Anam Cara

Anam Cara

One.

I should never have agreed to this. My only solace was I'd only agreed to stay three days. Instead of re-apparating on the doorstep I decided to give myself some distance and chose a spot about a half mile away. I could see the house. It looked quiet enough. I kicked at the snow and regarded the scene, trying to ignore the part of me that kept telling me to leave immediately. 'Not an option,' I told myself and started walking.

As I got closer, I noticed that there had been a very productive session of snowman building on the lawns. They stood in lines and little groups. As I got closer, I saw that they wore a variety of cast off scarves and hats of every description and held brooms, and sticks that I supposed were meant to be wands. Several small figures were working diligently on yet another character.

"Who's this one going to be?" I asked the workers.

Four sets of eyes turned on me in surprise.

"Miss Melpomene Mum said you would come." One of Olivia's twins, Teleostan, had taken the lead, as usual.

"Julia, is that his hat?"

The little girl was struggling with a limp, ragged piece of cloth that looked like it might have once been hat-shaped. She nodded solemnly and held it up.

"Don't worry," I told her, "I'm sure it will be lovely once he puts it on, let's try it, shall we?" I lifted her up while she fitted the rag on the blob of hardening ice and snow. As she adjusted it, I said a quick transfiguration spell and when I set her back down the ragged hat was sitting atop the snow man's head, a perfect conical point with a jaunty gold star on the tip. "There. You see? He looks exactly like The Headmaster of Hogwarts."

The children laughed. Claudia tried to stop laughing to say, "You'd better not tell Uncle Severus that. He wouldn't think it was funny you made a snow Dumbledore!"

"Uncle Severus is a grump. I know the Headmaster. If he was here, he would give you his real hat."

They looked furtively up toward the house.

The list of excuses started running through my brain again, each one worse than the one before. I looked up at the house with apprehension. I became aware of something which made me even more nervous. He isn't here.

"I know," an idea came in a flash. "Let's go around the back and in through the kitchen. I'm sure we can find some cocoa."

The three older ones took off running, leaving poor Julia behind, her bottom lip quivering. "Quiet, we'll show them," I whispered, picked her up and disapparated, reappearing at the kitchen door just as the rest of them rounded the last corner. "What is that smell, Julia?" I called out in an obnoxious singsong voice.

"Rotten eggs!" she shouted, giggling.

The rotten eggs pushed passed us into the kitchen. We were well into our feast of cocoa and gingerbread broomsticks when the children suddenly went quiet. I had felt someone approaching, but had filtered it out knowing the house was so full. There were too many people here to try to isolate the source. Now, however, the source was standing close behind me.

"Hello, Aunt Victoria," Claudia said primly, looking at me with a clear look of warning in her eyes.

"Why are you eating here? You should be having your cocoa in the nursery."

Aunt Victoria looked like a mean governess in a badly illustrated storybook. Her hair was pulled back so tightly it was a wonder that she could move any muscle on her face. I knew she was younger than I was, but her demeanor made me feel as cowed as the children.

"This was my idea. They were. We were all covered in ice and snow. I was thinking of the carpets." I stood up and approached her, extending my hand and taking a huge gamble. "I don't think we've met. Severus may have mentioned that he is expecting me."

Her eyes widened for a moment then narrowed. She did not accept my offer of a handshake, but I let my hand stay extended in the space between us to accentuate the slight. If she saw me as a threat, she'd understand her mistake.

"I believe he may have mentioned a guest. We never know whether or not to believe him."

"You should have believed him this time, Victoria. It is Victoria, isn't it?"

She took a step backward. I could hear her thoughts as she tried to plan her next move. She was trying to read mine, but I was ready for that and had shielded. If she had been able to read my thoughts, she'd have known I was in an absolute panic. I turned to the children. "Finish up now and go--"

Before I could finish, they all trooped out of the kitchen dragging Julia behind them.

"Those children," Victoria started in her stilted tone.

