Switched

Chapter Four:

The Punishment

"Albus, are you sure this is wise?"

"There is something going on between them professor, I'm sure of it. Those boys are hiding something."

Harry was surrounded by voices.

Am I dreaming?

"You both know that I feel this is the only solution to our problem with Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Potter. We need to find the escaped Death Eaters before they can recruit their own children to join Voldemort. If we can forge some kind of connection between our side and theirs -"

"But between Potter and Malfoy?" Professor McGonagall's voice sounded strained.

"Minerva, I fear it's our only hope. Lucius is Voldemort's current right-hand man. The information we need can only come from a Malfoy. And I feel that Harry is our best bet. We can trust him." Harry heard the swishing of a cloak as Professor Dumbledore moved closer to his bedside.

"Potter and Malfoy have hated each other from day one -" Snape began.

"I know, Severus, but what they do not see is how much they truly have in common. I'm afraid my decision is final," Dumbledore said.

Now completely awake, Harry forced his eyes open, squinting in the bright morning light. Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall were standing in between Draco's bed and his own.

"Mr. Malfoy. Feeling better?" Dumbledore asked.

Harry drew himself up to a seated position. The sight of the hospital wing brought back to him the events of the previous night.

"I'm fine." He glanced Draco's way.

"I trust you remember your new circumstances?" Dumbledore asked.

Snape made a derisive snort, but remained silent.

"I do," Harry said.

"They will start immediately. Minerva?" Dumbledore stepped back, allowing her to take over.

"You're new accommodations will be room 112 on the first floor. We've set up a bedchamber for you both to share. You're to head to the library after breakfast this morning and work independently on your studies, which will continue for the duration of your punishment. Madam Pince has all the details," McGonagall said.

The last thing Harry wanted to do was spend anytime alone with Draco. Last night had been a horrible mistake. But it didn't look like he had a choice.

* * * *

Draco couldn't take it anymore. Spending all his time with Harry was a billion times worse than being stuck with Hermione and Ron. At least with them Draco wasn't so distracted. What had come over him last night? No one at Hogwarts was supposed to know that he was "different." Sure, he'd hit on his fair share of boys when drunk - mostly Blaise - but that was easy to memory charm away. But Harry... was Harry. His nemesis. The bane of his existence. And, straight or gay, he was off-limits.

Thankfully, Harry seemed too embarrassed to bring it up.

"Found anything?" Harry said, barely looking at him.

Draco tossed another Potions book aside. With so much unsupervised library time, they didn't need Hermione to tell them they needed to work on solving their little problem.

"No. You?"

Harry peered at the book in front of him. "No."

Draco sat back in his chair, rubbing his green eyes. "This is bullshit. We both know there won't be anything about Switching Spells in any of these books. We need into the restricted section."

For many reasons - mainly that Harry and his friends had snuck in so many times in the past - the restricted section of the library was now under very strict supervision. Even the invisibility cloak was no match for the new protection charms that guarded it at night.

"We should still try, you never know, there might be something in one of these books," Harry said.

"What's the point? For someone who's always breaking school rules, Harry, you certainly are disappointing me," Draco said.

"I don't always break school rules," Harry replied.

"You break a new rule every year! Sneaking out at night, flying cars into the Whomping Willow, going to Hogsmeade without permission, illegally entering the Triwizard Tournament -" Draco began.

"I didn't enter myself, Crouch -" Harry interrupted.

"What else? Oh yeah, sending a teacher into the arms of angry

Centaurs -"

"She deserved it."

"She was kind of a bitch, huh?" Draco grinned at Harry across the table..

"And here I thought you liked her."

"A little flattery goes a long way, Harry, even when it's total crap."

Harry chuckled in spite of himself. "Well, so what if I break a few rules here and there? You do the same."

"But I rarely get caught."

"I don't get caught half the time."

"Yes you do. But because you're Harry Potter, you get away with it." Draco cracked his stiff neck, relaxing in his chair.

"I suppose you think its easy being me," Harry muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Ever get tired of whining?"

"Ever get tired of being a prick?"

Draco was glad to see things weren't so different between them after all.. At least they were fighting - and not making out.

"Tell me, Harry, why do you always have to run straight into battle against the Dark Lord year after year?" Draco asked.

