Hermione staring after them.

"Well, that was odd," Ron said.

"Yeah, well, what isn't any more?" Hermione observed.

"I love you," Ron smiled and kissed her passionately before returning to the dormitory.

"This Voldemort you speak of, is he in league with Sauron?"

"Who the hell is Sauron?" said Harry. "Is he a Death Eater?"

"What is that?" asked Gandalf.

"Harry!" came Ron's voice from outside the door. "Are you in there?"

"Quick, hide!" Harry hissed at Gandalf.

He attempted to push the old man into the wardrobe and hide him.

"What is the meaning of this?" cried Gandalf. "I must insist that-oh, what a nice jacket."

"Shut up!" Harry hissed, managing to close the wardrobe just as Ron pushed open the door.

"There you are," said Ron. "Whom were you talking to?"

"Uh," Harry stammered. "Tim."

"Tim?" Ron repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, yeah. Tim the Ferret."

"Tim the Ferret?" Ron said looking a bit creeped out. "Never mind, I don't want to know. Now come downstairs; I want to show you something."

"Okay, I'm right behind you," he replied and then whispered, "Stay here," to the hiding man.

The first thing Harry saw when he entered the common room was Hermione examining herself in front of the mirror. However, when he took a closer look, he noticed that something about her was different. He couldn't quite figure it out, so he turned to ask Ron.

"Ron, does Hermione look a bit different to you?" he asked.

"Oh, you noticed," he said, smirking.

"Noticed what?" asked Harry, eying him curiously. "Ron, what did you do?"

"Well, just slipped a little Breast Enhancement Potion into her latte at Hogsmeade."

"You did what?" exclaimed Harry, goggling at his perverted friend.

Ron chuckled.

"Oh, don't be such a sore, mate," he grinned. "It was just a bit of fun. Besides, it wasn't even mine. Would you believe I found it in Snape's office? Man, that guy's a freak. Anyway, I was just messing around. I never actually expected it to work."

Harry was still bewildered by what his friend had done, but when he looked at Hermione again, he saw that it had indeed worked. Very well, in fact. Harry shook his head.

"Ron, sometimes I worry about you. How do you think she feels about this?"

At that moment Hermione bounced over to them, much to Ron's amusement.

"Hi ya, Harry," she giggled. "What's up? Lovely day, huh?"

"I'd say she feels quite giddy," Ron whispered to Harry.

Harry was dumbfounded, and a bit concerned for his female friend. He had to make sure she was still herself.

"Hermione! Quick! Have you done that essay for McGonagall yet?" he asked her.

"What?" she gasped, her eyes growing as wide as her new endowments. "I thought that wasn't due till Monday! Oh, Merlin, I have to go to work. The professor will never accept only two hundred extra words!"

With that she made a dash to her dormitory, but Harry grabbed her by the arm.

"Hold it, Hermione. False alarm. I just had to make sure you were still yourself. Now, I hope you two have a pleasant evening. Meanwhile, I have some business to attend to in my room. Excuse me."

And he dashed back up the staircase, leaving a befuddled couple behind him.

"Sorry, Gandalf," Harry apologized, letting the old man out of the closet. "That was Ron, my best friend. He dragged me downstairs to see my other breast-best friend."

"Do you imprison all your visitors like this?" the old wizard inquired, picking mothballs out of his beard.

"No," Harry replied. "Oh, except for Neville this one time that he walked in on me and Cho when we were...uh, but you didn't really need to know that."

"Clearly."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Well, the common room is empty now. I'll take you to see the Headmaster, and hopefully we won't meet anyone."

"Headmaster? Why must we see him?" Gandalf repeated.

"Well," Harry said. "I'm not really sure how to send you back. This stupid handbook didn't provide a counterspell. Besides, the Headmaster is very smart and a great wizard, he'll help you. Come on."

"What a fascinating staff," Gandalf thought aloud, examining Harry's wand as they descended the staircase. "It is so small."

"Your moron," Harry snapped. "It's not a staff; it's a wand. We use it to perform magic."

"Amazing," said Gandalf.

"What's amazing?"

Harry froze. They had just reached the common room, which appeared, as Harry had thought, deserted. However, this new voice proved otherwise, as did the appearance of Colin Creevey's head from behind an armchair by the fire. Colin had recently stopped tailing Harry like a stalker, but he still took interest in Harry's mischief. Now, he was eying Harry and his companion curiously.

"Who's that, Harry?" asked the younger Gryffindor.

"Uh," Harry said, knowing he couldn't tell Colin the truth. "This is George. Uh, he's a chimney sweep."

"A chimney sweep?" Colin asked suspiciously. "There aren't any chimneys upstairs."

