Empty Apartment

Empty Apartment

A Post-Hogwarts D/Hr songfic

Called me out, you stayed inside

One you love is where you hide

Shot me down as I flew by

Crash and burn I think sometimes

You forget where the heart is

I found myself standing in a doorway that after my past experiences, the post-Hogwarts experiences, I had figured I would never stand in front of. Harry Potter's doorstep. Oh, the glorious one who had saved us all from evil and blah, blah, blah. He was the man who had been one of my first (and, I must admit, only) friends during my whole Hogwarts experience. Not that I don't still love him as a brother, we just have had some differences lately.

Take Draco Malfoy, for instance.

In my seventh year, I found myself falling-reluctantly, mind you- for the Prince of Slytherin himself. And did I take that too well? Of course not! What else would you have expected from some innocent, well-kept, bookworm type of teenage Gryffindor girl? Well, of course, every girl at our school found Draco to be Hogwarts' very own sex god, but I was rather repulsed by his title. Therefore, Hermione Granger strayed far from admitting that I found more in this certain grey-eyed Slytherin than any of the other students at Hogwarts ever could. And ever would.

We fell in love. Don't ask me how or why. It was quite complicated to really point out when or how it happened, but, never the less, it did happen. I hated myself for lying to everyone about my relationship with Draco. I just kept reassuring myself that he was the first man I'd ever loved, no one could take that away from me.

Of course I was wrong on almost every account.

Answer no to these questions

Let her go learn a lesson

It's not me you're not listening now

Can't you see something's missing?

You forget where the heart is

Hermione Granger? What do you want to know about her? Sure, I spent most of my last year at Hogwarts with her... But that doesn't mean that I truly knew her. Of course I didn't. You don't necessarily have to know someone to love them. Or, rather, need them.

She saved me from becoming something I had never wanted to. I never wanted to be my father, I found myself falling into his footsteps... I hated it. I hated every time that I saw myself in the mirror, I hated my father... Therefore I hated myself. I truly despised everything Malfoy about me.

Hermione saved me from falling into the same deep, fire-filled pits of hell that every other Malfoy had. She helped me see that Voldemort wasn't as strong and as powerful as everyone had believed. That he could be destroyed by love. Try that Potter kid for instance.

Voldemort fell out of power for years, just because of a simple Fidelis charm... A baby defeated him. Harry Potter turned out to be the one who saved us all-year after year after year after...

I joined alliances with Dumbledore, although anyone who you would ask now would deny it at all costs and say that I was just using them to save my own arse.

Not that I'm claiming that it wasn't true--it was, of course. Though, it wasn't the complete truth.

I joined Dumbledore to please Hermione. I had loved Hermione. She was the only woman I had ever actually cared for.

Take you away from that empty apartment

You stay and forget where your heart is

Someday if you ever loved me you'd say

It's okay

I stood there, waiting for what seemed to be hours, waiting for Harry to answer that damn door. He had ended up getting hitched with Ginny, which I found to be perfectly romantic. It had been their fifth anniversary last year, and I missed the party. Why? I wasn't invited. I was still romantically involved with Draco. Like a fool, I had thought he actually cared for me. It hurts like hell to look back at.

I could see even then that he had just used me. As everyone tried to convince me, but I just didn't see what he used me for. What could a man of such high status in the world have used someone of muggle born parents (in other words, I was nothing more than a mere mudblood in the Wizarding World's eyes)? Honestly, though, perhaps it was all for the best.

I stood at his doorstep, impatiently, wanting to plead for the slightest chance of forgiveness. I wanted to reconcile. Hell, I would even accept a simple hello. I hadn't seen his face in six years.

No, it wasn't that Draco had stopped me from seeing my friends. He had encouraged me to get out and be with people--but I was so in love with him. I didn't want to see any one other than him--on any account.

Waking up from this nightmare

How's your life? What's it like there?

Is it all what you want it to be?

Does it hurt when you think about me?

And how broken my heart is

I'm a Malfoy. That's why I had to get out, get out of that damned relationship with Hermione. I loved her. I swear to the gods on everything that a Malfoy is--though I may be proven to be the worst Malfoy in over three centuries--that I loved Hermione Granger more than anything I had ever loved. For she had been the only thing I had ever loved. I grew up despising my own flesh and blood. I hated everything that was Malfoy. I had pride and lots of it--but that was only because I had been raised that way. A child cannot help their beliefs and their systems of dealing with anything.