"I rarely have a choice; he's usually trying to kill me or my friends."

"Ever think that other people can maybe take care of themselves?"

"With Voldemort it's different. I'm expected to...." Harry trailed off. "Never mind."

Draco leaned forwards in his seat, Dumbledore's ominous words coming back to him. "What are you expected to do? Fulfil some prophecy?"

"How do you know about that?" Harry's eyes were suddenly sharp.

"So you admit it."

"I'm not telling you anything. Ask your father."

"What happened at the Ministry last year?"

"He didn't tell you?"

"He wasn't exactly in a fit state to chat last time I saw him."

"What, you're not keeping correspondence with him even now, as he runs from the law?"

"What do you think?"

"I know every other Slytherin seems to know more than they let on."

"Tell me about last June."

"Tell me where your father is."

"I don't know where he is. He would never write that in a letter.."

"So you do keep in touch with him?"

"Tell me about June and I'll tell you what he said."

"It's all about bargaining with you, isn't it Draco?"

"Everyone's got a price. Even you." Draco chose his next words carefully. "Tell me about... Sirius. What happened to him?"

"It's none of your business."

"Maybe if you told someone you could sleep at night."

"Been watching me in my sleep?"

"Last night in the hospital wing we slept right next to each other, and you happen to talk pretty loud in your sleep."

"So you can't sleep either?"

"I've got a lot on my mind."

Harry studied Draco for a long moment before speaking. "You go first. You tell me something, and I'll tell you something."

"I got one letter. Only one, at the beginning of the month. Now you. Why did you go to the Ministry?"

"I had a vision. I saw Sirius in trouble and had to help."

"A vision?"

"Your turn."

"My father said in the letter that he'd failed Voldemort and needed to repay him."

Harry chuckled darkly.

"You know about that?" Draco asked. Now they were getting somewhere.

"I caused him to fail," Harry said.

Draco frowned. "Tell me about your visions. How come I haven't had any visions now that I'm inside you?"

"They stopped. Last June. My scar sort of connects me to Voldemort. As soon as he realized this he manipulated my mind, sent me into a trap at the Ministry. He hasn't tried again to get inside my head, but if he does, I'll be ready."

"So it was your fault. You fell for a trick."

Harry fell silent, and Draco felt suddenly bad for him. "My father also alluded that it was my time to fulfil my role as a Malfoy."

"Any ideas what that means?"

"I have my suspicions."

"You have to become a Death Eater," Harry guessed.

Draco ignored him. "Then what happened? At the Ministry?"

"Neville, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, and Luna tagged along. We found the Death Eaters in a room that I had dreamed about before. They wanted me to give them something, something only I could touch."

"A prophecy."

"How did you know?" Harry asked.

"Dumbledore said some things."

Harry nodded.

"It was a trap?" Draco went on.

"Of course it was. I was stupid to..." Harry shook his head. "I took the prophecy. We had to run."

"So that's how everyone got injured. And then Bellatrix -"

"Your aunt, right?" Harry sounded bitter.

"If it's any consolation she's an awful, malicious woman whom I absolutely despise."

"At least you have that much good sense. Now you - where is your father?"

"Look, I don't know where my father is, but I bet he's with others. I think several of them are hiding together, plotting something big."

"They lost people, right? In Azkaban?"

"Yes."

"But then the Dementors turned."

"My father knew that they would, it was the only way he kept sane. So Bellatrix killed Sirius."

"And I went after her."

Draco met Harry's eyes. "You wanted to -"

"I did."

"Did you try?"

"I tried to hurt her. Crucio. But then Voldemort and Dumbledore arrived. And they fought. If they hadn't...."

Draco's eyes were wide. "I guess we all have dark secrets."

"You ever tortured anyone?"

He looked away, and Harry knew the answer.

"Killed anyone?"

"No," Draco whispered hoarsely. "But when you become a Death Eater, there's some kind of ceremony, ritual involved. I can only imagine what I'll have to do."

"So you are going to join them. And this is what you want to do?" Harry's voice grew louder.

"Then what happened?" Draco asked.

"Answer me," he demanded.

"I don't know," Draco said. "It's complicated."

Harry scoffed. "How can you not -"

"Then what happened?" Draco demanded.