"Exactly!" exclaimed Harry. "Which is why I brought him back down here. Now, if you'll excuse us, I must show him to the Great Hall."

Colin was unconvinced. He approached the old man and eyed him.

"If you're a chimney sweep, let's see your certification."

"How's this for certification, Col?" Harry hissed, and slapped the boy on the side of the head.

"Ouch!" cried Colin. "Whad'ya do that for?"

"Listen, Colin," Harry continued. "If you don't let us go, I'll tell Hannah what you and a certain Ms. Susan Bones were really doing in detention the other night!"

Colin's eyes widened with shock, and he had no choice but to give in.

"I won't say a word," he mumbled, and trudged up to his dormitory.

Harry turned to Gandalf and chuckled.

"Blackmail. Works every time."

The two wizards hurried quietly down the hallway trying to avoid contact with anyone else. They had just past a statue of Sir Edmund Hilroy when Harry heard familiar voices coming from a nearby classroom.

"Ron!" came Hermione's voice. "Get over here and help me get this damn shirt back on! This was your bright idea."

"Sorry, love," came Ron's reply.

Harry shuddered. He already found it to disturbing that his two best friends were dating, but the thought of then engaging in sexual activities made him cringe, and his eyes would start twitching.

"Is there something wrong?" Gandalf inquired.

"No, I'm fine," replied Harry, trying to regain his composure. He was going to need some serious therapy.

When Harry and Gandalf reached the Entrance Hall, they found a large group of students crowded around a cage, the contents of which Harry could not see.

"What's going on here?" Gandalf inquired.

"Something stupid, I'm sure," Harry sighed.

It was then that he noticed one student who was standing at the bottom of the staircase, separate from the rest. Harry recognized her long scarlet locks at once. Ginny Weasley was leaning on the banister and watching the crowd. Harry instantly felt his hormones overtake him at the sight of her. That long fiery hair that hung around her gorgeous face like a veil, her slender, curvaceous form, and her flawless complexion. It took him a moment before he finally snapped back to attention and remembered what he was doing.

"Ginny, what's going on here?" he asked her.

"Oh, hi Harry," she replied. "Well, I'm afraid my thirst for vengeance got the better of me again."

"How so?"

"Come on, I'll show you," she said, leading him over to the crowd. "By the way, who's the old geezer?"

"Uh, he's a chimney sweep," Harry lied.

Thankfully, she didn't question him further on the subject, but instead just gave him an odd look. They forced their way through the crowd and got right up to the cage. Inside was a rather odd looking scene; a solid white cat was hunched up in one corner, clearly afraid for it's life, but then again, you would be too if there was a bloodthirsty manticore in the cage as well, and it's large, yellow eyes were staring at you down with hunger in them.

"What the hell?" Harry looked appalled, yet somewhat fascinated by the scene in front of him.

"Ginny, where did these things come from?" Harry demanded of the redhead.

"Well," she began. "To make a long story short, I caught Draco cheating with that bitch, Pansy Parkinson, and so I transformed him into a cat and locked him in a cage with a manticore. I know it seems a bit cruel, but you know how I am with vengeance."

Harry was dumbfounded.

"Ginny, I hate Malfoy as much as the next guy, but your not really going to let that thing eat him are you?"

"Oh, relax, Harry," she said, rolling her eyes. "I put a charm around him so that the manticore can't really eat him, just scare the crap out of him."

"But aren't you afraid it's a bit politically incorrect?"

"Nah," she replied. "As long as I don't violate his constitutional rights I'm not worried."

"Hmm, well thought out," Harry mused. "But you know how Hermione would be about cruelty to cats."

"Yeah, well I think she should be more worried about getting pregnant than advocating cats' rights, the way she and Ron screw around."

Harry twitched again.

"I'm really sorry he did this to you, Gin," Harry said, putting his arm around her shoulder. "But what else is to be expected from Draco Malfoy?"

"I really thought he had changed though," she sighed. "I mean, he was always so nice to me, and intelligent."

"Well, you know what they say. There's a fine line between genius and insanity."

"True."

The two of them made their way back over to where Gandalf was waiting.

"We'd best go, Gand-, I mean, George," Harry told the old man. "Lots of chimneys to sweep. See you later, Ginny."

"Ginny?" repeated Gandalf. "You are Ginny?"

The aforementioned girl nodded.

"Ah, then you are the one whose name is written in little hearts all over this boy's manuscripts."

Ginny looked at Harry, who blushed deeply and laughed nervously.

"Uh, well, funny story about that," he panted. "Uh, bye!"

With that, he grabbed Gandalf by the arm and dragged him down the corridor, leaving a giggling Ginny behind.

