Alone

It's quiet. No...it's silent. It's ironic how the silence can seem so noisy when you're used to the sound of feet bounding down the stairs; and children practicing incantations. All I hear is the silence, for three months, one week, two days, six hours, thirty-two minutes and...ohh...about twelve seconds. Who's counting really? Who needs to count when that insulting clock reminds me every waking second that everyone is away from home...away from the familiar, away from me.

Sometimes I find myself staring at that clock...hoping that maybe it'll reveal that they're all coming home to me. That they wish to return back to their roots and spend some time with me. How silly of me to think that I'd be missed...I am after all only their mother. I adjusted to the slightly less raucous noise when Bill and Charlie left. When, Percy left I adjusted to the lack of intelligible conversation and settled for the norm. When Fred and George were gone...my was that a change. Then Ron left home and school, Ginny locked herself in her room. I found her diary one time...I wasn't looking for it intentionally...I just stumbled upon it one day in search of dirty laundry.

Dear Diary,

Left behind. Story of my life...I'm always sitting here in the dust. I miss Ron...and Harry...and Hermione. They don't write to me, Mom hardly hears from anyone ever since Dumbledore told her it was best if she stay away from the Order business for a while. She's always worrying, Mother, that's why Dumbledore pulled her. I worry too. Voldemort and his followers are too close for comfort...I can feel the battle drawing nearer. I'll be leaving for school soon. The trio will be gone, I have no one. I suppose I can always talk to mom, but she'd probably blow every little problem out of proportion like she always does.

I'm so alone.

I tried to talk to her about it, but she just yelled at me for invading her privacy. I was angry at her till she left...and I was met with this silence. This is Ginny's last year at Hogwarts, she'll be gone soon. I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

All I know how to do is be a mother. I try and busy myself with house chores. I scrub the kitchen the Muggle way...it takes longer; I suppose that's what I like about it. I walk out to de-gnome the yard, it's hard to run after those critters and I get tired, with all the dusty air that invades my lungs.

I'm not as young as I used to be, my bones are growing brittle, my back aches, I'm tired...so very tired. I'm weaker, dimmer in a sense...I often hear the phrase, "Molly Weasley's loosing her spark!"

I walk into the living room, I sit in my chair. It's amazing how I never used to have time to just sit in my chair, but my children are all independent now. I stare at the older photos of when everyone still lived in this trust house...this house that used to be filled with memories and is now vacant.

It's later in the evening and Arthur is finally home, I go to kiss him on the cheek.

"Not now," he hastily grunts and brushes me away. He has too much work to do. He has no time for me anymore. There's no one to tend to, no one to cook for. There's no one to fawn over, no one that needs wounds to be mended. No one that seeks advice. No one. No one.

I'm Useless.

I'm Helpless.

I'm Insignificant.

I'm Small.

I'm Unloved.

I'm Unwanted.

I'm Unnecessary.

I'm Discarded.

I'm Lonely.

I'm Forgotten.

They don't owl. They don't floo. I can't get updates from Dumbledore. This house is so quiet without the sounds of my little ones; without Bill, Charlie, Percy, Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny. Time goes by quickly when you have so many children. Time drags by so slowly when you have no one to live for anymore.

...

I'm very much alone.