"Are delightful." I finished for her. "I won't hear a negative word against any one of them." With that I stepped past her out of the kitchen and started walking. I didn't know where I would go, that third floor suite seemed like a good idea if it wasn't occupied. But it was just the sort of place queen Victoria would lay claim to at a house party like this. I decided to try to find Olivia. I scanned the house and found her in the front room. There were others with her, but I thought I could manage with at least one familiar face. On my way there I made some quick repairs to my appearance. By the time I got to the double doors I looked nearly presentable.

It was a good thing too, because there must have been twenty people in that room, and every one of them stopped what they were doing and looked directly at me. It was apparent that Victoria was the only one who hadn't believed that I had been expected.

Mercifully, Olivia saw me first and got up to greet me.

"Oh you made it. I'm so glad. I was beginning to worry."

"I've been in the kitchen with your children. We were having cocoa."

"Let me introduce you around."

It seemed to take forever. Olivia managed to fend off all but the most ardent questioners, but telepathy ran strong in the family and shielding against such an onslaught was exhausting. Finally I found myself sitting on a sofa clutching a cup of tea with not a small dollop of brandy in it.

"Better?" Olivia came over and sat next to me.

"I don't know. I think this is insane. Where is Severus?"

"London. He left two days ago. He'll be back any time now. I'm sure." A small commotion at the door caught her attention. "Oh now you're in for a treat," she said through gritted teeth. "If there's any of that brandy left, grab it now, we're both going to need it."

Victoria swooped through the double doors followed closely by two morose looking children.

"I know you have all been waiting for this," she started in a haughty manner. "It is such a shame that the master of the house has declined to join us for this special treat."

Olivia made a frustrated snort. "She's on the warpath," she whispered.

I watched the two children trudge toward the piano looking perfectly miserable. They sank down on the bench together and began playing a perfect, but soulless duet.

I turned back to Olivia. "What do you mean? What's all this about?"

"Severus kicked her out of Mother's rooms."

"Why did he do that? He has his own room."

She looked at me in surprise. "He's not using them. You are. When Victoria tried to argue the point, he refused to even discuss it with her. He said he had his reasons, not the least of which is that this is his 'damned house'. Your being here is threatening to her idea of herself as 'lady of the house'. Not only that, I think she's afraid of you."

"That's insane." I stole a glimpse up at Victoria but didn't need to, I knew she was staring at me, her eyes glowing with suspicion. They threatened to burn right through my own when I looked at her.

I bided my time during the plodding recital trying to remember times when I'd been more uncomfortable. The list was short. So short I had to move on to creating a list of situations which I might find more uncomfortable. I had managed perhaps four when I sensed a new presence. Relaxing my defenses I scanned the room, then reached out through the house. I made my way quietly and as unobtrusively as possibly out of the room but was unable to avoid a stinging glare from Victoria as I slipped through the doors and shut them behind me. I headed for the stairs and got to the second landing and paused to read the cadence of the energy I was following. The force was drawing me upwards. I continued to the third landing and found my pace quickening as I approached the double doors at the end of the corridor. I flung them open. The room was empty. There was a fire, and a few candles burned in sconces on the walls throwing a warm, but dim light around the room. I entered cautiously. I had the excited, nervous feeling of a trespasser. "I know you're in here," I called quietly. I got no response, nor had I expected one.

I walked slowly into the adjoining room. Again the room was empty. A fire lit a few dim lights. But the presence was strong here. I stood in the middle of the room and closed my eyes. "You cannot hide from me, Severus, you know that."

"Now why would I want to hide from you?" he answered, his voice cutting through the silence so suddenly I jumped and spun around to where it had come from.

I opened my eyes to see him leaning against the doorframe I had just walked through, with a gleam of victory in his eyes.

*

"I don't think I've ever been welcomed home like that before."

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Or like that. We've run the gamut of domesticity just now, haven't we?"

"That's right. Nothing left now but the restraining order. Where were you? You left me here in this lunatic asylum."

"The Ministry. It was unavoidable." He reached into a pocket, pulled out a letter and held it up between two fingers, "I was asked to deliver this. Can you guess what it is?"