Your childhood never leaves you--I've come to discover this. My father's cold eyes haunt me in my sleep. I can even still hear my parent's late night arguments. I still remember the way that everything seemed to revolve around father's place as a Death Eater. How everything seemed to revolve around being a Malfoy--the code of Malfoys. Damn the code. I had made sure that I had broken every rule of the code before my father's death. Thank the gods that it had happened sooner than later. Father would have killed me for some of the things that I had done.

Take you away from that empty apartment

You stay and forget where the heart is

Someday if you ever loved me you'd say

It's okay

Sometimes I find myself wondering if anything that Draco had ever told me was true. When he had told me everything, I had already fallen so in love with him that I would never doubt him. I only wanted to make him happy--to be with him for the rest of my life. Though we both knew that it wouldn't be possible.

I'm taking it that "Saint Potter", as someone used to call him, isn't coming home today. I'll just go to Diagon Alley. I feel like I could use a visit to the pub.

I never meant to fall for him. We both believed that we were just in that damned relationship for companionship--a likely story, but not quite true. I loved him and he loved me--we just found out that sometimes true loves just aren't meant to be. Whether our love was true and pure, though, is another story.

I decided this morning that I would have to get over this whole situation. I just never expected what's happened to happen to me. I never expected to tell anyone about our relationship--but I had to talk to Harry and apologize for all of those years we had ignored each other. I guess that I won't get to. This Gryffindor's courage has lacked for quite some time on its own.

Stepping into the pub, I found that this wasn't quite the place had I imagined it was. I hadn't been here since Draco. It has apparently went downhill since then. I had vowed not to touch a drop of alcohol for I knew that if I did, it would tempt me to drink more and more because I knew there was something that has since become insatiable. It was an insatiable thirst for a love that would be true--not one for cheap kicks.

It's okay to be angry and never let go

It only gets harder the more that you know

When you get lonely if no one's around

You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down

We came together but you left alone

And I know how it feels to walk out on your own

Maybe someday I will see you again

And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Never had I imagined all of the consequences of our love. I never imagined that something that was so focused between two people would be concerned with by countless other people. It was worth it, of course, because Hermione taught me to be something I had always intended to be--but had strayed from long before.

I know that I broke her heart when I ended us--I couldn't handle all of the people judging us. Imagine this boy who had grown up in the eyes of the Wizarding World's public, but couldn't even handle a few prejudiced people. I suppose it hit too close to home--because I had once been one of them.

I knew there was nothing that could keep us apart if Hermione had any say-so in our breaking up, but I didn't let her have her own opinion of the situation until long after it was over.

I can't bear the thought of hurting the one that I loved. I don't want to think about how much pain and emotional scars that I have caused my dear Hermione. But there's not helping her now.

I'm looking over the pub where we once sat and enjoyed a butter beer with sugar sticks--the Wizarding World's spin-off of straws, they sweeten the drink to your liking. I pray to hide those tears that I feel overcome me when I realize that Hermione and I will never be again. That she has probably long since moved on--and our love was lost all because of my concern of other people's opinions.

I knew that being a Malfoy would bring me down in the end. Father always told me that we should watch what we do for other people may judge us and criticize our family name. I had always known that my father would hurt me--even after his death so many years ago.

I find myself looking into Hermione's chestnut eyes--raging with pain and anger. I don't blame her, though I don't suppose she can help how she feels. I know that there is only one thing that I can do.

Take you away from that empty apartment

You stay and forget where the heart is

Someday if you ever loved me you'd say

It's okay

Draco Malfoy may have been the last person I had expected or desired to see today, but he was no doubt the first person I find myself praying to see by my side every morning and every night. Draco had always been one for words--but right now, I don't suppose there are any that can help this pain. He whispers his apologies and explanations for this all. I cannot forgive him for all of the pain he has put me through in the past--I cannot see it fit to be with him once more--I can only see future pain and tears.

Hermione Granger has never been one to conform, though. So I find myself accepting his apologies and hanging off of his lips once more in what could possibly be the last of our first kisses. But that's okay.