"They fought. Voldemort tried to get inside my head, to use me, but it didn't work."

"And the prophecy?" Draco leaned closer to Harry.

But Harry pulled away. "You would really go through with it? Become a Death Eater?"

"My father once said something about a prophecy. That was how Voldemort knew to go after you, right? Someone predicted you'd one day fight him."

Harry seemed surprised Draco knew so much. "There's more."

"Tell me," Draco hissed.

"I could never tell someone who might become a Death Eater, they would tell Voldemort."

"I wouldn't."

"Yes, you would. You think you're so tough, that you could face him, right? Have you ever seen him? Spoke to him? He's terrifying. You can't even face up to your father, you could never fight Voldemort. You'll just give in, like all the rest of the Slytherins will. Become another one of his minions. You disgust me," Harry spat.

Something deep inside Draco seemed to break, and emotion swelled in his throat. "A you're so courageous for fighting him, right? Some choices aren't so easy to make. Some things you have to do, whether you want to or not. Don't forget, he's the reason my father is rich and powerful. He wants to rid this world of filth, I say let him. He's got the right idea," Draco snapped.

"You don't believe that," Harry said.

"Yes, I do"

Harry was flabbergasted. "You're sick."

"Fuck you," Draco said. His eyes fell to the table as he blinked back tears. The sound of footsteps interrupted his thoughts, and he remained silent.

"Draco, we came to deliver you're notes and stuff." Crabbe appeared between the bookshelves, talking quietly to Harry.

"We're tryin' to get someone to do your assignments too," Goyle added.

"Thank you, boys." Harry's eyes were still on Draco.

The thugs, as usual, seemed shocked to be thanked.

"Anything else we can do?" Crabbe asked, looking at the books all around Harry and Draco.

"Want us to talk care of Potter or his stupid friends?" Goyle wondered.

"Listen, I need you to tell everyone in Slytherin to try and be nice to people - Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs. The nicer we all look, the sooner I may get out of this. Don't curse or bully them and don't call them names. Just ignore them. I need all the help I can get," Harry said..

Draco peeked in Harry's direction, but looked away hastily.

"And one other thing. I need to get into the restricted section to check for magical ways to break this bond. You two think you can create a diversion for me?" Harry asked.

"What kind of diversion?" Goyle asked.

"Any kind, I'll leave it up to you. I need as much time as possible," Harry said. "Come on, Harry, we've got work to do."

Following Harry silently, Draco glanced at a confused looking Crabbe and Goyle as they passed.

"Sure they can do this?" Draco caught Harry's shoulder.

"I know they can," Harry said. He shook Draco's hand away as they stopped next to the restricted section. Sure enough, in a few moments Madam Pince was shrieking and smoke was coming from the library entrance.

"They set fire to something," Draco remarked.

"Whatever works." Harry rushed over to the locked gate guarding the section, and pulled out a twisted paper clip. "If magic won't do it, let's try muggle."

Draco watched, somewhat amazed, as he wrestled the lock open.

"Where'd you learn to -" Draco began.

"The only thing my cousin Dudley ever taught me," Harry interrupted.

They snuck in, immediately splitting up to scour the shelves for all potion books.

Draco rushed along, transfiguring as many potion books as he could into Galleons and other small objects. Rushing along, he bumped into Harry, lingering in the Curses Section.

"Harry! We don't have time to dawdle!"

Harry hastily transfigured his last book and they ducked out of the section.

"Reparo!" Draco fixed the lock and the raced back to their table. The library was slowly filling with smoke, and just as they sat down Madam Pince emerged, looking angry.

"You two, get out, it's not safe. Now!" With a suspicious look, she watched Harry and Draco leave.

"What was that last book?" Draco asked.

But Harry ignored him, rushing along to get back to their room.

Soon they were alone once more. They switched back all the books, eager to get to work before Madam Pince noticed the books were missing. After a few moments of silence, Draco had to ask.

"Harry, what was that book you took?"

Harry gave Draco a look that told him their conversation had not been forgotten.

"Are you researching curses?" Draco pressed.

"So what if I am?"

"Harry, you wouldn't try and kill anyone, would you?"

"Why? You worried I might be a danger to you after all?"