"What did you do that for?" Harry snapped at Gandalf once they were out of Ginny's sight.

"I'm terribly sorry about that, but I was just interested in meeting your lover."

"She's not my lover!" Harry hissed. But I wish she was, he added as and afterthought.

"My apologies," said Gandalf.

"What were you doing looking through my stuff anyhow?" Harry demanded.

"What did you expect?" asked the old man. "You locked me in your wardrobe!"

"Yeah well, you didn't have to-"

Harry was not able to finish his statement, for at that moment, someone jerked him out of the corridor and into and empty room.

"This place is really starting to bug me," Gandalf thought, watching his guide disappear yet again.

Meanwhile, the person who had kidnapped Harry had slammed the door shut and pushed him up against it. He was completely confused at first, until his eyed adjusted to the light and he was able to make out the person's face.

It was Cho Chang.

Harry groaned. These corridor abductions had become a regular habit of hers ever since he had broken up with her. She could not will herself to give up on him, and had tried in vain to win him back. However, Harry was no longer interested in her, and therefore the abductions were really starting to get on his nerves.

"Cho, this is really a bad time-" he began but she cut him off.

"No, Harry, just listen. I promise I'll change. I won't talk about Cedric, or how much I miss Cedric, or ask you about Cedric, or-"

"Cho?"

"Yes?"

"You're doing it again."

"Oh, sorry. Anyway, the point is, I'll try to be a better girlfriend, I promise! I'll do anything! Snog you, do your homework, let you beat me at Quidditch, sleep with you..."

While all this sounded very promising to Harry, he could not give in to her.

"Sorry, Cho no."

She scoffed, and without warning, she slammed her lips to his, kissing him furiously and passionately, running her hands all through his hair and slipping her tongue into his mouth. He pushed her away.

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Damn. Don't you worry, Harry Potter," she laughed maniacally. "I will win you back! I will!"

"Okay, you do that," he said sarcastically and opened the door to leave. Although he had no feelings for her, he couldn't deny that he had enjoyed that.

"Who was that?" Gandalf inquired as Harry closed the door behind him.

"Tax collector," Harry joked, straightening his robes. "Let's go."

At long last, Harry and Gandalf reached the stone gargoyle that guarded the entrance to Dumbledore's office.

"Snicker Bar," Harry gave the password and the gargoyle leapt out of their way to reveal the staircase.

Gandalf whistled in amazement.

"How'd he do that?" he inquired.

"You'll learn," Harry replied, ascending the staircase.

However, when they entered Dumbledore's office, he was nowhere to be seen. Frustrated, Harry returned to the corridor and spotted Neville walking nearby.

"Hey, Neville!" he called.

"Hi ya, Harry!" the round-faced boy replied. "What's up?"

"A lot of weird stuff, to tell you the truth."

"Likewise."

"Actually, Neville," Harry continued. "I was wondering if you'd seen Professor Dumbledore anywhere."

"Nope, not since lunch. Why?" he asked, and taking note of the other man added. "Where'd ya dig up that old fossil?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" Harry sighed angrily.

"Because nobody knows him."

"Oh, right, well, anyways, thanks Neville. I'd better go."

"But you didn't answer my-"

"Later, Neville, I-"

But he wasn't able to finish, for at that moment, Seamus Finnigan appeared, screaming his head off and sprinted down the corridor. He ran and crouched down behind Harry and attempted to shield himself with Harry's cloak.

"Oh, God, Harry, you gotta help me," he panted. "The bad men are after me!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Seamus?" Harry demanded, twisting around to try and look at Seamus, who continued to hide behind his back.

The question was soon answered as a strange, tall man with an odd haircut appeared in front of them. He was dressed in very unusual brown robes, and his face was twisted with rage.

"Where is he?" he barked at Harry and Neville.

"Who?" Harry asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

"The Sith lord, foolish boy!"

"The what?" Harry asked in dismay.

Before the man could answer, however, a small green creature with pointy ears and a big head appeared next to him.

"Master Yoda," said the man spoke to the creature. "I believe these two are hiding the Sith lord."

"First you tell me who you are," said Harry. "And then we'll tell you if we're hiding a Sith lord, whatever that is."

"Very well," the man complied. "I am Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight. This is my master, Yoda. We seek the Sith lord who displayed a new vicious power that needs to be vanquished. If you would be so kind as to direct us to him."

Harry stared at him blankly.

"Okay, you lost me after your name..."

"Oh, there are no Sith lords here?" came a false, high-pitched voice from behind Harry's cloak.

Anakin clearly wasn't fooled.

"Step aside!" Anakin ordered.

Harry shrugged. "Alright."

