Ghost of his Kiss

Remus lay in his room, tears running down his face. It seems that since Sirius' death, those tears didn't stop. All he did was cry. Various people had stopped in to check on him, to try to comfort him, but he just lay in the bed, staring at them in a sort of eerie silence. He never spoke when they came in. He barely moved. He just cried. Part of him wished that instead of stopping Harry when he ran toward the veil he had allowed him to go, that he had gone with him. That he had retrieved his beloved Sirius.

Why did I have to admit to him that I loved him? He asked himself as he cried. He looked out at the moon. In ten days I'll have to face you alone. He thought bitterly toward the glowing orb that dictated his life. Because he was taken away from me. Because he fell behind the veil. Remus shuddered and the conversation he and Sirius had earlier that fateful day replayed in his mind.

****

"Sirius, I need to talk to you," Remus said hesitantly. He had just walked into Sirius' bedroom. Sirius was staring out the window but turned the moment Remus entered.

"What's up Moony?" he asked, mistaking the hesitation in his voice for trouble.

"I..." Remus stopped. He couldn't tell him this could he? Not now. "I... I have something I have to tell you. I have to tell you now, while I still have time," Remus said this quickly and quietly. He was fighting back tears and hugging himself tightly. Sirius was concerned and embraced him, which made his heart flutter.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing yet," Remus said, his eyes betraying him and the tears began to flow. Sirius was afraid now and left go of Remus just long enough to lock the bedroom door. He then led Remus over to his bed and sat him down.

"What's wrong? Please tell me," Sirius pleaded.

"I..." Remus began again. He looked up into Sirius' eyes and felt as if all his troubles could be solved. "I've fallen for someone," he said quietly.

"Oh?" Sirius said in surprise. "Why are you crying about that?"

"I'm afraid that... that this person won't love me back."

"That's impossible," Sirius began but Remus cut him off.

"It's not that this person doesn't love me, it's that they might not love me the way I love them. It's... well... I don't know how to tell this person that I love them. I don't know what will happen. What will be said," Remus gushed, looking down at the floor. "I'm afraid I'll loose him," Remus whispered.

"Him?" Sirius said calmly. "You mean, it's not a her?"

"No," Remus said, shaking his head, "It is not a her. You hate me now don't you?"

"No," Sirius answered. "Who is he?"

It was now or never. "You," Remus said looking up at Sirius. "I'm in love with you."

*****

Remus returned briefly to reality when he heard a knock at his door. He didn't turn to look or speak to bid the visitor enter. It was Harry.

"Remus?" he questioned. He was unsure as to why he spoke to him, Remus never responded. It was as if he were dead inside. Harry ventured further into the room and sat on the edge of Remus' small bed. "I know... I know you loved him. Probably more than any of us did. I know that you miss him terribly. I know..." Harry paused as he began to cry. He tried in vain to hide his sorrow and sound strong but his cracking voice betrayed him. "I know you feel empty and you wish you could have gone to get him but you can't stay like this forever. Remus it's been over a month. We need you," Harry looked directly at Remus' blank expression trying to capture his eyes. "I need you. You're all I have now. Please... please come back to us. Do something. Anything. I know you're dying inside... but so am I but I haven't given up. If you give up, then they win. They have succeeded in killing you if you don't fight now."

Having said that Harry stood and left the room. Remus drifted off to sleep.

******

"Me?" Sirius said in surprise.

"I know... it's ridiculous but..."

"Why is it ridiculous?" Sirius asked Remus.

"Come again?" Remus said looking at Sirius in surprise. He had not expected Sirius to be so calm about this. "I just told you that I'm in love with you... and you're not the least bit... uncomfortable with that?"

"Nope," Sirius said sitting on the bed beside him.

"Nope?" Remus repeated in stunned disbelief.

"There's a strong echo in this room," Sirius joked lightly. He ran his hand down Remus' face. "And I've loved you since the day I met you. But how do you tell your best friend that? Especially when, in my case, it's a him?"

"Well, I suppose you just say, 'Best friend, I'm in love with you,' or something like that, and hope and pray he doesn't run away screaming," Remus said with a slight grin.

"Best friend," Sirius began, leaning closer to Remus, "I'm in love with you." With that, Sirius kissed Remus.

Remus woke up from his dream and hugged himself. He could still feel Sirius' lips on his. Damn them. Damn them all.