Draco's hand found Harry's knee. "Trust me; you don't want to go there."

"Tell me, what does it feel like to hear someone screaming because of you, Draco? When I did it, the spell didn't really work."

Draco didn't know what to say.

"Like you said, we all have our dark sides. Are you afraid of mine? Or just afraid of yours?" Harry leaned close to Draco's face.

Draco held his breath. Harry was so close....

Suddenly, Harry moved in, and their lips touched. Harry suddenly became aggressive, and Draco willingly yielded.

* * * *

Harry wasn't sure what had come over him. All he knew is that he was kissing Draco roughly, like he'd never kissed anyone before, and he was enjoying himself. But his pleasure was cut short but a knock at the door. The boys pulled apart.

"Come in," Harry called throatily.

Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Ginny entered.

"We just saw the library! What happened?" Hermione asked, rushing in.

Ron hesitated, glancing from Draco to Harry before entering. He finally joined them, handing Harry a letter.

"Hedwig gave this to me for you," Ron muttered.

It was from Remus. Harry hastily tucked it away. "Crabbe and Goyle created a diversion. At least it worked; we got into the restricted section."

Everyone joined them on the floor, riffling through the books. Harry waited until everyone was occupied to silently read the letter. Only Draco seemed to notice the momentary lapse, but he said nothing. However, even after several hours of searching (and only one break to raid the kitchens) nothing was found. Soon enough it was time for Harry and Draco to head to detention.

McGonagall met them in the Great Hall and led them outside to the locker rooms beside the Quidditch pitch.

"Someone," she looked at Harry, "has charmed all the showers in the Gryffindor change rooms to run of their own accord. I need you both to stop them to ensure no more water damage. I presume you did today's class work independently?"

Harry and Draco exchanged a glance.

"The charms you were supposed to study for class will help you stop the water. I'll be back in two hours."

As soon as McGonagall was gone, Harry ventured into the showers. He was immediately soaked with hot and cold water.

"Nice try," Draco called from the doorway.

"Get in here and help me," Harry said, tearing off everything but his trousers. He was happy to see Draco bite his lip absently at Harry's nearly nude form. Several of the taps were spewing hot water, filling the room with steam. Draco pulled off his own robe, shirt, and shoes, and joined Harry.

"Any ideas?" Draco asked.

Harry shrugged. "It feels like I haven't done real schoolwork in awhile.."

"You haven't." Draco waved his wand feebly at the nearest tap, only to be soaked.

"Looks like we're fucked," Harry remarked.

"You want to fuck?" Draco asked coyly.

"That's not what I said. I, unlike you, don't swing that way."

"You say that, but I don't think you mean it."

"It's the just the potion, Draco. Trust me. Whereas you may harbour secret feelings for me, I am straight and have no such feelings for you."

"Speaking of mysterious sexuality questions, what did the letter say? I presume it was from your good friend Remus Lupin?"

"It's none of your business what he said."

"So he admitted it? He's a queer, and so was Black!"

"Draco, watch what you say." Harry stepped towards him, trying to be menacing.

"There's nothing wrong with being homosexual Harry. Are you a homophobe?" Draco teased.

"No!"

"I would certainly hope not, given what you tried to do to me earlier today."

"What I tried to do to you?"

"You tried to take advantage of me."

"You were more than willing."

Draco advanced on him. "I still am. Come on, Harry, make Black proud."

"He wouldn't be proud to see me with you."

"So you admit he was a queer?" Draco hissed.

"So what if he was?" Harry insisted.

"I don't care either way."

"Good."

"Good."

"Who I really wonder about is Snape."

"Why would I know Snape's sexual preferences?"

"Sometimes I wonder about him."

"Him and your father?"

"Wouldn't surprise me."

"From what I saw in -"

"What did you see in Snape's mind?"

"You tell me. You're all about the bargaining after all."

"I saw him with some girl. But I wouldn't put it past the git to swing both ways. Always hated your father and Black a little too much if you ask me."

"You know all about that stuff?"

"My father kept me up to date. He mentored Snape when he was at Hogwarts; he knew all of what went on. He's told me most of it. I guess Snape wanted to do some unsavoury things to certain Gryffindor girls so your dad and Black were always fighting him."

"Really."