"Who's it from?"

"The Improper Use--"

"It is not!" I grabbed for it but he held it out of my reach.

"No? Well let's just see then, shall we?" He broke the seal and read the letter. "Oh dear, oh dear. Apparating with a child?"

I looked at the floor and bit my lip trying not to laugh. "It was an emergency!"

"Was it? Tell me Doctor, what sort of an emergency would require you to apparate while carrying a four-year-old child?"

"She was in grave danger of a vile transfiguration. Sir. It seemed the lesser of two evils."

"Into what was this child in danger of being transfigured?"

"A rotten egg, Milord!" I dropped to my knees in front of him and raised my hands in a pose of supplication. "I confess! I am entirely guilty. I throw myself on the mercy of this court. I ask only that my punishment be severe, excruciating and as long and drawn out as possible."

"I'll see what I can do," he said in a deliciously threatening tone and handed me the letter.

"Another page in Tilbury's file, no doubt," I mumbled as I took it. I started to crumple it into a ball but caught a glimpse of the writing on the parchment. "You wrote this!"

"Are you recanting?"

"Oh no, I'm guilty. Do you know what? I should wrap this up with a big red bow and send it off with an owl to Moody. It would make his holiday. Merry Christmas Alastor!"

"Always thinking of others. I suppose I have to make an appearance downstairs."

"No, don't. Victoria seems to be enjoying the fact that you haven't shown up yet. She's in swoop and sulk mode. Why spoil her fun?"

"You've met Victoria. I am sorry about that."

"I can handle her. She's just you in a dress."

He gaped at me, searching for words.

"Well she is! Never seen me in her life and her sneaks right up behind me," he cringed slightly, remembering our first meeting. "And the first thing out of her mouth was, 'Why are you in here? You should be in the nursery!' Not even a howdy-do."

"She said you should have been in the nursery?"

"Not me. Well, now that you mention it, maybe she did mean me. You should have seen her face when she heard my accent! Like I said, you in a dress."

He shook his head and looked toward the window. "Oh," he turned back, "I want to show you something before it gets dark." He pulled me over to the window and pointed down to the lawn.

"Ooh! What is it? A moose?" I could barely make out the snowmen in the fading light.

"No, look down there at that snowman off to the left. The one with the pointed hat."

"They all have pointed hats. Do you mean the one with the star on top?"

"That's the one. Is it just me, or does it look exactly like Albus Dumbledore?"

Two.

During the time I'd spent in the parlor trying to come up with potentially uncomfortable situations the one I somehow managed to miss completely was Christmas dinner. Perhaps that was a good thing. The entire event was so staged by Victoria that no one, save her and her long-suffering husband, was able to keep a straight face. Upon being led into the formal dining room, I suffered a debilitating attack of tactlessness and breathed, loud enough to be heard by much of the family, "Good lords! This looks like an illustration right out of Gilderoy Lockhart's Dining With Distinction: Din-Din Dos and Don'ts"

That rather set the tone for the rest of the evening. Victoria hadn't heard my comment, I was sure of that, but she'd picked up on the reaction and the instant born-in-the-trenches bond of camaraderie and she had her suspicions. She decided to use her end of the conversation to paint me as a savage--or at the very least, an uncultured colonist.

"I do hope you like what I've done with the table. The good silver is so rarely used in this house." This line was delivered in a plummy voice with a pointed glance at her brother.

"Oh, yes," I gushed. "But it didn't have to be the good silver, ma'am, I hope it's not on my account. Do we each get our own set?" Severus' grip on my arm began to tighten alarmingly.

"I beg your pardon?"

"There's quite a lot of it on the table, back at home we just had one big wooden spoon." Someone started coughing and that cough seemed to be contagious. "We took turns with it."

Victoria's eyes had gone completely glassy. Her mouth opened, then closed again after emitting a tiny squeak.

The grip had loosened but now Severus was leaning his full weight on me, shaking with repressed laughter.

