I Never Said Good-Bye

I Never Said Good-Bye

By Kyra

Some of you may find me despicable, you may even throw hexes and curses my way. But at least listen to my story first, before you pass judgment.

I loved her, I did, I swear it. After they died, I did the unthinkable, I went to see Dumbledore, her headmaster, the only one I could think of. I stood in his office, wide-eyed, feeling so out of place. A beautiful bird sat on a perch not far from me, looking peaceful. When I stared at him, he took flight, landing on my shoulder. He was so warm, so light. I reached up to stroke him. Bright red with golden plumage. Truly stunning.

"A Phoenix," came a voice from behind me. I was astounded, a beautiful bird, so mysterious, was sitting on my shoulder. "Fawkes," the voice said, and the bird took to flight. I turned to find myself looking at a tall wizard, with long white hair and a long white beard, wearing blue robes, and smiling softly at me. It wasn't a mocking smile, more of a sympathy smile then anything. "Hello, Petunia," he whispered.

"Hello, Professor..." I don't know what came over me, but tears suddenly filled my eyes, making it impossible for me to see him. I felt his arms come around me, and I cried into his robes. I had always been terrified of the wizarding world. Ever since Lily had been excepted into Hogwarts, I had been terrified. When she had graduated, and my parents had the party for her, I had hidden. I was never sure how to act around her friends, especially Sirius Black. He was so commanding, so handsome. I felt powerless in his presence.

But I'd always liked James. He was approachable. Soft brown eyes, dark untidy hair, a jovial smile, he loved to crack jokes, and loved it more when I laughed with him. I could see why Lily loved him so deeply. It didn't even bother me when he slipped up and called me a Muggle. I could imagine bringing my children to meet his, explaining that they were cousins. I even found myself wishing that my children would be able to do a bit of magic.

Then I met Vernon. He was strong as an ox, and as bullheaded as one too. He hated James, and Lily. I was so in love with him, so in love with him I gave up my sister. I stopped being around her and James, called her a freak when we were at home. I hurt her. I was the reason she left home.

She got a job at the Ministry of Magic, got an apartment, and only came over while I was away at school. Then, one day, Mum told me Lily was getting married to James, and that she wanted me to be in the wedding. I wanted to be there, more then anything. I wanted to tell her I was sorry, wanted to tell her I loved her so much. But that day, Vernon pulled me from my family. He took me out, told me I didn't need Lily. Then he proposed to me.

God, I loved him. I loved him so much. A part of me said that I would always have Lily, she would always be there. But Vernon was bound to leave if I didn't do as he asked. So I shunned my family, pushed them aside. All for a man.

I stood in Dumbledore's arms now, sobbingly confessing to him all the things that had flown through my mind that day. He stood there, stroking my hair as my father would have, rocking slightly on his heels.

I remembered how I felt that day that Lily and James were killed. I'd sat bolt upright in bed and I knew something had happened. Hours later, as Vernon left, I heard a pecking outside my kitchen window. I recognized the owl immediately. James' bird, a beautiful snowy, holding a letter, addressed to me. I had opened it, my heart racing, but it wasn't from James. It was from Albus Dumbledore. He had said that my sister had been killed, that her secret keeper had betrayed her. I felt my heart stop, and I wanted to sob uncontrollably. But I didn't. I called a baby-sitter, and gathered my belongings. All I needed for the two hour trip.

I'd walked straight through Hogsmeade, from the train station, not bothering to look left or right. I'd walked through the town, and I was approaching where I knew Hogwarts was, suddenly, I didn't want to go... But I continued.

Up past the gargoyles at the front, all of them stared at me. I recognized the woman rushing toward me, Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress. She was obviously wondering how had gotten in. "I need to see Dumbledore," was all I said. She nodded.

Now I stood in Dumbledore's office, in his arms, sobbing. "I loved her," I whispered. "And she never knew it."

"She did," Dumbledore said calmly, holding me tight. "And she loved you in return."

"I would've done it, if she'd asked me," I said. For a moment, I didn't want to explain, then I finished, "I would have been her secret keeper..." Dumbledore nodded, cradling me. So much like a father, so much like a teacher, so much like what I needed at that moment. "I never said good-bye," I whispered. Again, Dumbledore held me close, the girl that had betrayed her only sister, but never stopped loving her more then anything in the world... He understood the reasons I had for not speaking to my sister, even if I didn't.