More Than Lovers

More than Lovers

Remus sat on a large boulder near the edge of the lake ringing his hands nervously. Would Sirius come?

Of course he'll come, he's Sirius! Remus scolded himself. He hopped off the rock and began to pace. Every few seconds he looked at his watch. He hated himself for putting Sirius through this. He hated knowing that Sirius was upset and it was because of him.

Does it take this long to get here from James'? He thought although he didn't have proof that Sirius was with James. He only had his intuition and instinct to go on. Sirius always went to James when there was trouble, why wouldn't he go to James for this? James was the eternal advice-giver in the group.

Sighing he looked at his watch again and resumed his pacing. Dozens of thoughts ran through his mind. What if Sirius had decided that he wanted nothing to do with him? What if Sirius didn't come? What if Sirius decided that he wasn't worth it?

So many 'what if's.' he could almost hear Sirius' voice telling him to stop worrying about the what if's of life. To live it as it needs to be lived. To stop playing the cynical devil's advocate. Shaking his head he again resumed his pacing.

"Keep that up and you'll pace yourself into a ditch," he heard a familiarly breathy voice say lightly.

**~**~**~**~**

Sirius ran in the direction of the lake. As soon as he had received the letter he had bolted from James' home and toward the lake. This trip seemed to be taking far longer than it should. Would Remus wait? Would he be at the lake at all?

Of course he's at the lake. That's where we always go. The lake is the place we go when we need to talk. When we're upset. When we need to tell the other a secret. He's at the lake.

Sirius renewed his effort to get to the lake fast. When he was within eyesight of the lake he noticed a slim figure anxiously pacing.

Remus. His legs ached from walking so quickly but right now he didn't care. This felt like his last chance to prove to Remus that he still wanted to keep him around. That he still loved him, just not intimately. Taking a deep breath he silently walked toward the lake.

"Keep that up and you'll pace yourself into a ditch," he said in a whisper. Remus stopped and looked at him.

"Hello," he said quietly.

"Hey," Sirius said. Silence followed and neither one knew where to start. Sirius silently walked over to Remus and they both walked toward the edge of the lake and sat down in their respective spots. Remus on the boulder, Sirius on the grass near the edge. Sirius slid his sandals off and put his feet in the water. It was cold but not too cold. Finally Remus cleared his throat.

"I...I need to tell you some stuff," Remus began. "I don't want you to get upset with me though, okay?" although it was dark the moon provided enough light to see Remus' eyes. They had turned from the calm hazel that Sirius knew so well to an unhappy black. The look in his eyes was pleading. He could almost hear Remus whispering please don't hate me.

"Okay," Sirius said shaking his head. He tried to smile so Remus would be reassured that everything would be okay. It would all work out.

"Okay," Remus said taking another deep breath. He wrapped his arms around himself as if he were cold. "On Thursday," he began hesitantly, "after we had gone for a whole day without speaking, I was going to tell you that our dating wouldn't work,"

"Oh,"

"The reason I didn't is because Annabelle was coming to visit. I didn't want you to be upset with your cousin here,"

"Then why did you react the way you did?" Sirius asked, confused. Remus had reacted almost violently and had gotten very upset. Why had he done that if he had felt the same way?

"In my mind, this was another prime example as to how much of a failure I am. None of my other relationships worked. The relationships I have had in the past have all failed...you were the first normal one I've ever had. I felt like...I can't even make a relationship with my best friend work. I'm not worth dating. Another example as to how I'm a failure," Remus paused and took a deep breath, gulping to try and swallow the lump that had taken over his throat. "I wanted to be wrong," he finally whispered.

Sirius smiled and hugged Remus gently. "You're not a failure. One of the reasons this didn't work was because we are best friends. I don't want to lose that."

Remus smiled.

"Besides," Sirius said after a moment. "Look at your other relationships...they weren't exactly healthy and the "failure" wasn't your fault."

"I know," Remus whispered. It was a well-known fact within Remus' small group of friends that Remus' first relationship had been abusive in every way and his second had been with a manipulative bastard. Getting out of those relationships had been good for him.

"I was so afraid I'd lose you," Sirius confided. "It would have killed me if you wouldn't have come back. I understand if you need space and time but don't go away. Everything I do reminds me of you,"

Remus put his head in his hands. "I've ruined your life!"

Sirius laughed, sometimes Remus could be so melodramatic. "You didn't ruin my life. I sat down to read one of your stories and thought 'damn he's not going to write anymore because of me, I'm such an ass!'" Sirius said with a grin. "I was afraid you'd give up everything because of me."

"I can't not talk to you. It would kill me. That's why I came back. I tried and just the thought of not seeing you and talking to you made me feel sick. I'd rather be friends than nothing at all." Remus said. He gave Sirius a hug and all the tension, the sadness, and the silence disappeared into the night sky.

**~**~**~**~**

A few moments later they were walking back toward James' house laughing and joking as if nothing had ever happened.

"I was afraid I'd lose all my friends. I didn't think I could talk to James anymore,"

"Why?" Sirius asked.

"Well, he was your friend first...I didn't want to be responsible for him turning against you...not that it would actually happen but...yeah..." Remus said with a shrug. "I thought I'd have to get used to not having friends again."

"Nope. James and I were plotting ways to get you to come back had you disappeared."

Remus smiled. When they reached James' house they all settled in the living room with cups of hot chocolate and some cookies.

"So," James said after a moment, "are you guys okay now?"

"Yeah," Remus said with a smile. "We're okay because we're more than lovers,"

"We're friends!" Sirius and Remus said in unison.

Sirius stood up and took on a cheesy grin. He posed and in a silly voice said, "Because lovers come and go but friends are forever!"

Having said this he looked to James and nodded. On the count of three the two of them pounced on Remus and began to tickle him.

Yes, things were back to normal, and no one could have been happier than Remus.