"Snape went after one specific girl. I think it was, well, your mum. So your pops got all jealous, and Black - who was always overly protective of your dad, I guess - he got Snape back by nearly killing him. That bastard was fucked up. And rightly so, I met his mum once and she was a nasty ol' bitch. Anyway, the friendship nearly fell apart, but then James got the girl, and Black got the boy."

"Remus did say he was with Sirius from seventh year on."

"Well, when James finally chose girls -"

"My dad wasn't gay. He married my mum, didn't he?"

"Nearly didn't, she nearly -"

"She wouldn't have been with Snape."

"The way I heard it she wanted him. Now what did you see in his head?"

"Snape watching my dad and mum together. Among other things. But it doesn't matter. My mum chose my dad."

"But she really wanted Snape."

"No way."

"At least at first, that's what I hear."

"It doesn't even matter anyway."

"Like you're not curious."

"I'm not."

"You're just afraid."

"I'm not afraid. I just want to leave the past alone."

"You just don't want to know that your mum fancied Snape."

"So what if she did? I don't care." Harry kicked absently at the puddles on the ground.

"Harry, Harry, Harry. Where's that trademark temper?" Draco moved close to him.

"I'm tired of being angry."

"Good to hear. Lord knows we're all tired of you being angry too."

"This coming from the person who used to make me so angry in the first place. You always seemed to get under my skin." Harry finally met Draco's eyes.

"Wonder why that is." Draco was dangerously close now.

Harry stepped towards Draco, but stopped himself short. "We should fix these pipes."

"How?"

"I dunno."

"I've got a better idea of what we can do."

"If we don't fix them we'll be in trouble."

"So what? More detention?"

"Supervised detention perhaps."

"Then we could really show them how well we get along."

"We both know we can't do that. No one can ever know about the things we've done."

"Right, right. No one will ever know about our little indiscretions. Tell me, Harry, how far did you get with Chang? I've gone all the way, but what about you?"

Harry didn't want to confess. "I'm not telling you."

"She was a bit of a prude, right?"

"Something like that. There were some wandering hands and stuff."

"Well, I firmly believe that every sixteen year old boy out there needs to have gone farther than wandering hands. So, I guess I will take it upon myself to show you the ropes." Draco was next to Harry now, and his hands were slowly undoing Harry's pants.

Harry knew he should move away, but somehow couldn't will his feet to leave the floor. "I dunno about this Draco."

"Trust me. I promise not to hurt you." Draco was grinning devilishly now.

"I never ever thought I'd believe those words coming from your mouth, and yet...."

"Watch and learn, Harry." Draco pulled Harry's trousers down.

"However will I thank you for such an important lesson?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something."

As Draco sunk to his knees in the slowly rising water, neither boy noticed a transparent figure amongst the steam. But for once, Myrtle did not moan, or even make a peep. She just watched - transfixed. It wasn't until the door clicked - signifying McGonagall's return - that Myrtle even moved. She dove down the nearest drain, and without even realizing what she'd done, she clogged the water flow as she went. Every possessed shower magically went off, just in time for Harry and Draco to leap apart and pull their pants back up.

"Boys. I see you've fixed the leak. The flooding however...." McGonagall glanced at the shirtless, wet boys, and lost her sentence. Many years of teaching had honed her ability to know when something was up. There was something going on between these two boys. She just couldn't put her finger on what. With a quick gesture, she cleared up the water swiftly, eyes never leaving Harry and Draco. "Put your clothes back on. Detention is over.."

Harry and Draco were led back the castle by McGonagall, who promptly left them to head to Dumbledore's office.

"You think she knows?" Harry wondered aloud.

"I'm more worried about Ron. Not much goes past that boy," Draco said.

"He's always got more than he let on. And ever since the attack in the ministry... but even he'd never suspect what we've become."

"Which is?"

"You got me."

"Have you ever, you know, made a move on that Weasley boy? He's not that bad looking. And don't give me that 'I'm straight' bullshit, no one gives head like you just did and then claims to be straight."

Harry grinned. "He is cute. But he's just a friend. And, besides, he likes girls."

"It's too bad. But what about Longbottom? No, wait, never mind, that boy is very straight. He stares at Ginny too much to be anything else."

"He used to stare at Hermione, and now Ginny."