He stepped aside to reveal a pale and shaking Seamus.

"Hey!" Harry, why'd ya-AHHHHHH!!"

Anakin had withdrawn a silver wand with some sort of shimmering blue thing extending from it, the sight of which had sent Seamus spiraling down the hall and the other two took off after him.

Harry, Neville, and Gandalf watched them go in sheer bewilderment.

"Well there's something you don't see every day," Neville said. "Did you notice Seamus was missing a hand?"

Harry's brow furrowed.

"Wait a minute..."

Harry leaned over to Gandalf so he could talk without Neville overhearing.

"Gandalf, the spell I had intended to use was supposed to bring several people hear, not just one. Do you suppose it had the same effect, even with the wrong spell?"

"Seems logical," Gandalf replied. "But I don't understand much of anything here, so I could be mistaken."

"No," Harry continued. "I feel that you are very much correct. And I think those two strangers were the other ones I brought. I think we'd better go find them."

"Yes, you are probably right," Gandalf sighed. "We will find them, and they can be returned to their rightful homes. Otherwise we may disrupt the space-time continuum."

"Right, let's be off," said Harry, and they made their way down the corridor, following the path of destruction Anakin had left with his strange silver wand.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the school, Seamus had just fled up a flight of stairs, heading for Gryffindor Tower. Anakin and Yoda were hot on his tail until they were cut off at the base of the stairs by Professor Squigley. He stepped in front of them, blocking their path from Seamus.

"Where do you think you're going?" Squigley inquired.

"Stand aside, man, this does not concern you!" snapped Anakin.

"The safety of the students is very much my concern," the teacher replied.

"A Sith lord, he is!" said Yoda. "You are in much danger!"

"Popeycock," said Squigley. "I assure you Mr. Finnigan is nothing of which you speak."

Anakin was clearly angry now. He pointed his lightsaber right at the man's neck.

"You must let us pass!" he hissed.

Squigley merely smiled, and withdrew another lightsaber from his own pocket. He ignited it to reveal a maroon blade and swatted Anakin's away with it. Anakin appeared shocked.

"Where did you get that?" he demanded.

"Internet," the professor replied with a smirk.

"Be that as it may, you must let us pass."

"I shall not move," his opponent declared.

Anakin glared.

* * * * *

They began to duel with their lightsabers, maroon clashing against blue in a fierce battle. It continued for a minute, (Squigley was incredibly unskilled, but had been lucky) until Anakin made one hard blow and cut off Squigley's left arm.

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary," Anakin commanded.

"'Tis but a scratch," declared Squigley.

"A scratch? You're arm's gone!"

"No it isn't!"

"Well what's that then?" Anakin asked, pointing to Squigley's severed arm on the floor.

"I've had worse," replied Squigley.

"You liar!"

"Come on, ya pansy!"

Anakin and the one armed Squigley began to duel again, but this time it wasn't for as long as Anakin detached Squigley's other arm with his saber.

"Victory is mine," said Anakin, and he knelt down and began to pray. "I thank the Force for this victory, and-"

He wasn't able to finish, because Squigley's foot had come in contact with the side of his face and kicked him over.

"Come on then," Squigley taunted, kicking the Jedi, since he had no arms left with which to fight.

"What?" exclaimed Anakin in shock.

"Have at you!" cried the insane professor.

"You are indeed brave, man, but the fight is mine!" Anakin spat.

"Oh, had enough, 'ay?" Squigley continued to taunt, bouncing around Anakin and kicking him in the butt.

"Look you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" Anakin barked.

"Yes I have!" Squigley said defiantly.

"Look!"

"Just a flesh wound," Squigley said, continuing to kick Anakin.

"Look, stop that!" Anakin ordered.

"Chicken! Chicken!"

"Look, I'll have your leg!"

Squigley didn't stop.

"Right!" Anakin cried, and slashed Squigley's leg off.

"Right," Squigley grunted, hobbling around. "I'll do you for that!"

"You'll what?" asked a very bewildered Anakin.

"Come here!" commanded the teacher.

"What are you gonna do, bleed on me?" Anakin asked sarcastically.

"I'm invincible!" shouted Squigley, bumping up against Anakin.

"You're a loony," said Anakin.

"Augustine Squigley always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then!"

Anakin was really pissed off by now, so he severed Squigley's last limb and the rest of his body fell to the floor.

"Alright," he said. "We'll call it a draw."

Anakin extinguished his lightsaber.

"Come, Master Yoda."

Anakin and Yoda walked by what was left of Professor Squigley and continued down the corridor.

"Oh, I see, running away, 'ay?" Squigley called after them. "You yellow bastards, come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!"***