Last Words You Said

The Last Words You Said

Somewhere in time, I know,

Darling you'll come back to me.

Roses will bloom again,

But spring feels like eternity...

The streets are so cold. I don't remember London being this frigid in spring. Maybe it's because my clothes are so worn out. A shop window...God, I look a fright. I'm thin. I need to eat, but I can't. Has he forgotten me? I can't accept that he is gone. I didn't even hear the spell.

Maybe he'll come back. It was just behind that curtain. Nobody knows what goes on in the Department of Mysteries. Maybe he'll be back. I can't let him be gone forever. James already left. Why him? I loved him...Did he ever know?

In your kiss it wasn't goodbye.

You are still the reason why.

"How long until I see you again, Remus?" whispered Sirius into my ear as we embraced.

"I won't be away from Number 12 Grimmauld Place for long, my friend," I replied and returned the embrace with a soft kiss to his cheek, "and you know how to contact me in the meanwhile. I will miss you," I walked out the door, but not before whispering to myself, "Don't forget me, my love."

The streets of London weren't as cold that night. I remember because Tonks was wearing her "Weird Sisters" tee-shirt and shorts. We were all quite comfortable.

I can't believe I left him alone. I didn't really have a choice, but I knew he hated it there. I knew he couldn't stand being in the house of his childhood, and yet I left him alone with that horrid house-elf, that house-elf that betrayed him.

I walked down the streets laughing and joking with Tonks as Alastor looked suspiciously all around. We were so happy. How could I have enjoyed myself? Sirius was locked up alone and feeling useless, and I was out laughing and fooling around. Yes, I was on my way to a mission, but how could I enjoy myself? How, when Sirius was so sad?

I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room.

My heart still surrenders

Like the Sun to the Moon.

I can barely stand this aching,

Burning endlessly.

"Love me now forever,"

Were the last words you said to me.

"Prefect?!" James squealed, grabbing the badge from me. "Moony? A Prefect?"

"Please give it back..." I said softly.

"All our fun's going to be ruined!" whined James, collapsing back onto Sirius's bed. "Padfoot, what are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Prongs. I, for one, am very proud of Moony," I remember that smile he gave me as he patted my shoulder. "Though, it will be quite upsetting if he reveals all of our plans."

"Why would I do that? That would ruin all my fun as well," I smiled up at Sirius.

"There we go!" cried James. "That is what I was hoping to hear!"

Sirius grabbed the badge from James and pinned it onto my sweater. "Perfect," he said with a wink.

"Boys! Dinner's ready!" called Mrs. Potter from down the stairs.

"I'm starved!" cried James running out of the room, leaving Sirius and me alone.

"I meant it, you know."

"What?"

"About being proud of you. I am."

"Thanks Padfoot. It means a lot."

There was an awkward silence. In which I wished and hoped that he meant his pride as something more than friendship. He stepped forward and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "I really did mean it."

And when the morning comes

My arms still reach out for you.

Some things remain the same.

There is nothing I can do.

I can barely get through the day.

Ever since you went away.

"Remus! Remus, thank all the high wizards you're back! I need your History notes!" I always loved Peter's greetings. He was always asking for notes on History or Potions or some other subject, and I was always happy to supply.

"Peter, give him some time to breathe. Remus, you alright? You look pale," then there was Sirius, always to the rescue.

"I'm fine Sirius..."

"James and I need to talk to you," he said simply. Then, glancing over at Peter, he rolled his eyes. "Yes, Peter, you can come along."

He led me into an abandoned classroom outside of Gryffindor and sat me down in a desk.

"Remus, we know."

I could feel myself grow pale. They knew. They knew and they would leave me. They would hate me. Suddenly I felt hands around my shoulders and felt Sirius's face next to mine.

"We know, and we're going to help you out," he whispered into my ear.

"H-how?" I sputtered, "The only cure is a silver bullet to the heart. You know that."

"I do, but I don't intend to cure you. You're perfect as you are."

"We're going to become animagi!" chimed in James, a smile spreading across his face. "Just like old McGonagall. Only, unlike McGonagall, I think we'll just forget to register with the Ministry."

I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room.

My heart still surrenders

Like the Sun to the Moon.

And I can barely stand this aching,

Burning endlessly.

"Love me now forever,"

Were your last words to me.

"Peter, you did it!" I cried, picking up the squeaking rat and holding him at eye level.

"A rat?" said James, unimpressed. "Oh well, I suppose he'll be able to sneak around the Whomping Willow then," I lowered the rat to the ground where he promptly changed back to Peter.

"Well," said Sirius as he draped a lazy arm over my shoulders, causing a slight blush to spread across my cheeks, "that's it then. We just have to wait until the next full moon."

"No. We need names," proclaimed James. "I'm a stag, so I'll be Prongs. Peter, your tail looks like a worm...Wormtail!"

"I'll be Moony," I said with a smile. "You know, the moon and all."

"And I'm Padfoot!" said Sirius determinedly.

That night in the dormitory I was incredibly excited about the accomplishments of the day and was unable to sleep.

"Moony?" came Sirius's voice from the bed next to mine.

"Still awake?" I responded in a whisper. "I can't sleep."

"Yeah...Moony, I was wondering, does it hurt? To...you know, change?"

"A bit..." I responded honestly.

"I don't want you to be in pain."

"It's not that bad. It'll be better with you guys there. We really ought to sleep, though, Sirius. We have a potions test tomorrow."

Heaven help us cross this endless sea.

With starlight above

To guide you to me.

Waves crashing on distant shores.

They're calling our names forever more.

"This is ridiculous!" Sirius cried through the locked door. "Lily! James! Let us out."

"Nope," came Lily's teasing voice, "there's something up between you two and I want you to settle it."

"What do you mean 'something up'? Lily!" Sirius collapsed behind the door and looked at me. I was huddled up against some boxes. "I'm really sorry about this Moony."

"It is not your fault," I responded. Oh how I wished something was up between us. I had been lusting after Sirius since the third year and by then, the end of the seventh, I was practically going crazy everytime he flirted with a girl as he so often did.

"Where do you think Lily got this idea? Ridiculous, neh?"

"Yeah," I replied weakly, "ridiculous."

"What's wrong Moony?"

"Nothing...nothing..."

"You can tell me," said Sirius, suddenly sincere.

"It's just..." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling. I couldn't tell him, he'd leave me. Then I wouldn't even have a friend.

A knowing smile on his face Sirius walked over to me, knelt down, and kissed me full on the lips. I pulled back in shock.

"Well, that's what you wanted, wasn't it?"

I couldn't speak. I just grabbed Sirius and pressed my lips against his. I could feel him smirk in the kiss. His hands found there way around my waist as he pushed me back so that he was laying over me.

Soon both of our shirts were disposed of off to the side, when Sirius stopped and stood up.

"What's wrong?" I said, my voice cracking. Why was he standing? Had I done something wrong?

"Nothing...not with you...with me...I can't...Lily! LET ME OUT!" he screamed. The door flew open and he ran out, leaving me alone.

And I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room.

My heart still surrenders

Like the Sun to the Moon.

Oh, I can barely stand this aching,

Burning endlessly.

That moment is frozen forever in my memory. The light of the spell hitting him in the chest. His back arching into that beautiful pose. His hair, like black silk, flying behind him like a curtain as he fell past that archway and into death. It replays itself in my dreams and nightmares everynight. More than that comes his whispered words to me right before he died. It was as though he knew.

"I always loved you, Moony."

"Love me now forever,"

Were the last words you said,

You said to me.

The streets of London are colder tonight than they have ever seemed to be before, but with your warmth, my friend, my companion, my love, I won't catch a chill.