"Does it make you jealous?"

"It should -"

"But it doesn't?"

"I don't know."

Draco seemed strangely satisfied that Harry suddenly didn't know where he stood with his supposed girlfriend Ginny.

They returned to their room to find Ron, Hermione, Neville, and Ginny still there. And they were celebrating.

"Harry! Draco! We did it!" Hermione shrieked as they came in.

"It was Neville, he figured it all out," Ginny added, hanging off Neville's arm.

Neville beamed, thrusting a book into their arms.

Harry read. "Change of Self potions?"

"It makes perfect sense! All potions that alter ones physical state are made from the same base. It's what I was brewing to make the Healing Potion. The ingredients afterwards change according to potion. What I added, plus what Neville added works out to almost a perfect Balancing Brew!" Hermione frantically turned the page.

"A Balancing Brew," Draco said. "Of course. The aim of your potion was to make Harry healthy, and this potion simply enhanced that to make him utterly balanced. It switched us to balance out our, erm, hate for each other!"

Harry's eyes met Draco's but the other boy looked away.

What does this mean?

"The bat wings I added enhanced the potion enough to make the swap! Harry must've been dreaming of you that night, Draco -" Neville began.

"I was not," Harry squeaked.

"Remember Harry? We were talking, just before you went to bed. About Draco," Ron said.

"So you went to sleep with anger towards Draco on your mind, and the potion was so powerful that it caused you two to switch bodies. The Balancing Brew's main goal is to create harmony and balance. It's a tricky potion; it was developed after Grindelwald to stop any other large scale Wizarding conflicts," Hermione said.

"But it never works right. It's impossibly hard to get the mix," Draco said.

"My mix was so potent it caused this, uh, little mess," Neville said.

"It wants to make you two essentially one in the same. An equal balance of qualities and everything. Turn hate into love," Ginny said.

"We don't love each other," Draco snapped.

"It's a figure of speech. It's a good thing we figured this out, if you two stay in this state for two long, you'll lose your specific qualities entirely. You'll become two parts of the same whole, basically the same person," Hermione said.

"The good news is, if we get all the ingredients together tomorrow and brew the potion as it was brewed, but backwards, we should be able to fix all this," Ron said.

"It could be ready in three days, at the most," Hermione added.

"Isn't that great?" Neville asked.

Harry and Draco exchanged a look. "Yeah," they said in unison.

"We're going to go make a plan," Hermione said, taking Ron's arm.

"And we're going to put the other stolen books away. Madam Pince is in the hospital wing with a cough from the smoke, so it should be a piece of cake," Ginny said, taking Neville's arm.

Neville charmed all of the books so that they were invisible, and he and Ginny left together.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Hermione said.

"Don't let the magic get the best of you." Ron gave them both a meaningful look as Hermione dragged him away.

Draco and Harry exchanged a nervous look.

Did he know?

* * * *

Draco couldn't sleep. His head was spinning. It all made sense now! The Potion was making them attracted to each other! So, the question remained: did that make everything okay? Draco wanted to resist Harry, he wanted to stop the effects of the Potion, but he more he thought about it, the more he wanted to kiss Harry, to steal his virginity, to win him over. Because it didn't really mean anything, it was just magic.

Draco heard Harry shuffle about in the bed beside him and knew he was thinking about the same thing.

"Harry?" Draco whispered.

"We need to get some sleep, Draco."

"Can we talk?"

Harry turned away from Draco, ignoring him.

Without thinking, Draco slipped from his own bed and sat on Harry's. "Please."

Harry sat up, rubbing his eyes. "What is it?"

"Do you think the potion is making us do the things we do?"

"I do. And I think we need to try and fight its power from now on."

"You're right." Draco didn't move. "But we also need to make a pact. Because if this is just magic and nothing has really changed, I can't have you telling people about my behaviour or anything. And I'm sure you don't want anyone to know either. So we need to make a pact of secrecy. A magical pact."

"Fine," Harry said. "I assume you know a spell?"

Draco's wand was out and ready. "I do. It will protect everything we've said and will say - and have done and will do - until we switch back. Break the pact and there is a punishment."

"What kind of punishment?"

"We decide on that together."

"Something painful? Or would you be able to fight through the pain if you had to?" Harry asked.

