Hold On

Additional Disclaimer: The lyrics this song is based on come from a song of the same title that was sung by Jet on the Spider-Man 2 Soundtrack.

Author's Note: This story contains subjects that may not be suitable or comfortable for some people, namely depression and suicide. If you can't handle that, please don't read it!

"Hold On"

You tried so hard to be someone
That you forgot who you are

It had been a long time since Ginny had been herself. Really, the Ginny Weasley that everyone knew wasn't really Ginny Weasley at all. Of course, she, herself, didn't really know exactly who she was. It had been so long after all...

You tried to fill some emptiness
'Til all you had spilled over

He had filled her with horrible memories and a whole in her heart she didn't think could be fixed. Her confidence had been utterly shattered and she was completely empty. So she filled her life, hoping that would fix the emptiness. She spent her summers involved in volunteer work, in honing her Quidditch skills, in doing homework... During the school year she joined clubs and groups and took extra classes and tutored and spent time in the library reading, and... It didn't really matter what it was she was doing, so long as what she was doing filled her life so she had no room to think. But it was beginning to take its toll. She couldn't handle it all, but she knew she couldn't stop either, because that would give her time to think and thinking would destroy her.

Now everything's so far away
That you don't know where you are, you are

At eleven, she'd already had her life planned out. She knew what she wanted and knew where she was going. Looking at her life years later, the road she was had taken her so far away from where she wanted to be. She'd made one bad decision that had taken her off the path she wanted to be on. She didn't know where she was going nor did she know how to get back, but the thing that scared her was that she knew she would never go back even if she did know how.

When all that you wanted
And all that you had

Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to

For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

Ginny's life seemed to be filled with "once-s." Once she'd had dreams. Once she'd had goals. Once she'd wanted big things from her life. Once she'd been confident. Once she'd had friends. Once she'd been close to her family. Once...once...once...once...once...once... But she had none of that now. She had no anchor, nothing to hold on to.

When it's hard to be yourself
It's not to be someone else

Since she lost her anchor, she'd been wearing a mask. She'd built her walls up so thickly that they were impenetrable. She'd created a façade outside of those walls that, for all the world to see, was who she was. She smiled constantly, laughed regularly, joked, dated, played. That was the Ginny Weasley the world knew. But her heart wasn't in it. It was so easy to be someone else.

Still everything's so far away
That you forget where you are, you are

She made one wrong decision. After Harry rescued her from the Chamber, her slipping had slowed; it never had stopped, though, and now she wasn't just slipping: she was falling away from everything at an ever more rapid pace. She was falling back into the darkness. She couldn't see where she was and she couldn't stop it. No one could.

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to
For you to hold on to

She couldn't secure herself to her once-s anymore. Either she was going back to the one person who could give her back her anchor - the one who had destroyed it - or she was going to die. That was all that was left for her.

Hold on

She knew she couldn't go back to him; if for no other reason than it would completely destroy those she had once loved, she couldn't. So when she couldn't take it any more, she made up her mind.

Hold on

She finished her homework, left it in a neat pile with a note asking Hermione to turn it in; she ate her last meal; she told her friends and family she loved them (Love! Ha! As though she even knew what that was anymore); and she changed into her best robes. She was going to die on her terms.

Hold on

Her last act was, ironically, one that originally had spared her life. On the same wall where it had been painted by her own eleven-year-old hand, she placed the same message that had appeared there years before: "Her body will lie in the Chamber forever." She figured it would buy her time, just in case someone noticed her absence at 2 in the morning and put the pieces together.

Hold on

She then made her way to one of the top towers. The cold air met her and for the first time in years she felt warm. This was it. Things were on her terms. She'd planned everything out and this was it. As she walked to the edge of the tower, however, she heard someone say her name. It was a voice that was all too familiar.

Hold on

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I couldn't sleep, and some fresh air seemed nice," she replied cordially. Her mind screamed at him, though: Go away! GO AWAY!

He didn't buy it and he asked again.

"What are you doing here?"

Hold on

She was just going to have to have an audience, then, since he clearly wasn't going to leave. So she told him the truth, and moved closer to the edge.

Hold on

"Why, Ginevra? You have so much going for you." He shocked her by using her full first name, but that wasn't going to stop her.

"You have no idea," she answered, her voice completely flat. "And I can't hold on anymore because I have nothing to hold onto and because the other alternative is much, much worse." Now she climbed into one of the embrasures of the battlement. She leaned forward.

'It will all be over in moments.' That thought enveloped her in a bliss she hadn't felt in years.

Hold on

As she stepped off the battlement, she felt him grab her and pull her back.

'No! No, no, no, no, no!' her mind screamed at him. She fought and struggled against him but his own natural strength enhanced by years of Quidditch training meant she struggled in vain.

"LET ME GO!" she screamed. Nothing

She tried again, this time bargaining, "I won't do it again. Just let me go." Still he held her.

Finally she begged and sobbed, "Please, just let me go. Let me go. Let me go. Let me go."

Over and over again she repeated it. "Let me go..."

Still he held her tightly, until all of the exhaustion of her life finally set in and she was no longer begging for him to let her go, but for him to let her go, the one person who had held her life captive since she was eleven. Finally she grew quiet.

"I'm here," he told her. "You can hold on to me and when you can't anymore, I'll be here still. You belong to me now and I'm never going to let you go."

When all that you wanted
And all that you had
Don't seem so much
For you to hold on to

For you to hold on to

For you to hold on to
For you to belong to

~

Author's note: Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it as much as I do. 100 points and a big gold star to the first person who can correctly guess who Ginny's mysterious "rescuer" is (I definitely had someone in mind!). Please R&R; I do it when I read your stories.

BTW, I'm looking for a beta to work on a few projects I'm working on right now (some short-term and some long-term). If you're interested, please let me know.

And if you liked this story, visit my author page. You might like the other ones posted there (and check back regularly because I'm frequently adding new stories!).

Love you all! Thanks for reading.

- Mel