Marry me! Right here. This minute. Marcus can do it.

I think not!

"Perhaps we should all be seated," Victoria's husband piped up. "Come along, dear," he took her arm and led her away.

I stayed on my best behavior during most of the meal, only because Victoria was seated at the far end of the table and was being kept occupied by what seemed to be vigorous hostess duties. At one point she attempted a maneuver that was explained to me as 'turning the table'. With a rather elaborate gesture, I conjured up a large volume of Dining With Distinction, plopped it on the table and started riffling through the index. The ripple of laughter that passed down the table finally reached Victoria. Severus kicked me under the table and I looked down toward Victoria. "Oh, excuse me, " I said and vanished the book. "I'm just checking the rules. I don't know what I'd do without my Lockhart."

No one even tried to hide their laughter then. Even Victoria's husband joined in. He was rewarded with a vicious glare. "Well dear," he said trying to smooth her ruffled feathers, "it is impolite to cut off a pleasant conversation right in the middle. This is a family dinner, after all."

"Yes. Yes it is," she said sharply, and turned burning black eyes on her brother. "This is supposed to be a family occasion."

Silence dropped like a curtain. I looked from Victoria to Severus and could see lines of fury running back and forth between them.

From far off, upstairs in the nursery I heard Kieran start to cry. Olivia pushed her chair away from the table and stood.

"Olivia, let me go," I said quickly.

She nodded and I got up from the table. On my way past Severus I put my hand on his shoulder and paused.

Sorry

He raised his hand and covered mine, "Just one minute." His voice took on the calm, dangerous tone he used when chastising students. "Victoria, this is my house. This is my table. I have never denied you use of it at any time. I have never required you to ask to come here, or to notify me that you had been here. But listen to me now, Victoria. Unless you change your attitude and your treatment of my guest, you will not set feet in this house again. Your children will be welcome with their cousins, but you will not get to the front door."

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I fairly flew up the stairs to the nursery. I lifted Kieran and took him to a rocking chair by a large window. He was red-faced, sweating and angry. Sitting down to rock I looked out over the gardens. It was snowing again. The lights in the garden made it sparkle like diamonds. As the crying slowed down and finally ended in a flurry of hiccups silence wrapped around us like a blanket.

I must have been there close to an hour, watching the snowfall when I heard voices and laughter. The rest of the children were on their way up. They reached the door and went quiet when they saw me.

Claudia came up to the window. "What's wrong, miss?"

"Nothing," I said. "The baby's sleeping, just try to be quiet."

"You're crying. Is everything all right?"

I was. It had come over me as quietly as the snowfall and I hadn't even realized it.

"It's fine, Claudia, really. I was just remembering doing this a very long time ago for another baby. I'd forgotten how nice it is."

Taliesin looked up from the toy figures he'd spread out on the floor. "You could get your own baby."

"Oh no," I laughed. "That's too much work. I'd much rather borrow yours."

"You can have him!" said his brother. "He's noisy and smelly and I know he's going to want all our good toys once he gets walking."

"Just like Julia," Taliesin agreed.

"Maybe he'll just want Julia's toys," I suggested.

The boys looked at each other and then at me, their faces alight.

I stood up and put the baby down. "I expect your mother will be up soon to put you all to bed," I told them. "I'm going to see what the grownups are up to."

"You don't want to do that," said Towan. "Aunt Victoria's in a rotten mood. Don't know where Dad and the others have gone, but it's only witches in the parlor."

"Oh," I said. "That doesn't sound very good. Where's your Mum?"

"She's downstairs with the rest of them getting yelled at by Aunt Victoria."

"Lucky her," I said on my way out the door. "Well I had a lovely Christmas, did you?"

"Yes, oh yes! And Uncle Severus is going to do the potion tomorrow."

"The potion? Oh! That potion. Is he?" I hoped so.

"He might not," said Claudia to the twins. "You made him do it last time."

"That was ages ago," I said. "Ask him very nicely. That usually works."

That almost never worked, but he was going to do the potion if I had anything to say about it.