Draco looked away, and Harry felt bad for being so sharp with him. "I imagine I could fight off any pain, I've certainly had practise."

"Why not just forget it all?" Harry wondered.

"We'd forget everything. I think it would be too obvious if we suddenly forgot over a week of time."

"Fine. What do you suggest?"

"A speech charm?"

"So we couldn't talk about it at all? I'd say a limited speech charm."

"Limited to whom?"

"To everyone who knows about the switch."

"No, just limited to us. We can only talk about it with each other."

"But just the secret stuff."

"Yeah. We cannot mention happenings to anyone who wasn't there when it happened."

"Fine."

Draco's eyes met Harry's and he whispered a secret spell. His wand began to glow. He tapped his hand and it began to glow as well. Harry extended his own hand, and they shook, hands pressed together by magic. Draco found himself pulled close to Harry, and there they remained even after the charm had passed.

"Look. If it's going to be just between us, then I just want to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the shit I've done to you and your friends, I'm sorry for being who I am."

Harry sighed. "I'm sorry too. Sometimes I wish I had taken your hand that day on the train."

"And sometimes I wish I could've just been in Gryffindor."

"If things had been different...." Harry sunk back into his bed. Draco lied down beside him, slipping beneath the covers until he pressed up against the other boy.

"Maybe it's the potion talking, but sometimes I wish I had the balls of Sirius Black. I remember when he ran away from home. I was young, but I heard my mother crying and my father shouting. He was ashamed that her brother turned out so wrong. That was the first night I understood, that I realized what my father did to my mother. What it meant when I heard her crying and screaming. I wish I could've run away too, but I never did. I just let it happen. I let him beat her; I believed everything they said about hating mudbloods, and hating you."

Harry unconsciously slipped his arm around Draco. "Sometimes I wish I was more like Sirius too. That I could just have fun and not care so much. That I could forget everything, forget my own destiny."

"You have to kill," Draco hesitated, "Voldemort, don't you?"

"I want to kill him. And her."

"Harry, it's not worth it, don't -"

"I don't have a choice. I kill Voldemort or he kills me. So why not practise first on Bellatrix?"

"You think it will make you feel better to kill her?"

"I want her to feel my pain. I want her to scream for mercy." Harry's voice sounded hollow.

"No, you don't. This feeling overwhelms you. You're in power. You have a life in your hands. It's impossible to forget. It consumes you, fills you with hate. Ever since I..." Draco couldn't finish.

"What did you do?"

Draco's voice broke. "She asked me to. I didn't have a choice. My father said I had to learn. And she was the only one to practise on. She wanted me too. She thought it was right, that it was her duty."

"Your mum?"

Silent tears slid down Draco's cheeks, landing on Harry's chest. "So I did it. And once I mastered it, I found that I liked it. It was wonderful and awful. I still have nightmares. She was in so much pain, and yet, she enjoyed it. And so did I. Sometimes, I get so angry - at myself, at the world - I want to do it again. I've wanted to do it to you and your friends more than once. I fill up with so much hatred that it seems like it's the only way. It frightens me."

"Maybe that's what I'm feeling now. Maybe it's partially from you. The anger inside me may be gone -"

"But it has been replaced by hate."

"It's not your fault, Draco. She asked you to."

"Yes it is my fault. I could've said no."

"I know what it's like to grow up taught to hate yourself and everyone around you."

"And you'd rather just be who you're supposed to be than try to question who you really are."

Harry hugged Draco to him. "It's easier to blame yourself. To hate yourself than to look at things any other way."

"And it's easier to join the fight, no matter what side, because it might mean a final escape. It might mean death, and peace." For the first time, Draco felt like someone actually understood him, and what he'd been through. He pressed himself against Harry, giving way to tears and releasing his pain. And strangely enough Harry hugged him back, holding him as Draco had never been held. And Draco knew it was the potion, and he knew he should hate Harry, and he shouldn't tell him such things, but it was all he had, and he couldn't let go. And then Harry was kissing the tears away, and it wasn't rough or purely sexual, but a gentle, tender moment like Draco had never experienced. And that was the way they fell asleep, wrapped in each other's arms, safe from bad dreams and torturous insomnia, safe and happy.